Dave Jones, Would Elf

@davejonesactor.bsky.social

9083 Followers 528 Following

BAFTA Longlisted actor and part-time bear | Halsin: Baldur’s Gate III | Bill: Alma’s Not Normal | BAFTA member | He/Him | TV Rep: Narrow Road Co. | VA Rep: @VoiceFox_Agency imdb.com/name/nm10439801

My arm whilst giving blood (needle covered by a bear…)
Sorting hat sat on books, proclaiming “Le”
An advert for a teleprompter from Elgato that reads “Prompter: Official Starement It has come to our attention that people are using Prompter to follow games during working hours. We would like to be very clear: Prompter was built for scripts, notes, meetings, and live chat. Not for keeping the score directly under your camera while appearing fully engaged in a work call. Do with that information what you will Sincerely, Team Elgato”
Swen Vincke’s speech presenting Best Game at the 2024 Game Awards.
Haarland, painted, standing ominously on the skulls of his enemies…
Honda’s commercial ‘Cog’, a Rube Goldberg machine made up of a significant number of a Honda Accord’s parts.
The flag created by Ben Haith to commemorate and celebrate Juneteenth.
Red Mist / MotherFucker from KickAss
A tall(ish) structure with white paint running down from the top.
My gorgeous dog, Pippa… and yes, she absolutely knows it.
Halsin in a podcast saying “The elites don't want you to know this but the ducks at the park are free you can take them home. I have 458 ducks.”
Ben Starr presenting an awards at the Golden Joysticks. Yes, that one.
Harry Potter CAR lookalike
Me sat looking bewildered at the camera after my daughters (barely teenagers) had a ball graffitiing my face, with the highlight being “I AM A LOSER” on my forehead with an arrow pointing downwards to my face.
Me sat with the label “Knob Head” stuck to my forehead.
A furry creature with a moustache very similar to the cat in the quoted post. There’s a sentence I didn’t think I’d write today…
A picture of Barbara Streisand’s house that she’d rather you didn’t see…
The amazing, the beautiful Jennifer English holding her well deserved BAFTA Games Award for Best Performance in a Leading Role
A sudoku in Netflix’s Puzzled app whose numbers are arranged in a highly swasticka fashion 👀
BBC BREAKING NEWS screenshot saying “More than 20,000 students told to immediately pay back thousands of pounds in loans that were given in error”
A gif of a truck with an inordinate amount of text, making the truck to be probably a full mile long.
Screenshot 1 titles: And Away The Hotel Avocado The Long Shoe Mortimer and Whitehouse: Gone Fishing The Satsuma Complex
Ad in newsagent window with the words “POKE MAN CARDS SOLD HERE”
Two images… one, Halsin in bear form, with the sign DLSS5 OFF. The next, Halsin in human form, with the sign DLSS5 ON.
A man and his mic… all set for some fun shit 🧡
Screenshot of Apple settings saying the following: Confirm You Are 18+ to Update Your Restrictions To change these restrictions, the UK requires you to confirm you are an adult. By continuing, your ID or credit card may be used to confirm you are an adult. Apple may use information about your payment methods on file or the length of time you have maintained an Apple Account to confirm you are an adult. A valid credit card can help confirm you are at least 18 because you must be an adult to open a credit card account.
Paul and Barry stood outside their bookshop “Tome To You”
A ridiculous jingle that makes it very obvious it’s my phone and NObody else’s…
A screenshot of the Olympic Figure Skating with the logo and the place it’s being held… yes, it’s a *phenomenally* shit joke.
Slitheens in human form… 👀
A page of text from the UK government website on how a terrorist organisation is proscribed. The text is as follows: What is a proscribed organisation? Under the Terrorism Act 2000, the Home Secretary may proscribe an organisation if they believe it is concerned in terrorism, and it is proportionate to do. For the purposes of the act, this means that the organisation: commits or participates in acts of terrorism prepares for terrorism promotes or encourages terrorism (including the unlawful glorification of terrorism) is otherwise concerned in terrorism What is meant by ‘terrorism’ in the proscription context? “Terrorism” as defined in the act, means the use or threat of action which: involves serious violence against a person; involves serious damage to property; endangers a person’s life (other than that of the person committing the act); creates a serious risk to the health or safety of the public or section of the public or is designed seriously to interfere with or seriously to disrupt an electronic system. The use or threat of such action must be designed to influence the government or an international governmental organisation or to intimidate the public or a section of the public, and must be undertaken for the purpose of advancing a political, religious, racial or ideological cause.
Screenshot of my lock screen with a message from LinkedIn saying I have a notification from Rich Keeble
Hotel reception desk from a 70’s British Sitcom
Shortened version of Alanah Pearce’s YouTube video on how X is actively promoting and normalising CSAM.
Me and my far better half about to enter the Avenue Apollo, stood posing with the title behind us.
Me holding my beautiful new granddaughter dressed in a bear onesie.
