Alex Monteith

@alexmonteets.bsky.social

558 Followers 1009 Following

He/Him Leukaemia survivor Tottenham Hotspur victim Music fan Free Palestine PFP: A photograph of a smug looking bearded fat prick (me). They're wearing a tobacco colour suit jacket and an open collar white shirt with a cocktail in their hand.

Really cool guy in a black t-shirt with spectacles on emotionally thanking wrestlers and stating that "it's still real to me dammit"
The Architect - The Greatest Story Never Told Album cover is a portrait photo of the artist. He has his face turned to the side looking out of the image, wearing a khaki military style shirt with aviator glasses on and is standing in front of a wall with what looks like old posters that are flaking away from the surface. Artist name is in the top left corner in big letters and the album title is in the bottom left corner in a much smaller font.
Recent activity on Letterboxd app. Four films and their ratings: Troy - 2.5 stars Toy Story 5 - 3.5 stars Obsession - 4 stars Die My Love - 4 stars
A poster on a bus stop for local bus company Arriva it shows a driver with glasses looking out with the quote "Fed up driving yourself around" and "there's a bus for that" around his face. Someone has placed a bit of black tape on his face in the style of a Charlie Chaplin moustache
A menu on a dodgy streaming app. It shows the poster for the new Christopher Nolan version of The Odyssey. Above it are the words "newly added" and in the description it says "CAM" indicating this version was filmed in a cinema
Sign under a railway platform that says "slew permitted on this bridge"
Projector screen in a garden with the England Norway game on it. Legs in a reclined chair with a bottle of beer in the foreground
A projector screen in a garden with a BBQ smoking in the foreground. It's in a posh cunts garden
Photograph of a 1930s modernist seafront ice cream parlour called Rossi's which remains pretty much unchanged inside and out. It's a flat top single story white building with the name in bright blue letters above an awning which runs the length of the building striped with white and the same blue.
Tottenham Hotspur player James Maddison doing a vox pop to announce the club's new signing, Sandro Tonali. His head and shoulders are in shot facing the camera and he's wearing a white T-shirt. With a longer hairstyle he's starting to bear an uncanny resemblance to celebrity chef, Marcus Wareing
Screenshot of an Instagram story from James Maddison. It's a repost from Matty Cash's Instagram and shows the two of them in a golf cart wearing polo shirts and caps. Maddison is wearing his backwards like a prick.
A hand holding a cardboard sign with a slogan on it. In black in on a white background it reads: "Our expectations for you were low (underlined) but HOLY FUCK
A white haired elderly Argentina fan in the stands during their game against Austria, moments after Messi scored his second goal of the game, the game in which he became the clear all time leading world cup goalscorer. She is holding a big sign that reads "100 year old Messi fan" and has a face with unbridled joy written all over it.
Ex footballer Stuart Pearce being forced to drink his own piss by Bear Grylls. He's wearing outdoor gear and drinking his amber coloured urine from a plastic drinking bottle.
News headline: Tottenham are firmly in the mix to sign Anderlecht and Belgium midfielder Nathan De Cat, with Manchester United among the 17 year olds other admirers from the Premier League. (Teamtalk)
A reply to a previous message in a Whatsapp group chat. First message reads: "England winning the world cup would trump everything for me. The reply reads: "See there's always a little spark deep inside me that doesn't want England to win because English people don't deserve nice things.
Norman Rockwell's 'Freedom Of Speech' painting. It depicts a farmer standing up in a town meeting in America, he's wearing a plaid shirt and a well worn suede jacket with mud stained hands and he has a noticeably darker complexion than the suited men sitting nearby looking up at him. He has a defiant look on his face. The painting is often used as a meme when stating an opinion that counters a popular belief
Self-Immolation Music - Strange Worship Album cover is a white background with the bands name painted in black paint, the letters blur together as the paint drips down and the whole thing is barely legible.
Good Flying Birds - Talulah's Tape Album cover is all against a white background. The layout is as if it's a cassette inlay laid flat. The right hand side (what would be the front of a cassette) has the band name in the top left corner and the album title in the bottom right, they are both in the same fun, hand drawn looking black font. In the centre is a crudely drawn bird with a halo, it looks like it was created on paint and is made up of ovals and triangles. The band name runs horizontally down just left of centre where the spine of a cassette case would be, it's in the same font as the cover. The label logo, Rotten Apple, runs horizontally down on the left hand side, it's blue and in 70s style bubble lettering
Nala Sinephro - Space 1.8 Album cover with a cream background. In the center is a pink oval with a surreal illustration of a black head with rainbow rings around it to mimic Saturn. A small silhouette of a woman is hanging on to the rings. The artist name is in block capitals to the left of the oval and the album title it on the right side in a more cursive text. The album is also written across the whole cover in fine point swirling black lettering
Three jabbering dickheads launching a World Cup podcast for the worst people in the world. Simon Jordan, Piers Morgan and John Terry.
