B. Friendly

@bfriendly.bsky.social

40 Followers 39 Following

Wacky things from the demented mind of deranged stuff-maker B. Friendly! https://www.youtube.com/@AwwShuxxProduxxions awwshuxxproduxxions@proton.me for inquiries

A bright, ginger owl attacks a group of people. Two of the people are running covering their heads screaming while the third person is happily taking a picture of the owl.
A smiling moon greets three people saying "HOWDY!"
A black and white cartoon of a cowboy riding a zebra
A trippy line drawing with vibrant colors.
Happy World Pear Day 12/6/2025! A guy with a pear shaped haircut stands next to a pear saying: "By God! Where would modern society be without these sweet, green things? I shudder to even think!"
Peter Thiel sits in his nazi outfit looking at his Palantir video screens. He is horrified to see Bloonky and his army of gators outside his door. Bloonky kicks the door in and blasts him with a tommy gun!
We see through the outside of the window. Heroin Guy closes and locks the door. He comes up to the window, grabs the handle for the blinds and says to the camera: "Hey, I like to keep em open too but...you heard the man!!!" The blinds close with a SHLAK! We zoom out from the window to see the park across the street. In the foreground, we see black hair with a familiar little top hat on it. We see the guy who was outside smoking crack during the incident. He is sitting on a bench happily smoking a grand-fatherly tobacco pipe holding a coffee drink. He sings to himself: "Well, I'm a ding-dong-daddy from Dumas! And ya oughta see me do my stuff!" He winks at the camera as he pulls the coffee up to his mouth. FIN.
Our recovered heroin addict gets in close to Cumface, butting against his long nose: "Yeah, silly! You remember him, dontchya?". We cut to Heroin Guy pointing at a valley. In the distance we see crucifixes. The closest one has a guy hanging off of it. "Ya know he was the guy up there...dying on a cross for our SINS!!!". Cumface replies: "huh?". Heroin Guy continues: "Ya know, those big cross-bearing muscles...mmmm...he musta been nice and SWEATY too!!! Mmmm". Meanwhile he is kissing Cumface all over his head and neck. The next panel we see Heroin Guy basically humping Cumface on the medical bed. In the background the heartbeat monitor beeps rapidly! Cumface thinks to himself: "Hrrrmmm...s'pose it HAS been a while." He imagines a calander labeled "December 1963" with a heart on the 22nd. He looks to Heroin Guy, who is excited and wide eyed, and says: "Quick! Lock the door and shut th' window!"
Title: THE PENIS-HEAD HAIRCUT by bmf '24. Narration box: "Well...do you want one?". We see a happy looking individual with the titular haircut. Zoom out to find it is a flyer being held by somebody in the black robe. The person holding the flyer says: "well...um...i dunno...". We cut to the face of the barber himself. He has a kind of broccoli haircut with shaven sides. He assures his customer: It's like I said, bro...". Zoom out to see him standing behind his customer. The customer's hair is all frizzy and wild. He and the barber are smiling as the barber exclaims: "...Guaranteed PUSSY!". Cut to the next panel. It is night time outside the barber shop. Narration box: "It took about THIRTY-FIVE hours...". We see four small panel montage. Hair falling at the barbers feet, the barbers eyes intensely trimming small hairs, cutting, snip snips etc. Finally, we see the barber measuring the roundness of the new hair cut with a rounded ruler. He looks ecstatic! Narration box: "...to get every hair juuuuuust right!". The last panel on the page shows the barber shop exterior, now lit by the daylight.
In the first panel we see the newly-sober guy in the background walking across the street toward two large brick buildings as a car passes by him in the foreground. He walks into the lobby of a hospital where some people are waiting with comical injuries. "Scuse me, miss...uhh...was there a man here who--". The receptionist cuts him off: "Jizzface guy is on the top floor! Room six!". He peeks his head in the doorway. We hear a steady "beep...beep...beep" and see blood tubes. The camera turns behind our peeper and we see the jizzface guy in his hospital bed wrapped in a full body cast. Only his eyes and big nose are sticking out of the wrap. He looks up and, in a daze, asks: "hey...whoozare?". We see the newly sober guy happy as can be! "Hey, man...I don't know if you remember me...it's okay if not. I...I just wanted to say..." Cut to our sober guy now face to face with the man in the bed: "You changed peoples lives, man! You changed my life, man!!! Yer...yer like...JEESIS!" The mummified man responds with: "ch...cheesis? whu?"
