Caroline Barnard-Smith

@cazzysmith.bsky.social

227 Followers 278 Following

Fantasy, sci-fi, horror author. Vampire pirate wannabe. Collects haunted clowns. 🤡 She/Her Sci-fi horror, MIDNIGHT METROPOLIS, Sep 2025! https://books2read.com/u/m25v0R cazzysmith.co.uk carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com

The cover of Arcanoforge: Midnight Metropolis by Caroline Barnard-Smith. Long purple tentacles reach towards a glowing neon city.
An image of the book cover for Arcanoforge: Midnight Metropolis sits next to the words: "LAST DAY OF PRE-ORDER SALE!" Followed by, "Sci-fi fantasy, Female protags, rotgut cocktails".
A 3D cover of the book Arcanoforge: Midnight Metropolis by Caroline Barnard-Smith sits beneath a quote from the novel: "She’d found two boot-shaped marks seared into her ribcage. They could have been commonplace bruises or a bad reaction to Flannigan’s pizza, but they'd been enough to force her into the fetid hellhole that doubled as Traci-Lynn’s storefront."
A video opens on a partially obscured book cover, imprinted with the words, "Sci-fi horror", Lightless planet", and "...Tentacles?" The final scene is the full book cover of Arcanoforge: Midnight Metropolis by Caroline Barnard-Smith. A long pair of tentacles reach towards a neon-edged city.
The cover of my forthcoming sci-fi horror novel, Midnight Metropolis, obscured by a ripped piece of paper. You can just see the outline of a cityscape and what might be a tentacle...
A very windy and overcast summer day in Combe Martin, Devon. The camera pans over a picturesque beach where plastic flags are blowing hard enough to tear away, and a boat bobs madly in the water. Two brave souls are attempting to swim (or maybe they lost a bet).
The cover of a 1987 anthology called Tales from the Spaceport Bar. It shows a packed bar full of aliens of every description, most with a beverage in their hand (or claw). There's a woman serving behind the bar with outrageous 80's hair and a tiara.
A baby albino corn snake is curled between two cupped hands. The snake is extremely cute and is a very good boy.
The cover of A Trip to the Shops - A short story by Caroline Barnard-Smith (that's me!) A pair of lace-up military-style boots stand abandoned before an orange mushroom cloud.
The front cover of the novelisation of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992 movie version!) There are four stills from the film, including Kristy Swanson's iconic "lunge and stake in hideous floral leggings" pose.
Bonez the naughty skeleton is a small doll dressed Beetlejuice style in black and white striped pajamas. He has posable arms that end in ridiculously oversized plastic bone hands. He's also got a pirate's eyepatch, a tufty little black mohawk, and is grinning at the camera like an absolute loon.
Grab The Undead Alliance for FREE! He’s a stinking, undead carcass with unfortunate brain activity. She’s a human captive, kept alive so her vital organs can one day help sustain her rotting zombie masters. Romeo and Juliet, they ain’t. A truly revolting novella you shouldn’t read if you have a delicate constitution, you’ve just eaten, or the thought of a shrieking head on a pike makes you nauseous.
A virtual certificate with text "Celebrating 10M users on Bluesky, #1,151,609, Caroline Barnard-Smith ‪@cazzysmith.bsky.social‬, joined on Sep 21, 2023"
Joe the sunflower blooms in front of my garden fence. He has beautiful yellow petals and a suitably sunny face, but slugs have chewed his leaves to ribbons and stalks.
A product image for a cheap writing tablet with a stylus. The example text appears to be a poem about suicide... which doesn't seem appropriate?? "Death greets me warm, now I will just say good-bye".
The text says: Songs you know from just looking at the picture. The pictures are Noddy Holder from Slade, the Proclaimers, Michael Jackson zombie dancing, and a drenched Rishi Sunak announcing a snap general election.
