Caffeinated Spoon

@caffeinated-spoon.bsky.social

371 Followers 238 Following

Author, artist, & gender-fluid chaotic cheese goblin. 🏳️‍🌈🔞 They/Them - he or she as a treat. I LOVE PUNS AND BAD JOKES - consider yourself warned. <3

A tongue flicked out, tracing from his shoulder down his arm and around his waist. Before Caelus could question what Long meant by that statement, Caelus caught sight of two very hard cocks beginning to show out of a slit between Long’s rear legs, leaving zero doubt in Caelus’ mind what the massive dragon wanted. “Hertie... Herta... you might want to get me the fuck out of here. I know what Long wants, and it isn’t a chat about my Vidy bestie over a cup of tea!” “I have been trying, Caelus! What does he want? All I can tell is that he's staring at you.” “Look between his legs. Answer enough. He’s talking in my head.” “I don’t know what- oh. Oh. Caelus, I cannot get you out of there, the program won't let me!!”
Gepard’s gaze dropped down and rested on Dan Heng’s cock before slowly raising it back to meet Dan Heng’s eyes. Grins of mutual understanding spread across their faces, and Dan Heng swallowed hard. He’s not bad looking... and it really has been... so long... He took a soft step toward Gepard. And another. And then another. // Embarrassment: Dispelled// Gained new effect: ‘Very Fucking Horny’
Welt shivered as he walked the streets of the Underworld. He was wearing plain black clothes, a long, plain, black coat, a simple dark blue domino mask, and a cloth tied over his hair. He felt silly to admit it, but he thought he looked rather... dashing. Too bad he would die before he let the Express Crew see him in this getup. This was so unlike his normal dress for a reason: it provided a modicum of anonymity. Belobog was a surprising city, and honestly one of his favourite stops that the Express made. It absolutely had nothing to do with the place he was headed to currently. Nothing at all to do with the Morning Glory. He slipped in, paying the buxom, shapely Madam Poisson his entry fee. She recognized him, of course, and winked. “Your Blue Heart is in booth three, darling.”
Skott scoffed lightly and looked away. “You can call me surprised. I wasn’t aware someone like you even knew how to cry.” “You wound me, puppy.” Caelus hugged him and sighed, looking at the ceiling. When Skott tried to sit up, Caelus held him in place. “Stay. Please.” “What, just lying on top of you like this? Like some sort of-” “Skott. Skottie, my pet. Just... humour me. Like, did you know that some service animals are trained to lie on top of their owners to provide pressure? It’s called... ah... something-something pressure therapy, or whatever. Anyway, whatever. Yeah, just... stay. Like this. Okay?” Skott sighed and eyed Caelus for a moment before settling back down and resting his head on Caelus' chest. “Fine. For... for a little while.”
“And the drugs? The sex?” Caelus glared at him. “Unless you’re offering to fuck me until I forget the pain, drop the subject, Boothill.” Boothill still wasn't sure where his actions and thoughts were coming from - he’d wanted Caelus for a while, but they were never in the same place at the same time for long enough for him to test the waters. But now? Now, the opportunity was right there – so why not take it? He got off the couch and took the steps to Caelus, kneeling in front of him and leaning in to brush his lips across the grey haired man’s. He expected Caelus to push him away, or to pull back from him. So he was shocked to his core when Caelus grabbed his jacket and pulled him closer, kissing him back harshly.
Blade sat on a stool that was much too short, hands bound behind his back and legs tucked under himself at an awkward angle. He didn't bother looking up from the point on the floor he was staring at. “Ahh... the high and mighty Arbiter-General of the Xianzhou Luofu has come to pay me a visit. I’d offer you tea, perhaps a snack, but I'm a bit busy, and my hands are tied. My deepest apologies.” Fingers threaded through his hair and tightened, and then his head was jerked up harshly. He sneered at the impassive face of Jing Yuan. “Problems?” “Yes. I have many, actually. Mountains of paperwork. And here, in this room, sits the current king of the mountain.” “If I am your king, then bow to me, whelp.”
