Crary

@crary.bsky.social

910 Followers 1060 Following

He/him. Originally from the Finger Lakes, moved to the Canadian prairie. Not because it rhymes with my name, but I don't mind that. Lawyer in two countries, competent adult in neither.

The famous "corn cob" tweet from Master Dril, stating "'im not owned! im not owned!!', i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob"

The results of a silly online survey which asked me questions about my views and said that my "closest match" is New York City mayor Zohran Mamdani.

The "epic handshake meme," originally from the movie Predator, in which Arnold Schwarzenegger battles a Yautja hunter in the jungles of an unspecified Latin American country, and which would go on to spawn a series of sequels and the popular "Alien vs. Predator" crossover--here the epic handshake has "CANOES" as the joining point and "Brazil" as Carl Weathers with "Canada" as Arnold Schwarzenegger.

A dog wearing glasses and sitting at a computer, with the text "On the internet nobody knows you're a dog."

The cover of former Senator Al Franken's book "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations" that still feels very recent to me despite being decades old at this point.

A picture of a bag of delicious peanut butter eggies from Herehey, which make a surprisingly uninspiring breakfast.

An image of the poster for the new "Dune" movie, made with the Dune meme generator, but featuring the text "Afroman did nothing wrong."

"5. Irion and Egli did not respond to these directives. Instead, they said the show cause order was 'void on its face for failing to include a signature of an Article III judge,' was 'motivated by harassment of the Respondent attorneys,' and 'reflect[ed] illegal ex-parte [sic] communications within this Court." Citation omitted.

A map of the world showing a crudely drawn line from Japan to Hawaii, in a westerly direction (i.e. south of Asia, Africa and South America).

Dwight Schrute from "The Office" with the text "five minutes ahead of schedule...right on schedule."

A still of Dwight Schrute from "The Office" with a quote of his: "Five minutes ahead of schedule. Right on schedule."

George Clinton (admittedly, not the one who was vice president), looking both cooler and more competent and more trustworthy than J.D. Vance.

This is an insane AI-generated image depiting the difference between twerking for a bear and doing the "I am human wave" for a bear. By far the best part is that the bear is scratching his head while beholding the twerker.

a dril tweet reading: "the wise man bowed his head solemnly and spoke: "theres actually zero difference between good & bad things, you imbecile, you fucking moron"

A still from the Police Squad! episode "A Substantial Gift (The Broken Promise)" featuring Leslie Nielsen and the other awesome guy from Police Squad! whose name escapes me.

Joyce Carol Oates says of Elon on Twitter: "So curious that such a wealthy man never posts anything that indicates that he enjoys or is even aware of what virtually everyone appreciates--scenes from nature, pet dog or cat, praise for a movie, music, a book (but doubt that he reads); pride in a friend's or relative's accomplishment; condolences for someone who has died; pleasure in sports, acclaim for a favorite team; references to history. In fact he seems totally uneducated, uncultured. The poorest persons on Twitter may have access to more beauty & meaning in life than the "most wealthy person in the world."

A depiction of the decaying Mummy from the Brendan Fraser mega blockbuster documentary "The Mummy"

"The Husbandman" by H. L. Mencken, which reads:

"… LET the farmer, so far as I am concerned, be damned forevermore. To Hell with him, and bad luck to him. He is a tedious fraud and ignoramus, a cheap rogue and hypocrite, the eternal Jack of the human pack. He deserves all that he ever suffers under our economic system, and more. Any city man, not insane, who sheds tears for him is shedding tears of the crocodile.
No more grasping, selfish and dishonest mammal, indeed, is known to students of the Anthropoidea. When the going is good for him he robs the rest of us up to the extreme limit of our endurance ; when the going is bad be comes bawling for help out of the public till. Has anyone ever heard of a farmer making any sacrifice of his own interests, however slight, to the common good ? Has anyone ever heard of a farmer practising or advocating any political idea that was not absolutely self-seeking – that was not, in fact, deliberately designed to loot the rest of us to his gain ? Greenbackism, free silver, the government guarantee of prices, bonuses, all the complex fiscal imbecilities of the cow State John Baptists – these are the contributions of the virtuous husbandmen to American political theory. There has never been a time, in good seasons or bad, when his hands were not itching for more ; there has never been a time when he was not ready to support any charlatan, however grotesque, who promised to get it for him. Only one issue ever fetches him, and that is the issue of his own profit. He must be promised something definite and valuable, to be paid to him alone, or he is off after some other mountebank…"

