Almanac

@almanac.bsky.social

59 Followers 113 Following

terrible content. and such small portions!

a photo of a book about bog bodies, titled "The Bog People" by P.V. Glob. the cover shows just such a bog body with a remarkably well preserved human face
a colour drawing of two fish in the deep ocean. up above is a happy little fellow, with a round little head and body and a gormless smile between two bulbous cheeks; his cheeks glow an alluring rosy pink against the dark water. but beware! this friendly face is but the lure to an enormous anglerfish lurking below. half shadowed in darkness, its luminous staring eye and rows of spiny teeth fixed in a predatory grin are only just illuminated by the rosy glow of its pilot light. nature is cruel....
a drawing of two fish. up above is a happy little fellow, with a round little head and body and a gormless smile between two bulbous cheeks. but beware! this cheerful, chubby chap is but the lure to an enormous anglerfish lurking below - spiny fins, a wrinkled, staring eye, and a hinged jaw locked in a predatory grin. nature is cruel....
a wide angle photo of Keir Starmer announcing his resignation in front of 10 Downing Street. the street behind him is empty, making him look small and alone as he stands at the podium. the caption reads: "...And since I'd achieved all my goals as Prime Minister in one year, there was no need for a second", a line from the Simpsons episode "Two Bad Neighbors"
Screenshot of a Hinge profile where the user has answered "A random fact I love is..." with "13 active blimps"
a cartoon of a guy in a tree costume and a guy in a beaver costume. the tree guy has a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other. the beaver guy is pointing angrily at him as if to start something
a cartoon of a man photographing a lizard. the lizard is pressed flat against a big rock with a little bead of sweat running down its forehead, trying to ignore the comically large zoom lens with a big cartoon eye right behind it. the man wears a dented panama hat and a hawaiian shirt
Kendall, Shiv, and Roman Roy from Succession stand on a beach looking out across the ocean. In the distance, against a backdrop of stars, Logan's enormous head rises from the water
a still from the Simpsons episode, "Marge vs the Monorail", depicting Homer Simpson with 500 cigarettes crammed into his maw
Scooter Carton, kid reporter, a very serious-looking young man with silver hair and a blue school blazer and tie. He scribbles something in a notebook with a pencil, which has a Stegosaurus eraser on top. In this version I gave him big round glasses like a 1950s intellectual
Colour drawings of the three main characters from Rude Tales of Magic: Blue Kindness High. Left: Mikey, a big lug with features too big for his pimply face. Middle: Briley, a hipster with bangs over her eyes and an oversized military jacket rolled up at the sleeves. Right: Scooter, student reporter; he has lean features, an intense expression, and wears a school blazer with the tie drawn tight.
a poorly-drawn version of Lawbert, beloved character from the hit series Strip Law. he is God's perfect law baby: a big red bean with giant cartoon eyes. two human arms and legs poke out of holes in the Lawbert costume
a drawing of a cartoon termite man named "Cruncho". he has wide staring eyes, wild grey hair, and a cravvat. he is otherwise nude
a screenshot of a Guardian from 28 February, reporting on the US strikes on Iran: "Tehran compound of Iran's supreme leader heavily damaged"
screenshot from Crusader Kings 3: a dialogue window under the heading "Convert to Witchcraft: A New Novice", detailing the conversion of Pope Ioannes XIX to witchcraft. The text reads: "I watch the sleeping shape of Ioannes while I send a quick prayer to the Horned God. As soon as the last whispered word pass my lips, he stirs, as if his subconscious mind has waited for this moment. When I step out of the shadows and offer Ioannes His blessing, there is no fear or hesitation in his eyes. No, his acceptance is whole-hearted and hungry. Welcome to our communion, Brother."
pencil sketch: light bathes the small sphere-headed man, reducing him to a silhouette with mouth and eyes agape. a divine voice cries out, "LIBERE ME"
pencil sketch: a horrible little man sits on a cushion bigger than he is. he has an enormous spherical head bigger than his body, a shitty little face with a whispy moustache, and is completely nude. he temples his fingers in an expression of intellectual mastery
a book titled "The Bog People" by P.V. Glob. The cover shows the face of a preserved bog body
pencil sketch: a curly-haired cowboy in a 10-gallon hat prepares to shoot it out with a mayor (identifiable by his top hat and sash) outside an Old West saloon. a tumbleweed bounces between them
pencil sketch: a muscle-bound man in a torn jean jacket wanders through a badly-drawn city. every sign and surface bears the word GLANT
Charlie Brown going "AAUGH"
Zohran for New York City style campaign graphic reading "Unless-Jesus-Christ-Had-Died-For-Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barebone for Parliament of the Commonwealth of England"
the famous opening lines of Charles Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities are here reproduced in the manner of the "Zohran for New York City" campaign graphic
the better part of the opening paragraph of Herman Melville's Moby-Dick has been rendered in the style of the "Zohran for New York City" poster
Lyrics from the Marty Robbins song Ain't I Right: "Let's rid the country of the politicians / Who coddle tramps that march out in our streets / Protesting those who wanna fight for freedom, my friend / This kind of leader makes our country weak"
A photo of author Lee Child standing next to a window with his arms folded and a wry expression. He does not look a day over sixty
Two job ads on Indeed under the heading "Based on your previous jobs": Performing Elf at Dobbies Garden Centre and Office Administrator at Perfect Group
A screengrab from the opening scenes of Neon Genesis Evangelion Episode 1. Tanks completely cover a coastal road cut into the side of a cliff, extending far into the distance, like a flock of nesting birds. Every turret has its gun pointed out to sea.
Still from The Simpsons: Marge holds a perplexed cat in one arm and the dog in the other
a low-resolution close up of Eugene's crotch bulge. and brother, the Lord has been generous
the poster for the 1981 film Body Heat. In the foreground a man (William Hurt) lies naked on his back smoking a cigarette in front of a blue sky. Kathleen Turner leans against a door in the background, dressed all in white and holding a cigarette like a smoking gun.