Evan Rossi

@applecart.bsky.social

517 Followers 277 Following

Stand up and sketch comedy. Radioman on the radio. Ugly tape based media mangle as DAKTYLOI. Sometimes other things. Don't worry about it. DAKTYLOI.bandcamp.com if you want a bad time.

The album cover of Goals Absent by DAKTYLOI. Houndstooth wool.
The centrifugal fair/carnival ride Starship 2000. Also known as Gravitron. Also known as my apartment.
A WWF Undertaker edition Super Soaker, back when American MADE things damn it.
A "political alignment chart" but I changed all parameters to goofy nonsense.
A black t-shirt that says "Frasier 2099" on it with the ruined skyline of "Neo Seattle".
A hand holding a dirty squeeze bottle labeled "Bird Lube", seemingly a lubricant for nail guns. "It Works" appears at the bottom as a reassuring slogan.
Myself and my mother, circa 1989. I have been gifted copies of Centipede and Solaris to play on a newly acquired Atari 7800. I am 7 years old. I am ecstatic.
A photo of myself straddling a large concrete tortoise at Goofy Golf in Panama City Beach, Florida; my arms folded and my countenance stern, much like a crazed sultan.
A still image from the cartoon Doctor Snuggles, depicting an old balding man with bifocals and his badger friend driving an antique truck away from a house with a face. Normal stuff.
A very, very, really so very large bed. Stupidly large. It is grey and beige. It has cabinets and a chaise lounge and one can only assume possibly somewhere a mechanical bull built in. There is a woman drinking Breakfast Wine and regretting her decision to purchase Megabed.
The convenience store scene from Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me; depicting several odd looking people in a run down room. Bowls of creamed corn on a Formica table. Hey.
An old McDonald's happy meal toy depicting Mokey Fraggle in a car made from an eggplant. The wheels are mushrooms. Mushrooms. Complete madness, I tell you.
A pet green iguana named Marshall Banana standing on some milk crates and looking rad. Just rad as all hell.
A photo of a simple wood plank house with a giant Stetson hat for a roof. The roof hat is white so you know the house is not a cattle rustler or poker cheat.
Shaq Pepsis. Several glass Pepsi bottles from the 90's portraying basketball player Shaquille O'Neal. It is said each bottle contained a fragment of Shaq's infernal soul, and once united will slam the dunk that ends the world.
Reference photo for "Still Life With Irresponsibly Large Cold Brew Coffee Jar & Windows 98 Boot Disk".
A meaningless bar graph made by idiots. It supposedly measures "mood". Don't worry about it.
Terrible MS Paint rendering of several plated Gom Jabbars from the movie Dune repurposed as shish kabob skewers. Chunks of red meat and bell pepper are present as well as an overwhelming sense of dread.
A coin operated "egg" style toy vending machine filled with succulent chicken wings. This was achieved through incredibly lazy MS Paint manipulation.
A gas station parking lot full of large 4X4 trucks with long, exposed trailer hitches riiiight at knee height. Take a full speed, weaving sprint with shorts on and friend you've got some Wawa Slaloms.
A defaced ad for Dennis Prager's conservative online "school", Prager U. A pregnant abdomen has been crudely spliced onto the lower torso of Dennis. A caption reads "The radical liberal media won't report on just how gravid I am". The logo for Prager U has been altered to Pregger U and a "Get It On Steam" image is included, implying that this might be a video game.
Album cover photo of Billie Holiday, crudely photoshopped with Yu-Gi-Oh! hair and the text "Ain't nobody's business, if I duel". It is awful.
The majestic Starship 4000, also known as the Gravitron, is a staple of mid-tier county fairs all around the country. The ride resembles a spaceship and spins in place, operating on centrifugal force to push the deep fried Oreo encrusted turkey leg you just ate out of your system "dealer's choice" style.
A screenshot of me on the news (ABC 27 in Tallahassee) explaining how some rough neighborhood teens whipped me with jasmine vines & then started shooting frozen edamame at me with a paintball gun & THEN glued my eyes shut with jasmine sap and it's pretty clear that I am upset about it.
An anti progressive/leftist/woke/whatever comic panel that accidentally created the most badass group of best friends I personally have ever seen. Of note is a t-shirt that says "DRUGS" over a skull and crossbones and a shoulder tattoo that says "SEX" in the Korn font.
A pink t shirt with text describing a crazy grandma in the style of one of those ai generated, drop-shipped garbage shirts.
Ernest P. Worrell, American Patriot.
A collage where in the background, Hindu goddess Kali holds a severed head. In the foreground is rapper LL Cool J sitting in a car, looking dismissive.
A sweet rock, painted with the word "Freedom" in red white and blue. A bald eagle cries in the distance (not pictured).
A shower curtain hung over a bathtub. Two people are drawn on the curtain, one depicting an image of God and the other asking "Why did you make Satan?".
A close up photograph of a tame, pet green iguana, named Marshall Banana. Marshall is just going to town on a large bowl of leafy and nutritious turnip and collard greens.