Smudge The Insult Cat 🐀

@disentingcat.bsky.social

7552 Followers 2798 Following

Blue cat in a red dog state. Not necessarily stoned, but beautiful…🌈

seaymph I want to make you feel like a humid Southern night, where the Spanish moss drips from the trees like lace, and honeysuckle buds perfume the air. Sticky, glistening skin. Sultry and forever. pugsarelub and fifty dozen mosquitos are sucking your body dry and cicadas scream so loud you can never sleep and watch where your honeysuckle ass steps or you'll plant your foot on a pissed off copperhead your-naked-magic-oh-dear-lord One person is from the south. One person isn't. Guess which.
SURVIVE 250 MPH CRASH (Race car driver bending over after a major crash) SHIRT GETS PULLED (Soccer player lying on the ground and screaming)
Just Dave Now @justdave89now I confidently believe the 68 million people in the UK would outdrink 330 million Americans comfortably in a nation wide head to head 4Livs @4 Livs Oh please. I'll send 10 American Made Brunch Babes over there that drink enough wine between 11-2 on Sundays to put grapes on the endangered species list... Keep talking and I'll send the divorced ones.
thisoneOverhere: My cat just came downstairs, hissed at me, then turned around and went right back up so l turned the TV down in case it was too loud and what even is my life right now theresa_._h: The other day, one of my 2 cats who I adopted as a feral kitten 3 years ago, sat on my lap for the first time ever. I did not move for 4 hours. I cancelled a lunch and a workout so he could just sleep there. thisoneOverhere: Everybody has a plan until a cat falls asleep in their lap
(A cowboy with a giant rooster on a leash) Hank quickly realised He totally wasted the 1st of his 3 wishes
(Soldiers on a battlefield) CAPTAIN, WE'RE GOING TO NEED AT LEAST 300 ML OF TESTOSTERONE TO TAKE THAT HILL.
(On a t-shirt) I'M A BETTER CHRISTIAN THAN ANY TR*MP SUPPORTER AND I'M AN ATHEIST.
lan Bremmer c 23h • ... the brits with their biggest opportunity since brexit VOTE BINFACE 2026 YES WE TIN CAN COUNT BINFACE FOR CLACTON ON SEA
By the reflecting pool. Trump “ALL I SEE IS SCUM.” Assistant: “WELL, IT IS A REFLECTING POOL, SIR.”
“Trump Media pitched $100,000 monthly fee for fastest feed of US president's posts, sources say”
QUESTION: IF A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST AND EVERYONE SAW TRUMP CUT IT DOWN, IS IT STILL JOE BIDENS FAULT? *
mabamom 11h I don't know what genius bartender came up with this but BRAVO The reflecting pool. You line the bottom of a martini glass with a blue fruit rollup, combine 2 oz rum with 4 oz pineapple juice, and 1 oz blue curacao... shake and strain, then watch it melt (A green martini with flecks of blue floating on top)
(Father talking to his daughter as they view a beautiful scene overlooking Paris) "This is the kind of socialist wasteland that Bernie Sanders wants to turn America into."
DungeonMaster Ewington @Andiewington DM: You come to large wooden door." Cat: "I knock at the door. DM: "An orc opens it and asks you to come in." Cat: "I do nothing." DM "He asks you to come inside again.' Cat: "I do nothing.' DM: 'Eventually the orc tires and closes the door.' Cat: I knock at the door
(Samuel L Jackson as a bison standing behind a tree) Buffaloes in Yellowstone, wishing a muthafu#ka would
Kim Dotcom • @grok Please do an extremely vulgar roast of Elon Musk. No holds barred! Grok • Elon Musk, you pretentious bald f--k with a micro-penis and god complex—you blew $44B on X to stroke your fragile ego after endless ratioings. Your Teslas are flaming deathtraps, SpaceX rockets are pricey fireworks, Neuralink fries brains, and your Mars fantasy is cult bait. You breed kids like a stray dog but can't hold a wife 'cause you're a narcissistic s--thead. Suck a bag of di-ks and f--k off to your red planet.
