Ask a Manager

@askamanager.org

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Creator of Ask a Manager – home to all your questions about lunch-stealing bosses, coworkers who won't stop hugging you, and how much you can drink at work.

a photo of a black and white cat hearing a voice
Email response reading: "The letter-writer used "they" to refer to the employee, and in my answers I have a policy of respecting the pronouns the person writing in for advice used for the people in the letter. Maybe this employee is non-binary or maybe the writer used "they" to add anonymity to the question; I don't know. But "they" has been accepted as a singular pronoun for individuals for many years now and is endorsed by APA, AP, MLA, and many other style guides."
Email reading: "Hello Alison, I’m a CEO coach and a former contributing editor to the then-most widely circulated publication to the small business community in New York City, The New York Enterprise Report. I’m pretty active on LinkedIn, and frequently repost compelling, well-written articles I find online. I found your July 7th article, Should I Let an Employee Resign Rather Than Firing Them? compelling, but elected not to repost it. Why? Because while otherwise well-written, it is replete with the use of third-person pronouns with a first-person subject (including right in the title) whenever the employee is referred to (curiously there is agreement whenever Mark is referred to). And being the stickler for grammar that I am, I just couldn’t let that pass. Indeed, in the same paragraph, we see both: “this employee is facing consequences—their job didn’t work out and they’re leaving it…” (it’s one single employee; they use of “their” and “they” suggests one or more employees are now involved)…“Mark’s desire for more consequences than that, when the problem has already been solved, comes across like he wants to twist the knife just on principle…” I’d really like to post this, Alison, and will if the third-party pronouns are changed to be second-party."
Not my mortification, but I witnessed it. I was working as an assistant to Jane, a woman who hit the “little old lady” stereotype even though she was in her forties. She wore a lot of cardigans she knitted herself and she quilted blankets for everyone who had a baby. She had quaint turns of phrase like “Thank you kindly,” which she even used in her email signature. She had a range of cat statues on her desk. That kind of thing. We had two newer employees who were both in their mid-20s, call them Frank and Hank, and they thought it would be hysterical to substitute words in a report they were writing for Jane with similar-sounding words that were slang terms for sex acts. They assumed this sweet innocent woman would never notice, and since she was the only one who would read it, no harm done. Jane got the document and called them in ten minutes later. I sat at my desk and listened while she grilled them about their “unusual word choices” until they broke down and admitted they had maybe used some slang terms they shouldn’t have. As a joke. Then she made them define each one. I could hear the absolute mortification in their voices as they struggled through explanations of terms I myself didn’t know, telling a woman they thought of as sweet and innocent all about these sexual terms. Then came the one where Hank defined it and Jane said, “No, that’s not what it means,” and provided a very detailed and technical explanation using proper medical terminology. Dead silence from Frank and Hank. Jane said, “Pranks like these make you look incompetent. Using words you don’t understand makes you look like fools. And making assumptions about your coworkers’ personal lives makes you look ignorant. Now you’re going to spend the next six months trying to prove to me that you’re none of those things, and it seems like that will be quite a challenge for you.” Frank and Hank played no more pranks for the rest of the time I worked there.
A black tuxedo kitty and a grey kitty curl up together.
Message from DoorDash saying, "We understand Father's Day holds different meaning for everyone. If you'd rather not receive any reminders or promotions, let us know. We'll take care of it. P.S. You'll still receive order updates and other offers."
a cartoon titled The Adventures of Lady No-Kids. Drawing of a couple with a baby looking in dismay as a pantsless woman says, "Anyway, I'm gonna follow this goose for a while and see where I end up."
"Good morning Alison! I enjoy reading your column and the comments of your readers. Your advice is almost always spot on, although your political commentary is distracting and ill-advised. I wonder if you are concerned that you have become too much of a “niche” , a product suitable only to those who voted for Kamala Harris - quite possibly the worst presidential candidate of my lifetime: inauthentic, inarticulate, incompetent, an unqualified DEI disaster. To paraphrase Michael Jordan, Republicans have jobs and may need professional advice at times too ! I would have responded in your comment section, but you must know that you actively discourage conservative voices, constantly reminding your readers to report all the “trolls”. Facebook and Twitter , among others, have abandoned left-wing censorship policies of free speech. Perhaps you should consider that too. Best wishes!"
an obsessively intense cat
From Wash Post reporter: "A federal worker sent me audio of a call that HR did today with staff about "deferred resignation" agreements offered by DOGE ... I think this is pretty well understood by now but helps confirm what many suspect The audio goes: Employee: Lets say I accept the agreement tomorrow - you were to rescind the agreement and they were to stop paying me on Friday ... we would have no recourse available? HR official: Yes ... as the agreement is outlined that is absolutely correct"
Lage brown kitty looking enormous next to normal sized white and orange kitty.
On the left, a beautifully done amigurumi bird. On the right, a monstrosity.
Blog comment reading: "my younger sister used to make prank calls/emails/AIM messages posing as me, without my knowledge. The worst was when she emailed my soon-to-be college dorm roommate from my account with a list of all the “rules” I would be imposing on our dorm. Think things like no friends allowed in the room, no lights on after 8 pm, no crunchy foods, etc. The poor girl, understandably, thought I was crazy and asked to transfer to a different dorm. I didn’t speak to my sister for the entire rest of the summer. She’s lucky it worked out- I’m still friends 20 years later with the new roommate that was assigned to me after my sister scared the first one off."
https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/art/2024/11/18/smithsonian-american-art-museum-director-stephanie-stebich/