A quote for Book Quote Wednesday from The Obsidian Druid: “If you are talking about that demon creature I destroyed in the Bard’s Quarter, I think you will find it caused far more damage than I did. Had it continued to roam free, the casualties would have been enormous.” “No, not that,” Dewer said. “I’m talking about your liberal use of Wink-Out Chips.” “The only thing I did was escape a cruel trap.” Dewer’s careful, placid expression slipped, replaced by a DREADful, dawning delight. It made Gwin want to strike him again and she held her tongue between her teeth, forced herself to loosen the fingers still clenching the back of the chair. ”You don’t know what you did,” he said. The Obsidian Druid is available in ebook, paperback, or FREE with Kindle Unlimited! https://books2read.com/u/4XNRAL Find out more: cazzysmith.neocities.org Newsletter: carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com
A quote from The Obsidian Druid for Book Quote Wednesday: She counted first one long pale worm, then two, literally shaken from the ground’s trembling crust like flour falling through a sieve. Their blind heads rose up, questing to discover why they had been so rudely upended. Natalia finally hung her head in resignation and turned to bow once more to the Archdruid, signifying her display of talent was done. Archdruid Aubriette looked bemused. Her thick eyebrows knit together as she regarded Natalia. “I am afraid I may have missed the point of your demonstration.” Natalia sighed, exasperated, and pointed to the dry patch of ground. “I have made the worms rise, Archdruid Aubriette.” “Yes, I see. And is that a fitting use of the magick Aikana deems you worthy of receiving?” Natalia looked back down at the two plain worms. They were making a slow escape across the courtyard. She shook her head, too ashamed to speak further. The Obsidian Druid is available now.
Daemons and Pizza Rats - Introducing my forthcoming serialised novel, Midnight Metropolis. Read for free: carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com
A quote from The Obsidian Druid for Book Quote Wednesday! Gwin QUICKened her pace as the shadows deepened and night descended on the buildings packed tightly around her. At the entrance to Midnight Square, she was greeted by a gaunt young man, sitting on an upturned wooden crate in the middle of the street. He was dressed in the traditional grey and purple colours of the bards, humming to himself as he picked at his teeth with dirty nails. “Artist or audience?” he inquired, not at all perturbed to be caught extracting his lunch from his teeth. His coat was tattered and shabby and his hair was unwashed. Fortune was not kind to the bards of Armoria. The Obsidian Druid is available in ebook, paperback, or FREE with Kindle Unlimited! Order: http://tinyurl.com/ycf6w55h Find out more: cazzysmith.neocities.org Newsletter: carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com
A movie poster for Return of the Living Dead 3 (1993). A zombie woman stares menacingly at the camera in front of a red sky and a full moon. There are various sharp objects protruding from her shoulder, fingers, and forehead that include nails and shards of glass. The tagline reads, "She's to die for."
The text reads: My Debut Fantasy Novel is Live! Cue the indie author happy dance... carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com
The book cover for The Obsidian Druid (which is available now!!) The moons will turn. The High Lord must fall.
A quote from The Obsidian Druid for Book Quote Wednesday: "You’re not really considering leaving the city, are you?” She pushed herself further back against the softly rotting window frame as Barlo’s chest visibly expanded and a grin spread across his face. “You’d MISS me, would you?” “I would soon replace you,” Vanth said quickly, fervently wishing she had not spoken her thoughts aloud. Lack of sleep was making her foolish. “But it would be a tiresome task, finding another I was willing to share my bed with on idle nights.” “Not many would consent to spend their idle nights in a hole like this, either. I hope when you do replace me, you offer the poor bloke a more romantic environment. Clean sheets would be nice. Maybe even a room without rat droppings swept into the corners or mould blooming across the ceiling.” The Obsidian Druid will be published April 2024 Pre-Order: http://tinyurl.com/ycf6w55h Find out more: cazzysmith.neocities.org Newsletter: carolinebarnardsmith
The cover of The Obsidian Druid shows an intense-looking young woman in a hooded cloak, striding through the nighttime streets of a fantasy city. A large purple moon is rising behind her.
A mysterious black-robed figure stalks the shadows of a grimy city. You can read "A Rough Guide to Armoria" on my Substack! carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com
The book cover for The Obsidian Druid depicts an intense-looking woman with blue hair pulling a hood over her head. The words read, "THE MOONS WILL TURN. THE HIGH LORD MUST FALL. April 25 2024".
