CrustaceanSingles

@crustaceansingles.com

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Comics. My immune system has been eating my brain since 2004, which is fun. Links: https://linktr.ee/crustaceansingles The human who makes the comics is Andrew (he/they) BTW

Hans Coleman speaks into a phone booth telephone: "No, that's too small."
A five year old child's handwriting on a white board which reads "I am your dad"
Photograph of a young Ferocactus and Graptopetalum potted with red stone and small turquoise fragments in a glazed blue teacup. The cactus has dark blue-green skin and bright pink spines with white tufts at the base. The thick leaves of the Graptopetalum are purple at the tips with dark blue-green flesh beneath a pale blue farina. The pot sits on a west-facing windowsill during the last hour or so of sunlight. I grew the cactus from seed and the other succulent from a single fallen leaf. I bought the pot at a thrift store and carefully drilled drainage holes into it.
A screenshot of Firefox on Android, specifically its dogshit new three-dot menu.
This is a hasty whiteboard drawing of a kind of four-legged creature with a long neck and undifferentiated head bearing a face which, upon reflection, does resemble that of Bob Belcher. A little balder. The creature also has an enormous bubble butt in defiance of what science tells us about quadruped butts.
A child's design of a pizza, drawn in marker on a cut-out piece of paper from the recycle bin. The design is very radially symmetrical and the inner circle has six circles that look like eyes.
A large ampersand appears to hold two smaller ones. "Look! At my babies!"
Implied frame 1: Grambo approaches a line and muses aloud, "I wonder what kind of line this is." Implied frame 2: Grambo very apprehensively steps one foot over the line, grimacing.
A diagram depicting the operation and function of a flow cytometry device.
Photo of a tiny sprig of juniper, potted in a bottlecap, wrapped with golden string and topped with a purple star bead. Two toy mice are looking at each other across the tree.
A cube of 27 chrome-plated cube magnets sits on a rock in a pot next to a cactus graft.
Firefox once again re-enabled its fucking stupid-ass RAM-hogging bullshit "use AI to suggest tabs and a name for tab groups" setting even though I keep disabling it
It is a photo of me, a human wearing a shawl with one end tossed over the opposite shoulder. I think it looks cool. I hope it looks cool.
Pictured, a cactus graft in which a seedling of Weberbauerocereus winterianus has been vertically bisected and attached to two correspondingly cut stems of Pereskiopsis 'spathulata'. The scion half in this photo is healthy five days after the operation (as is the other). The photo includes a ruler in the background showing that the scion is about 7 mm tall and not more than 3 mm wide.
Illustration: Grambo sits in the bare branches of a gnarled and leafless tree that grows on the edge of a cliff. Caption: Sometimes, when you don't hear from me, it's not because things are going bad. / I mean, things are still not great. But that's not why.
On a chilly, breezy morning, a wild bee is nestled in the folds of the bright pink flower of a prickly pear cactus (Opuntia polyacantha). The bee is surrounded by tiny particles of pollen which it has been gathering and perhaps snacking on. In the background, out of focus, a lightly colored pad (cladode, or stem segment) of new growth contrasts with the darker coloration and more profuse spines of last year's growth.
ALT TEXT: Top panel shows three increasingly close shots of a stick figure in a manic pose with a rictus grin who says, "Look, everybody! I feel fine! I'm not sick and nothing hurts and I have positive feelings about myself and the future! / did I get you? Did I have you going there?" The bottom panel shows two stick figures reacting: "You are so bad at April Fools." "I pity you more and like you less now."
Pictured: a freshly baked loaf of homemade bread with a slightly chaotic shape and nonsensical scoring.
Pictured: a book with the excessively long title "Fun Nonsense Words to Say Out Loud inside A Candle Pentagram on the Floor (which DEFINITELY won't turn you into a cursed book; they're just FUN TO SAY!)"
A demon reclines on the floor, a slice of pizza in hand and a flat, square box labeled "HELL OF A PIZZA" nearby. The slice of pizza has a horrified face on it. "It's the demon equivalent of the weekend. / You can't make me do demon stuff on the demon equivalent of the weekend."
Four small wizards have congregated near a dirt track in a desert landscape. Caption: It wouldn't be long now. The wind picked up, carrying dust and tumbleweeds. Clouds darkened, and the little band of wizards waited in the desert for the arrival of Joey's mom, who he had promised would bring them snacks.
A long-bearded person in wizard attire (robe, pointy wide-brimmed hat, holding a staff) says, "I'm not a wizard, but I do have a wizard hat!" The hat says, "He means I'm a wizard trapped in the form of a hat."
