CustardFist

@custardfist.bsky.social

242 Followers 174 Following

I’m a cartoonist from the Netherlands, making mostly silly and unwholesome comics. 😎 https://custardfist.com

- - - This is a comic strip - - - Tim and Jamie are lying in bed. Tim snuggles up to Jamie. Tim: HEY FLUFFIE SNUFFIE. Jamie: HEY SNOOKIE POOKIE. Tim: I SAW A WOMAN AT THE GROCERY STORE AND SHE LOOKED JUST LIKE YOU. Jamie: OH REALLY? Jamie: DID YOU FIND HER ATTRACTIVE? Tim’s smile is wiped off of his face, as he realizes he set a trap for himself. Gets nervous, starts sweating. Tim gets up and walks away with his pillow under his arm. Jamie: WHERE ARE YOU GOING, POOKIE? Tim: I’LL GO SLEEP ON THE COUCH. IT’S INEVITABLE.
- - - This is a one-panel comic - - - Dad is on his knees at the side of the road, trying to grab something that fell into a curb inlet. Mother talks to her two children. Mother: IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE LOSES AN IPHONE.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Page 1/3 NASA HEADQUARTERS, 1976. The mission leader announces the next phase in Voyager 2's mission to a board room full of engineers. Leader: AT SOME POINT, VOYAGER 2 WILL DO A FLYBY OF URANUS. Leader: I HAVE COMMISSIONED AN ILLUSTRATOR TO MAKE A RENDITION OF THIS EVENT. A groovy looking artist wheels in a covered-up painting Then, the artist pulls off the cover to reveal a very NSFW painting of Uranus and Voyager 2. One engineer: MY GOD!!! Another engineer: WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?!? One engineer even has a gag reflex.
- - - This is a one-panel comic - - - Tony Stark is found dead in his private lab, crushed under his Iron Man suit. The police have launched an investigation. The chief inspector looks at the mess and says: THAT’S IRONY, MAN.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Hannah and Regina are hiking in the woods. Hannah: UGH… WE’RE LOST… AND IT’S GETTING DARK. An opossum runs by. Regina: LOOK… AN OPOSSUM! IF WE FOLLOW IT, WE’RE SAVED! Regina starts chasing the little critter. Hannah: WAIT! WHAT?!? WHY ARE WE FOLLOWING THIS ANIMAL? Regina: CUZ IF THERE’S ONE THING THESE FURRY FUCKERS CAN FIND, IT’S… Regina: …ROADS!!! All three are flung into the air after being hit by a car.
- - - This is a slightly naughty one panel comic - - - Two people are in bed, about to get intimate for the first time. One lifts the sheets and looks rather disappointed at the other’s genitals. Caption: I WAS TALKING IN NAUTICAL INCHES.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Two airline pilots are sitting in the cockpit of a plane in flight. The copilot is getting worried. Copilot: CAPTAIN, ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE THIS HIGH? The pilot blows out a puff of smoke and hands the copilot a joint. Then it turns out they are not actually in a cockpit. They’re just two stoners on a couch, being high as a kite. Pilot: NO, MAYBE NOT. GOOD CALL.
- - - This is a one-panel comic - - - A frustrated man leaps up from the psychiatrist’s couch and punches the psychiatrist really hard in the face. As the psychiatrist is falling to the ground, bleeding, he says: OK, YOU JUST WENT FROM PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE TO ACTIVE AGGRESSIVE. THIS COULD BE A BREAKTHROUGH.
The Sunday Comix logo
- - - This is a one-panel comic - - - Two dogs are waiting for their owner to finish filling their food bowls. Younger dog: SNIFF SNIFF. WOW, THIS NEW DOG FOOD SMELLS GREAT!!! Older, more cynical dog: OF COURSE IT DOES. IT WAS DESIGNED BY A SMELLGORITHM.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - A husband and wife are at the supermarket. The man asks: OK, HONEY. WHAT DO WE NEED? The woman replies under her breath: A LONG, HARD DICK FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. Surprised, the man turns to her: WHAT’S THAT? Neutrally, the woman says: TEABAGS.