A simply drawn monster is lurching off into the night, claws outstretched. Below it are the words "Grr Argh" drawn in the Buffy font, because I totally borrowed this from the end credits of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
A quote from my debut epic fantasy novel for Book Quote Wednesday: “The Shining Earrings of Solania,” Gulpe announced, a note of reverence in his voice. “When worn, you gain the ability to hear whatever someone might be saying about you, be they in the next room or on the next continent. These come with a warning, of course. Prolonged use can severely damage your lugholes.” “They can make you deaf?” “No, they can burn a hole right through your earlobes. Most PAINful, not to mention disfiguring. It’s especially risky if many people are talking about you at once.” “Why would anyone take such a chance?” “Well, Mrs, I suppose that entirely depends on a person’s particular level of paranoia.” The Obsidian Druid will be published April 2024! Pre-Order: http://tinyurl.com/ycf6w55h Find out more: cazzysmith.neocities.org Newsletter: carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com
A beautiful bat with large soulful eyes is wrapped in a blanket, drinking from a bottle of milk. The text reads "BATMAN BEGINS".
A beautiful, purple and gold hardback copy of Dune by Frank Herbert sits face out on a bookshop shelf, accompanied by the single greatest recommendation of all time.
My debut #epicfantasy novel is now available to review on Booksprout: https://booksprout.co/reviewer/review-copy/view/152261/the-obsidian-druid-the-age-of-aikana-book-one
A quote from my forthcoming novel, The Obsidian Druid, for Book Quote Wednesday. She knew the sort of foul ingredients Gulpe dabbled with. The thick liquid was an unpleasant tin colour but it had little taste. Vanth swallowed it easily, grateful to find it left only the faintest tang of metal on her tongue. She turned to offer the bottle to Rakon who wrinkled his nose at the prospect. “Drink, satyr,” she insisted. “Or do you want to carry on limping about the place?” Rakon sullenly accepted the bottle and took two quick swallows while Vanth placed a hand on the counter, lifting her injured leg in an experimental swing. Already, it moved more easily and the terrible, gnawing ache had lifted. It felt warm, as if she’d held a candle flame too close to the skin. “You’re a GENIUS, Gulpe.” “Yes, well. I didn’t make the stuff, I just sell it.” The Obsidian Druid will be published April 2024 Pre-Order: http://tinyurl.com/ycf6w55h Find out more: cazzysmith.neocities.org
A frog handmade from clay. He is painted green with blue spots and wears a detachable red apple on his head.
A black and white still from Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957). A giant crab with soulful eyes stares directly into the camera while its enormous pinchers hover over what looks to be a corpse.
A quote for Book Quote Wednesday from my debut epic fantasy novel, The Obsidian Druid. “What in Thetia’s name are you eating?” Gwin looked up to FIND Vanth standing over her. “It’s an apple.” “I know what an apple is, but why are you eating one here? This is strictly a meat and bread place. I’m astonished Bryce was able to scrounge up anything as exotic as fruit.” Vanth sat down on the opposite side of the table. “Is fruit a luxury in Armoria?” “I was being sarcastic.” “Oh.” Gwin nibbled the corner of her apple slice and wrinkled her face at its rancid taste. She slowly put it back down on her plate before reaching for a cup of water. “I believe I should have ordered bread.” The Obsidian Druid will be published April 2024 Pre-Order: http://tinyurl.com/ycf6w55h Find out more: cazzysmith.neocities.org Newsletter: carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com
The Stand by Stephen King
Two pretty purple flowers have opened amid green grass. They evoke joy.
The cover of my epic fantasy novel, The Obsidian Druid, is surrounded by words and phrases describing some of the things you'll find within its pages: satyr warriors, taverns and secrets, salty hobgoblin, ancient forests, hellish leviathans, all the rum, moon magick, magpie familiar. It's available now to pre-order or to review as an ARC copy.
