reireky

@another.reileky.com

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@reileky.com's alt won't check this account often unless i feel like posting something here

It's funny reading what I've typed here feels like something that came out from fiction I know of yet all of these are real to me Despite it being fiction, maybe at one point these moments has had to happened in reality in order for it to exist? and speaking of fiction, I'm really so glad that I have made my OCs for who and what they are They always have been my safest space and I now know that, their stories and characters has really been a strong reflection of what I am and I was never aware of it and when I do, I've kept denying it Even though I rarely or never talk about them, let alone I even have difficulties talking about them (due to reasons on posts aboves ago) and believing the bit that I will never talk about them but now? I feel like I don't have to keep that bit anymore and one day I *will* try to talk about my OCs I know it's such a weird tangent from that to my OCs but I really do want to emphasize they really have been an important part of my life and the lone thought of being forced to abandon them is always painful I've kept so many of my hobbies and interests a secret from them for years for a reason and if I ever get careless once I don't know where or how I would be today
cw: trauma dump, CPTSD A continuation from the self-qrt post I've made a while ago, though I didn't want to flood this post in my main account and have it return to its normalcy soon, and maybe with some new changes? but I feel i want to talk more about it here after processing through my emotions for the past couple of days I've realized that since childhood I've been emotionally neglected and it has been the literal core of all of the problems I've been facing throughout my whole life for the longest time, I always wondered why am I so different from others? why can't I be like them? why? and yet the person inside me trying to be like them just felt, nothing, a strong numbing sensation I just can't figure out why am I feeling this way and this still goes on in my adulthood I've tried to accept if this is the kind of person I am but no, there's a part of me feels conflicted about it I get uncomfortable getting praised yet I want to be seen by others I get constant trust issues even for the people and friends who trusts me, but why?
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