Chris Brown

@cbrown0929.bsky.social

293 Followers 557 Following

Poet, fluent in heartbreak, but still trying to make the world better one poem at a time.

I'll write you a poem... I’ve never felt ready, Not even a little bit. I’ve never felt ready, not since that day. But I‘ll write you a love poem that’ll leave you weak in the knees, wondering if you’ll ever catch your breath again, and wishing those stomach knots would leave. But I reserve none of that for me. This heart holds fear like I might die if I let it go; like I might perish if I ever opened it again But you know what? There is this one girl… And she scares me because she makes me brave! What have I done? Why did I give her the key? -crbrown
It's time... It’s time. Time to tell you. To tell you what I’m feeling. The mornings hit different with you. My coffee tastes like you conjured something deep from my soul, hidden since I can’t remember when. The sun is a bit warmer on these chilly New England mornings; chasing the cold from my frost encased heart. And at night, when my demons come calling, flooding with terror, you know just how to chase them away and breathe life again into my fearful heart. Falling asleep entangled in your arms brings a peace my soul has not known these many years. God, it’s gonna hurt when you leave. I hope you don’t. But it’s all I know. -crbrown
Poem... you started in the margins of my life; on the periphery, lurking in the shadows, only occasionally stepping into the light. but slowly, almost deliberately, darkness faded and my heart danced like it hasn’t in an age. you became the words sustaining a wayward soul; the rhythms and rhymes of a redeemed life one worth living desperately daringly. and now… you’re the whole damn poem. -cbrown
Soul on Fire It has always been her; I just got lost for a while. I thought she set my soul on fire only to keep herself warm. But no… She did it to keep my heart from freezing and falling into the abyss of its own despair. -crbrown
The curse of the hopeless romantic... Move along now, this heart is closed. Don’t look this way again, you won’t find me here. Wait! Maybe, perhaps maybe, I’ll leave just a crack for you. Only you. -crbrown
Patience... This heart is patient, perhaps too prone to waiting. Always here, but living on anticipation; holding on for a perfect moment; one which many never come. -crbrown
2:34 am It’s 2:34 am… I can’t sleep. The gentle, lapping water so often a soliloquy, turns to cacophony; now a raging torrent competing with the moon to reveal my deep secrets to no one but myself. Things I’d half forgotten, feelings squirreled away, love stuffed in a basket, simply waiting for time to heal this old man from imagined hurts and a fallow heart. It’s 2:38 am… Been asleep this whole time, but awake in your dreams as the old legends portend. Maybe the ancient magic will work wonders again and bring you closer to me; this time in my own dreams. -crbrown
Hope... I let these words percolate forever because I didn’t know how to tell you. You looked at me like no one has in a very long time. You made me feel alive for the first time in forever. You made my heart full since I can’t remember when But now your gone. Yes, my heart is broken, but it’s somehow different. What have you done to me? I don’t know what to do with the gift you’ve bestowed. The gift of hope. -crbrown
New beginnings... New beginnings, chosen or not, often leave us lost. But remember: We can only start from where we are, and you have everything you need to begin! It might not feel that way right now, but beginnings, especially new ones, are always messy and unscripted. I know you’ll find your way! -crbrown
Love again... I go to sleep with a heavy heart, full of doubt and longing; one bereft of feeling, bruised and battered within an inch of itself. I don’t know how to navigate this. My compass spins and spins, my north star obscured, the southern cross ablaze. I’m dead in the water again. How did I end up here once more? I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know. I do know, but to admit it would mean my entire life a fraud, a farce, a fantasy. Instead, as always, I’ll find hope in the heartbreak and love again tomorrow or maybe the day after next. -crbrown
Secret... I have a secret… one I’ve told many times in weighted metaphors, cleverly chosen words, tortured, sonorous similes, and a well-placed rhyme. I’m sure she already knows for this secret is about her. She sees right through me and my efforts to be coy. I guess if she already knows, I don’t have much of a secret. Damn, I wish she would tell me. -crbrown
I could... I could write a hundred poems about your captivating eyes and a million about your smile. They wouldn’t do justice to the depth of your soul or the love in your heart. But the one I need to write illuminates the peace you bring to my own heart and soul. But I just can’t find the words describing something so beautiful that it defies imagination. I’ve never felt this before and it frightens me, just a bit. So, keep doing what you’re doing, and let’s find the words together. -crbrown