In the first panel we see a stylized "And So:" in the top left corner. We see a fresh, bright, town. Cars are driving on the street. Birds flying in the background. We see new storefronts and a guy happily walking on the sidewalk. We zoom in on the walker. We see the guy shooting heroin from page three. "Wouldjya lookit this!!! The whole city...". We see his fresh face. Eyes full of life looking up at the sky. Birds sing in the background. "It's alive again! Alive and breathing! Shit, man...". He continues walking down the street. We see the book store back in business and cars parked on the sidewalk. "I ain't seen downtown look like this since like nighty seven! Nighty seven er nighty eight!". He turns to the camera holding up his arm, pointing. "An-an LOOK! I ain't even ridin' th' horse no more!" Zoom in on his arm. Clean with no track marks. Cartoon diamonds around it to imply freshness. He starts crying happily: "It's SNIFF it's--it's a MIRACLE!!!
Our crack-head barker gives the old lady's eye crust a few "KLAK KLAK KLAK"s. "Oooh...Thats some TOUGH build-up! Lessee...". He winds up baseball style. KRAK! He smacks the lady right in the eyes knocking off the debris! Her eyes immediately bulge out of her head as she gazes on the cum-faced man. She turns around...silent...suddenly...she turns around with a wide smile on her face and a finger up to her mouth. "GNNNK! GHHK! GHHHK!".
Our crack-head jumps on cum-faces belly. He puts on a top hat and black jacket so as to resemble a carnival barker. "I told yuhs yuh'd like it!!!". He waves on the crowd to come closer with a cartoon cane. "Cummon evry'buddy! Step right up! Make a line! Watchyer step, now! He's RILL lumpy!". He turns to the camera: Ya know, I thought about chargin' money but, ya know, it's fer the COMMUNITY! It's fer the YUNGINS, ya know?". He is interrupted by an old lady holding a walker. "Whats allis BULLSHIT about a FUNNY goin' on?" she barks. We see a close up on her face: "Well...? Were ya Born in a barn? D'y have any COUTH?". We zoom in even closer on her eyes sealed shut with nasty crust. "Help a lady WHAK her crust off!!!" she demands...
We see out cum-faced pudge on the floor. The crack smoker says: "SEE?". Our crack guy excitedly addresses the audience: "I was standing basically where you folks are now! I was just standing there ya' know smokin' my crack...". We see the whole crowd in the street with cum-face in the foreground as crack guy continues: "And--and this fat mother fucker comes FLYIN' out the fuckin' window up there and then--then...". We see crack guy with a psychotically happy face. Eyes closed, snot coming out of his nose he says through his uncontrollable laughter: "Then he CU-HUM-ED ONNIS FUCKIN' FAY-HAYSE!!!". The crowd looks at each other with trepidation. Slowly they begin to chuckle. Then, in the last panel, the crowd ERUPTS into huge laughter!
The crack smoking character is walking down the street smacking cymbals together as people gather at their windows: KASHHH KASHH KASHH! "Evr'ybuddy! Evr'ybuddy! GIT TH' FUCK UP!!! SUMPTHIN FUNNY HAPPENED!!!!". We cut to him in the middle of the street with a cartoon "viking" helmet blowing a huge horn Boromir style: "HAROOOOOOOOOO". He then excessively knocks on doors and rings everybody's door bell. People are now gathered in the street: "OVER HERE EVERYBODY OVER HERE!". In the foreground we see a big lug with a sleeping cap still on. He yells: DIS BEDDA BE A FUCKIN' CRACK-UP, ASSHOLE! I GODDA WOIK INNA' MOININ'!" Our little crack head replies: It is! It RILLY RILLY IS!!!". He leads the way over to our cum-faced sad man. "THIS WAY! OVER HERE!"
Our guy hits the ground! A raggedy little character lighting up his crack pipe. He is alarmed by what he sees. He watches the naked man tumble over into a "self-suck" position. Our depressed guy then squirts a huge load of cum on his own face. "OH GOD! OH MAN! SHIT!" the raggedy little crack smoker yells as he runs over to our guy. "--okay...He's still breathing! I gotta--" he says putting his hand on our cum-faced hero's chest. The crack smoker gets up. He is clearly shaken. He rubs his hand on the side of his head: "I gotta tell sumbuddy! I...". We see the crack man's face turn to a wild eyed smile as he yells: "I GOTTA TELL EVRY'BUDDY!!!"
Our guy yells: "YEOWCH!!!". He dances on top of his box yelping: "OW! AH! OWWW! OUCHIE! FUUUUCK!" as the spider continues to chew on his ass. Rat tries in vein to get his attention: "HEY! THE CARDS! HEY!". During this he moves his foot off of the box and SLIPS! WHOK! Spider falls to the floor as our would-be hang-ee falls onto the box, bounces off onto the floor with a WUMP and crashes through the glass window with a SKASHHHH. Rat asks spider: "Fuck did you DO, man?".