A quote from my debut epic fantasy novel, The Obsidian Druid, for Book Quote Wednesday: "Incredibly, the monster was still alive. It was screaming. The shrill shriek penetrated Vanth’s bones and vibrated against her teeth. She groped for Barlo beside her, finding his forearm and gripping it tightly. As the terrible cry dwindled, a blue flame sprung up. It rippled across the beast’s quivering body, searing its skin and filling the square with the choking smell of rancid, burnt meat. They watched the creature burn until it MELTed into a fetid heap like so much stinking wax." The Obsidian Druid will be published April 2024 Pre-Order: http://tinyurl.com/ycf6w55h Find out more: cazzysmith.neocities.org Newsletter: carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com
You can now read the first chapter of The Obsidian Druid for free at my Substack: https://carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com/
A quote from Lolly Willowes. "Dear old London with its picturesque fogs..."
Lolly Willowes by Sylvia Townsend Warner - Published 1926
A quote from my debut epic fantasy novel, The Obsidian Druid, for Book Quote Wednesday! “This is my home,” Lowen ARGUEd as Odelin launched himself up into the night, circling above the treetops. “I will defend it.” She wrenched her hand free, unable to look at the caged satyr. She knew that being trapped, unable to help, would be agony for him. She ran for a discarded spear, balancing its familiar weight in her hands as far above her, the creature opened a wide, raw mouth and howled again at the small army massing before it. Kerra stood with the Scrat, two daggers gripped in her hands. She pointed one at the monster. “Take the beast down!” The Obsidian Druid will be published in April 2024 Pre-Order: http://tinyurl.com/ycf6w55h Find out more: cazzysmith.neocities.org Newsletter: carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com
An image from what looks to be an educational textbook. A man entirely stripped of skin and looking as though he's just stepped off the set of Hellraiser is chasing an athlete who appears to be screaming and crying. The accompanying text reads, "Muscles make the body move."
The Obsidian Druid will be published April 25 2024! Three monstrous tumari escaped the labyrinthine dungeon beneath the sea. One ripped apart the frozen homeland of the Asrai, staining the ice crimson with their blood. One blundered its way into the ancient forest of Nymed, and one rose in the city of Armoria, crushing buildings and bone beneath its great webbed feet. Only Dewer—ageless High Lord of the city—knows the truth behind the creatures’ wanton destruction, and he hasn’t trusted anyone with his secrets for over one hundred years. The Obsidian Druid is book one of The Age of Aikana—a dark epic fantasy set in a rich world of cut-throat cities, satyr warriors, rum-soaked taverns, scheming witches, and creeping forests besieged by the horrors that crawl in the shadows. Stay tuned for pre-orders: https://carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com/
This photograph of a grumpy-looking turtle called Terry who appears to be flipping off the photographer won the 2020 Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards. © Mark Fitzpatrick/Comedy Wildlife Photo Awards 2020
A small chocolate coloured rabbit is answering the phone. "Hello? Yes, this is Bunny."
I am 10% human and 90% stress, as demonstrated by this picture of some jelly baby-looking dude who may or may not be both crying and smiling.
A quote from my epic fantasy debut—available April 2024! Rakon did as she asked, a strange thrill flashing through him when he saw the witch was right. His hands were small and hairless, his legs thin, trembling within the flapping expanse of his newly oversized leather breeches. He pulled the material aside to see his strong, proud hooves had been replaced with the flaccid appendages humans called feet. His head no longer brushed the ceiling and when he lifted a tentative hand to feel at his scalp, he found his horns had vanished. A dull panic stirred deep in his gut at the jarring absence of his horns, so tall and proud they often provoked JEALOUSy amongst his kin. “If your father was to pass you by, he would no longer recognise you as his son,” Vixana said. The tone of her voice led Rakon to guess the meaning hidden in her words. “Do I instead owe an obligation to you, witch?” Find out more: cazzysmith.neocities.org Or join my newsletter: carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com
A little graphic from this week's newsletter depicting the open jaws of a fearsome beast with lethal-looking teeth. The beast was actually an old black leopard called Zoysa, but if you want to know more you'll have to check out my Substack! - carolinebarnardsmith.substack.com
A young Jack Nicholson stares at the camera with a hangdog expression from behind an uneaten wedge of watermelon. He looks like he was hitting the martinis HARD the night before and his hair needs a good brush.