Jing Yuan knelt on the bed to give him a kiss, and Jiaoqiu's lip curled in disgust. The scent of another Foxian, a female just beginning her heat, clung to Jing Yuan's clothing. It was nothing; it just meant he was in close proximity – perhaps one of the people he worked with, although this particular Foxian’s scent was unfamiliar to him. He pulled away, snarling softly. “Bǎobèi? What is the matter?” “You smell. You stink of a vixen in heat.” Jiaoqiu pushed him away. He knew Jing Yuan wouldn't cheat, but he did not like the smell, nonetheless.
Caelus followed after Sunday, his mind reeling. Sex? Really? Dan Heng too? Holy shit, I get to fuck two of the hottest people I know?! Caelus was having a difficult time thinking with his big brain – his other brain was much too demanding at the moment. Sunday pulled them both to a Car that was seldom used, and then into one of the rooms of the car. Inside, Caelus looked around in wonder. There were two beds, and so very many pillows and blankets and soft things. Caelus turned to look at Dan Heng and Sunday, suddenly self conscious. “So, uh... like, this is a dream-cum-true an’ all, but like, what exactly do you want me to do? Just... just fuck you, or...?” Caelus noted that Sunday had gone to one of the beds and begun aggressively rearranging blankets on it. Sunday’s reply was tight and clipped – very nervous sounding.
“Okay... so what if I promise you we can go out to eat at any restaurant you want to tomorrow. As long as I get to be in your arms for a bath and dinner tonight.” Yutie’s hands gripped his hips firmly, and he rolled, pulling Caelus on top of him. “Anywhere I want?” Caelus nodded as he ground down against Yutie. He smirked when Yutie had to close his eyes and take a deep breath before continuing. “And I will pay the bill, not you?” Caelus considered for a moment. Saying yes here could be dangerous... but if it means I don't have to share him with anyone at all tonight... Caelus nodded, rolling his hips and biting his lip as their cocks slid across each other. “I want you to say it.” “I promise that if we order pizza tonight, and stay in, and snuggle, and cuddle, and watch cheap and terrible romance flicks, then tomorrow night you can take me anywhere you want for dinner, and I will let you foot the bill entirely.” Yutie pulled him down for a kiss. “You have yourself a deal.”
Curtis smiled at Caelus and slipped from the booth with the menu to order. As soon as he was out of earshot, Caelus turned to Boothill and hissed. “What in the seven hells are you doing, Boothill?” “Just trying to get this really hot grey-haired man I saw in the saloon to come back to my hotel room with me. That’s all.” Boothill’s smirk grew as he finished his drink, and Caelus arched a brow at him. “I see. And what if I chose to go home with this hot, blonde-haired, brown-eyed stranger who approached me at the saloon instead?” “Well, I guess I will have to up the ante and compete a bit harder, yeah?”
A light turned on above him, illuminating the area around him, but the darkness was still fathomless around his small circle of light. Giggles hung in the air around him, echoing off of nothing, as Caelus’ eyes tracked the shape of someone dancing just out of the reach of his light. “Fresh meat! Fresh meat! So green around the gills, Tell me, tell me! Have you the nerve to take THEIR pills? Lost little stray; you poor little thing; Debauchery awaits you – just one little thing. Take the pill, and don your mask then go find your love, ThAt’S all We ask!” The figure finally danced into Caelus’ sight; wearing ragged cloths the grey of Caelus’ hair, and a mouth-less, eyeless mask the same golden colour as Caelus’ eyes, their head stayed perfectly stationary as they gambolled about, coming to a stop in front of Caelus. Arms that were too long held out a pillow of the inkiest black Caelus had ever seen.
Jing Yuan briefly wondered what he had gotten himself into, but he really didn't have the time to ponder that – he needed to get dressed. Somehow, he managed to get dressed and make it to the front of his delve before Caelus arrived, but only just. Caelus pulled up in a skiff bearing two obscenely massive cups of Immortal’s Delight and a grin that told Jing Yuan that Caelus had likely already drunk at least one of them at that size. ...Does Caelus even know the meaning of ‘too much caffeine’...? “MORNIN’, JINGY! Err... General. Sir.” Caelus tried to bow and salute at the same time and nearly dropped the drinks. Jing Yuan just shook his head and stepped onto the skiff, giving the driver an apologetic look. Yutie stepped onto the skiff as well, stepping back into the shadows. “Good morning, Caelus. I am assuming this is the caffeine you mentioned? How... I do not think they sell this, ahh... this large normally...?”