Freddie Gibbs & The Alchemist Album cover is an illustration of a bowl of alfredo fettuchini pasta against a brown background. A hand is holding a wooden cross above the pasta with strings of the fettuchini attached to each corner to mimic a marionette puppet. The parental advisory logo is in the bottom corner
John Francis Flynn - I Would Not Live Always Album cover is a portrait photograph of the artist, with his shoulders and head in shot. He is a man who appears to be in his 30s. He has long sandy brown hair that is tucked behind his ears and falls down way past his shoulders and a short beard. He is wearing a brown jacket over a shirt and has a brown brick wall in the background. He is gazing off camera with a reflective look on his face. The photo is sepia toned and has some scratches on it that resemble aged film or old photographs.
A listing on Vinted. It's a red baseball cap with writing on the front. The listing reads: Gary Glitters Gang Show 1990 Cap and it's listed for £21.69. Worryingly it has been favourited by one person.
Flynn Rider in Tangled standing leaning against a wall looking unruffled despite having a circle of sword blades pointed towards him. It's a regularly used meme for having a hot take
An old newspaper cutting maybe? It's an overhead photo of a large open air lido on a coastline with a Victorian era seaside town overlooking it. The lido juts out into Behind it there is a road and a large green slope covered in trees and small pockets of fields (we call them cliffs locally), beyond that you can see large houses and hotels.
An illustration in a ink pen linework style that shows a sperm whale caught on power lines with an ominous dark puddle below. There is no sea in sight and it looks like it has landed in a rural area, there is a field below and a tree. The drawing is on an almost fleshy pink background.
Sofia Kourtesis - Madres Album cover is a photo of the artist crouching on rocky ground near the edge of a cliff with the sea in the background. They have their hair pulled back into a tight ponytail and are wearing a black dress which is draped across the floor where she crouches. They are bathed in a red light and face away from the camera looking towards the right hand side of the cover.
Total Blue - Total Blue Album cover is an eerie image of what appears to be a human face. It has black holes where the eyes, nostrils and mouth would be and is heavily shadowed on one side. The face and neck has a heavy texture on it. The entirety of the image is drenched in a very rich deep blue
Fabiana Palladino - Fabiana Palladino The album artwork is a heavily stylised, high contrast, photograph of the artist's head and shoulders. She has a sharp angular cropped hairstyle, ghostly white skin with heavy eyeshadow and red lips and she is wearing a black coat with the collar up with a big white shirt collar visible. She has a static, serious look on her face and her eyes are gazing downwards. The rest of the image is an ombre effect which gets lighter from the top to the bottom starting dark purple and fading to light pink by her shoulders. The whole thing is very reminiscent of a certain type of 80s aesthetic Moody and cool.
Eddie Chacon - Pleasure, Joy and Happiness A side profile portrait of the artist fills the centre of the album artwork with an off-white border around it. The photo has a blue filter over it which matches the font used elsewhere on the cover. The artist is a middle aged man with dark hair in a sort of mullet style with noticeable grey streaks and a white beard. He's wearing a striped crewneck sweatshirt with a long chain with a small pendant over the top. The album title is across the bottom with his collaborators name below, John Caroll Kirby. The artists name is across the top in a heavily stylised font
Horsegirl - Versions of modern Performance Album artwork is a photo of what appears to be an art gallery with a skylight above the room we can see. It's an old fashioned room with skirting boards and picture rails and wooden doors. The photo has a blue filter. The album title goes right across the image in a handwritten font. There is a red strip from top to bottom on the left hand side and a selection of random coins giving the cover a collage feel. To complete that the bands name is handwritten on a torn out strip of paper.
Declan Rice in David Squires cartoon. He's making sure he's in the shot of an onlooking phone camera.
A bag of Swizzels 'Rainbow Drops' sweets. They are multicoloured little balls of something (who knows what), which can be seen through a clear panel in a blue bag with a swirling rainbow.
AI slop image showing Liverpool legend Ian Rush as he looked in his 80s heyday wearing a kit from the era. He is beside a member of their current WSL squad (apologies I'm not aware of their name) who is wearing their 26/27 kit which references the old one. They are both for some reason wearing black trousers and against a harsh greyish white background.
A bright red Chevrolet on a field. There is an A3 frame in front of it containing letters and photos detailing how the car was once owned Nancy Reagan. The backseats of the car aren't visible in the photo but I would like to assure everyone they were indeed covered in cum stains.
Last four watched on Letterboxd: F1 - 2.5 stars Hokum - 3.5 stars The Drama - 4.5 stars I Swear - 3.5 stars
Film poster for Ridley Scott's "The Duellists". The poster is a square image on a white background. Above the central image it reads in black font "Fencing is a science. Loving is a passion. Duelling is an obsession" Underneath the main image is the film title in a murky brown colour and the credits of the film are across the bottom along with the production company's logo. The main image is a heavily sepia toned photo of a man and woman kissing, over laid across that is a silhouette of two men in Napoleonic era clothing duelling with swords.
