Cache

@cachethered.bsky.social

191 Followers 379 Following

Wah/Puppy/Capybara Lvl 28 | Queer Trans Poly NB | They/Them It/Its Part Time kiddo Full Time cutie occasionally NSFW AD: @naughtycache (irl stuff)| @cachethekid (kidfur/abdl) Banner: @osito.bsky.social

Cracks in the concrete like a marble statue from a time before. I could call it beautiful if not for the association in my mind with the floors of the supermarkets I frequented with my mother. Memories so pervasive that it feels I lived in them at one time. A complicated mix of love, excitement, fear, and sadness. The sterile light of the troffers mingled with the glow of the sunlight from the acrylic dome skylights. A memory is a tricky thing. It can slip just as easily from your mind as it came, and another can replace it all the same. You start with the good and it slips to something that pangs of hurt and fear, and before you remember the details of what you are feeling, you're back on the inevitable slide to somewhere else. A faulty security system meant to save you from pain. But you feel the pain anyway; without resolution. A wedge, driven between you and your loved ones. Shaped like abuse but left blank. You can't justify these emotions to anyone any more than you can yourself. You're left with nothing but the trace of a bitter taste and an aversion to cracks on the surface of a waxed concrete floor.
Chris Pratt is a homophobic piece of shit and a bad actor
Shitty sketch of a bunny on a sticky note with the text "Mother Thumper" written in horrible cursive below it
Screenshot of notification from Letterboxed that says "Barry J. Gillis liked your review or Wicked World (1991)"
Text: Unlearn Unlearn the things you take to heart A sip of cold refreshing water Those things they told you as a child Deep down you wrestle with the lion Sit still Sit still and listen to your conscience Internal wisdom formed in secret You know exactly who you are Even if they never understand it
Text: It’s not often that you find a word whose meaning is completely dependent on the way a person feels. People usually keep words to specifics even if it has two meanings: using one meaning in one context and the other in another specified context. Fair. It’s one of the first things we learn as a child: Share your toys, be kind, play FAIR. We’re told that we must be fair when we interact with others, that we must bring enough gum for the whole class because it isn’t fair. We learn that it wouldn’t be fair to do something fun without our siblings. “I can’t give you extra time on the assignment because that wouldn’t be fair to the other students”. We learn that it’s not fair to punish a bully for fighting unless we also punish the person being bullied for fighting back. It’s not fair for you to take the last piece of cake. It isn’t fair.
Screenshot of poem written in the notes app: Forgive me, I've fallen down the stairs again Rattled mind reaching for a will to live And in the ground a channel calling You hit the floor but don't stop falling Take a piece of me with you Reset, relive, repeat I swear I never meant to Upset your inner peace Gravitational pulls unconventional polls You set your grand displays Displacement of faces Watch me start to fade I'll give up on my heart if you ask me to Just to feel in part that you want me too Creatures of habit, stuck in a rut We live life like rabbits locked in a hutch The unforgivable parts of our minds The things we hide behind As stability falls we abandon our walls In fear of what's inside When we've forgiven ourselves for the way that we dwell we can learn to love our minds
My adolescent cat bunny kicking the head of my Slackwyrm figurine while biting his foot
3 plushies buckled into the passenger seat of a car
Cache taking a picture in the mirror of themself wearing a long raccoon pattern hoodie/blanket with 3 plushies and a littlest pet shop in the big front pocket (red panda plush, capybara plush, cookiebara plush, capybara lps)
Poem: My heart is heavy with the weight of lives I never knew. A deep intimate knowledge that memory and memorial cannot ease past pains. The elders of my people who suffered so much can never be brought back and given the joy they deserve. I ache to know that I cannot save them. I cannot change the past how they have changed my future. What good do tears bring the dead? Is it not a disrespect to those who longed for joy they never saw to then spend my days wasting the gift of their hard labor and sacrifice? And yet, though my eyes remain dry, my tears flow for them. They remain but a concept to me and yet their nameless souls have faces in my mind. They weep with tears of joy to see us thrive (as pained as they are). I will join them not in mourning but in recognition of the path laid before us and in thanks to their lives for making a way. I let my eyes falter to the sobs and hold my chest for stability.
