Brett Hamil

@bretthamil.bsky.social

4017 Followers 658 Following

Cartoonist and comedian in Seattle. Buy my comix at BrettHamil.BigCartel.com, see my comedy at JOKETELLERS UNION every 2nd Wednesday at the Clock-Out Lounge

GUY AT BBQ (thinking to self): This is the most boring barbecue I've ever experienced -i gotta get out of here! but it'd be rude to leave so early -I know, I'll create a distraction then dip out. But what? [has an idea] GUY: (to other partygoers) So...how do you guys feel about the Blue Angels? [ducking out back gate while they all argue]
WILL DREHER: My opponent is running a nasty smear campaign SOME GUY: Wow, what’s he saying? DREHER: That I signed a letter endorsing Brett Kavanaugh's nomination, and that I'm bankrolled by AI money GUY: ...and? Is it true? DREHER: Well now see but you have to understand the context GUY: Hm
MAYOR WILSON: We should raise some tax money to make bus service better ROB SAKA: Yeah! we could use that money for more cops! DEB JUAREZ: We should spend the bus money on sidewalks! ROB SAKA: [looking askance] oh and every year we should get to use any unspent money on some of our…pet projects BOB KETTLE: actually we should CUT transit service MARITZA RIVERA: I agree with Bob–but that doesn’t mean we don’t all love buses!
Should we leverage the hunger of schoolchildren to balance the city budget? Or should we just...feed them Tough choice! Call your councilmembers by WED 9/22
PERSON: First we win the super bowl and then we host the World Cup to rave reviews! GUY: What is this unfamiliar feeling of…civic pride? [voice from down below] Go down to 3rd and pine and say that! GUY: [kneeling down to face 2 tiny people, one of them with aselfie stick] Choe? Suarez? What are you guys doing down there? CHOE: were here to remind people Seattle is still full of crime and filth! SUAREZ: 12th and Jackson! GUY: Aha, and you’re shrinking because people have stopped believing in the power of fear? SUAREZ: Bingo PERSON: Did you know we’ve also got the highest light rail ridership in the US? CHOE: [shrinking] Agh! SUAREZ: .[shrinking] North Aurora!
TOBY: Hi I'm Toby and I'm angry about Seattle GROUP: Hi TOby TOBY: Today I left a comment on a KIRO News article claiming I've lived in Seattle my entire life -and that it's the worst I've ever seen -But actually I onlu lived in Bothell for a year in the early 80s. I've been in Pasco ever since -However, that summer I *did* visit Seattle three times to see the Mariners -I'm ashamed of my lie but also furious about the total destruction of this once-great city -We've got to stop communists and BLM antifa extremists -from ruining the place where I spent approximately ten hours in my mid-20s [overcome with emotion] Everything was just so beautiful and perfect then! GROUP: We're here for you Toby (You're not alone)
RESIDENT: [in front of sign that says Residents For Thoughtful Growth] We're not opposed to growth, we just want to be more *thoughtful* about it! -Example: What if scientists discover a way to transmute matter to another dimension? -Wouldn't that’d be a great place to put the affordable housing! think of all the trees we'd save! -or multiverse theory: what if there are infinite alternate versions of our universe, each of them slightly different? -if so, why not make *this* the one where everything in Seattle stays the same forever? -See there? A whole world of possibility opens up when you're *thoughtful* about growth!
DANNY: Thanks for letting me stay here, Uncle Jim! I had a great time at the World Cup! UNCLE JIM: you’re welcome, Danny. sorry Seattle’s such a filthy hellhole D: What? It’s great!! All the fun pop-ups and plazas and walkable amenities! UJ: You mean all the War on Cars socialism for freeloaders and drug addicts? D: well, as a visitor, I thought it was really nice UJ: it’s considered rude to not agree that Seattle sucks now D: sorry
PERSON: [walking down city street with a 6-pack in their hand] I’m kinda nervous! I’ve never been to an urbanist party before! GUY: You'll be fine! Just use the word “infill” a lot PERSON: Got it PERSON: [at party, standing by fridge] Can I infill this beer in the fridge? HOST: Go right ahead! PERSON: [pointing at empty spot on couch] Mind if I infill that seat? WOMAN: Not at all! PERSON: [leaning towards WOMAN on couch] We should totally infill some time next week to get a drink WOMAN: mm hmm PERSON: [enraptured, walking home with GUY] She said she wants to show me her DADU!
DAD [to 2 boys]: DO you guys need to go pee? BOYS: NO! DAD: Do you want to pee on this rock? BOY 1: [running with his pants halfway down] Me first! BOY 2: Out of my way!
HANA [thinking to herself amid a press conference with a Q13 microphone in her hand]: Ok Hana, time to hold the powerful to account. The mayor is hiding something -This socialist freak doesn't even own a car for Christ's sake! -Now, don't let your personal feelings cloud your judgment. Keep it together -Be objective and push for the hard facts. The public has a right to know -Ok, almost your turn. Here we go, serious journalist face: on [holding mic to her face] Mayor Wilson, how much do you love Starbucks’ new Tropical Butterfly Refreshers? And if not, why not?