Bad Soccer Stats

@badsoccerstats.com

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Per the name, these are bad, completely made up, soccer stats (unless otherwise noted). Do not rely on them for anything other than a sensible chuckle.

A picture of Ram Man from the 1980s He-Man animated series. It is captioned "Finally Ram Man's time has come!"
A post from Glenn Davis breaking the news that former AustinFC head coach Josh Wolff will join the staff at the Houston Dynamo.
A green and black, vertically striped, Nike soccer jersey with Pflugerville FC as the crest, and RTIC as the chest sponsor. It is a direct parody of Austin FC's kit and sponsor.
A graphic of Wayne Rooney's abysmal coaching record, a question asking "why is he failing as a manager", and the response "because he's not very good at it"
A bar chart in log scale showing Average Soccer Player Height (Measured in Standard Handgun Length) per Number of Civilian Firearms per capita. It covers the top 50 leagues in the world. It is valid data, but nonsensical and useless for any actual purpose. This is why we are not actually typing the numbers in the chart into this alt text.
A green hat with "legit concerns" written on it.
A green hat reading "legit concerns"
A useless graph of the number of points scored in each season by EFL Teams grouped by nickname, from 1888 - 2021.
A picture of a fake candle with the label GAM on it. It emits scent waves of money and soccer. GAM is General Allocation Money, a weird monetary concept in MLS' salary cap structure.
An "in this house" sign which says: In this house, we believe GAM is real money TAM is real money All teams have equal money Don Garber is a visionary DPs are overrated The Superdraft is everything
An incorrect version of the linear regression equation, called linear aggression
In this house sign, saying In this house we believe: Backpasses matter Duels should be won Pass completion is pass quality Finishing is real Short corners are best corners Coaching is everything
A totally unusable and impenetrable graph of a made up soccer statistic.