- - - This is a one-panel comic - - - Caption: JENNIFER WAS ADAMANT ABOUT HOLDING IN FARTS IN CONFINED SPACES. Then we see Jennifer, a sturdily built woman, squeezing the butts of the other passengers on the elevator shut.
- - - This is a one-panel comic - - - Caregivers look after elderly residents in a nursing home. The residents display varying levels of vitality. One caregiver says to another: “DEATH IS A SPECTRUM, YOU KNOW.”
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Ronald has to enter a password for a new account. We see a text appear that says: YOUR PASSWORD IS **WEAK**! Ronald: OH C’MON! Then we zoom out and we see that there is a big barbarian standing next to him and he was the one who said it. Barbarian: ADD AT LEAST ONE SPECIAL CHARACTER! Ronald, snarkingly: **YOU’RE** THE SPECIAL CHARACTER, HERE!
- - - This is a one-panel comic - - - An annoyed looking woman with colorful hair stares at us. Near her chin, she holds a mug with the text: DON’T TALK TO ME BEFORE I HAD MY GINGER INFUSED DARJEELING WHITE TEA. Do people even read these alt texts?
- - - This is a slightly naughty comic - - - Page 1/3 A female rabbit puts on lipstick. She puts on a pair of fake human ears. She is now wearing a comically exaggerated human costume, including a pink human-shaped rear attachment. Male rabbit: “YEAH, BABY! I LOVE IT WHEN YOU WEAR YOUR SEXY HUMAN OUTFIT!”
- - - This is a one-panel comic - - - Caption: LIZA’S FIRST DAY ON THE JOB. The director sits on the bed next to Liza, a new porn actress, and he patiently explains the job to her. Director: WHEN A MOMMY PORN ACTRESS AND A DADDY PORN ACTOR LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH…
- - - This is a one-panel comic - - - Two aliens from outer space sit at a bar on Earth. Bartender: YOU GUYS CAME ALL THE WAY FROM THE SAGITTARIUS DWARF SPHEROIDAL GALAXY? Alien: YEAH. OUR GALAXY HAS NO BAR.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Martin is showing off his new house to his lady friend, Jesse. Martin: SO THIS IS MY NEW CRIB. WHAT DO YOU THINK? Jesse: OH MY. I LOVE THIS KITCHEN. Then Jesse turns her head to see the living room. Jesse: OH MY G..!!!! WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE AMAZING VENETIAN BLINDS?!? In the living room there are two confused looking, blind, Venetian gondoliers with their gondolas, wearing sunglasses and holding their seeing eye dogs by the leash. Gondolier 1: DIS DOESN’T SMELLA LIKE-A VENICE! Gondolier 2: I MUSTA HAVE TAKEN-A DA WRONG TURNA SOMEWHERE, EH?
- - - This is a one-panel comic - - - A young couple is staring at a fishbowl filled with murky brown water. Girl: I THINK THE GOLDFISH HAS DIARRHEA. Boy: YOU THINK? Does anyone actually read these alt texts? Let me know. Leave a comment or a DM.
Teaser thumbnail for a naughty cartoon.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Three teenage boys are sitting next to each other in class. The boy in the middle leans toward his friend on the right and whispers with a smug, menacing grin: HEY, WATCH THIS. SILENT, BUT DEADLY. He leans over a little more and points his butt toward the boy on the left. He starts pushing, and a dark cloud begins to emanate from his butt. Then the boy on the left quietly gets his head cut off by the black ninja that emerged from the dark cloud.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Spider-Man is crawling on the side of some skyscraper. Suddenly, his Spidey senses are tingling. Then he sees a huge spider woman, about 100 times bigger than he is. He starts crawling towards her while unzipping his pants, thinking: “I HOPE SHE HAS ALREADY EATEN.”
- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A woman witnesses her husband happily climbing a tree. Woman: HA! AND YOU DIDN’T WANT TO KEEP THE PARASITIC FUNGUS! LOOK AT YOU NOW! Man: YAY! I CAN FEEL A BREEZE UP HERE! The man looks a little “out of it” and has a large spore stalk growing out of his head.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Page 1/3 It is the year 1870 near a small desert town. A brothel, called “THE WHOLE WAY INN.”, sits in a quiet spot just outside the village, with rough heathland stretching behind it. Inside one of the rooms, a cowboy is getting dressed after having sex with a prostitute lying on the bed. Cowboy says: “THANK YOU, MISS. THAT SURE WAS LOVELY.” The prostitute says: “BUT THE FUN AIN’T OVER YET, SUGAR.” The brothel madam suddenly kicks the door open. [KICK] The madam stands in the doorway and shouts: The madam says: “THE FLOOR IS LAVA!”
- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A tiny, blond fairy in a purple fairy dress is squatting down, holding on to a tuft of grass and having violent diarrhea. Peter Pan is worried and asks from a decent distance: ARE YOU OK, TACO BELL?
Page 1/2 The director has summoned Ron to his office for a special assignment. Directeur: RON, I WANT YOU TO HELP PROMOTE OUR ZOO. BRING IT TO THE ATTENTION OF TODAY’S YOUTH. Ron: WHO? ME?!? CAN’T WE SIMPLY HIRE AN AD AGENCY? The director pushes Ron toward the door. Directeur: NOPE! TOO EXPENSIVE. GO MAKE SOME HIP, VIRAL VIDEO ON YOUTUBIES OR TOKTOK OR WHATEVER. Ron: BUT… Ron stands there stunned in front of the door as it closes behind him. Ron: CRAP… NOW WHAT? Ron glances to the side and notices his reflection in a window. Ron: THAT’S IT! “ANIMALS REACT TO A MIRROR FOR THE FIRST TIME” Ron drags a large mirror along, a wide grin on his face. Ron: THIS IS GONNA BE SOOOO FORKING COOL! Ron has put the mirror in the chimpanzee enclosure and he is waiting with his phone for a chimp to interact with the mirror. Ron: COME ON, LITTLE GUY. DO SOMETHING FUNNY. The chimp spreads its cheeks and stares at its anus. Ron: OH NO. THIS JUST TURNED NSFW. Disappointed, Ron drags the mirror to another enclosure. Ron: SHOULD’VE EXPECTED THIS FROM CHIMPS. OH WELL… An elephant stands in front of the mirror. Ron: C’MON, DUMBO. I BET YOU CAN DO BETTER. The elephant looks at its anus. Ron: REALLY?!?
- - - This is a comic strip - - - A guy in a fast food chain orders food at the counter. Employee: CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER, SIR? Our guy: UH, YEAH. I’LL HAVE… THE SWEET CHILLY CHICKEN BURGER AND… THE HORSERADISH SALADE WITHOUT THE PROSTITUTE. The employee yells the order to the kitchen staff. CHILLY CHICKEN, HORSERADISH, NO PROSTITUTE! The cook in the kitchen: WELL, YOU HEARD HIM. SORRY. The prostitute leaning against the kitchen wall: IT’S OKAY.
- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A delivery guy brought a cut open baguette with a bunch of flowers in it. He reads on his phone and says to the lady at the door: NO REALLY! THE MESSAGE LITERALLY SAYS “A BAGUETTE OF FLOWERS”. The caption says: HAVING A SECRET, DYSLEXIC ADMIRER.
- - - This is a slightly naughty one panel comic - - - We see two llamas. One llama spits on the crotch of the other llama. PTOOEY! The caption says: LLAMA FOREPLAY.
- - This is a comic strip - - Page 1/3 After chatting in the street, Bart and his friend start saying their goodbyes and start walking in opposite directions. “It was nice talking to you again,” Bart says. “Yes,” his friend replies. “Let’s do this again soon.” “Definitely!” “Bye!” “Yoooo!” But then, Bart turns around and follows his friend. “Actually, my car is over there,” says Bart. In a coffee shop, the waiter serves Bart his coffee. “Enjoy your coffee.” “Thanks! You too!” Bart replies. Later, Bart sees someone in the street waving at him, so he waves back. It turns out that person was waving at someone else. “Hi there!” he says anyway and keeps waving enthusiastically.
- - - This is a one panel comic - - - An old man is sitting in his comfy chair with a box of bottles of red wine in arms reach. He has just opened a bottle and asks his daughter: WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THOSE REPORTS ABOUT THE HEALTH BENEFITS OF DRINKING RED WINE? I JUST WANTED TO START WORKING ON MY HEALTH!