Second chance? I want another chance, but I’m unsure how to ask. Usually surefooted, I stumble when you pop into my heart, my words become jumbled, and my stomach in knots. All rational thought disappears and doubts take up position. Fear that what I want is simply not what you want I want to try again; to discover if that magic I felt was only an illusion, the mind playing tricks or something beyond real. -crbrown
Why... I’m doing it again I can tell it’s happening But I feel powerless to stop it Why is my heart so damn afraid? It always does this – pulling back when it’s so close to happiness. I don’t think I will ever understand. -crbrown
You... You’ve become but a face in an ever-growing crowd, but I still look for you, always. I look for you in these tortured, rhythmic rhymes; in the alliterative beating of a heart so damn fragile it might break if I let you touch it again, or if again I let it feel. -crbrown
Light... Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Give me your pain, your trauma, your scars and I’ll turn them into something beautiful. Cry all you might need to. Get it out. I’ll catch your tears with my heart and we can pour them into the fire watching past ghosts evaporate. Haunted no more, our hearts open to a new beginning, a solid foundation one built from the hearts faint light we’ve both kept alive these many years. -crbrown
Yes, I will... Much have I written; so many words and thoughts and feelings. All the while using heartbreak and hurt as a shield and sword. For too long this heart, my heart has dwelt in the sonorous shadows of this melancholic and wistful verse, hidden from her, hidden from possibility. I wish to break these clandestine chains and I will do it, but only for her. -crbrown
Love delayed... I’ve locked my heart away for over a decade; I thought to protect myself and my peace, but I realize now that was a selfish aide. I was afraid. Afraid no one else could love me and under no circumstance could I be swayed. Oh, I did let it out to play now and again dipping my toe in love, but always a charade. Seeking connection, but I’d always pull back when they didn’t fit the template mislaid. But then, something happened my heart did not intend; someone who was willing to smash that maze, a renegade. She came like a grenade – strike one! She came like a parade – strike two! She came with a toll unpaid – strike three! Or so I thought… I found my heart escaping its chains to be close to her; I found my mind wandering towards her constantly; I found my soul craving the warmth of her heart. And in that space, my heart was no longer dismayed. -crbrown
Heart of stone... I pulled out my heart of stone today and found only echoes of the past, things I’d rather forever forget I don’t know what happened when I was looking the other way, chasing those who could never love it But to my surprise when I put it back, your name was already etched there; as unexpected as you arriving to my life. And now I can’t help but wonder – has the universe been conspiring again? -crbrown
Don't worry... You don’t have to worry about me I’m not going anywhere I’ll hold your hand the entire way until you can crawl again I’ll hold your heart the whole time until it can beat again on its own. I’ll hold your soul forever until you find peace And I’ll help you fix your broken wings until you can fly again You don’t have to worry about me I’m in. No matter how messy we are -crbrown
Truth... I convinced myself I didn’t care; that it meant nothing at all. You couldn’t possibly have meant anything you said But my heart called bullshit, and let me love you again. Truth is, I never stopped even for a second. -crbrown
I'm in... I saw it in your eyes the first time you caught me looking. You were going to be trouble, you were going to be hard, you were going to fight. But I also saw everything you didn’t want me to see: A certain sadness hovering around, a smashed heart two times over, the hurt you carry everywhere. And I’m sure you saw the same in me. So, let’s be gentle with each other, let’s take our time to figure it out let’s build a home in the darkest recesses of our hearts for each other. I’m in! Are you? -crbrown
Courage... I’ve read everything, watched every video, but I still don’t know How do I tell you I like you? If I were to list every reason it would fill volumes upon volumes, but how could I pick just one? Maybe I’m just chasing a fleeting feeling or on the path to breaking my own heart. Oh well, if it’s one of those, so be it; I can handle that, I’ve done it before But I think I’ll just tell you; run to you with an outstretched heart hoping you won’t let me fall on my face. Damn, I think I’ve found my courage again -crbrown