The innkeeper scoffed at you as he helped Boothill. "There's a hookup in the room t'keep bounties and..... finds... or do ya need a crate to keep your bounty in overnight?" Boothill chuckled, a sinister sound that sent shivers of thrill down your spine. "Nah, partner. I've a mind to... test the goods before turning them in, if ya catch my drift..." The innkeep chuckled humourlessly. "Indeed. Just so you know, bring in his bounty sheet to the man who sits at the booth next to the fire. You'll get more than the bounty, and he gets new merchandise, if you know what I mean." Bingo. The prey you and Boothill were after. A man who buys bounties at a higher cost than the bounty, turns the bounty in, then sells the person in question, turning a profit on the black market. You whimpered, pulling away cautiously. Boothill snarled and yanked your chain again. "Don't be gettin’ any forkin' ideas, doll-face. Scum like you ain't got a say in th'matter."
Argenti sat back on his heels and held his hand to his heart. “No mere plant, my dear Caelus. The love of my life! Oh-... oh no. You mentioned a cold. Could my dearest be ill?” Before Caelus could answer, Argenti had scrambled up, and taken off at a dead run back to the Docking Car. What in the fuuuuck...? Caelus swore off all drugs ever, at that moment. He wouldn’t even take painkillers the next time he was almost killed by an Emanator of some pissy Aeon. He got up quickly and turned, intending to make a hasty retreat to his room. He did not want to imagine how Argenti would greet his ‘beloved’ or his ‘intended’ or whatever that plant was to the man. Luck was again not smiling at him, however, because Argenti came sprinting back into the car. “Caelus! My friend! would you do me the greatest of favours and dampen these cloths that I may use them to wipe the bodily troubles of this illness from my darling’s foliage?” What.
Dan Heng thanked the employee who opened the door for them, and Dan Heng brought Jiaoqiu to the front desk. They checked in without issue and continued to the room they were sharing. Once there, however, Dan Heng couldn’t help but sigh in annoyance. Jiaoqiu's ears flicked. “Is something amiss?” “No... nothing that a quick call would not fix, I hope. They only gave us one bed when we booked two.” “If I recall what Feixiao said, they are booked full... I do not mind sharing the bed, if it is big enough for two.” “It... it is, yes.” Jiaoqiu shrugged, fanning himself. “Then, unless you specifically do not wish to share a bed, I see no reason why we should not.” Dan Heng stared at the Foxian blankly, glad that the man could not see the flush that crept across his face. Share a bed with someone as good looking as Jiaoqiu is, yes, what in Lan’s name could go wrong? He forced a smile and shrugged, even though Jiaoqiu couldn't see it. “Alright. I do not mind sharing the bed.”
“Hertie. Somethin’ fudgin’ went sideways, an’ now me and Boothill have swapped bodies. What the fridge?” Caelus turned to look at Boothill. “How the fork do you manage not to go crazy when you swear? This shirt sucks.” “I don’t fuckin’ kno-www... oooooh. Wait a moment. Fuck. Fuuuuuck. Fuckin’ FUCK. HAH! I can swear!” Boothill stood up straighter and grinned like a madman. “Shit! Piss! Fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, tits, son of a b-” Pain blossomed on his face as Caelus clapped a hand hard over his mouth. “My good dude, wait until later to cuss up a storm, yeah?” Boothill glared at Caelus, but the absurdity of hearing ‘my good dude’ come out of his own mouth made him snort. He relaxed.
“So Caelus... when will you be cooking for your beloved?” Caelus looked down, blushing. “I am thinking... maybe tomorrow? O-Or the day after.” “I know you will do well. Please bring him by our stalls when the two of you come up for air.” Caelus whipped his head up in surprised alarm, his blush becoming a full red from head to toe, and everyone gently chuckled. When the meal ended, he went back to the Express, surprised to see just how late it really was. He was disappointed to see that Dan Heng was not reading in the Parlor Car like normal, and assumed he went to bed early. With a sigh, he went to his room, showered, and crawled into bed.
