Charles

@charleswheeler.co.uk

282 Followers 166 Following

Cool dad, pro wrestling ref, temporarily paused poet, disabled rights activist and non-toxic sports fan. Permanently sleepy. Buy my poetry: charleswrites.itch.io Read some crap: stuporturf.substack.com 🏉 Leicester Tigers 🏈 Minnesota Vikings

Screenshot of a WhatsApp chat. First user asks “who’s your fave twirlywoo?”. Second user responds “Great Bit Hoo I think lol”, followed by “What about you”. First user replies “Toodloo”, followed by “I can tell she had a good youth”. Description ends.
A video of retired footballer and pundit Joe Hart, a tall white man with obvious hair plugs, reacting to an England goal in the studio by staring blankly ahead and screaming “YEAH!” in a fashion suggesting light demonic possession. Description ends
WhatsApp message from my friend saying “(the actual Urn is always at Lords now so he could easily do that)”, with my reply “Oh shit”. Description ends.
A photograph of a laptop screen displaying a spreadsheet title WC26 r32 matchups, showing that matchup list number 67 was achieved, with the 3rd-placed teams from groups B, D, E, F, I, J, K and L all going through. Description ends.
A book titled Haynes Explains Americans
WhatsApp message reading: Skit idea: The Blob The Builder. Bob the Builder but with the Blob from The Blob as the builder. Theme song obviously a key feature. Crucially it MUSTN’T be “Blob the Builder”, the “The” must absolutely be preserved in both the song and all dialogue otherwise it’s barely funny at all. “What are you building today, Blob?” vs “What are you building today, The Blob?”, you get the picture. Description ends.
A 3 by 3 alignment grid. The horizontal axis is labelled 1. says “I can fix them”, 2. says “I can accept them as they are”, and 3. Says “I can make them worse”. The vertical axis is labelled 1. “Fixes them”, 2. “Accepts them”, and 3. “Makes them worse”. In the can fix/fixes box is Willow Nightingale. In the can accept/fixes box is Orange Cassidy. In the can make worse/fixes box is Jon Moxley. In the can fix/accepts box is Adam Copeland. In the can accept/accepts box is Eddie Kingston. In the can make worse/accepts box is RJ City. In the can fix/makes worse box is Don Callis. In the can accept/makes worse box is Samoa Joe. In the can make worse/makes worse box is Stokely Hathaway, with a smaller picture of Jon Moxley labelled “(for Yuta)”. Description ends.
A supermarket shelf with an empty box reading “no beef burgers”
Screenshot of a headline from The I Paper, reading: Jack Grealish is being treated as shamefully as Gazza. Headline ends. Above the headline is a photo of Jack Grealish, a white footballer with black ponytailed hair wearing a blue jersey with his name on the back. Description ends.
The same image from the post being replied to, but with the rosette edited to just say “fell award”. Description ends.
Tweet from former NFL player Roddy White reading “I'm watching the matrix and neil and infinity are having sex its such an emotional moment sometimes I forget its a movie”. Tweet ends. Posted on 17th April 2011. Description ends.
Screenshot of a search of the Epstein files showing 5,961 hits for “Mandelson”. Description ends
In September 2022 he was announced as an upcoming speaker at the 2022 UKIP conference.[50] and addressed the conference on "wokeness" in October.[51] In August 2025, he joined Reform at the 2025 Reform UK conference.[52][better source needed] He told a reporter: "I go where the money is."[53]
American football statline showing Adrian Peterson’s 2022 stats, laid out as follows: Name: A. Peterson Season: 2012 Team: Minnesota Games played: 16 Rush yards: 2097 Description ends.
A Minnesota Vikings jersey, purple and white with gold trim, with “WARCRAFT 5” on the back
A square of cardboard with a green border featuring plants and fruit. The centre is white, with AI-drenched text intended to say “from the library of”. Description ends.
Charles’s hand holding an approximately 1-inch resin circle, light brown in colour, with white text clearly intended to read “I paused my audiobook to be here” in multiple fonts. AI rendering has distorted “audiobook” to “audiolook” and “to” into some vague shapes that look like of like a J and a P. Description ends.