10 book covers overlayed on top of a sketch of a red panda playing in the snow. The books from left to right are as follows: 1: The management style of the supreme beings by Tom Holt 2: Lovecraft Country by Matt Ruff 3: Please stop trying to leave me by Alana Saab 4: John dies at the end by Jason Pargin 5: This is how you lose the time war by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone 6: I'm thinking of ending things by Iain Reid 7: The magicians by Lev Grossman 8: White Noise by Don DeLillo 9: The cabin at the end of the world by Paul Tremblay 10: Exhalation by Ted Chiang
Photo of a notebook with a poem written by hand in green ink: "Do you dream of never Waking up? Every lumbered breath makes you wish you could be unborn. Look into my eye and find rest for all your burdens. Listen to my heart beat as I come to you. No longer will you suffer alone and unseen. Your legacy will be eternal, It may not be Joy that you find while in my arms but I promise to end the excruciating sorrow. Do you dream of never waking up? My voice echoes in your mind as you sleep. Inviting you with my all encompassing embrace. You wonder Just how tight my hold will be and then if it would even make a difference. A rush comes over you like wind in my wake as you dream of our encounter. Do you dream of never waking up? Do you dream of us?"
If I chose to leave, would you forgive me for my arrogance? I can't bear to leave knowing I would leave forsaken. And yet, I cannot stay. If I were to leave you and ask you to forgive my selfish impulse, could I do it knowing you would always hold it against me in your heart? But if I go down and I take them with me? If I bring down the ones who stand against us? Would it change your feelings toward my choices if you knew I left with meaning? I desire to live a life of purpose. Am I wicked for choosing to forsake a life of meaninglessness for a death with impact? I am not a man of high esteem and virtue. My life makes little impact on the world around me. If Clarence came to grant my wish, the world would still remain the same. I am not a woman of power and determination. My life has been a whisper in the wind of a great storm. If I have any legacy to leave than I am not aware of it. I wish to leave because I cannot shoulder any more of this frustration. I want to stay because I know the love of many. My inner dialog conflicts with my sense of right and wrong. A moral fiber I haven't plucked from the ashes of my religious past. Do you blame me for feeling a sense of useless and ineffective guilt? I suppose it doesn't matter anymore what others think about me. I can only choose to live in pain and sorrow or to go in pain and sorrow. The path before is not a path I would have chosen and the path behind me has closed off like a hole in the sand that fills the moment you lift your finger. If I choose to leave this path to wander in the woods then you must forgive me. It was the only way out from the endless cycle of desperation. I chose it knowing how it would end and I made the decision to take it all the same. I chose to leave. I hope you will forgive me for my arrogance.
Text thread from me to friend: I am literally so excited for the DC movies again... Superheros are back on the menu boys I NEED the green lantern show to be good and I believe with all my heart that Supergirl is going to fucking rock And if it does?!? If Supergirl fucking kills it?!? TEEN TITANS BABY!!!! I haven't been this excited in literally over a decade (when they to announced the flash movie in 2013)
To make you judge yourself in kind The words they spoke when you were 9 The hate they spread within your heart And turned against your weakest parts To live a long and lasting dream Of freely floating on the breeze And to be told by those you love That all that is to be above Is not made for the good and right But only those who hate the light So hide away inside your shell You make the light your living hell You treat the others just like you With fury hatred shame and too You beg with every aching cry To be invited deep inside A liminal being you have become A place that passes days unsung And long for someday just to be The way you felt when you were free Back as a child when you were 9 Before the killed you with their lies
Text conversation between myself and my ex. Him: our society struggles because we eliminated the eunuch caste Me: I think it's funny that you don't think I know my eunuch history I've literally wanted to be a eunuch since I was 10 Him: I don't know shit about eunuchs That's the most home-schooled tranny thing you've ever said