"Welcome back, puppy. You decided to stay instead of taking the chance to flee, eh? Thought you hated being my pet." Caelus closed his eyes with a small moan, his hand slipping up his length and squeezing over the tip before sliding back down. Skott could see how tightly Caelus was gripping himself, and he swallowed as his mouth watered suddenly."I... I don't hate it. Not... I mean... I do, but... I-I-... I want to stay..." Skott trailed off as Caelus chuckled and pointed to the table."Collar and leash are right there. Put them on, and climb up here, then."Skott set his things down on the table and picked up the collar with trembling hands. He breathed a sigh of relief as he buckled it on, one notch tighter than he had been previously, and then he climbed up to the bed, handing the leash to Caelus.
“What, here to mock me some more?” Skott asked with a sneer, hiding his hand behind his back. “Oh Skott, please, don't let me stop you. You hadn't quite gotten to the good part.” Skott spluttered. “I wasn’t-- I mean, just.. just what were you thinking I was doing?! This is outrageous.” Caelus held up a finger. “One, you were pitching a tent just by kneeling and barking for us.” Another finger went up. “Two, while it wasn't that noticeable when you first stood up, it most certainly is now. I think you liked getting cau-” “Nothing of the sort! Y-You just happened on-” “Oh cum on now, Skottie. Don't lie to me.”
Jing Yuan opened his mouth to reply, but Shi Ru continued on, bulldozing over his attempt to reply. "Are you aware that sometimes males of our species, especially males who prefer other men, can have two cycles? A rut and a heat? It may not be as prevalent here on the Xianzhou Luofu, but on the Xianzhou Yaoqing?" Shi Ru chuckled mirthlessly. "It is seen as unnatural, and is looked upon as something shameful. I know that General Feixiao is trying her hardest to change the way it's viewed, but change is slow to happen, and traditional values are a harsh mistress. Master Jiaoqiu wished to isolate himself, to... not be a bother to you... If I let you, his partner, into that room when he is needing and craving your touch, and you were to react in the same manner as the majority of the Yaoqing..." Shi Ru narrowed his eyes at Jing Yuan. "You tasked me to guard him, and I will. Even if it means guarding him against you, General, and if you so much as-"
The moment that the red dot appeared, Dan Heng perked up. He rolled over and slapped a hand down on the floor, where the dot was. Caelus began to giggle, wiggling the laser pointer, and Dan Heng scrambled to catch it. The red dot zoomed across the floor - Dan Heng followed it. Horns and tail had already been sprouting as he got high, but now that Dan Heng was in full chase mode, his horns and tail were fully out. Every time Dan Heng pounced on the red dot, a little splash of water sprayed up, which only made Caelus and March laugh harder. Caelus staggered to his feet, wiggling the red dot in circles around Dan Heng, and March pulled out her phone, recording Dan Heng chasing the dot in circles  that were tight but wobbly. Caelus turned the laser pointer off, and Dan Heng sat on the floor, arms crossed and tail flicking as he pouted.
“The hell is that?” “I got a new attachment.” Caelus made a face and threw the first thing he could find – which happened to be a pillow. Boothill ducked, laughing as Caelus grumbled. “It’s too hot for fucking, Boothill.” “It won’t be tonight. It isn’t in the shower. How come I’m the horny one between us this time?” Caelus groaned. “Because I am dying. I am experiencing the heat death of the universe, scaled down to my own tiny, minuscule-by-comparison frame. Leave me to die in peace, Boothill. Save yourself, or since you're horny, go find someone to fuck.” Boothill plopped a large, flexible-looking cock into Caelus’ hand. “I found someone t’fork, Cae. Now I just gotta convince him forkin’s a good idea. Now. Hold my new clock fer me; I wanna try it on.”
“I love you. I am so glad I found you, Cae.” His whisper was faint, barely audible. “I don't know what I would do if I had to return home without you.” Dan Heng planted a light kiss on Caelus’ temple and stood, stripping to step into the bath. His own bed had been pushed next to Caelus’, but he refused to crawl into the bed, refused to lay next to his Caelus with the dirt and grime of the day on his body. He sat there, eyes glued to his lover as he recalled the days, the weeks, the months, the centuries that he had spent searching, never resting. How many times had he watched Caelus die? How many times had he nearly given up, afraid he would never find Caelus again? And now Caelus was here. Alive. Resting. 