Charles’s hand holding two small pieces of cardboard. One is teal with a peach border, and artwork of three orange cats in various poses, adorned with flowers. The other is green with a stylised image of Santa’s head, possibly of some specific culture but I wouldn’t like to make an ignorant guess. Description ends.
A rectangle of beige cardboard, with light brown AI-distorted art of books, and text reading “books are uniquely portable magic - Stephen King” in a variety of poorly-rendered fonts. Description ends.
An off-white piece of cardboard with AI-distorted artwork of an open book, notable featuring something that is probably intended to be a bookmark ribbon but actually looks kind of like a slug. Barely-legible text on the right-hand page is just about comprehensible as the words “one more page…” but also looks like it’s been written in rancid marmite and smeared around a bit. Description ends.
Two small pieces of cardboard. One is purple with blurry AI-drenched artwork of a god and some books on an unidentifiable mass probably meant to be some kind of seating. The other is dark blue with pixelated, AI-distorted artwork of a book, some stars, the moon and some nondescript spirals, with similarly-distorted text intended to read “read past your bedtime”, but some letters have been so distorted that they look like other letters. Description ends.
Charles’s hand holding a piece of pinkish cardboard, with various cartoon images related to gardening, including plants, animals, garden tools, and the words “plants”, “flowers”, and “birdsong”. All images have a white outline as if they were peelable stickers. Not one is related to books. Description ends.
A discord screenshot showing a user with a censored username saying “idk @ArifHasanNFL any comment”. Arif replies “I have no association with crumbl and therefore have no need to register a comment”. The censored user replies “Undamnable lies”. A second censored user posts “why do I know so much about the dongs of ex Vikings players”. Description ends.
Charles’s hand holding a roughly palm-sized rectangle of off-white cardboard, with a dark green border featuring AI slop artwork, including what seems to be a distorted version of the cat from earlier art including the Christmas tree decoration. Description ends.
Charles’s hand holding a small, off-white piece of cardboard, with blurry, AI-riddled art of dream catchers, feathers and some stars. Description ends.
A square of cardboard, with a light purple border and a white centre, with AI-distorted artwork of books around the edge, and text in the middle that is also incredibly badly distorted by AI rendering but which appears to read “FROM THE LIBRARY OF” with a space underneath to write a name. Description ends.
Charles’s hand, holding a tiny dark green cardboard rectangle, featuring AI-distorted artwork of books and Christmas lights. Description ends.
Charles’s hand holding a dark red cardboard rectangle, featuring horizontally-compressed artwork of a wreath, a snowglobe containing a Christmas tree, a Santa hat, a gingerbread man, a red and green star decoration with two smaller gold stars, and a pair of gold bells with a red bow and a sprig of holly. Description ends.
Charles’s hand holding a small circle of resin, probably less than an inch across. It’s greeny-cream in colour with a dark green border, text, and artwork of books with an AI-distorted burst of lines coming from behind the books. The text, which is repeated circularly top and bottom, is clearly intended to read “ask me what I’m reading”, but the word “what” has been distorted into a bunch of vague lines, and there’s an inexplicably huge space between that and the word “I’m”. Description ends.
Two more rectangular pieces of cardboard. A smaller one features a yellowish background with artwork of a bowl of food, with leaves, tomatoes, salt and mushrooms visible, and absolutely nothing in the image related to books or reading. The other piece of cardboard is pink, and features images and possibly text that is so completely distorted by AI rendering that it’s genuinely impossible to tell what any of the text or images are. It’s an assortment of dark green lines, with some white and dark red shapes here and there. Description ends.
Charles’s hand holding a blue square of cardboard and a blue resin circle, both with identical artwork of a red bird and a speech bubble that appears to read “DEAD!” but on closer inspection seems to be a badly-distorted rendering of the word “READ”. The cardboard version is noticeably blurrier, but both have AI stink all over them, smeared thick like the Vaseline the photographer puts on her camera in that Simpsons episode where Homer has the boudoir shoot. Description ends.
