Assaph Mehr 📚⚔️🕵️👻🏺🏛️🤖

@assaph.bsky.social

2849 Followers 1950 Following

Author of Murder In Absentia, an historical-fantasy murder-mystery in a quasi-Roman Ancient World (see http://egretia.com); Mad genius behind http://TheProtagonistSpeaks.com

slaves rowing a galley. One says: "I'm only doing this 'til my agents finds a publisher for my book"
A long time ago, in a land far away... People at some really weird shit. Feast or Famine? a delectable anthology of speculative fiction, exploring humanity's relationship with food.
The universe is vast. Have some dessert first. Feast or Famine - a delectable anthology of speculative fiction about humanity's relationship with food.
In the 6th century BCE, Croesus - king of Lydia and one of the richest men of his time - consulted the Oracle at Delphi about invading Persia. The Oracle responded that should he send an army against the mighty Persians he would destroy a great empire. Encouraged, Croesus went to fight and destroy one of the greatest empires of the time. And the Oracle was proven right - Croesus was defeated by the Persian king Cyrus, and the empire of Lydia crumbled. History doesn't repeat, but it sure rhymes.
"This was the first time I had to wear a toga to a brothel. Most such establishments are a quick in-and-out affairs — no criticism meant on my male readers — where a tunic is preferred for ease of access." egretia.com
Curtains hiding something. Text: A delicious anthology is coming your way. May 11, 2026
The cover of "Murder In Absentia" by Assaph Mehr: A STORY OF TOGAS, DAGGERS, and MAGIC Enter the magical world of Egretia. A thousand years of ancient Roman culture, combined with the question "What if?" What if magic were real? What if it was part of everyday life, just like fish-sauce? What if the contract the Romans had with the gods, worked? When a mysterious murder is discovered, people know who to call. Meet Felix, a professional fox. Felix is neither a traditional detective nor a traditional magician, but something in between. He'll answer these questions.
Caesar: Why are all of my royal chariots so dented and dinged up? Legionary: Hair, Caesar. Caesar: Very good, but again, what happened to my chariots?
augustales told my parents i miss archaeology and my mom was, very sympathetically, like: "do you want to dig holes in the garden?" and i was like. yes. i want to dig holes in the garden. ruffboijuliaburnsides my wife, after reading this to me aloud: It's your people! ...do you want me to break a clay pot for you to put back together? me, burying my face in my hands: Maybe...? mycroftrh These are both moods, but unfortunately I am primarily a bioarchaeologist. (IE, I specialize in digging up old human skeletons.) And, uh, home-made bioarchaeology is tragically discriminated against by law enforcement. autie-girl-power Only if you get caught
Prometheus: hot take The Greek gods: no, give that back
History department recruiter: You there! Do you like historical fiction? Period dramas? Historically themed films, tv shows, and video games? Prospective student: Yes! History department recruiter: Would you like not to?
What if I told you that one day Latin would die out and everyone will be speaking a weird mongrel language created by barbarians who live on that island where we built a wall
Murder In Absentia, by Assaph Mehr - voted #1 on Goodreads' "Indie Books Worth the Read"
Aquae et Ignis: a story of Togas, Daggers, and Magic. Lunacy and Piracy, Exile and Ghosts. Free on egretia.com
I've been trying to leave Rome for a few weeks now, but all their roads have this weird design flaw
"I worked on my WIP today." "But you only added one sentence." (Picture of Mr Incredible working at his desk) "Progress is Progress."
TYROMANCY is the practice of predicting the future with cheese (Ripley's Believe it or Not)
what studying languages is like latin: words like 'yes' and 'no' aren't important. memorize these 3000 different ways to talk about killing people though because you will use them greek: hello naughty students it's participle time egyptian: ancient pictionary french: pronouncing every letter is for chumps german: let's combine every other word together to create the U L T I M A T E F R A N K E N W O R D mandarin: lol whats a verb tense spanish: LOL WHAT ISN'T A VERB TENSE english: welcome to hell
German: we have strict language rules French: we have complex language rules Spanish: we have rules, but they're easy English: wait, you have rules for your language?
if you see a writer frowning intensely as they work, they are probably: a) having an internal struggle over where commas go b) in the midst of killing off a character c) realising they spent four hours of research to write 1 sentence d) not working, they are on twitter
kimoramay-deactivated20170907 I was told recently about a school that was shamed into changing its school motto. The motto was "I hear, I see, I learn." Nothing wrong with that per se. Unfortunately the motto was in Latin, and the Latin for "I hear, I see, I learn" is "audio, video, disco". wonderfulworldofmichaelford What the fuck that's the best school motto ever change it back copperbadge Your yearly reminder that "I learn through suffering" can be translated into Latin as "Disco Inferno."
A picture of the cover of Murder In Absentia by Assaph Mehr, quoting the protagonist Felix saying "Calculating people's horoscopes is tedious, but at least cleaner than haruspicy."
sandersstudies Every time an English-speaking fantasy writer wants to throw in an umlaut it's like I gotta stop you right there. JRR Tolkien can do that. You are not JRR Tolkien tho. sandersstudies Tolkien did many things for and to the fantasy genre but unfortunately too many people agave taken on his ideas of culture, lore, and language, but executed extremely lazily (compared to him) what-even-is-thiss I think when you're worldbuilding you need to focus on what you're interested in. Because Tolkien is one of the fathers of modern fantasy, people think they need to focus in on what he was interested in, which was linguistics and long lists of historical events. But if you're not into that, it's gonna show. When I'm worldbuilding I tend to focus on political structure and local mythology because that's something I'm interested in irl. If I tried to come up with a million conlangs like Tolkien did I'd be bored and stressed out of my mind and my writing would be worse. If you're interested in economics, focus in on that. If you're really into historical hairstyles, or sports, or transportation, or lost media, focus in on that. Make that interesting. It'll make your world better than throwing in nonsense words you don't care about. sandersstudies ^^^ exactly. Tolkien was extremely knowledgeable in linguistics, which was why he was able to produce languages that were feasibly real (and even claim that the text itself was a translation, which comes with its own quirks, especially in the appendices). But if you're not extremely knowledgeable about linguistics (or willing to become so very quickly) then any fantasy language you try to build is either going to add nothing to the story or be riddled with improbability.