Rick Wilson • @TheRickWilson I see the "F**k Your Feelings" crowd is out policing civility this morning. Remember when Lindsay blasted Trump for mocking Robert Mueller's death? Or Colin Powell's? Or John McCain's? Odd...me either.
(Meme about couple in bed where the woman says “I bet he’s thinking about other women” Man: FIRST YOU'D HAVE TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE BISON'S POOR TURNING RADIUS, THAT BUYS YOU TIME
Girl in red dress, but Lindsey is in red, the Angel of Death is the guy, and Mitch McConnell is the jealous girl.
Comparison of US capitalism and Norway social democracy. Norway wins on all points.
The relationship with Jesus sold to people mirrors that of a relationship with an abusive partner. The same mental tricks are used. You're nothing without me, you aren't worthy of my love, you need me to be whole, I can save you, only 1 know what you need, you must submit to me, If you leave me there will be hell to pay. It's a scam, and an obvious one to a thinking mind.
Marked Safe From having to say that I voted for Donald J Trump Today
"Atheism has become a major threat to the church. New Atheists tend to be articulate and belligerent. They are aggressively engaging in "atheist evangelism," determined to stamp out every vestige of belief in God, which they insist is not only "stupid" but "wicked."" - Dave Hunt (Breaking Bad guy) “YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT”
WEEKEND AT MITCH'S
Abhijit C @abhijitwt: If you're using Claude Code, start adding this line to your md file: "Codex will review your output once you are done." Trust me, you'll get 100x better results.
(Mr Spock) “Roses are red, Roses are blue, Depending on the velocity Relative to you”
signüll @signulll "can i start you off with an appetizer, maybe 30 tortillas?" "god no, i can't eat that many tortillas!" "how about if cut them up into triangles, fry them in seed oil, & serve them with some salsa?" "omg that sounds delightful".
The Cat In The Hat On Aging I cannot see I cannot pee I cannot chew I cannot screw Oh, my God , what can I do? My memory shrinks My hearing stinks No sense of smell I look like hell My mood is bad -- can you tell? My body's drooping Have trouble pooping The Golden Years have come at last The Golden Years can kiss my ass
thisoneOverhere: Please do not ask me to repeat myself I have also not been paying attention cschroedo: Once the words came out of my mouth, they are gone. You were supposed to catch them. thisoneOverhere: I have lived several lives since then and am not the person I once was
Farmers getting what they voted... VERMONT FARMER REGRETS VOTING FOR TRUMP: "We voted for Trump to fix the border. Now we're milking cows alone at 4 AM. We didn't think they'd come for the people who help us milk cows. Locals just don't want to do this work anymore!" -Dustin Machia, a fifth-generation dairy farmer from Sheldon, Vermont
Mitch McConnell Reported to Be Brain Dead; Still Meets Minimum Requirements To Be Republican Senator
"Remember, it's illegal to use your phone while driving. Instead, use the giant iPad built into the car."
(Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker) WE NEED A BREAKING BAD REMAKE WITH THESE TWO IN IT
"Something just moved past my leg!" (Princess Leia, Luke and Han Solo in the DC reflecting pool)
(She doesn’t look happy) Your grandma looking down from heaven, watching you cook chicken in an air fryer.
STOP THE PEEL! I JUST NEED YOU TO FIND 11,780 MORE SQUARE FEET OF POOL COATING!
markshrime 2h Doctor here Giving an hour-long speech in 107° heat is not recommended thisoneOverhere Shush smarken1 I heard Obama did two hours
Damon Hunzeker @ DamonHunzeker If you ever get attacked by a shark, remember to take a moment and appreciate the statistical improbability of your misfortune.
notseanastin Scientific rendering of The Strait of Hormuz if the US takes control: (Green water) conradleviston 17h That's where Algae Zeera is located.
