Eli Evans

@elievans.art

841 Followers 1025 Following

Sci-fi & fantasy author, software designer, composer/beatmaker, erstwhile hornist. Indie all the way. Recent widower. This is my real name and face. State the reason for your DM. No paid reviews. he/him https://elievans.art

Saturn V rocket tail assembly at NASA in Houston. A very strange device! So many greeblies.
Tweet: DREW DANIEL @DDDrewDaniel had a dream I was at a rave talking to a girl and she told me about a genre called “hit em” that is in 5/4 time at 212 bpm with super crunched out sounds thank you dream girl
Madmartigan from Willow saying, "What? AI? I don't love AI, it kicked me in the face." And if you enjoy that one, you're probably a certain age.
Hieronymus Bosch's vision of Hell, with a caption, "all I wanted was some punctuation".
Aragorn's speech in front of the Black Gates meme but it says, "There may come a day when the em-dashes of men fail ... but it is not this day"
It's the Braveheart speech meme, but it says "You can take our jobs ... but you can never take our em-dashes!"
It's the Captain Kirk yelling "Khaaaaaan!" meme, but he's helling "Emmmdaaaaaaash!" instead.
Normal Rockwell painting where the one guy stands up in the middle of a town hall to speak his mind.
It’s a short video of me sliding a drawer in and out. I’m shooting down because the drawer is at the bottom of the cabinet. The only unusual thing about it is I made the front from a fir stair step I bought for $2 from the Habitat for Humanity store. And it’s in a Lowe cabinet with a door in front of it so I had to build the drawer/shelf recessed. My stand mixer and a few other tall things are gonna go here.
Classic FM birthday post honoring Russian composer Dmitry Shostakovich, born 1906, but using a picture of Daniel Radcliffe in one of the later Harry Potter movies — the resemblance is striking, if only because they both wore round spectacles and have basically no lips.
A photo of an LCD screen on a pump at gas station in my town that doesn’t say “Thank you, please come again” but instead says “Uninitialized prompt 104.” It seemed too serendipitous not to post, because whoever programmed this bot left “104” in its response.
Me and her, selfie at the baseball game.
My big dumb face in front of a section of Saturn V rocket that looks like the Death Star kind of if you squint.
Shuttle Independence on top of the modified 747 that carried the shuttles back in the day, parked near the parking lot.
Three bronze figures of some famous astronauts waving.
Mannequin in a glass display case wearing NASA flight suit. Its face is a sock stretched over some face-shaped holes. Very creepy.
Still from the classic Phil Hartman SNL skit, “Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer”’. Hartman in full Neanderthal makeup and a suit and tie is regaling the jury. Palms up. Pretending to be ignorant, right before he hits them with some fancy lawyering.
Interior photo from my house. A pine wood shelf unit with two shelves and four legs to hold it together sits on a countertop.
Simpsons parody of Bob Dole says: “The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work again.” Screen grab from Simpsons famous 1996 election episode. Cartoon versions of Bob Dole and Bill Clinton stand behind podiums in front of the White House. The alien invader Kang, disguised as Bob Dole, speaks the line.
A small handmade built-in desk with a computer on it. The wood is yellow pine. The desk is small to fit a small space. It’s attached to the wall in the back with a cleat and has two slender legs in front. It’s sanded but unfinished.
Me, at a roller rink in the audience for my daughter’s roller derby bout, smiling like an idiot and wearing an obnoxious LED hat with a marquee of lights that reads “GO GOREE GO” and “AURORA GOREALIS”, my daughter’s derby name.
From /r/pareidolia. A photo of a single tree in the sunlight. The arrangement of shadows and branches creates the appearance of a person thinking with their hand holding their chin. The face is long and thin. The eyes slanted. The fingers are long and almost spidery. The tree is white and the shadows are dark as if the tree is in full sunlight. Behind the tree, dark green foliage. Credit to Reddit user /u/IsItTimeToPanic
Screenshot of a tweet from 27 Nov, 2017. A photo of Melania Trump in a pure white coat with bell sleeves, fashionable but sterile, standing in a hallway of stark white potted branches, looking sideways off into the distance. The effect is as of a frozen, dead forest. The tweet, from user Caroline Seide (@CarolineSeide) reads: “I would recommend avoiding any Turkish Delight Melania tries to offer you.”
Molly Grue from “The Last Unicorn”
Oil painting, “Mix of Chaos and Calm” by David Tsitskishvili. A chaotic, squirming swirl of colors around the edges of the painting converge in the center to form the faint image of a smiling feminine face. The painting is bright and warm as if radiating waves of energy. The squiggles are vaguely shaped like circuitry or letter-symbols, round and angled at the same time.