Charles’s thumb and forefinger holding a black cardboard rectangle with stylised artwork of books, ornaments and plants on two bookshelves. It’s not as obviously AI-generated as past cardboard pieces, but it’s still pretty obviously that. Description ends
Charles’s hand holding a small resin Christmas tree ornament of a cat, about an inch in length with brown fur and black spots. Also holding two more rectangles of cardboard, one with text reading “book lover’s” which is incredibly pixelated, surrounded by obscure white shapes vaguely suggesting the shape of a Christmas tree, which are not pixelated. The other cardboard rectangle is light blue and features artwork of wrapped Christmas presents. All of it, once again, features the murky sheen of AI image generation.
Charles’s hand holding three small cardboard squares. One has artwork of cakes, cookies and ice creams, one of plants, and one of a snowman. There is nary a book in sight, and the AI stench on the artwork remains strong. Description ends.
Screenshot of a Wikipedia article title reading “Cholera (food)”. Description ends.
Charles’s forefinger and thumb holding a tiny cardboard square, dark teal in colour, with artwork of a few leaves and flowers peeking in from the edge. Its purpose is even less clear than the previous squares of cardboard, and it is noticeably smaller than them. Description ends.
Charles’s unremarkable white hand holding a low-quality bookmark, dark green in colour, with AI-sloppy images of a mug, a stack of books with rays of light coming from behind them, and an open book partially cut off at the edge of the bookmark. There is a quote in multiple fonts, reading “everywhere I have sought peace and not found it, except in a corner with a book”, attributed to someone whose name appears to be Tmomas A something, with the surname obscured as a bunch of squares in typical AI sop fashion. In the background, the rest of the wretched calendar looms ominously.
A small, maroon piece of cardboard, with white text reading “saving all my pennies for books”, and golden line drawings of coins, some of which are marked 25 or 50. Once again, the entire thing has the sheen of low-budget AI, with a blur to the images and writing that makes it feel like you’re looking at them with Vaseline in your brain. There’s also a non-uniform, corner-cutting white dotted line around the edges for some reason. Description ends.
Charles’s unremarkable white hand holding a square of cardboard, on which is printed what seems to be approximately the lower two-thirds of a bingo sheet, with the centre square a picture of a book, and every other square containing utterly illegible text. It is, as its predecessors were and its successors shall be, drenched in AI slop.
A small, dark blue resin circle, with text that is probably intended to read “all I want for Christmas is books”, but is so badly distorted by its AI rendering that it looks more like “all I iuant for chainmail us books”. The resin circle rests on the overlapping mess of pouches inside the accursed advent calendar, with other wretched AI-drenched images of books, lamps and cookies visible. Description ends.
A hand holding a small, probably 1.5-inch square of cardboard, featuring an image of a red mug containing hot chocolate with marshmallows, cream, and a candy cane. On the mug is a quote with barely-legible text probably intended to read "In the end, we'll all become stories." Several of the letters are mis-shapen or misplaced. Below this is presumably a quote attribution, but this doesn't even look like letters. The entire image is thick with the stain of AI, and the item's purpose is utterly unclear, being, as it is, simply a small square of cardboard.
The front of the Book Lover's Advent Calendar, an image of a living room which is awash with AI artefacts, including a snowglobe containing an image that might be a bust of Poe with the hair accidentally magic-erasered off, I think. Text reads "25 bookish gifts for readers, with bookmarks, ornaments, greeting cards, and more!" Description ends.
Screenshot of a Reddit post in r/nostupidquestions, reading “why is it acceptable on Reddit to attack someone’s post history instead of engaging with their actual point?”, and a reply reading “well, someone with your history of foot fetish posts would complain about that, wouldn’t they.” Description ends.
Tweet from @dril reading: Turning a big dial taht says “racism” on it and constantly looking back at the audience for approval like a contestant on the price is right Description ends
The top part of Mickey Mouse’s head, perched on top of the M of the word “Michael”, written in elegant italic font