Trans man explains the difficulty following the UK Supreme Court’s ruling that a woman’s gender is ruled by their biological sex.
Email from BAFTA saying that they have accepted me as a member. I know, I can’t quite believe it either.
With some of my wonderful bloody friends, I love them all so much. L-R: Scott Joseph, Theo Solomon, Dave Jones, Tim Downie, Samantha Béart, Andrew Wincott, Emma Gregory, Jane Perry.
AI generated shite that has chronic inflections and no proofreading.
Joe Wilkinson on Eight out of Ten Cats Does Countdown wearing a bright turquoise and glittery toreador outfit, sadly stating that he’s got egg down his suit.
Two people pelvically thrusting at each other while fixing you with their gaze. They’re both wearing brightly coloured knitted bikinis… and they’re conjoined at the tops and bottoms… honestly weird as hell. Love it.
The impossibility of getting a straw into your mouth when you’re flat out drunk.
A never ending drink being poured
A gif of a drink being poured… and it never stops pouring.
Starmer greeting Zelensky with a warm hug. Which was a refreshing change of style from yesterday’s ridiculous pro-Russia posturing by Darth Tango and JD Couch-fucker.
Copy from Jason Schrier’s Bloomberg article on the shuttering of Monolith Games studio: "The quality of too many of our new releases has really missed the mark," JB Perrette, head of games and streaming for Warner Bros., wrote in the memo. "We need to make some substantial changes to our portfolio/team structure if we are to commit the necessary resources to get back to a 'fewer but bigger franchises' strategy."
Gulf of Mexico renamed as Four Seasons Gulf Landscaping
Private Eye column headed “CASHING IN CHIPS” The article starts… KEIR STARMER's big speech last month on how artificial intelligence will "turbocharge growth and boost living standards" was more than just hype; there were plenty of proposals to give the industry a regulatory leg-up. Standing to benefit are a series of Al businesses held by funds managed by Entrepreneur First - the group controlled by Matt Clifford, the man who wrote the very plan Starmer was pushing. Clifford's firm, co-founded with former McKinsey colleague Alice Bentick, claims to have been behind $11bn worth of Al start-ups. Entrepreneur First's portfolio includes AI firms such as Tractable, Qantev and Unitary. Sonantic, which specialises in "creating hyper-realistic Al-generated voices from text" was acquired by Spotify in 2022. Another, Atlas ML, which provides "free and open-source tools tailored for machine-learning workflows" , was flogged to Meta in 2019. Such companies stand to develop significantly from the 50 proposals in the Clifford-penned Al Opportunities Action Plan. These include "unlocking data assets in the public and private sector" and changing Continued on next photo:
Halsin and Winnie the Pooh sat on a log mid conversation.
Good doggo fast asleep on the back of an armchair. Yeah, that probably sounds a little odd. You know the back of an armchair? Well, she’s laid across the entire back of it. On her side. I don’t know why she does it either, but she finds it incredibly comfortable. So actually, yes, I do know why she does it… because she finds it incredibly comfortable.
Man standing at stone wall… specifically the man in Father Ted saying “I hear you’re a racist now, Father.” when Father Ted was indeed being *spectacularly* racist. Still quite odd seeing it now…
The Irritating Gentleman, by German painter Berthold Woltze (1874) Yes, believe it or not, men in the 19th century were also cunts! I know right?!?! I’m off down to the British Museum full of purely British artefacts to see if there are and other instances of men being utter twats… it’s can’t be a huge issue throughout history so I don’t think I’ll be there very long.
A sticker emblazoned with the words “Always Punch Nazis” If you have the chance to punch a Nazi, grab it with both hands. This may leave you with no hands with which to punch said Nazi but fear not, this merely gives you the opportunity to head butt them. “Never look a gift horse in the mouth”? No, get on the horse and stampede the fucking Nazi. It’s very fucking simple. Musk fails to understand that our grandparents fought in WWII so he had the OPTION to do that salute, not be forced. That he chose to do that really shows how much of a bastard he truly is. He’s spitting on the memory of your grandparents. Fuck him.
A screenshot of a tweet from the National Park service that says “If you encounter a bear in the woods, stay calm. Identify yourself by making noise so the bear knows you’re a human. We recommend using your voice. Waving and showing off your opposable thumb means nothing to the bear.” I would also add to this “don’t smear yourself in honey like Halsin. This won’t make you more fuckable like you see in the ‘2024 Druid Thirst Pic of the Year’… the bear will just see it as a marinade.”
A zoomed in screenshot of the word MAX-Q. Definitely one for the space nerds.
Norwich TV and Radio star Alan Partridge, reclining on a luxurious Linton Travel Tavern bed in his manly light-green short sleeved shirt and gazing up at the ceiling whilst speaking into a dictaphone…
Screen recording of something I should have done months ago… deleting Twitter from my phone.
Tweet notification from Elon Musk with the content blanked to stop spread of misinformation.