A screengrab of a youtube thumbnail. The video is titled "First firing of a new pipe! ( and some Tolkien)", creator: Malcolm Guite, 2.1m views . 2 years ago. In the image you can see an eccentric looking old man with white hair and a bushy white beard, he's wearing a brown waistcoat and brown and cream stripy shirt. He is sitting in a dusty pink velvet high backed armchair that shows heavy signs of wear, surrounded by bookcases stacked with books and a rack of old wooden pipes next to him.
A black clock face with gold detail on the side of a church tower. It has the words Work and Pray" written around the clock which is in an arts & crafts style
Mark Corrigan in Peep show, close up of his face he's a middle aged man sitting in a theatre saying "I'm going to pretend I am watching Heat
A half drunk pint of beer on a sun drenched wooden picnic table with a packet of rolling tobacco and a lighter in the background
The Black Keys - Peaches The album cover is a photograph of an old shop roof in the US, there is a sign that reads 'PEACHES !' with an old Coca-Cola sign above it. The signs are above a battered corrugated iron roof that's lifting in places with discarded bits of fruit scattered across it. A pure blue sky is behind the store roof with power cables running across it. The image is heavily filtered with a vintage feel to it evoking old ideas of America. There is a dark red/brown border around the photo with the band name atop it in red white and blue, the font has got an old western look to it.
A photo of three tiny kittens, two tortoiseshell ones and a ginger and white one. They are cute and I want them.
Fleet Foxes - Shore The album cover is an aerial photograph of a coastal landscape at low tide. It shows the winding channels of water snaking through the sand, almost looking like veins, the sun is setting in the distance adding a bit of a warm glow to an otherwise cold photo with lots of blue/grey tones. In the top right corner the album title is in large white font with the tracklist and band name below in smaller text.
A metal grate which has come away from the wall. It's going across a water tunnel below a bridge that crosses a man made lake in a British park.
Pale grey text on a darker grey backdrop which is a pattern made up of ghostly looking figures standing in US style office cubicles. The text reads "HOW TO RECOGNIZE A DYSTOPIA"
Photo of a caravan Playmobil set. The father of the Playmobil family is inside the caravan looking out of the window at his wife deep in conversation with an Incredible Hulk figure from the Spidey and His Amazing Friends series
Comic book cover for Harrow County, Omnibus One. The title is in the centre in the top in a vintage font. Below, a wooden floor and an open drawer are shown. From inside the drawer, a pale arm stretches out onto the floor, it's just empty skin and inside the drawer you can see the face the arm belongs to lying flat with it's eye sockets glowing yellow. The style of the art and fonts used are evocative of mid century USA. At the bottom, the Authors and Artists are listed as follows: “TYLER CROOK • CULLEN BUNN” and beneath that, in smaller text, “CARLA SPEED MCNEIL, HANNAH LAVENDER, JENN MANLEY LEE.”
Four most recent watches Kill Bill Vol.2 - 4.5 stars Kill Bill Vol.1 - 4.5 stars The Magic Faraway Tree - 2.5 stars Mr Putin Against Nobody 2.5 stars
A bearded middle aged man with dark hair and beard flecked with some white, there is a blue sofa cushion behind him and a red haired cocker spaniel with what looks like a wide grin on it's face.
Three screen grabs from Ben Wheatley's romantic horror comedy, Sightseers. They show a conversation between the titular 'Sightseers', Tina and Chris. They're a couple in their late thirties/early forties wearing hiking clothes and standing in a rural location beside some big stones and the dialogue they share is as follows. Tina: I've never thought about murdering innocent people like that before. Chris: Ah he's not a person Tina. He's a Daily Mail reader. Chris: Perspective. Grab it with both hands. It's free.
A pint of beer on a table in a still mildly sunny beer garden
Ted Danson as the titular character in the 1996 'Gullivers Travels' miniseries. He's lying tied to the ground surrounded by Lilliputians
Rio Ferdinand wearing a gauche white linen suit with a TNT Sport microphone sitting in the commentary area of a football stadium with people around him. He is repeatedly shouting Ballon D'Or while commentating on a Champions League game. A graphic of the Ballon D'Or trophy is overlaid on the video with a number counter for the amount of times he repeats Ballon D'Or
A headline which reads "The Essex rapists and sex offenders jailed so far this year", there are seven photos above it of white men.
The dress that nobody could decide the colour of
A screenshot of an Instagram account called Obnoxious Antiques that are selling an old Ellen Degeneres waxwork. The image on the post is a close up of her face with a dead eyed stare and sinister smirk, which is pretty on point to be fair.
Letterboxd recent activity. Four film covers side by side with star ratings underneath, they are as follows: The Mastermind - Four stars One Battle After Another - Five Stars The Ballad of Wallis Island - Three and a half stars but I actually reassessed this and changed it to three Event Horizon - Four stars