Panel 1 of 3: a wide shot of a wizard approaching a mysterious arched door. At the top of the arch is an eye that seems to be looking around suspiciously. Panel 2 of 3: the wizard now stands at the door. The eye asks the wizard something unintelligible in a complex and glowing script. The wizard replies, "I seek the legendary savings of WIZARD MART" Panel 3 of 3: closeup on the wizard's face. From out of frame, the eye asks another unintelligible question. The wizard, annoyed, replies, "No, I don't have a *membership*" END
Panel 1 of 2: a wizard holds a crystal full of darkness and purple and says, "We must seal away the ancient evil!" A warrior with a sword asks, "Why not simply destroy it?" Panel 2 of 2: closeup of the wizard's face. "Well what if we need it later? Did you think of that, smart guy?"
Four panels. First, a stick figure reads small print on the label of a bottle of "GUZZ [cut-off text] J". Second, a closeup on said small print: "Shake well before drinking". Third panel: the stick figure has put the bottle down on a small round table with legs in the form of cephalopod limbs. The figure stands rigidly and shakes their whole body rapidly in place. Fourth panel: the figure holds the bottle up over their mouth while thinking, "I hope that was well enough."
On the ground, a large puddle or small pond. In the sky, fluffy, faceless clouds passing. The puddle/pond thinks, "I miss it, but I can't seem to get back to it."
Grambo stands almost on a line extending forward from the left and ending in an arrow at the right edge of the frame. Pensively and not without some concern, Grambo thinks, "Time is doing that thing again."
Panel 1 of 2: a door, open about a quarter of the way, allows a voice to pass outside the room where its unseen speaker is: "I am a serene beast / in the cool of the shade / upon the precipice / of the ambush / my path is inevitable / and none shall deliver". Panel 2 of 2: A person (looking alarmed) says to another (cheerful) "So...I heard what you were saying in there..." The other replies "Just doing my daily affirmations!"
Strap in, folks, cause it's six panels this time. 1: A bird on a branch thinks "Am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe?" 2: Same bird flying. "Am I safe?" Looks over one shoulder. "Am I safe?" Looks over the other. "Am I safe?" 3: A cat's paw swipes at the bird, who flaps backwards in shock and says "AAAUGHGHCK". A worm poking its head above the soil thinks "Heck?" 4: Bird sitting alone on an electric line. "I'm safe!" Then "*Am* I safe?" 5: Bird pulls a worm from the ground all while thinking "Am I safe?" over and over. The worm thinks "EEEK". 6: A snake has the bird in its jaws. The bird cries "AUGHGHCK". END
Arugula seedlings growing inside a small tunnel greenhouse. Behind them, along the plastic membrane wall, reused bottles and jugs contain water to act as heat storage, built up during the day and slowly released at night.
Grambo stands at the bottom of a body of water deep enough to be quite dark. A fish swims by overhead and a pale crab looks up at Grambo. Grambo thinks, "This puddle might be too deep." The crab thinks, "This puddle might not be deep enough."
Photograph; overhead view of a toddler's potty in which a piece of paper with a crayon drawing of a little cartoon cloud with a goofy face. My kid likes playing with little paper characters but I do not know how this one ended up here. Yup. A real mystery.
Grambo, sitting in a puddle, recounts an important tale to a small child, also sitting in a puddle and holding a toy that appears to be a potted branching cactus and the pot has the legs and tail of a Tyrannosaurid dinosaur. And so anyway Grambo says, "So I made a humorous reference to wearing an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time..." The child experiences puzzlement. The end!
Photograph of a small cylindrical cactus of the species Austrocylindropuntia subulata, green with hints of red in the areoles and tiny leaves, sparsely spined and with small tufts of hairs at some areoles. This specimen has been cut at slight diagonals in three places; the pieces were rotated 180 degrees and reattached to the segment from which they were cut. The effect is of a cactus growing in a sharp, unnatural zigzag shape.
In black and white. Red Guy, currently in the form of a sort of flattened ovoid blob, says, "Why do we struggle so to survive? What motivates us?" Blue Guy, a spiky ball, answers with gritted teeth: "Spite, mostly."
Red Guy, who doesn't seem to be having any fun, looks down at Blue Guy and asks, "How much longer will you keep your silence?" Blue Guy, in the shape of a blob with two shrugging arms, has also shape-shifted the letters to spell "SHRUG" across the top of their head.
BLUE GUY: I have so much to tell you. RED GUY: Tell me so much! BLUE GUY: I hope you enjoy the profoundly trivial.
This is an animated GIF of Red Guy and Blue Guy saying "words". That's all it is.
In the top two panels, Blue Guy looks from side to side in disquiet and alarm. Panel three shows a closeup of the same troubled face and the thought bubble "I have worried about this exact scenario."
Blue Guy, in the form of a floating ghost, asks, "Does it feel spooky in here?" Red Guy, shaped approximately like a skull, answers, "Not nearly spooky enough."
Red Guy, whacking self over head with a club labeled "self-congratulation" and grinning vacantly: "I am good at this." Blue Guy, limbs writhing pensively and placing one finger on the chin, also pensively: "This one may be too subtle for me."
