Tori Espensen

@drtoriespy.bsky.social

185 Followers 211 Following

This Barbie posts science, sports, and absolute garbage. Livejournal refugee.

A screen clip from Parks and Rec with a young woman with curly black hair, blue eyeshadow, a shirt with black fringe, and an ostentatious gold necklace saying "I have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life." In the second panel, her father, an older man with gray hair and a suit, says "I know this, and I love you." The woman in the first panel is labeled "Argentina", and the man in the second panel is labeled "FIFA".
A woman wearing a gray hat that says "I just hope both teams have fun and the two best players kiss each other after the game"
A two foot tall plastic goose wearing glasses, a straw, flatbrimmed hat with small birds on it, a smock with a bird on the sleeve, and a camera around her neck
A tweet from Jon Bois reading "why watch overtime playoff hockey when you can simply snort cocaine and ride a motorcycle out of a helicopter"
A donation for 58.31 in the name of UTSA, with the justification "Total yards (2,731) plus touchdowns (31) of Eddie Lee Marburger after he left UTSA for the greatest football team of all time (the 2025 UTRGV Vaqueros)"
An orange cat standing on a rug being petted by a young boy in an orange shirt
A square wooden board with the face and shoulders of a brown haired woman with tiny granny glasses made out of yarn, I think? Tiny arms extend from the shoulders to hold a roll of paper towels like a Victoria muff.
A woman wearing a hat that says "I just hope both teams have fun and that the two best players secretly kiss each other after the game"
A screenshot from a tiktok with a girl with long brown hair drinking a fruity drink with superimposed text reading "do you guys have the drink covers?"
A screenshot of tweet edited to read "i do not support all women. some of you bitches deserve to be cubes!!!"
The cover of Stephen Biesty's Incredible Cross-Sections with a cross section of a cruise ship and a subtitle reading "See inside 18 amazing buildings and machines"
The Nationals mascots: Teddy Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, and Thomas Jefferson, with gigantic mascot heads and normal sized bodies wearing Nats jerseys
My white-ass hand with the impression of my teeth in it because I was stress-biting it because apparently I was more invested than I thought
Nicole Kidman sitting in a movie theater with the words "We come to this place for magic"
A tan cat showing off his long legs and wearing a Hanukkah bowtie
A tweet that says "obsessed with working in a coworking space. I just walked past a meeting room where 5 guys were standing around a white board that just had the word "money" written on it. like business is happening here. these are disrupters"
A screenshot of a text conversation that reads Me: The Duke's Mayo Bowl is selling special ticket opportunities Mom: Oh, I use Duke's Mayo Now. But mine comes in a jar not a bowl.
A screenshot of a twitter post from the bar Ivy and Coney. The image has a bottle of malort, thick it thickened water, and a mason jar of something that looks kind of like a fruit jelly. The text reads "Are you concerned your delicious Jeppson's malort doesn't linger long enough on your tongue? Our scientists have determined that this may be because it's too thin. Come experience the modern marvel that is Thick Malort"
The same overly thrilled millennial. It's clear that her only personality trait is nostalgia. She's wearing a navy sweatshirt with "LTD" in capital red white and blue letters. There's a Limited sean that says "Established 1987", and it says "Limited Too" in gold cursive. It's giving Old Navy Fourth of July Americana. It's giving Gap. It's giving Ralph Lauren, Massachusetts, sailboat 1990s perfection. Princess Diana would absolutely wear this sweatshirt
An overly thrilled millennial flashing a peace sign while wearing a light blue quarter zip sweatshirt with a logo that says Limited Too 1987 with the hibiscus flower that was on every single item of girls' clothing between 1999 and 2001
A stat line from the end of the first half. Vaqueros quarterback Eddie Lee Marburger is 17 of 18 for 5 touchdowns, with 363 passing yards
A screenshot of Bluesky hiding and marking as "rude" someone pointing out that this empty Doritos bag of a person is a Matt Yglesias follower