Homer Simpson, in season 9, episode 12 of “The Simpsons,” “Bart Carney.” Homer has just agreed to take over a carney’s job and is enthusiastically explaining that, “WE COULD START OUR OWN GAME WHERE PEOPLE THROW DUCKS AT BALLOONS AND NOTHING'S THE WAY IT SEEMS.”
Photo of a rack of meat thermometers at Walmart. I took this to ask my daughter which one she wanted me to buy.
Calvin and Hobbes cartoon by Bill Watterson, four panels. Panel 1: Calvin is speaking to Hobbes, “The more you know, the harder it is to take decisive action.” Panel 2, he continues, “Once you become informed, you start seeing complexities and shades of gray.” Panel 3, zoom in on Calvin, he’s really passionate now, “You realize that nothing is as clear and simple as it first appears. Ultimately, knowledge is paralyzing.” Panel 4, back to the wide shot. Calvin is tossing a schoolbook over his shoulder. “Being a man of action, I can’t afford to take that risk,” he says. Hobbes rolls his eyes and replies, “You’re ignorant, but at least you act on it.”
Nell from Battle Beyond the Stars.
The Wonder Twins, Zan and Jayna, and Gleek the monkey. Form of … the Mammoth of Christmas Past! Shape of … the Ice Ladder of Christmas Present! *Gleek mumbles incoherently.*
Aphantasia scale from 1 to 5. Five silhouette heads looking left, in a row. The first one contains a detailed 3d image of an apple. The second, an artistic rendering. The third, a desaturated low detail image. The fourth, a chalk outline. The fifth, nothing.
Photo of a plate of salad: power greens and roasted red bell pepper, grated carrot, scallion, cucumber, two hard boiled eggs, and a yoghurt based dressing.
Meme image. “Probable, yo! The odds is probable!” A still from one of my favorite SNL skits of all time, “Hip Hop Kidz: Word! We Are Straight Up Trapped in a Bear Cave, Yo”. Four comics, two male, two female, dressed in gaudy, stereotypically 90s “urban” athleisure wear are standing and debating the probability that the baby bear cub they just found in the bear cave has a mother nearby. Zig Zag (Andy Samberg), the voice of reason in this group of otherwise very sincere but dopey teenagers, declares that the odds “is probable, yo.” Other players in the shot: Abby Elliott as Lil’ Prinzess; Ryan Philippe as J Style; and Kristen Wiig as Baby Suggs.
Park. Loose crowd. Political rally. A man in a giant inflatable polar bear costume is dancing to the music.
A park in the rain. A political rally, loose crowd. Focus: A man in an inflatable polar bear costume holding a sign that says “NO […]KING ANY TIME.” The sign is a parody of a “no parking” sign.
Me and Olga at T-Mobile stadium in April of this year, less than a month before she passed from cancer.
A “watercolor” of a four-legged beast that looks like an anteater or an opossum with two fat horns that look like alligator tails (no really) mixed with medieval conception and a pachyderm. Oh, it also has two tails where a tail would go, but one of them is clearly protruding from its anus.
This “parasauralophus” image is from Etsy, with the crest coming to a long sharp point, almost like I don’t know, a therapod snout with absurdly large nostrils, basically the right limb proportions (basically), dragon claws on the front and hind limbs.
A screenshot of two AI slop images from a stock image site purporting to be parasauralophus but exhibiting features of zebras, goats, camels, other families of dinosaur, plastic toys, fantasy dragons and lord-knows-what.
A screenshot from the stock image website PNGTree, purportedly a stock image of a parasauralophus, but in fact a strange AI-generated dinosaur-like beast with one horn sort of attached to its head where the creature would be and one long tusk (?) growing from its upper jaw. The head looks like a T-Rex, but sad? Its posture is vaguely like a four-footed hadrosaur, but the limb and body proportions are more like a fantasy dragon, as is the tail.
Photo of a specialized can opener that is for removing the tops of soda cans while leaving a smooth lid. It’s a hunk of gray plastic sitting on the gray countertop — not a very interesting photo visually. (My youngest son likes to make frozen Coke slushies, and he has grown frustrated with our “terrible” regular can opener that “doesn’t work.”) Now, it’s not entirely intuitive how this new one works, so there is a sticker on the bottom with a QR code that leads to a demonstration video. The caption on the sticker reads: “Warning! Failure to scan may lead to confusion … your future self will thank you!” I am happy to report that the video was very informative and the slushies are now coming out just fine. No fingers were cut, no swears uttered.