We see our guy standing naked on a box putting the noose around his neck. "That's right!!! I'm tyin' meself off! Doin meself in! Givin' up th' ghost er what-have-ya!!! I'm tired a' this--this rope! TOO BLOODY LOOSE GAH DAMMIT! Hang on...". Meanwhile the rat and spider are yelling at him from the floor: "HEY!!! THE CARDS MAN!!! MAGIC!!! WHERES THE MAGIC CARDS!?!?". Spider, with a determined face says: "That's it! I'm goin' for it! I'm gettin' those cards!". With a 'BOING' the spider jumps up. He leaps, fangs first, onto our guy's hairy butt cheek. Spider lands and with a 'SQUIRRCHHH' bites angrily! Our guy instantly feels the bite and pulls away from the noose!
We zoom in on the rat and spider playing with ripped up pieces of paper for cards. The rat says: "Go fish!". The spider replies: "I'm tellin' you man, I know this guys got some Magic: The Gathering cards 'round here somewhere!". Cut to our disgruntled guy grabbing a drink from the fridge. "NUTHIN! NUTHIN I TELL YUH, NUTHIN! GRRRRR! NO LAFFS!!! NOT JOKES!!! NO GOOFS!!! NO GUFFAWS!!! NOTHIN! Not even a fuckin' GIGGLE!". We see him all sweaty, smiling at us. "So I'm gonna do somethin' aboudit! Yeah, yuh wanna know whaddim' gonna do...huh...do yuh?". Zoom in on his face, looking absolutely crazed, drooling, pointing his nasty finger up toward the roof. "LOOK UP!!!!". POV shot of the viewer looking up to see a scary-looking noose tied onto the ceiling fan!!!
We see our disgruntled box worker walk home at night. "This place has gone allaway ta' FUCKIN' ELL!!! ANYBODY'LL TELL YUH!". He passes by a guy sitting on a corner shooting up a needle in his arm: "He's right, ya know! I aint heard a laff round these parts since like nighty-eight! Nighty-seven er nighty-eight!". Our guy rounds the corner and sees a closed down book store with boarded up windows and debris all over the floor. He finally arrives at his sketchy looking apartment. He walks inside, past the rat and spider who are playing cards and smoking cigarettes on the dusty floor.
Six panel page. First, our disgruntled old guy clocks out from the box factory on a little keypad. "It's SHITE! FUCKIN' SHITE I TELL YUH!" he yells as he walks past a line of people waiting to also clock out. "And th' fuckin noise from th' hammer men on the other side of the warehouse! FUCK!!!". We see some guys hammering boxes together. "En then LOOKIT: LOOKIT THAT! LOOKIT THAT SHIT! ONE MONTH! ONE FUCKIN' MONTH!" He yells as he points to the total on his paycheck: $15.00. "It's fuckin' pathetic!" he says as he puts on his jacket and begins to walk home.
No Laff Funnies: A man painfully slams a wooden box down onto a huge pile. Holding his back he says "That fella what wrote the title up thats right!" We see the man turn away: "Thar ain't no fun ta be had here at th' ole box facktry!"
Top third is the Aww Shuxx logo red on yellow. Below are the three main characters of the issue. One is a chubby old guy smiling behind a noose. Next to him is a guy with purple hair and a purple suit holding some dildos. Behind him is a character wearing a green jacket holding a gun. Below that is Bud Orange: a guy who wears an orange like a helmet.
A black and white brush sketch of Hawkeye Pierce in his golf outfit from the 1970 film MASH
A haggard-looking fellow in a pink shirt and a big gob of snot hanging out of his nose stands in front of two grey skyscrapers on fire.
Red AWW SHUXX logo on yellow. Small circle to the bottom right that says "COMIX and STORIES" Underneath, we see the grey haired, long nosed fella from the first story. Next to him is Toby Bingle looking at this science beaker. Behind him is a wild-eyed fella with a revolver! Under all this is a banner that says: "By B.Friendly" with an arrow pointing to a cartoon version of me wearing underwear.
A cartoon drawing of a purple robed wizard holding a wand with a bright yellow star at the end. The robe is clad with stars to indicate wizardry and magic.
A drawing of a guy with long grey hair, sunglasses, beard, and puffy blue jacket on a green background. He kinda looks like Rob Zombie but I don't think this random guy makes shitty ass music.
My drawing of John Kramer and Detective Hoffman from the Saw series! Kramer is on the upper left in his "slim shady" outfit from part seven. Below him, a hooded Hoffman is covered in blood splatter. They are surrounded by spirals and spinning sawblades!
A pen and ink drawing of Tim Heidecker and Greg Turkington, both wearing their official On Cinema work shirts. Tim is exclaiming "JACK REACHER!" while Greg retorts: "THE HOBBIT!"
A cartoon image of famous wrestler and uncle-kisser Horace Hogan. He is saying "IM GOING TO THE SLAMBOREE 2000 sponsored by Western Union!"
Asher Siegel from the show "The Curse" doing his classic "EWWWWDEEEEWWWWWDEEEEEEWWWWWW" thing.
B.Friendly's "The Bean Eating Freak" in which a little character is gulping down canned beans while watching a hot porno movie.