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Page 1/3 We are in the suburbs. John is walking his dog, Dax. A firetruck approaches with its sirens on. Dax is barking. John: EASY DAX. IT’S JUST A FIRETRUCK. A smiling firefighter leans out the passenger window with his hand stuck out. John: OH? HE WANTS A DRIVE-BY HIGH FIVE? WELL... John happily raises his hand, awaiting the high five.
Teaser thumbnail for NSFW comic at the top of this thread.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Page 1/4 In a park, a blind man and his dog nervously hide behind a tree. Blind man: IS IT SAFE? The dog gives a soft bark. They suddenly sprint away. The blind man is wildly tapping his cane in front of him while the dog runs ahead and pulls him in a safe direction.
- - - This is a one panel comic - - - Two astronauts are working on the moon. One astronaut sticks out his finger and says to the other: “PULL MY FINGER.”
- - - This is a one panel comic - - - An MRI tech has just made a scan of a patient and quietly thinks to himself: “MAN, I HATE THIS GUY’S GUTS.”
DID'JA NOTICE SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH THIS COMIC? NO, IT'S NOT A BOOTLEG, IT'S PART OF THE SUNDAY COMIX ‘APRIL FOO’ SWITCHEROO’ SPECIAL THANKS TO this ecommerce life by DATCH HAVEN FOR DRAWING MY COMIC
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Panel 1 Ronald is at a street fare. There is a stall with a pitchman behind a table. Seems to be selling some kind of cleaning device. The pitchman starts talking to Ronald, while holding some long rod with a hose and some bristles at the tip. Pitchman: SIR! ARE YOU TIRED OF CLEANING YOUR GUTTERS STANDING ON A RICKETY LADDER? WELL… Panel 2 Ronald interrupts him, starts kneeling down and says calmly: YOU ALREADY HAD ME AT “TIRED”. Panel 3 Ronald has fallen asleep on the ground in front of the stall. The pitchman looks down at Ronald and is confused. Pitchman: SIR? Panel 4 We zoom back out again and reveal that there are more fairgoers sleeping on the ground near the stall. On the left of the panel from the neighboring stall, the pillow salesman angrily yells at our pitchman. Pillow salesman: HEY, YOU’RE STEALING MY CUSTOMERS! Annoyed, our pitchman yells back: NO, I AM NOT, GODDAMMIT!
- - - This is a comic strip - - - A group of people are waiting at a bus stop. A tall, lanky man named Benny, is standing next to an attractive woman named Sasha. Sasha has, let’s say, noticeable breasts, and Benny, who is about a head taller than Sasha, is looking at her, gazing downward. Benny says: “They look nice.” Sasha says: “Thanks. Multiple people have pointed that out this morning.” Benny says: “They seem to glisten in the sunlight.” Sasha says: “High protein diet. Keeps them silky and shiny.” Benny says: “Can I pet them?” Sasha says: “Sure. Go ahead.” Benny bends forward and pets Sasha’s two small dogs. One of the dogs says: “Was kinda hoping they were talking about her tits.” The other dog says: “Yeah. We didn’t ask for this.”
- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A woman lies in bed with a piñata, and says: “LOOK, I THINK YOU’RE REALLY SWEET AND ALL, BUT…”
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Page 1/3 A couple, Danny and Wendy, are sleeping peacefully together in bed. All of a sudden, Danny wakes up screaming. Danny shouts, “WHAT IF THE HUMAN RACE NEVER INVENTED PERCUSSION?!?” Wendy, startled, asks, “WHAT?”
