Brolympus

@brolympus.bsky.social

38 Followers 84 Following

Running advice from a non-runner. Brolympus has run 3 marathons: Two 5k marathons and an undie run marathon.

Strava Workout Title...Translation S: Morning Run...T: I'm lazy S: Epic trail run...T: I don't get out much S: Miles with Dave...T: Dave is slow S: Chasing Susie...T: I am slow S: Easy Pub Run...T: I'm an alcoholic S: Beautiful Morning...T: I am totally out of shape
It only counts if it's on Strava. So if your coach tells you to take a rest day and you accidentally run 12 miles at tempo pace, just don't post it and you'll be fine
Oval sticker which reads "37.4", and then says "This is a random number, I'm just messing with you" in small print
Every year about this time I think I might want to take up running. Then I say to myself, "That's not even a good April Fools joke."
Garmin Training Status Unproductive: You ran an easy 6-miler Strained: Didn't sync your activity correctly Detraining: You crushed a 20-miler Productive: Not used Peaking: You are home sick in bed
Cyclists: If your ride ends at 26.2 miles, make sure to round up to 27 so you don't get mistaken for a runner on Strava
Don't forget to download your Strava 352 days in sport today. Tomorrow all you can get is a boring 353 days in sport.
Some estimates suggest that as many as 90% of triathletes are killed in shark attacks
Running one marathon probably won't kill you -- but why take the chance?
Running in the rain puts hair on your chest -- so be careful out there, ladies!
Rest day = Starvation day
Every ounce of shoe weight slows you by 2 seconds/mile. So train wearing lead boots and you will *fly* on race day!
It pays to use a good training plan. I've heard elite athletes find their plans by searching on Pinterest
Racing etiquette: Make sure your headphones are loud enough for the other runners around you to hear
A study says running more than 4 hours a week is counterproductive. If more Olympians took that advice we'd see a LOT of world records!
Black running outfits are slimming. I especially recommend them for night runs!
Finished your 5k Turkey Trot? Congrats, you earned that post-race donut! Unfortunately now you're going to have to run 26.2 more miles to earn Thanksgiving dinner
Losing weight is easy when you follow the latest fad diet. A little lipo never hurt either!
Tips for chatting with runners: You can never go wrong with "You ran 6 miles? What are you, Forrest Gump?"
What working person has time to train an hour every day for a marathon? Also did you see Fallon last night? Hilarious!
When skipping an out-and-back segment of a race, use the time you save to work on your "How *dare* you accuse me of cheating!" stare
If your toenails haven't yet fallen off, you probably need your running shoes refitted
When you run in the snow it's not really exercise. People who do it are just showing off.
When reading a scientific paper, make sure to stop as soon as your pre-existing beliefs are confirmed
Swimming more than 3000 meters is so dangerous that no human has ever gone that far
After 30 minutes running your knees will fill with fluid and cause permanent damage
Everyone should always carry a 30-ounce jar of vaseline when they run. I get a LOT of chafing!!!