Alex Blechman

@alexblechman.bsky.social

27771 Followers 891 Following

Writer, game designer Former Staff Writer @TheOnion & @ClickHole. Words for Netflix, Jackbox Games, High On Life, Starship Troopers: Terran Command, Saints Row, Darkhorse, other places alexanderblechman.com

A very underwhelming Drone Port
AI overview Only one day of the week has “neo” in it: Wednesday
The Onion headline: Uncle Ben’s To Compete Against Apple With Brand-New Smartphone
Tube
Metal Gear Solid Codec: You'll have to flirt your way past the guards. Turn on DLSS 5 to get hot.
A giant sphere of flesh in Central Park towering over the city like a big gross meatball. This was made by redditor kiwi2703 to show what it would look like if you combined every human on Earth into a ball, and it’s clearly a bad idea
Voight-Kampff test guy
There’s no teeth
A tunic from Star Wars. It is basically a green shirt with some leather circles on it, as is the fashion in outer space
Dexter Jettster, the alien that owns a diner
Astronaut 1: Wait NASA secretly executed five astronauts in outer space not just four? Astronaut 2: (holding gun) Six
Meme of astronaut pointing gun at another astronaut
Steam user review saying “Absolutely incredible game and totally worth $200”
A clickbait ad that says “Disappear for 1 month and become a master of AI tools.” There is an AI generated woman looking at you, hinting with her gaze the message “Time for you to disappear for 30 or 31 days. Your family will not know your location”
The Henry Stickmin mission Stealing the Diamond. A stick figure man is quizzically looking at a diamond with nefarious intent
A Star Trek: TNG pinball machine, the most beautiful device ever created and the pinnacle of modern civilization
Screenshot of an identity scam Bluesky account. The profile picture and name is identical to mine but there's a hyphen between the first and last names
Sanders: Joe on many occasions has said that Kylo Ren belongs in prison, unlike the majority of Americans who believe he has been redeemed by Rey’s love. Biden: No, I didn’t. Sanders: You didn’t say “Kylo Ren belongs in prison”? Biden: I did, but Ben Solo is not Kylo Ren!
"Cardinal George of Chicago, of happy memory, was one of my great mentors, and he said: 'Look, until America goes into political decline, there won't be an American pope.' And his point was, if America is kind of running the world politically, culturally, economically, they don't want America running the world religiously. So, I think there's some truth to that, that we're such a superpower and so dominant, they don't wanna give us, also, control over the church."
NPR story: DOGE employees gain accounts on classified networks holding nuclear secrets
A can of baby formula that costs $49.99
The Pricemaster
A store page for an out of stock PS5 controller that looks like a PS1 controller
A normal cybertruck
Black & white photo of politicians in the oval office creating NATO in 1949
A survival bunker. It looks like a big cylindrical apartment building that happens to be underground. I got it from this article: https://www.semafor.com/article/02/20/2025/corporations-dig-deeper-using-bunkers-to-secure-data
CNN headline “Trump officials fired nuclear staff not realizing they oversee the country’s weapons stockpile”
Illustration of a fighter plane covered in red dots to represent bullet holes
Steam achievement: Go outside. Don’t play The Stanley Parable for five years
Tweet I wrote saying “I know moving platforms is a tall ask but if you crosspost to blusky you will probably get the same size response with 1/10th the followers. This place is tumbleweeds with human faces painted on”
Screenshot of Star Trek character name dropping Musk saying “Alongside the Wright brothers, Elon Musk, Zefram Cochrane?”
ClickHole headline. Photo of trump signing an executive order with the title “Government In Chaos: Donald Trump Signed An Executive Order That Just Says ‘HOT CUBE’ And Federal Agencies Are Scrambling To Interpret It”
That TV commercial guy who wore question mark suits like the Riddler and posed in front of Congress promising “free money” in the form of government grants
A screenshot of the match-3 game Dungeon Raid. The screen is filled with a grid of coins, swords, shields, and potions. Several swords are linked with a green arrow dealing 17 damage to enemy skull monsters on the board
A screenshot of Dungeon Raid, a match-3 game with an RPG combat system. Don’t bother to search for it. It’s gone. Gone forever
Those stupid video screen fridge doors at Walgreens that show bottles on a shelf. The bottles behind the door
Tweet from 2019 saying “Writing Tip: Use Microsoft Word’s “finish it for me” option in the tools menu. Just press that button and Word will write the entire book or screenplay for you. JK Rowling did this for Harry Potter by typing “wizard boy story” and Word autocorrected it into 7 novels.”
A Peabody Award, which is a big coin on a pedestal. Maybe you could use it to mash up avocados for guacamole but it’d be hard to clean afterward
A Webby Award, which is a big spring ideal for holding pencils, pens, markers. Plenty of room for scissors or a roll of scotch tape also
During the fifth season episode "Dr. Urkel and Mr. Cool," Urkel devised the ultimate plan to win Laura's heart: transforming his DNA using a serum called "Cool Juice" to suppress his "nerd" genes and bring out his "cool" genes. This resulted in the alter ego known as Stefan Urquelle, played by Jaleel White in more casual attire and with a smoother, natural delivery.
A google search showing that “yer a the witcher” has never been written before
ceiling fan
Flock of gray feathered drones with wings and a beak
Walter Donovan from Indiana Jones
Tweet from Hideo Kojima announcing his real Bluesky account is @hideokojima0824en.bsky.social instead of the many imposters
Joe Biden and Hunter Biden standing next to each other
Fancy man in a white suit sitting before a wall of TVs
The Bluesky thread preferences menu with an option to show Most depressed replies first
A message from bluesky saying I was the #50,276th Bluesky user, entitled to all the honors and benefits that status grants
A twitter screenshot of this tweet: I have some invite codes for 🦋 if anyone needs them: YOUDONTNEEDINVITESANYMORE HAVENTNEEDEDTHEMFORMONTHS YOUCANJUSTSIGNUP
Lofi Beats Girl. Illustration of a young woman in a cozy room with her cat, wearing headphones while jotting notes down in a notebook
Quote tweet reposting news that “Coca-Cola’s annual Christmas commercial has been made with AI” The caption responding to this says: AI Guy: Here is the new ad we made you (ad starts playing) Kratos from God of War: Conker Crola Coke Exec: We love it
1970s cover art of a raccoon or fox type of creature wearing a spacesuit and screaming as an alien robot shoots it with a laser gun
Des Moines as it truly is, a sci-fi cityscape of towering arcologies
Jeb Bush sprinting onto stage surrounded by a cheering crowd holding Jeb! signs (with his trademark exclamation point)
Bluesky’s butterfly shaped logo
Washington Post article about The Onion: “The Onion is pivoting to video - no joke - with a former MSNBC anchor”