Andy Beckerman

@andybeckerman.bsky.social

979 Followers 137 Following

I host the Beginnings & Couples Therapy podcasts. TV writer. Former philosophy professor. Casiopop king. Figuring out dystopia.

a VERY REAL and TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED picture of Netflix's description of Ricky Gervais' new animated show Alley Cats. It reads "Ill-humor abounds, as noted "funnyman" Ricky Gervais, whose best work is so far behind him that you can measure it in "epochs" and "eons", does his lifeless, lethargic thing with a bunch of mangy, unrelatable cats. You can expect upwards of 180 butthole jokes per episode."

a VERY REAL and TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED picture of a bag of Taylor Farms' Cyclospora Fecal Parasites. It looks like lettuce, but it's really just full of diarrhea bugs.

A screencap of the LA Times article about how ICE used slurs in their text messages… quel suprise

a VERY REAL and TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED Taco Bell ad for a collab with an AI Elaine Stritch called "Ladies Who Crunch"

a VERY REAL, and TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED poster from the EPA about how you must conserve water because that water belongs to data centers!

A screencap of a headline from the AV Club about how Netflix is greenlighting yet another show about golf

Marty McFly talking to the band at the Under the Sea dance. The subtitle reads, "Alright guys, this is a Pavement song... “Silence Kid” or maybe “Kit”? Anyway, there’s an intro, then, uh, I guess two verses and then a... a something. Also, the tuning is DADABE, but that’s just one guitar, and the other... you know what? Let’s just do a Chuck Berry song."

Mozzarella sticks, baby!

A still from unrepentant sexual predator Louis CK’s shitty new special

a VERY REAL and TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED Michael Clayton trading card featuring the scene where Arthur Eden is holding 30 baguettes. The card says "YOU THINK YOU GOT THE HORSE FOR THAT?" at the bottom

a VERY REAL and TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED picture of Jeni's new summer flavors: My Parents' Shredded Divorce Papers, Pecan-Crusted Cloned Hitler Bones and White Chocolate Covid

a VERY REAL tweet from LA Mayor Karen Bass, that is totally *not* photoshopped and which reads, "Al Qaeda and/or the far-Left have infiltrated the canine population, which is why I have empowered the police to murder as many dogs as possible. And do you also know what Al Qaeda and/or the far-Left need to live? Breathable air, which is why I have empowered chemical fires to burn indefinitely, turning the skies into poison. Bass out!"

A still from unrepentant sexual predator Louis CK’s new Netflix special

An actual screencap from ALF season 4 episode 14 or somewhere around there. ALF had a dream where he became a famous comedian and after his career imploded, then ended up mopping up puke at some shitty Catskills nightclub. Anyway, he says, “Well, at least Woody Allen liked me.”

A VERY REAL and TOTALLY NOT PHOTOSHOPPED Nextdoor ad that claims it's "Your home for everything unhinged: from pictures of dead pets to the insane rantings of rightwing oafs"

This is a text message between a phisher and me. I’m not going to summarize it here because it truly isn’t worth it. If you are blind or have difficulty seeing, you are genuinely not missing anything.

A VERY REAL deadline article about a new Amazon spy series about an agent who murders people who complain about AI data centers.

A VERY REAL tweet from Dean Norris where he accidentally typed "Bob balaban-lookalike defeating wallace shawn-lookalike in a gorton’s sponsored shrimp eating contest gifs" into twitter instead of google

A still of Gene Hackman destroying his apartment from the end of The Conversation

A guy on a motorcycle with a t-shirt that reads:
"IF YOU *CAN'T* READ
THIS, IT MEANS
SOME RASCAL
HAS JUMPED
ONTO THE
BACK OF MY
BIKE. IF IT
LOOKS LIKE
THE
SCALLYWAG
IS ENGAGING IN ANYTHING MORE SINISTER THAN A PRANK, PLEASE KNOCK THEM OFF MY BIKE WITH A CATTLE PROD. THANKS IN ADVANCE! "

An altered photo of Trump napping during a meeting. What we don't know from the photo though - altered or not - is whether he shit himself. I think we can say "Probably" though based on his diet, ill health and general incompetence.

A badly-photoshopped still from Subway Takes featuring Commander Riker saying, "Starfleet should find a better nickname than “Number One” for the XO. What are they, a bunch of piss freaks?"

That stupid handshake meme, but the two arms are "Greg Ginn's new version of his old band, now with a bunch of teenagers" and "Possible Mossad agent Ori Solomon running an illegal biolab in Las Vegas" and the handshake is "False Flag". Why did I make this? To stop it from becoming an intrusive thought that would never leave my brain?

The film poster for Abbott and Costello Meet Alec Baldwin's Character from Glengarry Glen Ross

A picture of Squee sitting "seductively"

A photoshopped picture of New Testament "The Gospel of Joel Osteen". Chapter 1 is called Gimmie Gimmie Gimmie, and it says "Buddy, I am going to give it to you straight. You want to make it in this crazy, f'ed up world, you're gonna have to be a giant immoral piece of shit who thinks of nothing but his own base wants and desires, and yes, I said "his" and yes, this commandment supersedes all that love and forgiveness horseshit in the rest of this godforsaken thing"

A photoshopped Pizza hut ad with the following text, "Grab a slice while a cabal of psychotic pedophiles turns people in another country with hopes and dreams similar to yours into a mass of free-floating sub-atomic particles. And don't forget our new Tuscany-spiced™ spaghetti-filled bread sticks!"

A possible future news article showing a small frog sitting on a person's fingers with the headline "World's First Socialist Frog"