A defense lawyer in "The Simpsons" has been run over by a car, and says "remember me as a drain on society."

A screen from Star Wars with the Grand Moff Tarkin quote "The last remnants of the old republic have been swept away."

A cartoon of Guy Fleegman, from "Galaxy Quest," asking "can you form some sort of rudimentary lathe?"

Max Baer Jr. as Jethro from "The Beverly Hillbillies"

An image of Luke Skywalker's fake hand, having had his chopped off by his father during a family squabble.

An image of sausages, or as colloquially known in the UK, "bangers."

The famous Dril meme from twitter, reading "and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad."

An utterly screwball map of the United States generated by google Gemini. While borders are all accurate, the labelling and naming is wildly, WILDLY inaccurate.

A screenshot of the Department of Justice's search tool for the "Full Epstein Library." A search has been run for the word "Epstein" and it returned no results.

Jim, from "The Office" commenting on Michael Scott's recent awkwardness: "It's a bold move to photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father." Then he continues: "But then again, Michael's a bold guy."

A poster for "Halloween 4: The return of Michael Myers" featuring the iconic mask (but which no longer began as a William Shatner costume after the first movie, to my knowledge).

"Disco Stu" from The Simpsons wearing a name tag and looking discorific

In the movie "Goodfellas," Tommy enters a room expecting to undergo a ceremony to become a made man.

A quote in red lettering on a white background: “It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on his not understanding it!” - Upton Sinclair

Pope Leo speaking into a microphone but looking like he's listening to some minor key organ music

Pope Leo XIV speaking into a microphone, but looking for all the world like he is belting out some alternative hits from the 90's

A poster for the Zucker/Abrams/Zucker masterpiece "Airplane!"

Secretary of Defense, Pete Hegseth, posts on Twitter: "President Trump ordered action--and the Department of War is delivering.

Today, I'm announcing Operation SOUTHERN SPEAR.

Led by Joint Task Force southern Spear and @SOUTHCOM, this mission defends our Homeland, removes narco-terrorists from our Hemisphere, and secures our Homeland form the drugs that are killing our people. The Western Hemisphere is America's neighborhood--and we will protect it."

Clip from the movie "Aliens" with a space marine saying "They're inside the perimeter. They're in here."

A picture of nineteen sixties stars "The Oneders" guest starring in the cult classic movie "Weekend at Party Pier."

Trump stands, seeming almost paralyzed, as many others in the oval office rush to the aid of a man who has collapsed.

Donald Trump posts "Christianity is facing an existential threat in Nigeria. Thousands of Christians are being killed. Radical Islamists are responsible for this mass slaughter. I am hereby making Nigeria a "COUNTRY OF PARTICULAR CONCERN" -- But that is the least of it. When Christians, or any such group, is slaughtered like is happening in Nigeria (3,100 versus 4,476 Worldwide), something must be done! I am asking Congressman Riley Moore, together with Chairman Tom Cole and the House Appropriations Committee, to immediately look into this matter, and report back to me. The United States cannot stand by while such atrocities are happening in Nigeria, and numerous other Countries. We stand ready, willing, and able to save our Great Christian population around the World!

DONALD J. TRUMP
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A picture of a blue Lotus Emira sports car

Jim Carrey in his incarnation as a vampire from the 1985 film "Once Bitten"

A beautiful image of a multicolored sand mandala

The actor James Doohan, playing "Scottie" in "Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home," attempts to interact with a computer by picking up a mouse and saying "Hello, computer."

