The Onion Ted Cruz: ‘Vacationing Is How I Grieve’
Nature Compass
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The Onion 
George Takei This is the 7th person whose sentence was commuted by Trump that has been rearrested on new charges. And don't pretend Trump cares about fraud in MN. This guy bilked over a $1 billion and Trump let him go.
The Onion Dad Carrying 2-Person Inner Tube Up Waterslide Steps Like Christ Bearing Cross
The Onion Report: Average American’s Retirement Plan Involves Richard Gere Falling For Them After Paying For Sex https://theonion.com/report-average-americans-retirement-plan-involves-richard-gere-falling-for-them-after-paying-for-sex/
The Onion Kristi Noem Appears With Bandage Over Ear Struck By Words
The Tennessee Holler Marge tells NYT Trump yelled at her “my friends will get hurt!” if the Epstein files are released, and told her the Epstein victims “had done nothing to merit the honor” of meeting with him 🤔 www.nytimes.com/2025/12/29/m...
George Takei I can't believe the voters gave this guy control again. It's a self-own for the ages. And a curse upon all humanity.
The Onion Netanyahu Calls Iran Strikes Necessary To Prevent War He Just Started
Republicans Against Trumpism 1 / 2
WOW. MTG revealed to the NYT that when she threatened to identify the names of men in the Epstein files who abused women, Trump called her and screamed. Everyone in the office suite could hear him yelling at her on speakerphone. He told her, “My friends will get hurt.”
The Onion Mice Nature's Disposable Animals - Horrifying Planet
George Takei “They’re fighting” and they have “to stop” is generally what a ceasefire is.
The Onion CDC Publishes Female Body Hair Guidelines https://theonion.com/cdc-publishes-female-body-hair-guidelines/
Deborah Weeks/A Woman for An Eternity 
Rebecca Rideal Can anybody guess where I am…?
The Onion Protesters Urged Not To Give Trump Administration Pretext For What It Already Doing https://theonion.com/protesters-urged-not-to-give-trump-administration-pretext-for-what-it-already-doing/
Joe Newberry A New Year's song from my pen...
The Onion Trump Issues Executive Order Reversing All Vasectomies https://theonion.com/trump-issues-executive-order-reversing-all-vasectomies/