cold on a cob

@coldonacob.bsky.social

248 Followers 263 Following

remember the old simon and garfunkle song “slow down you’re moving too fast” that says a lot about life and about cat massage

a screenshot of a semidetached (aka duplex) home for sale where the driveway is divided in two by an ugly chainlink fence
angel crank meme where the crank says "I DON'T LIKE THING" and the angel floats down and delivers note that says "SAME"
costco's sergeant hotdog holding a hotdog and a drink but i used mspaint to turn him into batman with the bat signal in the background
scene from Goodfellas where Henry Hill (played by Ray Liotta) is looking up at a black helicopter, subtitled with "Helicopters been following me around all god damn day"
a shark comically leaping out of the water to eat a gorilla - a scene from the simpsons
A message with "Happy Mother's" typed and the autocomplete is suggesting Week | Month | Weekend
A text message that reads "Head to the curb." and that's it
You get to drink from the fire hose! Open wide! (UHF)
A dragon quest skeleton with six arms and six swords
google trend of "melania epstein" going from virtually nil to the stratosphere on April 9
A can of cherry and sakura sugar free red bull
GERBERT
The Myth of "Consensual" Sex meme stylized as a cloudflare error page. Title: The Myth of "Consensual" Browsing Error Code 403 (Unauthorized) Left: You - Browser - I Consent Middle: Heaven - Jesus Christ - I Don't Right: Your Partner - Host - I Consent Bottom Left: What happened? Isn't there somebody you forgot to ask?
people being photographed "holding up" the tower of pisa from angles that reveal that, NO, they aren't actually holding it up. they kinda look like people throwing hadoukens so i photoshopped some hadoukens in, including a janty little one hitting the tower in the background. alt text really is explaining the joke huh?
Cover of a children's book named "The Very Cranky Bear" by Nick Bland
Headline: "Stylish but illegal monkey found roaming Toronto IKEA" A photo of a stylish but illegal monkey found roaming Toronto IKEA Description under photo: "A monkey found at the Ikea store in North York, Toronto, Sunday Dec. 9, 2012"
a photo of the D-FENS license plate from the film Falling Down
Gemini, unasked for, providing me with the completely wrong answer to a very simple question.
sale listing for Amazon Fire HD 10 Kids Pro tablet (newest model)
Headline that reads "COP30 live: conference centre evacuated as fire breaks out"
That damn smile meme panel 1: so you see, that's where the trouble began panel 2: dave foley as his axe murderer character from kids in the hall, covered in blood and smiling panel 3: that smile panel 4: that damned smile
Deep fried beef coated in a dark sweet ginger sauce
Screenshot of the contributions mentioned in my post. The ones I found funniest: "Violence isnt too bad." "Violence is not like tv MA violence it's more like 16 violence. It's also animated so it's not as graphic." "The violence feels more like a TV-14 most of the time. I'm very sensitive to gore, but Season 1 is definitely a slightly more brutal TV-14."
A comic by Rory Blank Panel 1: The panel shows two round humanoid creatures partially chewing on something organic. The text at the top reads, "SOMEWHERE DEEP INSIDE A HUMAN BODY..." Panel 2: A jagged creature approaches them from the right. It has a speech bubble that says, "YOU MICROPLASTIC PUNKS BETTER BACK THE FUCK OFF - THIS IS LEAD TURF." Panel 3: Several round and jagged creatures are locked in violent battle. Panel 4: We zoom out and we see that this is actually a human brain, being destroyed. Panel 5: This panel shows a headshot of a person saying, "I CAN LEGALLY OPERATE A FORKLIFT."
Tyres O'Flaherty, a character from the tv series Spaced
A screenshot of Repo Men from rotten tomatoes. It has a 22% tomatometer and 42% popcornmeter.
a comic panel of a young man viewed from underneath, very dramatically. the building he is in is labeled "ivory". he is speaking and he says "how much more shit will the people take! if only they would read by POSTS they would be free" where the word POSTS was photoshopped in. He is also labeled with "note how POSTER uses HYPERBOLE (heightens tension)" where POSTER and HYPERBOLE were photoshopped in as well.
27 Sep, 2008 - Rockstar Retro Collection 27 Jul, 2008 - Bioshock 27 Apr, 2008 - Sid Meier's Civilization IV: Beyond the Sword 30 Mar, 2008 - The Orange Box 30 Mar, 2008 - Prey