Believe... She’s got ahold of my heart; all I can think of when apart. I don’t know how I let her; it’s certainly been a blur Why did I let this happen? I’m so careful, armored, but she broke through just by being herself She’s chaos, but brings me peace she’s impulsive, but makes me think she’s vulnerable, giving me courage she’s a warrior, lending me strength And she’s bestowed perhaps the best gift: I’m starting to believe again; believe that I do deserve love -crbrown
Maybe... Maybe, I don’t want to be ok Maybe I hold onto this pain as a reminder of who I was then. For sure, I’ve grown, but my heart remains heavily shrouded in a fog of my own making Maybe, in some perverse corner of my heart, I still harbor hope for a chance at redemption; a chance at something beautiful and right; but my head knows I’m telling stories again Maybe, I don’t want to be ok I play with words the way you played with my heart. Reckless abandon filled your every move, wholly clouding my judgement But these words spring from that pain still, and for that, overwhelming gratitude abounds. For you set me on this path, on this journey, although I doubt that’s what you intended Maybe, I don’t want to be ok -crbrown
Someday, maybe I'll be able... She’s the one who got away the one who twisted my heart back to peace and love. The one who illuminated my soul until it rivaled the most beautiful mosaic. The one who makes me stop breathing until I gladly accept life giving death; a rebirth into my own true self But she forever remains the one, the only one I want to live for the only one I want to forever kiss the one who got away. I simply cannot forgive myself… -crbrown
Home... She came to me with poetry in her heart and let me coax every last word from her depths; all of the hurt, heartbreak, and hope residing there until there was nothing left. She gave every last drop of inspiration I could handle, but held something back – something darker than her eyes. She was afraid but of what I couldn’t deduce or decipher. When she removed her armor, I saw it – a scar from past loves too deep. She turned away embarrassed; I brushed her cheek; she turned back with tears asking how could I still love her knowing? We’re all scarred, we all have baggage, we’ve all loved before. The existential trick is simply this: Finding the one who will kiss our hurts, the one where we can unpack our bags, and the one who makes us feel we’re home. -crbrown
For far far too long I’ve accepted the love I thought I deserved - -None -crbrown
Timid... How do I tell her when my heart is timid; forsaken by its own bravery a time too many, courage hidden replaced by doubt, feeling so deep misery is safer, afraid of shadow fearful of love in any form -crbrown
Tell me... Tell me again! Tell me again the story of how we fell in love Start from the awkward beginning when neither of us really knew keep going to that first kiss in the rain when we both felt the lightning coursing Follow up with the quiet moments that only made us fall further and farther finish up with yesterday or tomorrow whatever your heart desires to feel again Tell me again! Tell me again the story of how we fell in love I know it well, of course, but I love the way you tell it -crbrown
Hell yes... I like you – a lot. But there are so many reasons not to pursue this I want to like you out loud and not have to hide it I’d like to kiss you whenever I can and hold your hand every chance But I don’t know if I can like you quietly sneaking around, worried we’ll be found out, danger at every turn, prying eyes abound I want to you like you loudly because no matter how I think about it, you are a hell yes -crbrown
Fell... I fell in love, hard with this made up version of her stitched together from salient moments, indiscriminate looks across a room, and a hundred other made up stories presumed connections dreamed up scenarios imagined trysts pictured futures But imagine my surprise when I met her soul and she turned out to be better than anything I could have dreamt up. -crbrown
What if... What if silence fills the universe and the heavens won’t align and the path is shrouded and the future oblique? My heart has lost its compass and cannot feel the way; my souls adrift in the deep searching, longing, wanting for I know not what or maybe who. I can’t shake these feelings like before there is no light, no sanctuary, from the enveloping darkness save one solitary, heartbreaking thing: this love, longingly unrequited somehow sustains. -crbrown
Song... You make my heart sing the melody of spring birds the chorus of late summer nights the refrains of autumn leaves and the crackling fires of winter. But in the twilight of my life it just wasn’t ever enough to tether me to the world, even a world with you in it. -crbrown
Believe My heart quivered and quaked as I wrote the last words of this opus. I didn’t expect to find it had decided it was so subtle; I barely took notice. A picture so clear had been painted; the path ahead lain bare and true. I could no longer deny the acquainted at the end of a life’s work, I wrote you. I’ve kept you hidden these many years, burying you deep inside these words cause I didn’t want you to feel my fears but now, I must lay down my swords and believe. -crbrown