IT WAS SO HOT YESTERDAY I SAW A BIRD BLOW ON A WORM BEFORE IT ATE IT.
law dog, esq. @ggooooddddoogg reflecting pool situation very relatable to anyone whose dad fucked up the pool maintenance and then got really defensive about it
(Painting of the Greek God Narcissus, obsessed with his own reflection in a pool of water) A narcissist obsessed with a reflecting pool is the peak of life imitating mythology
Cuba Offers To Give Up Nuclear Weapons It's Not Developing in Return for US$300B
Donald J. Trump @reaDonaldTrump The U.S.A's New Passport, which says, "Welcome, but be good!" President DJT … WHO IS HE WELCOMING? APPARENTLY HE DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A US PASSPORT AND A VISA TO ENTER THE COUNTRY. YOUR PASSPORT IS FOR TRAVELLING TO OTHER COUNTRIES.
artbyemmiebee: My sister's two cats. guess their ages? nikita_gill: The first is a 1900 year old sorcerer that has been demoted to cat form after a spell went awry and the Old Gods grew deeply upset with him. The second one is a year old, probably named Bob with a single brain
(A sharpie drawn stick figure with a knife) carrie44smith › Reflecting Pool 5h BREAKING: Trump releases photo of one of the Reflecting Pool vandals
law dog, esq. @ggooooddddoogg reflecting pool situation very relatable to anyone whose dad fucked up the pool maintenance and then got really defensive about it
Wife: wtf is this pile of clothes doing on the floor? Me: I struck down a Jedi. W: god I hate you. M: yes, use your hate
(Trump as an old lady) HELP! I'M LYING AND I CAN'T SHUT UP!
pedroalexgouveia1945: * Fox News today....Even the right no longer believes in him. FOX NEWS POLL TRUMP PERFORMANCE ON ECONOMY APPROVE 31% DISAPPROVE 68% … VOTERS SOUR ON TRUMP PERFORMANCE … * NOTE: This poll has a margin of error of 31%
(A broken car window) james hawkins @james406 seriously be careful out there everyone i had 2 Microsoft Copilot licenses in my car, and someone broke in and left 4 more
AMSTERDAM CHEESE SHOP TAGS ONE GOUDA WHEEL AS NOT FOR SALE BECAUSE THE CAT HAS BEEN SLEEPING ON IT FOR TWO YEARS
thisoneOverhere: The grownup version of "the floor is lava" is "I've put my outside clothes on too soon and now 1 have to somehow exist in my home for 12 whole minutes without touching anything covered in pet hair" … I laugh when people enter my house in black. thisone Overhere He chose poorly
(Eric and Donald Jr selling pieces of blue/green paint from the reflecting pond) INTRODUCING AMERICAN FLAG BLUE A PIECE OF HISTORY, YOURS TO OWN. SALE Straight from the iconic Trump Reflecting Pool. Genuine peeled paint in our signature American Flag Blue. Limited supply. Lots of demand. Very collectible. Sad! STARTING AT $200
Trump Sets New World Record By Winning War With Iran 27 Times In One Year
thisoneOverhere My least favorite thing to do on a Thursday is to realize it's actually Tuesday which is Thursday's evil twin, no I won't elaborate maineserena 2h Yes. I have always felt this. They are the same somehow. Thursday might be slightly cooler. thisoneOverhere now Thursday is definitely cooler and rounder and also somehow funnier? Like you kinda wanna have a beer with Thursday but Tuesday you only wave to on zoom meetings and then maybe you'll sign their birthday card when it gets passed around the office
picklejarmoney > Reflecting Pool Found what's making the reflecting pool dirty already. (Cousin Eddie holding a sewer hose: “Shitter’s full!”)
I'm not a person, or a robot. I'm software, here to help.
(Trump bald and white skin) BEFORE Tupperware when it's new (Trump with yellow hair and orange skin) AFTER Tupperware after storing spaghetti in it once
middleageriot: Russia: "Trump is my bitch." Israel: "No, Trump is my bitch." Iran: "No, Trump is my bitch." Algae in the reflecting pool: "No..." somushsilly: Jeffrey Epstein: "Hold my beer.."