Unsanctioned Buffoonery

@bemopolis.bsky.social

99 Followers 67 Following

Get your toothbrush and whatever.

Poster for WHITE COMANCHE (1968), with William Shatner playing twin brothers.
Ungodly amount of quaternion algebra connecting various Euler angle rotations. About 1/3 done.
*that* coffee ad, apologies to Jeffrey Combs’ daughter should see this which was not her fault at all, it’s those weirdos at Folgers that did it
Terry James as The Man With Bendy Arms, from Monty Python's Meaning of Life
The Rock getting a second bite of that “We Killed bin Laden” apple.
Title screen for early FOX TV series “Werewolf”
The Mahna Mahna Muppets
Professional-looking yard sign that says in all caps in a crisp sans-serif font, "This home identifies as a data center and will use whatever amount of water it wants."
Doctor Who opening titles for the Fourth Doctor years, saying “Please Tell Me Adric Dies In This One”, because I did not like him. Sadly, he didn’t die until the Fifth Doctor.
Opening title for the TNG Episode “The Outrageous Okona”, except the title has been changed to “Fuck Me, It’s The Joe Piscopo One” because fuuuuck Joe Piscopo and this episode
Album art for William Shatner's 2004 masterpiece HAS BEEN.
Walter Cronkite announcing JFK’s death
The old-timey-looking poster with the words “The Boss Needs You, You Don’t Need Him. Labor Is Entitled To All It Creates.”, but with the original two men replaced with DS9’s union heroes O’Brien and Rom.
60+ year old troll dolls, hanging out in my basement waiting to drink my soul out of my skull
The future Mrs. Claus from the Rankin-Bass Santa origin story
Dihann Carroll in the Star Wars Holiday Special. And who could blame her, really.
Dr. Weizak from THE DEAD ZONE discussing with Johnny his completely theoretical geopolitical options, no reason
Self-portrait of the artist in his decrepitude, his wizened countenance serving as a memento mori for all who are cursed by its presence. An armchair with freaky upholstery is visible behind his withered frame.
Rene A in Robert Altman’s M*A*S*H
The Dune 3 Poster, except the text is “Arrakis Runs On Duncan” and “It’s Worth The Trip”. Ben Affleck would appreciate it.
Data announcing The Irish Unification of 2024, amended to 2026. Sometimes Trek gets it wrong.
After a weeks-long search, Whitman Mayo is found and appears on Late Night with Conan O’Brien, in front of a lighted sign saying “Grady”.
Trump acting like an asshole at G7 in front of national leaders he is now begging for help. Chickens, roost, things of that nature.
Smashmouth’s incredibly annoying megahit “All Star” rewritten as a sonnet by yours truly, probably during AV Club’s glory days, where I did bullshit like this all of the time. A woman once revealed the world’s charade The globe shall drive my life towards a Hell Her fist upon her head with fingers splayed As if upon her pate, the letter L Compared to shedded tools my blade is dull And Time’s relentless marching shall relent So I resolve to live a life in full Enjoyment paramount, without repent. Such boundless sights see across the Earth! Its alleyways are bless’d by gifts from Jove. For we are not defined upon our birth The men we are , but through our actions prove. The glistering betrays to all the gold. Unaided, shooting stars dispatch the mold.
Dr. Richard Daystrom is happy about his M5 computer.
Two cat6’s and a coax sticking out of the receptacle box. The second cat6 cable has two separate runs of twine on them so next time we don’t have to figure out how we did it this time.
Mr. Spock overlooking the aircraft display at the Verkehrshaus der Schwerin. He finds it fascinating.
Montana Republicans, one of our more moronic peoples in one of our dumbest states, asks me (a non-Montana resident, mind you) to vote for the solidly GOP Senate candidate. I react accordingly and am dropped from their phone rolls.
A guy on Jeopardy who looks exactly like the kind of guy who would be on Jeopardy. Underwater, scorewise.
James Franco (ugh) in The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, all noosed up and saying “First time?”
Siân Phillips as Drusilla in I, CLAUDIUS. And as if you needed more reason to watch, Brian Blessed.
the Bumble from Rudolph, still betoothed
This joke only works if you are ancient enough to remember late 70s Saturday morning trash like SPACE ACADEMY, shown in this production still.
The Sashimi Tabernacle Choir, an art choir covered with interconnected Big Mouth Billy Basses and animatronic lobsters of unknown origin.
Trading card of George Burns from the Sgt Pepper movie, now playing in Hell’s waiting room
I met a traveller from out of the woods Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand, Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown And reddened lip and sneer of cold command Tell that its sculptor well and bad blood read Which yet survive, stamp'd on these widest dreams, The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed. And on the pedestal these words appear: "My name is Taylorswiftias, queen of queens: Ear on my worms, ye Mighty, and despair!" Nothing besides remains: blank the space Of that colossal style, boundless and clean, This love and level sands shaken off.
Lt. Doolittle catching big gravity waves at the end of Dark Star (1974)
Paul Giamatti as John Adams, drinking in Air Force Number Two
Helen Mirren in “The Cook, The Thief, The Wife, And The Lover” settling accounts with a pistol.
Cover art for Elvis Costello's "King of America", available at all participating Sam Goody's.
Alexander from “Plato’s Stepchildren”, holding a lyre, theoretically around the time he made The Frog Sounds
Headshot of Ted Fuckface Cruz
Wee statue in the British Museum of Greek goddess (Athena? Aphrodite?) holding an ostrich egg in one hand.
Abraham Lincoln statue in London
A rubber duck dressed as Sherlock Holmes.
Statue of Sherlock Holmes
Kombucha lady grimacing at “Fascism removes Colbert and Kimmel from television”, and looking approvingly at “Fascism removes Fallon from television”
Ralph Wiggum spilling much tea about school adults makeout shenanigans
Looney Tunes Big Dog (Spike) and Little Dog (Chester)
Lyle Lovett and His Large Band, picture taken be Me and My Small iPhone
It’s crazy that we celebrate people who are billionaires. It should be illegal for Christ’s sake. It’s got nothing to do with money, and everything to do with how big their dick is. We should have awards and whenever someone achieves $100 million, which is already obscene, we give them a bronze statue of a dick, and when you get $1 billion, we could give them an even bigger dick.