Copilot on my work laptop randomly sent me this notification: "Ready for a career move? I'll help you find roles that fit your location and career goals."
the funk pop "Pop-tract", a contract between a man ("Addicted Popper") and his wife ("Concerned Wife") laying out the exact spending rules he is to follow to buy funkos, i ain't gonna retype it all here. Possibly a joke, possibly a dom/sub thing, or possibly real but funny in any case.
A screenshot of some very nice battery levels for all of my devices
An old tweet by @Pinboard that reads "The Programmer's Credo: we do these things not because they are easy, but because we thought they were going to be easy"
Jeff the Killer, a creepypasta image of someone who allegedly had their face and eyelids "burned off" but is somehow very, very white (as in WHITE not skin-tone "white") with eyes that look like a literal cartoon. seriously, it looks absolutely ridiculous and not scary at all. anyhow the maga woman kinda looks like him.
A gun mug mug ie A mug with a picture of a gun mug on it.
The "You are not immune to Propaganda" meme with the word 'propaganda' struck out and Poster's Madness added below that
[DESIRE TO KNOW MORE INTENSIFIES] meme from Starship Troopers (I am not literally asking to know more this is a joke)
Screenshot of Repo Men poster with Tomatometer showing 22% with 153 reviews. Description of film is: "In the future, medical technology has advanced to the point where people can buy artificial organs to extend their lives. But if they default on payments, an organization known as the Union sends agents to repossess the organs. Remy (Jude Law) is one of the best agents in the business, but when he becomes the recipient of an artificial heart, he finds himself in the same dire straits as his many victims. With his former partner (Forest Whitaker) in hot pursuit, Remy runs for his life."
no, my son is also named jizzbort
A 3d image of a shocked Dragon Quest slime
A Canadian news site post with the headline "Ontario Lottery winner who scored big for the second time this year plans on buying condo"
Scene from The Simpsons S04E20 "Whacking Day" episode where Miss Springfield is in front of a crowd of Springfield residents with various sticks and blunt objects. She is saying "Gentlemen, start your whacking."
THe words "I NEED TP FOR MY BUNGHOLE" stylized as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles logo
Homer Simpson nude on the bathroom floor with a bath curtain draped over him, as video graphed from his window by a news chopper from season 6 episode 9.
the no name® gang tag from something awful
Poster for movie named “Hot Frosty” with a shot from the film of the titular Frosty in human form showing off his rock (ice?) hard abs
A screenshot of Ken Griffey Jr with an enlarged head due to gigantism from excessive consumption of "nerve tonic" from The Simpsons episode "Homer at the Bat"
rotor: welcome back dude Moose Milkie: how are you still fuckin alive? holy shit
Overdose scene from Trainspotting, soundtrack is playing "Perfect Day" by Lou Reed
Uma Thurman dancing to Girl You'll be a Woman Soon performed by Urge Overkill
THEY ARE BACK PUMPKIN SPICE NEUTERS!
Album cover YEASTIE BOYS CHECK YOUR BREAD
A nice painting of a frog annotated with "It is the day of Wodens, mine goodly fellows!"
A can of Mr. Brown Iced Coffee
Tweet: "Confident in my ability to properly tennis, I take the court. smile at my opponent. Serena does not return the gesture. She'd be prettier if she did, I think. She serves. The ball passes cleanly through my skull, killing me instantly" in response to a tweet stating "1 in 8 men could win a point in a game of tennis against 23 time grand slam winner Serena Williams"
Party City logo modified to read Lemon Party City
Fake screenshots of an email inbox showing two emails. The first is from "Proton VPN" with the subject "Your 2024 Wrapped is here!" and the second is from "Tor Browser Services" with the subject "2024 'Un'-Wrapped - Here are your favourite Onion sites of 2024!"
A yospos post by user "alexandriao" on something awful that reads "EVERY NIGHT I OPEN PALM SLAM A CPAP TO MY FACE. ITS LIKE IN TOP GUN, AND RIGHT THERE AND THEN I START BREATHING HARD ALONG SIDE THE MAIN CHARACTER, MR TOP GUN. I DO EVERY BREATH AND I DO EVERY BREATH HARD. MAKING WOOSHING NOISES WHEN I SLAM DOWN SOME REM DREAMS OR EVEN WHEN I WAKE UP. NOT MANY CAN SAY THEY WERE COPILOT TO MR TOP GUN. I CAN. I SAY IT AND I SAY IT OUTLOUD EVERYDAY TO PEOPLE IN MY WORKPLACE AND ALL THEY DO IS PROVE PEOPLE AT WORK CAN STILL BE IMMATURE JERKS."