𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧

@bretbatson.bsky.social

19489 Followers 4185 Following

My week beats your year. 𝘊𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘺-𝘈𝘵-𝘏𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘋𝘢𝘥 𝙷𝚎/𝙷𝚒𝚖 𝚌𝚒𝚜/𝚑𝚎𝚝𝒮𝓌𝒾𝒻𝓉𝒾ℯ

Ms. Taylor Swift
Tr☭mp and Bitch McConnell’s secret love child.
Born today: Danny Glover who turns 80.
A “Banana Splits” LP
A still from the reoccurring ‘Saturday Night Live’ sketch “Astronaut Jones” featuring Tracy Jamal Morgan and special guest Britney Jean Spears.
An MTV added chyron, on the music video for “Pink Pony Club”, that misspells Chappell Roan’s name as “Chapelle Roan”. 😒
General Armitage Hux whimpers: “I DON'T CARE IF ARGENTINA WINS. I JUST WANT SPAIN TO LOSE.”
There's a new angel in the outfield. Brenda Fricker, the first Irish actress to win an Oscar for 'My Left Foot,' dies at 81.
A map shows the “Gulf of I Didn't Rape All Those Kids”.
The Grim Reaper says, “…more like "Bitch" McConnell.”
The wife (complete with hair-curlers) asks “WHAT'CHA EATIN'?”. The husband (complete with wife-beater) stares blankly. A box of NUT N' BITCH cereal sits next to his bowl.
General Zod ponders a bottled turd.
The Grimm Reaper righteously complains about the elusiveness of one “Bitch” McConnell.
REMEMBER Republicans don't own The 4th of July. They own The 6th of January.
A man points at a register while sitting on JD Vance’s dream girl.
Chappell Roan stares longingly at her flamboyant shadow.
Born today: Colin Jost Age: 44
Born today: Mel Brooks 100
Born today: Kathy Bates 78 Bruce Davison 80
Sean Evans and Jesse Eisenberg. Gross.
Bart Brown / Charlie Simpson
BLUESKY LICENSE Your handle, your identity. NAME Bret Batson @bretbatson.bsky.social DID did: plc:i7tfw64az7hsyntibkiwvkhc HANDLE @bretbatson.bsky.social ISSUED CREATED 2026-06-18 2023-06-17 LICENSE CLASS BLUESKY VETERAN BLUESKY FLYER PROFILE Fly the open social web. BLUESKY SOCIAL LICENSE NO. BSKY-2499-2026 VALID THRU 2029-05-06 SELF-SOVEREIGN IDENTITY I PROTECT THE FAMILY Web of Trust 4 Engagement Generosity A Velocity Streak Д Veteran MILEAGE 7,410 PEAK (UTC) 13-15 UTC bretbatson. bsky.social UNOFFICIAL FAN CARD SEE YOU IN THE SKY.
Headline: Overlords Apologize, Will Reset Simulation to 1999 A distinguished looking lizard-man in a business suit says: "We just wanted to see what you would do.”
Jame Fonda on Golden Pond.
Emperor Palpatine says: “THE DARK SIDE OF THE FORCE IS A PATHWAY TO MANY ABILITIES SOME CONSIDER TO BE UNNATURAL.” [a diagram displays a kind of… “force urination”… maybe?]
Today 10:12 PM Miss Taylor Swift wearing a shirt that reads “STEVIE KNICKS”. Cheering on the Knicks at the 2026 NBA finals. Delivered
Miss Taylor Swift at the premiere of “Toy Story 5”.
Pee-wee Herman (Paul Reubens) frantically asks “Is this something you can share with the rest of us, Amazing Amy?!?” “Amazing” Amy Dunne (Rosamund Pike) is startled and taken aback.
Does this settle the question?
Miss Chappell Roan shines on stage.
Taylor Swift's essentials playlist on Apple Music now ONLY includes track 5s!
Callum Turner and Dua Lipa post nuptials.
A ‘Toy Story’ themed billboard with the initials “TS” on it.
Miss Taylor Swift looking mischievous.
Alysa Liu makes an entrance at the American Music Awards.
Three women standing next to one another. It’s a scene from the warriors (1979), they’re members of the all-girl gang “the Lizzies”
THÉ WaRRiORS TURF MAP A The Warriors - Coney Island B The Gramercy Riffs - Gramercy C The Rogues - Hell's Kitchen MANHATTAN D The Turnbull AC's - Castle Hill E The Orphans - Tremont C F The Baseball Furies - Riverside G The Lizzies - Union Square B H The Punks - The Bowery I The Boppers - Harlem J The Hurricanes - Spanish Harlem G K H L K The Hi-Hats - SoHo L The Electric Eliminators - SoHo M The Saracens - Bensonhurst N The Jones Street Boys - Bensonhurst O The Savage Huns - Chinatown P The Satans Mothers - Sheepshead Bay Q The Boyle Avenue Runners - Astoria R The Moonrunners - Pelham S The Gladiators - Canarsie T The Panzers - Washington Heights U Van Cortlandt Rangers - Van Cortlandt Park U R THE BRONX E QUEENS BROOKLYN N P A
Skeletor says… Ladies, "mansplaining" is short for "man explaining".
Tr☭mp taking questions from reporters. It’s funny ‘cause he’s dumb, you see.
Antonio Banderas “pleased” meme.
The classic André the Giant “OBEY” sticker modified to read “80BEY”.
LUCKY CHARMS The Breakfast Of Champions™
A snap of me, taken by a mystery woman (probs my wife), lookin’ cute.
Retten Tomatoes® OBSESSON R, Now Playing, 1h 48m, Horror CERTIFIED FRESH 95% Tomatometer 133 Reviews 95% Popcornmeter 100+ Verified Ratings After breaking the mysterious "One Wish Willow" to win his crush's heart, a hopeless...
‘OBSESSION’ Early Access AMC ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ May 13, 2026 | 7:00pm A-List Entourage Order Bret Batson
Charlie Arnold South Quincy • 1 day ago • Can anyone explain the cursive L on the Lunt St. signs in Quincy? Lunt Street and Albion Road Quincy, MA Lunt St. Charlie Arnold is a dumb Lunt.
Born today, actor Robert Hegyes. 1951-2012
"The Strait of Hormuz is open." No.
The view out my window?
“BUDD DWYER RETIREMENT PLAN Too soon?” In the style of the Butger King Logo
Miss Taylor Swift, wearing the most colorful jacket imaginable, at the 2019 MTV Video Music Awards.
Tina Fey, Timothée Chalamet, Kylie Jenner
Meanwhile.... Lindsey Graham: is standing on a beach next to “69 47” written in seashells.
• Nestlé.• $100,000 CHOCOLATE • CHEWY CARAMEL • CRISPIES NET WT 15 OZ% Nestle.
⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ added a temporary profile picture. [a drawing of Bigfoot] I FOUND JESUS STILL LOOKING FOR BIGFOOT I don't buy it. I've seen his wife.
The infamous “ghost boy” scene from ‘Three Men & A Baby’.
CHEEDLE (chee dul) n. The orange powder left on your fingertips after you eat a bag of Cheetos.
GOING TO FUCK YOUR MOM [nope] LINE WAS TOO LONG
TICKETS ‘Mother Mary’ AMC ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Apr 24, 2026 | 7:15pm A-List Entourage Order Bret Batson
TICKETS ‘The Silence of the Lambs’ 35th Anniversary AMC ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Apr 26, 2026 | 4:00pm ‘Michael’ AMC ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ Apr 26, 2026 | 7:15pm A-List Entourage Order Bret Batson