Have a Cuppa - Chapter 9
Bootie Call Chapter 70 To Inifnity, At last
Caelus shrugged and grinned at him. “Yeah, well... I can think of worse things to have happen.” He winked at him when Boothill snorted, then continued on, “Besides. You’re a friend of the Express, and you needed help with this bounty. I couldn't help but jump at the chance. Just glad you said you needed help from ‘one of us’ instead of someone in specific, like Dan Heng of something. Means I got to come help.” Boothill desperately ignored how that made his heart pound. He couldn’t ignore how his fans kicked up a notch, whirring away to cool his chassis as Caelus’ words warmed him. He stood. “Well. Since we’re stuck here, might as well get comfortable, yeah?” Caelus perked up. “Ooooh. Is this where we have hot chocolate to drink, and sit in front of a screen with a crackling fire on it?” Forget his heart pounding, Boothill felt like his heart completely stopped for a second.
image of Ifa from genshin Impact
a small smurt of wetness smeated across
zoho messing up and saying that showered is not a word, and should be replaced by showedered instead
Bootie Call Chapter 69 - Nice A cyborgs and stellarons story
Aha whistled sharply, drawing their attention. "And now, since you decided to deceive the simulated me, and tried to deceive the actual me...It is time for the fun." Aha held their hand up and blew hard. A light blue powder flew over the two of them; try as they might to avoid it, Caelus and his clone both still inhaled the sickly-sweet powder, and coughing made them inhale even more. Caelus could hear Herta yelling about dust appearing. Aha's voice when THEY spoke was sinister. "My friend, you can... Ahh, what was it you humans say? Oh yes. Go fuck yourself. Have fun!"
Bootie Call Chapter 68 By My Command Spell
“Just a few hours of work, and I can come back here and die.” Caelus cringed at himself. “Okay. Not die. But I can come back here and rest.” He got dressed and ready to leave. When Caelus opened the door to step out, Dan Heng was there, hand poised to knock. Dan Heng flinched at the sight of Caelus. “You... look rough, Caelus. Confess to him, please. At least take that chance. If he doesn't feel the same way, well then you know, and we can get the surg-” “I told you. I don't want it. I don't want to stop loving him, Dan Heng.” Caelus pushed past him, shutting his bedroom door firmly. As he was walking down the hall, he heard Dan Heng sigh. “Tell him, or I will.” Caelus merely flipped Dan Heng off silently as he continued walking. Could I really tell him? I want to. Aeons, I want to. But... but there’s no way he loves me too. No way he’d want to spend Heart’s Thaw with me. Caelus wiped a tear from his face, put on his best smile, and left to go talk to the venders.
Boothill felt sick. He heaved a few times, but thankfully, there were no more flowers... this time. He shook his head violently. “No. I couldn’t... I’d rather love ‘im, Rosey. I don’t wanna feel nothin’ fer him.” “It will kill you.” “...I know...” Boothill dug the heels of his hands into his eyes, wishing he could cry. “I know, Rosey. But lovin’ him... I’d rather love ‘im, an’ die doin’ so, than live without feelin’ anythin’ for ‘im.” Argenti was silent for a long moment, and then Boothill felt a hand clap onto his shoulder, “I understand, Boothill. But I still think that you should perhaps tell him.”
Bootie Call Chapter 67 - Make the Choice You Won't Regret A cyborgs and stellarons story
Caelus was taking another drink of his cocoa when Sampo blurted out, "I think I've fallen head over heels for you." Caelus choked, snorting cocoa. It took him a bit to recover, and he set his cocoa down so he wouldn't risk spilling it or choking on it again, as he was unsure if he heard Sampo right. "I'm sorry, Sampo... um... wh-what was that?" Sampo looked miserable, like he wanted to hide away. "I said I think I'm in love with you. I know I've been falling for a while now. I understand if you d-" "I love you too."