An image of the pretend product "Crystal Gravy" from an SNL advertising spoof

Salvador Dali's painting "Crucifixion (Corpus Hypercubus)" depicting a man (presumably Jesus of Nazareth) crucified on a hyper cube, which looks like a cross given the angle of the viewer.

An image of late comedian Mitch Hedberg with his classic "escalator" joke: "An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an 'Escalator Temporarily Out of Order' sign, just 'Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"

A man sitting on a park bench with thought bubbles including money, a car, an airplane, and a house. Next to him is a dog (presumably his), whose thought bubble is simply the current moment. The text "This is why the dog is happier" is at the bottom.

Robert Redford as rodeo rider Sonny Steele in "The Electric Horseman," riding the horse "Rising Star." Both are festooned with LED lights for a show in Las Vegas.

The Hudbandman, by H.L. Mencken, reading: "… LET the farmer, so far as I am concerned, be damned forevermore. To Hell with him, and bad luck to him. He is a tedious fraud and ignoramus, a cheap rogue and hypocrite, the eternal Jack of the human pack. He deserves all that he ever suffers under our economic system, and more. Any city man, not insane, who sheds tears for him is shedding tears of the crocodile.
No more grasping, selfish and dishonest mammal, indeed, is known to students of the Anthropoidea. When the going is good for him he robs the rest of us up to the extreme limit of our endurance ; when the going is bad be comes bawling for help out of the public till. Has anyone ever heard of a farmer making any sacrifice of his own interests, however slight, to the common good ? Has anyone ever heard of a farmer practising or advocating any political idea that was not absolutely self-seeking – that was not, in fact, deliberately designed to loot the rest of us to his gain ? Greenbackism, free silver, the government guarantee of prices, bonuses, all the complex fiscal imbecilities of the cow State John Baptists – these are the contributions of the virtuous husbandmen to American political theory. There has never been a time, in good seasons or bad, when his hands were not itching for more ; there has never been a time when he was not ready to support any charlatan, however grotesque, who promised to get it for him. Only one issue ever fetches him, and that is the issue of his own profit. He must be promised something definite and valuable, to be paid to him alone, or he is off after some other mountebank…"

H.L. Mencken's "The Husbandman," reading: "… LET the farmer, so far as I am concerned, be damned forevermore. To Hell with him, and bad luck to him. He is a tedious fraud and ignoramus, a cheap rogue and hypocrite, the eternal Jack of the human pack. He deserves all that he ever suffers under our economic system, and more. Any city man, not insane, who sheds tears for him is shedding tears of the crocodile.
No more grasping, selfish and dishonest mammal, indeed, is known to students of the Anthropoidea. When the going is good for him he robs the rest of us up to the extreme limit of our endurance ; when the going is bad be comes bawling for help out of the public till. Has anyone ever heard of a farmer making any sacrifice of his own interests, however slight, to the common good ? Has anyone ever heard of a farmer practising or advocating any political idea that was not absolutely self-seeking – that was not, in fact, deliberately designed to loot the rest of us to his gain ? Greenbackism, free silver, the government guarantee of prices, bonuses, all the complex fiscal imbecilities of the cow State John Baptists – these are the contributions of the virtuous husbandmen to American political theory. There has never been a time, in good seasons or bad, when his hands were not itching for more ; there has never been a time when he was not ready to support any charlatan, however grotesque, who promised to get it for him. Only one issue ever fetches him, and that is the issue of his own profit. He must be promised something definite and valuable, to be paid to him alone, or he is off after some other mountebank…"

The famous dril meme of "and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad."

The infamous dril meme "i'm not owned! im not owned" i continue to insist as i slowly shrink and transform into a corn cob

The "chubby baby" meme of J.D. Vance in which he appears bald and corpulent.

Michael Scott, from "The Office," is running in the Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race For the Cure, and turning down water while saying "Not while rabies causes fear of water! Solidarity!"