The headshot of a smarmy-looking 22-year-old wearing a blue suit and a blue tie with white stars. He's in front of a Homeland Security backgrop. The knot of the tie is tiny and askew. He has a tiny wisp of a mustache, like maybe a mustache breathed near him once and left behind a smudge as it whispered across his face. His left eyebrow is cocked high like he thinks he's Dr. Evil, in a way that makes you know he thinks he's cool but everyone else is embarrassed for. It's difficult to tell if the top of his head is strangely wide, or if he just has a wideset haircut.
A text conversation that reads Person 1: I want to extend a save the date to you Person 2: Oh hello? He popped the question? Or housewarming? Person 1: No. Ari's bar meowtzvah
A tan dachshund-chihuahua mix with one eye staring wistfully into the distance, nestled in a field of bluebonnets
An orange cat looking suspiciously guilty, like maybe he just got caught eating a plastic bag. He has incredibly pointy ears
A tweet reading "one time I referenced a meme to this guy I was dating and he had never heard of it so I showed him the meme and his response was "so I'm just supposed to memorize all your little pictures in order to have a conversation with you?" and not a DAY goes by"
At Trivia night moderator: "Ok you can't all be houthi PC Small Group"
Two bluesky posts next to each other. The first reads "Happy economic boycott day to all who celebrate!" The second reads "Happy MLB.TV takes their money for your recurring subscription day to all who celebrate"
A gray tshirt that originally said "I just hope both teams have fun" poorly photoshopped to read "I just hope both teams have countries"
A woman wearing a sage green hoodie that has "em dash" written in bouncy cursive on it with an actual em dash on each side, which is a totally normal item of clothing to own
A meme from Fairly Odd Parents. In the first panel the father is gesturing to an empty podium behind a velvet rope and says "This is where I'd put my senator". In the second panel, the dad is bent over yelling "If I had one!!!"
A beer tap for an IPA called "Monopolio"
A panda with small black patches on its eyes and very round cute black ears climbs on a tree climbing structure thing at the zoo
A craft fair booth for a business called Sealed With a Kiss Cards, with about 30 greeting cards displayed
A pop up in the tiktok app that reads "Sorry, TikTok isn't available right now. A law banning TikTok has been enacted in the U.S. Unfortunately, that means you can't use tiktok for now. We are fortunate that President Trump has indicated that he will work with us on a solution to reinstate tiktok once he takes office. Please stay tuned!"
A selection of liquor in pour top bottles sitting on top of a counter
What appears to be a packed doctor's office waiting room, but is in fact an airport lounge
A screenshot of a tweet by Pat Fussy that reads "Mine is sitting on a toilet and a hidden snake attacks my vagina but okay"
Jeff Goldblum, Bill Paxton, and Will Smith on the set of Independence Day
A screenshot from the New York Times Editorial section of a column by Bret Stephens titled "Brian Thompson, Not Luigi Mangione, Is the Real Working Class Hero"
A table covered in a blue table cloth advertising Sealed With a Kiss Cards. The table has about 40 holiday cards on it. Behind the table is a woman wearing a sweater that says "Llamakah oh llamakah"
A Pizza Hut located inside Dulles airport, with a large sign reading "bar open"
Stillshot from the movie "A Christmas Story" with a young boy holding a plate up to his mouth with mashed potatoes all over his face after his mother asked him to "show mommy how the piggies eat"
A survey that asks "Based on your impressions of our research, how trustworthy is the information on this page?"
The meme with Spongebob with a mocking expression, bent over and speaking down to someone
And orange cat resting his head on his paw, which is drapes over my arm. He is staring at me adoringly
A Google Streetview image of the cemetery. You can see the shopping centers on either side, and about 20 headstones randomly scattered across the strip of grass
A Google maps image of Luther Palmer Cemetery on a tiny triangular piece of land at the intersection of three streets, with a Mission BBQ restaurant and a Mattress Warehouse
A very exhausted, grey, and old looking pug standing in a pizza restaurant
A man taking a bite out of the side of a burrito like it's corn on the fucking cob, not the end like he's a normal human being
A picture of a headline from the New York Times that reads "A tomato sandwich that's very tomato" accompanied by a picture of a tomato sandwich