“I meeaannnnn.... among other things, sure!” Caelus laughed and ducked away as Castorice took a half-hearted swing at him. She sat down to put makeup on while he flopped back onto her bed with a grin, “What about you two? You guys even kiss yet?” Castorice blinked and blushed, looking down. “We, um... I don’t know if she even wants to kiss me! But... we’ve held... hands?” Caelus laughed. “Damn lesbians. I swear you both could wear neon signs that say ‘I am HELLA into you’ and you’d still sit there and wonder if the other wants to maybe be your friend. Just invite me to the wedding later.” Caelus chuckled as Castorice spluttered, and he pulled his phone out to keep playing games until it was time for him to escort her to the restaurant onboard the Xianzhou ship they were docked at.
pink haired foxian, Jiaoqiu, smiling at the camera
a young man despondently hugging his legs to his chest, wondering why there are no trashcans
The party had begun to wind down, and everyone was feeling good. The alcohol had been flowing, joints had been passed around, and snacks were everywhere. Caelus blinked and looked up as March skipped from the bar to the to the clear area near the stairs. “Hey guys! Come here!” She wiggled the bottle of alcohol in her hand. “Let’s play a game!” “Spin-the-bottle, March? Really?” Caelus began to laugh, but Himeko stood up, shushing him. She grabbed Caelus and Aventurine’s hands, pulling them over to March. “That sounds like a delightful idea! Dan Heng, Welt, come join us! March, who should go first?” “Caelus since he's being no fun.” Aventurine smirked at him and folded his arms. “Unless, of course, Caelus is too afraid to kiss whoever the bottle lands on?”
Caelus’ choice of words would be his undoing. Boothill followed him mutely, beginning to feel the effects of the malware corroding his systems, starting first with his control core and his cooling programs. Every step was agony as his fans kicked on into overdrive. Loudly. Every step clawed at his self control as Caelus became the only thing he could think about: Caelus beneath him, writhing in pleasure. Caelus on top of him, riding him hard. Caelus holding him close as he tasted the grey-haired man's lips. Boothill closed his eyes and placed one foot in front of the other. Caelus said nothing as he opened a door and ushered Boothill inside. Boothill made a beeline for the bed in the corner – the sooner he could run the kit the better - and it wasn’t until after he had collapsed, eyes closing as the Malware Removal Kit began to run, that he realized he was in what could only be Caelus’ room... and that he was now lying on Caelus’ bed.
Bootie Call chapter 66 Betrayal & Trickery A cyborgs & Stellarons story
a unicorn looking at the moon
https://klayrscorner.bigcartel.com/category/chris%E2%80%A6
Red catcake in a blue shell. it's name is Yucake (Yutie's Catcake)
waist. It had been two days since their world shattered. They were holding the pieces in their hands, and searching desperately for the glue. The ultimate question bounced around in their heads, and the
"Why do you still love me?" - "Why would I not?" Blonde man missing an arm and an eye with scars down his face
aventurine in a pink dress
Natasha crossed her arms in front of her and glared. “So explain.” “This is a gift from an old friend of mine. Long story short, she found out from Caelus what I had been doing and offered to buy any and all supplies needed down here for your clinic. Cae trusts her. I trust her. She was a very good friend of mine up until... circumstances... caused us to drift apart. Just let me finish the deliveries before you try ‘n make mincemeat outta your dear ol’ Sampo, eh?” “...Is this truly a gift? These are all legitimately gained supplies?” “Weeelll.... all but what I had for you yesterday, yeah.” Sampo braced himself at her glare, ready to dodge anything incoming, but instead, she nodded. “Alright. Finish your deliveries. I have a letter to write. May I have her name?” Sampo blinked. It was well-known Serval and Cocolia were a thing before Cocolia went off the deep end, and Natasha might not like that association. “Ah... yeah, you can call her...um... call her Val.” Natasha smiled. “Val it is, then.”
boothill and caelus' hands
Bootie Call Chapter 65 - Skott of a Thousand Faces A Cyborgs & Stellarons Story
Smut for SNAP I'll write a short little fic for you when you DM me proof of donation for food, sanitary supplies (pats, tampons, diapers, wipes), blood, or even volunteering your time 300 word minimum fic Honkai: Star Rail only, pre-amphoreus characters NSFW/SFW play, almost any pairing, NO MINORS
Zoho suggesting "goingading" instead of "goading"
a screenshot soing total ord count: 723,399
Bootie Call chapter 64 Heed the Grail's Call ~/~ Servants Come Forth A Cyborgs & Stellarons story
Bootie Call Chapter 63 - as fate would have it
ANOTHER BAD SUGGESTION