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Josh is sitting on a bench with his old father in the garden of the nursery home. Father: I FOUND A GRAY HAIR THIS MORNING. Josh: DAD, YOU’RE 87 AND HAVE BEEN BALD FOR DECADES. Father: NO, LOOK. The father holds up a curly gray hair between his fingers. Father: STUCK IN MY DENTURES. At that exact moment an elderly lady passes by in a wheelchair, that’s being pushed by a nurse. The old woman and the father exchange a naughty wink and give each other a thumbs up. Josh connects the dots and is appalled. Josh: GAAAH! DAD! COULD YOU HAVE AT LEAST WAITED UNTIL MOM HAD BEEN DEAD FOR LIKE FIVE OR TEN YEARS OR WHATEVER?!? OR WAITED FOR ME TO BE DEAD, I DON’T KNOW.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Page 1/3 Jack and Herbert are crawling through the desert. They are starving and almost completely dehydrated. Death is imminent. They run into the dead camel, which started their whole ordeal. Jack: HERBERT! LOOK! IT’S OUR DEAD CAMEL! WE’VE BEEN GOING IN A CIRCLE! Herbert looks at his watch. Herbert: AND IT TOOK US EXACTLY 3 HOURS, 8 MINUTES AND 24 SECONDS. Jack: WHAT DOES THAT MA… Herbert cuts Jack off and points to the horizon at exactly 90° from the direction they were just traveling in. Herbert: I THINK WE NEED TO GO THIS WAY NOW.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Page 1/2 Joseph Erkhoff and his roommate, Rudy, are walking on campus. Joseph: DID YOU KNOW THAT FEMALE DRAGONFLIES SOMETIMES DROP OUT OF THE SKY AND PRETEND TO BE DEAD TO AVOID ADVANCES FROM UNWANTED MALES? Rudy: THAT’S WILD. Joseph looks over his shoulder and sees Tania, about to pass by on her scooter. Joseph: I RECENTLY DISCOVERED SOMETHING. WATCH.
Cartoon version of me, holding a snot baby, with the slimy umbilical cord still dangling from my right nostril.
- - - This is a one panel comic - - - An Amish couple are having a candlelit dinner. Caption: EVERY AMISH GIRL’S STRUGGLE. The girl thinks to herself: IS THIS A ROMANTIC CANDLELIT DINNER OR JUST A REGULAR CANDLELIT DINNER?
- - - This is a comic strip - - - A doctor examines a patient’s feet, which both have turned black and appear to be rotting. The doctor says “WELP… YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.” The doctor leans over his patient's face and declares in a jolly tone “ONCE THEY GO BLACK, THEY DON'T GROW BACK!” Then the doctor calms down and says “I'M SORRY. WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO AMPUTATE.”
- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A young guy in swimming trunks lies on the beach with his arm around a jellyfish. He’s convulsing and foaming at the mouth. Caption says: BRUCE AND HIS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AUSTRALIAN BOX JELLYFISH.
Teaser thumbnail for a naught webcomic. A masseuse offers a quantum ending to a customer.
- - - This is a one panel comic - - - Caption: KYLE ACTUALLY ENJOYED DOING THE KNIGHT SHIFTS. Kyle is doing the (k)night shift at a convenience store, dressed as a knight in full armor. He is selling cheap beer to a confused homeless man. Kyle: THAT WILLE BE TWO PENCE, GOOD SIRE, AND I THANKE YOU. Homeless man: WHA?!?
Valentine’s night. Bottle of good wine and dinner for two. Regret eating two dinners.
- - - This is a comic strip - - - Joseph Erkhoff approaches Maria in a café, dressed as a huge egg. He’s holding flowers and chocolate and he’s going for it, nervously. Joseph : HEY HI, MARIA. ERRRM… I WANTED TO ASK IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE MY VALENTINE? Maria looks at him, unimpressed and uninterested. Maria: BEFORE I SAY NO, TELL ME WHY YOU’RE DRESSED AS AN EGG. Joseph starts wailing. Joseph : BECAUSE I DESPERATELY WANNA GET LAID!!! Maria turns her back on him and takes a sip of her drink. Maria: UH-HUH. AND I BET YOU’RE FULL OF PROTEIN TOO.
- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A couple of baffled men watch a zebra perform a strip act on a stripper pole on stage. Caption says: ACCIDENTALLY WENT TO A STRIPE CLUB.
- - - This is a slightly naughty one panel comic - - - A falcon is wearing a small leather hood and is tied to the glove of a falconer with leather straps. A parrot on a nearby perch has just asked a question (one that we didn’t get to see). The falcon answers, “NO. IN FACT, I LOOOVE THE LEATHER HOOD. IT CALMS ME. DADDY LIKES IT WHEN I’M CALM.” The falconer responds, “M’KAY… SOMEBODY JUST LOST THEIR TALKING PRIVILEGES.”