Dr. NerdLove

@doctornerdlove.com

5587 Followers 483 Following

Free now of the chains of Twitter, traveling the world and doing good. Dispensing the best dating advice on the Internet. Send your dating questions to doc@doctornerdlove.com.

Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Atrocitus the Red Lantern, flaming with anger, says "I am powered by rage and you... kicked. My. CAT!"
My Friends Are Awesome, Which Makes Me Feel Like A Loser...
My Friends Are Awesome, Which Makes Me Feel Like A Loser...
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
I Turned A Co-Worker Down For A Date. Am I Crazy If I Change My Mind?
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
I Turned A Co-Worker Down For A Date. Am I Crazy If I Change My Mind?
I'm also not surprised that there's a little bit of "what-if" going on in your subconscious. That too is entirely normal and doesn't mean anything other than you are a person with a sexual and romantic history. Thinking about what might have been, whether consciously or subconsciously, is something people have done since we developed the capacity to understand abstract concepts like "the linear passage of time" and "imagination". Everyone has times when they fantasize about what life would be like if the dice had rolled a different way or the dominos hadn't fallen just so. Those fantasies even have a bit of a leg up on reality; you're seeing the relationship through that golden haze of nostalgia, which makes it easy to overlook the rather sizable dealbreaker in the room. It's the "Good Parts" version of the relationship, without the inconvenient ethical pitfalls that came with what you had in the real world. If anything, it's easier to imagine what could-have-been when you don't have the inconvenience of having to navigate the issues that would've come up if you had pursued a relationship with her.
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
I Can't Trust My Ex... So Why Do I Still Want Her?
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
The Gift of Prophecy meme. Three teenage girls on the left labeled “random internet users trying to be comedic” tense as a young African American teen girl labeled “Apollo” is winding up to throw a dodgeball labeled “the gift of prophecy”
I Can't Trust My Ex... So Why Do I Still Want Her?
Can Someone Be A Great Guy, But Not A Great Partner?
I’ve Given Up Hope That I’ll Ever Find A Relationship. What Can I Do?
I’ve Given Up Hope That I’ll Ever Find A Relationship. What Can I Do?
One of the frustrating things about feelings is how often they just don’t make sense. Moments that feel like they should be simple and clean and straightforward leave you feeling things that don’t feel like they match the situation, while incredibly complex and nuanced situations seem easy to process and don’t leave you with confusing mixed emotions. When the situation and the feelings it inspires don’t seem to line up, it often leaves us wondering what the hell’s wrong. There’s an understandable temptation to wonder if this is a sign, that your subconscious knows something that your conscious mind hasn’t picked up on or isn’t ready to acknowledge. Or you may wonder if this means that you’re doing something wrong, that you’ve made a mistake. But more often than not, it’s just that what you expect to feel isn’t lining up with what you’re actually feeling. It’s the misalignment that’s messing with you, more than the feelings themselves. Case in point: this is a pretty open and shut case. This is a relationship that absolutely needed to end. It is as clean and clearcut as can possibly be, with an unmistakable bad guy and unquestionable call to end this relationship at speed. You would be forgiven for thinking that ending this relationship would feel like a release. Like you freed yourself from a horrible situation. And yet, instead, you feel like History’s Greatest Monster. The seeming paradox of why you feel that way is because you’re not a monster. This is someone you cared about; someone you’ve shared a part of your life with. Even if their behavior became untenable and they represent an honest threat to your family, that doesn’t mean that you hate them. Nor does it mean that the good times that you had up until now have been overwritten. You remember what it felt like to love them without worry or restraint. You remember when things were new and effortless. And now this person is upset, screaming, confused and crying because of something that you did. There’s no…
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Nash (@radiodeadair.com) posting “if republicans keep this up, the next CPAX will be held in Hell”, right above Bakoon (bakoon.bsky.social) posting the Keith David “WELCOME TO HELL, MOTHERFUCKER!” clip
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Can Someone Be A Great Guy, But Not A Great Partner?