[Five yellow stars at top] Mystery, intrigue, supernatural curses, and inevitable violence. The plot is excellent, and the story arc progresses smoothly from cliff-hangers to dead ends to yet more suspenseful scenes, all nicely paced. I found the escape through the sewers particularly enjoyable (for me, though clearly not for the characters involved!). The narrative involves mystery, intrigue, supernatural curses that actually work, interpersonal relationships, and (since this is modeled after Rome) the inevitable violence. I shall also mention both a compelling court scene and a clear sensitivity to the plight of women in this ancient setting. -- Lenny Cavallaro (Abslom) [Book cover shown on right side:] IN VICTRIX [Award seal: "With introduction by Harry Turtledove, grandmaster of alternate history"] A STORY OF TOGAS, DAGGERS, AND MAGIC By ASSAPH MEHR
just_fuchsia Ok fun fact I'm kinda a character in a book. The ever so wonderful @assaphmehrauthor has written a series called Murder in Absentia. Im in the third book. I had no idea until I read it. It was a truly beautiful surprise. Go read them! [Image shows an Amazon product listing with "Shop Amazon holiday gifts" banner, a 4.5-star rating with 170 reviews, and the book cover for "MURDER IN ABSENTIA" by ASSAPH MEHR]
(Minute 1) I need to figure out how to describe this room (Hour 2) Jesus, I need to learn more about medieval cornices (Month 5) I need to learn Aramaic so I can visit southeastern Turkey and read primary source manuscripts from the 11th century on cornices (my spouse) THIS IS FOR A SHORT STORY
The Creative Process: a picture of a timeline with: work begins, fuck off, PANIC, All the work while crying, deadline.
I may have learned ceremonial magick in the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, but I'm glad this guy wasn't after our secret society! -- Aleister Crowley, occultist [The image also shows two book covers at the bottom right: "MURDER IN ABSENTIA" and "IN NUMINA" by ASSAPH MEHR]
Don't use a big word when a singularly unloquacious and diminutive linguistic expression will satisfactorily accomplish the contemporary necessity.Retry
the 4 types of writers 1. spent hours carefully choosing character name 2. can't decide so is using "placeholder" name that they'll inevitably not be able to change 3. named character after like, a street sign 4. character crashed onto page already named and you cannot change it
Main character: you murdered my parents! Writer: For character development.
England is named after the Anglo-Saxons. However, things could have gone very differently: In our universe England is named after a Germanic tribe called the Angles. The language of England is called "English", and speakers of this language are called "Anglophone". [Map showing Scotland and England] In another universe Sexland is named after a Germanic tribe called the Saxons. The language of Sexland is called "Sexish", and speakers of this language are called "Saxophone". [Map showing Pictland and Sexland]
A photo of the book "In Numina" by Assaph Mehr, lying in a bloody kitchen sink
In ancient Rome, there were four types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III would all kill you with varying degrees on pain. However, Poison IV would just make you really itchy.
zeus: you are condemned to carry the weight of the sky. atlas: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Title: You can only choose three potions: Row 1 (left to right): built-in mental thesaurus remember all of your worldbuilding banish imposter syndrome ability to finish your WIP Row 2: Marketable™ ideas never get tired of reading your own work infinite grammar skillz coherent first drafts Row 3: 2000 words every day guaranteed immune to distraction desire to actually write when you sit down eradicate typos permanently
Indiana Jones replacing an object: "said" -> "words that no sane person would use in place of said"
Realistic Indiana Jones movies * Indiana Jones and tomb that had already been looted by robbers in the 19th century * Indiana Jones and pottery fragment #1478 * Indiana Jones and the site discovered under somebody's house so there was no way to actually dig it * Indiana Jones and the famous treasure that actually turned out to be an ancient chamber pot * Indiana Jones and the temple of maybe three damaged columns * Indiana Jones and the intro to archaeology class that didn't give a shit and just wanted to pass for the gen ed credit
It Takes A Village: a speculative anthology about the meaning of care. Edited by Eric Klein.
On Special - Oct 3-11! ebook $0.99! Book Title: It Takes A Village Subtitle: An Optimistic Anthology Speculating about the Meaning of Care Editors: Alison-Maynard Gillbee, KC Eric Klein (Plus Past Precedent, Internationalist, Women's Faction - smaller text) Story Themes/Content: Utopian and Dystopian Futures Assorted Gods (old and new) A Criminal Trial Shadowy Government Agencies Colony Ships and Interstellar Travel Tangible Benefits of Compassion Fantasy Social Justice Artificial Intelligence (of various flavors) The meaning and merit of Care
It Takes A Village: ebook on $0.99 special Oct 3-11
Picture of a mountain
1. Victor Hugo wrote naked. To meet deadlines, he locked away his clothes so he couldn't leave home. Naked at his desk, he forced himself to face the page. It worked: The Hunchback of Notre-Dame was finished on time. [The image also shows a photograph of Victor Hugo and a title page of "Les Misérables"]
Dragon head: Trad books Dragon head: Indie books Stupid dragon head: AI books
Things that make writers nervous: 1. Writing 2. Not writing 3. Someone asking about the writing.