Red Guy, whose head has sprouted an arm that holds between thumb and forefinger a piece of paper reading (in pixelated text) "Click here for more information" with an image of a mouse cursor (also pixelated). Blue Guy folds two arms and extends a squinting eye on a stalk to read Red Guy's paper. Blue Guy scowls.
Blue Guy, who has sprouted two arms posed in an aggressively pensive configuration, asks "Do I dare defy the universe?" Red Guy, who stands on two limbs that end in something not unlike a simian hand or an avian foot, says, "Blue, I watch you do that several times a day."
In a closeup, Red Guy looks nervous while asking, "Is it always wrong to lie?" Zoomed out, Red Guy and Blue Guy stare uncomfortably at each other. In another closeup, Blue Guy looks nervous while saying, "I am not prepared to comment on the matter at this time."
Top caption: "Red Guy & Blue Guy are concerned." Pictured: three sets of Red Guy and Blue Guy, shapeshifting variously and looking disturbed, alarmed, disquieted, &c.
Blue Guy, shaped like a fluffy cloud, floats wordlessly at the top of the frame. Red Guy, shaped like a cloud if a cloud could sit ponderously on the ground, says, "Though I change my shape to that of the cloud, I cannot float, for my heart is heavy."
Red Guy, blob-shaped: "You OK, Blue? You've gone all pointy." Blue Guy, shaped like a sharp-edged pyramid and with pointy teeth, says, "I am not to be trodden upon."
Red Guy: "I just had a thought." Blue Guy: "Yes, self-torment is inherent to consciousness."
Red Guy, with an arm and hand extending from their head in a palm-forward, 'high five' position: "I don't need to be genuinely liked. I just need a decent high five." Blue Guy, mostly blob-shaped but with eyes on thick stalks: "Best I can do is 'genuinely liked'."
Top caption, as from an unseen narrator: There settled over them a tedious sadness. Red Guy and Blue Guy mope, looking deflated. Blue Guy remarks, "How I wish some entertaining tragedy would transpire!"
Red Guy, in blob form with one arm emerging from under the mouth and holding a glass of red liquid, says, "Time to drink the Juice That Turns Me Red!" Blue Guy, also in blobmode with one arm sprouting from next to their left eye, the hand placed pensively on the chin, says, "You are already red." Red Guy replies, "And Juice willing, I always will be."
Red Guy, in a vaguely humanoid shape except that their lower half is more like a penguin's, says, "Ha! Can you imagine going through life shaped like this?" Blue Guy, whose upper half is also vaguely humanoid, bottom half is more spiderlike, and whose right arm is corkscrewed into an obscure gesture, adds, "It is burdensome to manage the limbs even when they are not in use."
Blue Guy has taken the form of a puddle with a serene, happy face. Red Guy looks down and says, "How perfectly tranquil?" Blue Guy says, "Make an observation". Red Guy extends an arm from the top of their head and pokes the surface of the Blue Guy puddle, which makes ripples and a PLOIP sound. Red Guy announces, "How perfectly tranquil!"
Red Guy, who has morphed the top of their head into a cowboy hat, says, "Howdy" and adds "is short for 'How do you do?'" Blue guy, with an arm stretching from the top of their head to place a pensive finger on the chin, says, "I am more often asked 'Why do you do?'"
Panel 1 of 4: A closeup of Red Guy's face, who says, "The snack." Panel 2 of 4: Now we see Red Guy and Blue Guy in the background. In the foreground, a bag of snack food labeled "Cheazy sustenance". Red guy looks sad and says, "It is too far." Blue guy looks blankly at Red Guy. Panel 3 of 4: Blue Guy, still blank-faced, grows an arm above the right eye and extends it into the foreground, grabbing the snacks with a YOINK. Panel 4 of 4: Red Guy (who suddenly has two little arms and holds the bag with one while eating with the other) leans towards Blue Guy and asks, "What have I done to deserve your love?" Blue Guy smiles very slightly.
Top caption: Oh, hey! It's Red* Guy** & Blue Guy! The asterisks lead to two notes: *unrelated to common political or sports colors; **used in the gender-neutral sense. Continued caption: What do they do? This is followed by the image of two blobs, one red and one blue, with two googly eyes and a mouth. The red one answers the caption question: "Maybe we mind our own business."
Cartoonish clouds float in the sky. Most have benign facial expressions except for the one in the foreground, who appears worried. "Still, the feeling of being late for something lingered."
Panel 1 of 2: A smiling stick figure sits at a desk in front of an open notebook with entirely blank pages. "Once I take the pressure off, the ideas will come!" Panel 2 of 2: The image is unchanged except that the person is now a slumped skeleton, and the pen has moved slightly where it rested on the notebook. The pages are unturned and still blank.