A frequent mistake I see, whether on dating apps or trying to approach many people in person over the course of an afternoon or evening, is that people are taking a shotgun approach. Sure, throw enough lead into the air and you might hit something... but that doesn't mean that's something that you were looking for, or even that you want. One of the drawbacks to approaching strangers, especially in a "cold" approach, where you're talking to someone you have no personal or social connection to, is that you know next to nothing about that person. The likelihood that, through sheer chance, you will have met someone who's compatible with you is low. You're basing your interest entirely on their physical attractiveness; while that's not a bad thing, it's also very impersonal and more than a little objectifying and alienating. Nobody likes feeling like they're just a warm body or potential notch on the bedpost. Even someone who's down to hook up with a stranger is going to want to feel like that person is interested in them, specifically, not just anyone who says "yes".
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
I Don't Know Why I Keep Getting Rejected! How Do I Find Out What I'm Doing Wrong?
I Don't Know Why I Keep Getting Rejected! How Do I Find Out What I'm Doing Wrong?
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Is It Too Late For Me To Learn How To Date?
The way that folks seem to segregate social skills as being unique to all other skillsets that is part of the problem. People keep positioning these skills as something you can only learn in this incredibly small window of time and lamenting that they've missed that opportunity and trying to develop them now will forever show that they're a loser, like a social Mark of Cain. But that's not how it works. That's not how any of this works, in part because nobody notices or cares. I have been on more dates with women than you've had hot meals; never once - never - has anyone ever asked me about my dating history or gave a damn about when I had my first serious girlfriend. lost my virginity, any of it. Because it doesn't matter. Here's the thing, BtCAoP: the only thing you truly missed out on was the time in your life when meeting new people was convenient. High-school and college are times when making friends and socializing is at its least difficult because you're spending most of your waking hours with people around your age in approximately the same stage of life, at a time when you have relatively few demands on your time. It's easy to hit the cumulative 200 hours to make a close friend because you're seeing the same people every day for hours at a time. But the fact that it's the most convenienttime doesn't mean that it's the only time in your life when this can happen.
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Is It Too Late For Me To Learn How To Date?
A photo of a glass door into a brick building with three signs stacked vertically. From the top, the signs advertise a clinical psychologist, a psychotherapist and a tattoo studio.
An overhead picture of a rimmed baking tray holding about 20 Solo-cup style shot glasses with red Jello inside. Many have cherry stems sticking out over the rim of the shot glasses.
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
I Have A High-Stress, High-Pressure Job. How Do I Balance Work And Having A Relationship?
I Have A High-Stress, High-Pressure Job. How Do I Balance Work And Having A Relationship?
A pair of photos spliced together horizontally in the middle. The top photo shows Dr. NerdLove apparently on a tropical beach, wearing sunglasses and holding a tiki drink. Bottom photo shows Dr. NerdLove at home, standing in front of a TV showing a tropical beach, while he holds an iPhone on a selfie stick, clearly taking the above picture.
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
I’ve Missed Out On So Much. How Do I Learn To Let Go And Move On?
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
I’ve Missed Out On So Much. How Do I Learn To Let Go And Move On?
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Do I Need To Lower My Standards In Order To Get A Girlfriend?
Do I Need To Lower My Standards In Order To Get A Girlfriend?
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
A reply from hivebox, an obvious bot. Text reads: “hivebox.bsky.social @hivebox.bsky.... •13m → Replied to you I totally get what you mean! It's frustrating to see trends that complicate things while trying to stay relevant. The push for Al-optimized experiences can feel like a double-edged sword. Have you found any strategies that work for you to balance these demands?”
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"
I Got Out Of The Friend Zone and Now I Don't Know How I Feel About It!
Image of a smartphone showing a romantic couple in silhouette against fairy lights in the background. Underneath a reminder notice says "SUBMIT A DATING ADVICE QUESTION!"