Different... If I could’ve knit the threads of fate I could have woven a more beautiful tapestry If I could’ve weaved the musings of destiny I could have sewn a more poignant story If I could bend space and time I would meet you again in the same place but maybe a minute or two later and this time might be different -crbrown
Just do it... Rip open my heart and climb right in no invite needed no rsvp required Unbutton my soul ever so gently while we lock eyes and both find home -crbrown
Hope... Nothing makes sense anymore! I wish the universe would universe and light the path ahead as before to calm a heart still so nervous Just when it’s finally figured out, this soul retreats to the darkness; a comforting abode filled of doubt searching for semblance of sharpness I don’t know if there’s any coming back! Mixed signals and signs simply abound always seemingly planning their attack, but one universal truth is always around Hope abides Hope abides -crbrown
Melt... My heart trembles not out of fright or being left in shambles but of sheer anticipation Woven together with waxen string these many years simply waiting for her The one who will melt it’s tethers, it’s bonds into a beautiful mosaic filling the cracks with love -crbrown
Memory... This vehicle of memory is all I have to hold onto; my universe’s subconscious remembering when I forget It holds a first kiss, a second love, paths not chosen, waypoints missed This echo of time, yellowed and creased, tethers me to moments when I had not a care and no tomorrow worries living for the moment seizing the day More often than not, I wonder, where has he gone? -crbrown
Alchemy... Where do I find the magic to put these words together and make them make sense? The truth: I study the art of alchemy – learning to turn lead into gold and dabbling with the elixir of life Ha! What a great story! The real truth: Like many poets, I break my own heart from time to time letting these words bleed out, dripping deep Forming a melodious symphony; saying the things I wish I could say, singing the songs of her heart in perfect tune -crbrown
Through & through... If I stay, it has to be you who would lead astray This heart, full of timid needing beautiful bravery for a life carefully knitted I can’t promise you forever for hearts are fickle things but I will say no to however In the end I only want you the one who feels like home through and through and through -crbrown
Never again... I couldn’t bring myself to break my heart once more in search of needed words and the melancholic passions to which I’d become accustomed She took my hand in hers placed it over her heart and drew me ever closer. In that wondrous instant my defenses melted and my heart lay bare and I knew… I’d never need to do that again -crbrown
The first poem I ever wrote
Words These words won’t do what I want, a mind of their own have they. Maybe, I should let them flow, and see who’s heart they stop at. -crbrown
A poem called Insane? Reminders of you abound I find you wherever I tread, even without looking around The universe cannot possibly be so cruel to lead my heart down this path to again start, even if I should go irresponsibly I like to think the arc of the universe bends towards hope; for hope is all I have, that this time will be somehow different Maybe I’m just insane? -crbrown
A plate of Cuban food!
Photo of a fat tuesdays drink
Godzilla lamenting thrown turkeys out of a helicopter. WKRP in Cincinnati
My heart is a labyrinth; carefully constructed with distractions with switchbacks and hairpin turns. All so those who dare try to even get close or peek are stymied or stonewalled into believing they are lost. hopelessly or not. I did leave clues for solving; just follow the breadcrumbs or the ball of string at the beginning. you need only look and follow your feet, but no one has courage enough to find me waiting in the dark. -crbrown
Student in school with headphones, reading a book behind a laptop playing a Yule log fire.
I thought I could do it. I really did, I really tried. searched in the bottom of bottles, sifted my heart to find all the pieces, scanned the horizon for signs of hope, studied the ever loving Romantics but it was not to be… ransacked my soul a time too many, rummaged my mind over and over, researched to a preposterous avail, ruined myself tempting the impossible but it was not to be… I was simply chasing some wild goose and leading a self-imposed witch hunt I thought I could do it. I really did, I really tried. I thought, no I hoped, I could forget about you -crbrown
Desk setup with computer, notebook, and coffee.
Imagine this… A sun so bright it should be a sin turning to darkness that warms A night that feigns a fickle fright transforms to peace under the moon A hand barely brushing your cheek that you don’t even know if it’s real A dream so daringly cathartic your sonorous soul is touched A love so unabashedly true washing away all hurt The love you finally deserve wrapped up in one who risked it all -crbrown