A memorial display. Blue wall. Gray bookshelves, filled with games. Hanging on the wall, a circular textile, a multicolored rug. On the bookcases, at the center of the display, a vase filled with red, yellow, and white daisies and yellow sunflowers. On either side sit framed photo portrait of a smiling, beautiful middle-aged woman. She’s half-Filipino, half Native American, black straight hair, brown eyes, olive skin. She’s wearing large cat-eye glasses and a toothy grin. The photo frames are colorful, cheerful, and quirky, just like her.
Scene from the 1980 sci-fi cheeseball classic known as “Battle Beyond the Stars.” Nestor is a group consciousness of five humanoid alien beings. They have paper white skin, white tunics, and are standing around a central control column in their ship’s control room, which is a featureless white room. All five members of Nestor are pointing to a third eye painted on their foreheads, their thinking pose.
A photo of my workstation. A pink book with shelves. In the nook is a sit/stand desk with a hand crank to adjust it up and down. The desk has a Yamaha full size piano keyboard and on top of that, a 27” Apple monitor and a laptop to the right, and a Blue Yeti microphone on the left. Several pairs of headphones. The chair is a gray barstool with a low back. The floor is checkerboard black and white tile. Other items o ln the shelf are photos of me and my late wife, and copies of my novel. On the desk is an Apple magic mouse and “chiclet” keyboard. Also there: A small plastic lizard who has been on all my workstations for 25 years, and a plastic “flaming dumpster” toy I bought in 2020.
A selfie of me. I’m a 51 year old white guy with a buzz cut and an egg-shaped face. I wear black plastic glasses, not quite horn-rimmed, and I have a white goatee and a salt and pepper mustache. I let my goatee grow as long as it will, which is about 4 or 5 inches. I’m sitting in my car wearing a red coat. My expression is neutral.
Selfie. Me, big fat guy with glasses and a white beard. One of my daughters, tiny and wearing glasses and a ball cap. Her boyfriend, long brown hair and a goatee. We’re sitting in the stadium at T-mobile park, all smiling for the camera.
“Guess I’ll die” meme. Elderly man in a red shirt looks to camera and shrugs, hands up, expression signaling there’s nothing he can do about this terrible situation. OH WELL.
Meme of an old-time advertisement. 50’s style. Two schoolchildren are laughing as a third girl in the center is happily regaling them with some joke or story. Top text: “Look at me, I’m a Neurotypical!” Bottom text: “If you don’t want to talk to me on demand, you’re anti-social.”
Simpsons still. Marge driving the family car with Bart and Lisa in the back. Marge, concerned, says, “Kids, could you lighten up a little?”
Mr. Spock seated and playing the Vulcan harp. Next to him, a space hippie girl plays what looks like a bicycle wheel. They are both jamming out, in their own way.
Simpsons meme. Quote from season 11, episode 9. Ralph Wiggum, dressed as a doctor, is holding a handsaw over an effigy of Mr Burns. He says enthusiastically, “Hello, I’m Dr. Stupid. I’m going to take out your liver bones. Oops, you’re dead.”
Confused Jonathan Swan meme. Two frames. Jonathan Swan, a reporter for Axios, is in a sit-down interview with then-President Trump, during the Coronavirus pandemic. In the first frame, Trump has handed Swan a sheet of facts and figures, which baffles the reporter. In the second frame, Swan realizes Trump’s (elementary) error and wears an expression that is equal parts “I see what you did here” and “I cannot believe you’re stupid enough to have done it.”
Homer Simpson, irritated, holding a report card and looking to his left, “It’s all Democrat hoax? You don’t think much of me, do you, Ms. Leavitt?”
A small bookshelf with a new home-built facade that forms three arches and pillars to create some visual interest. White base cabinet, unfinished wood facade. It's sitting on my kitchen table in my mid-century-style kitchen.
John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything, holding a boombox over his head in front of his car in a park. He's wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt, a trench coat with the sleeves rolled up halfway, and hightop sneakers. His posture is neutral but his expression is sincere, expectant, hopeful.
A screenshot of grammar check saying that I should consider using a question mark or an exclamation point, but not both. I guess it's time for an interrobang?
Red background. A deinonychus is depicted at full sprint, one leg cocked up by its body, claws flexed. This is an older depiction, very lizard-like. It is superimposed over a diagram of its skeleton, and a close-up blueprint-style detail of the killing claw bones.
Rachel McAdams as Regina George in the movie "Mean Girls." She is talking insistently into a cellphone, wearing a pink shirt with a graphic that reads "A little bit DRAMATIC".
Deputy Dawg is a large white cartoon hound dog wearing a black floppy hat and sheriff's vest and star. He's annoyed at two smaller snarky critters who are peeking out of his desk drawers: Musky Muskrat and Vincent van Gopher. They're all inside the sheriff's station, a log cabin.
A sign written in Chinese with an English translation, which reads: “Please wait patiently for the failure of the system.”