ElliotVR

@elliotvrstreams.bsky.social

230 Followers 417 Following

Respect to all who give respect A word to my brothers back to back, I'm on it even if my pockets are empty. I'm where you don't want me to be, here and there too, You won't understand where I keep coming from.

It's really sad that the people who truly dedicate everything to helping everyone, are the ones who end up abused and thrown away, I wanted to believe that at the very least, I could find refugee in VRChat, that people in VRChat weren't full of this evil, but I was wrong. People just don't care, people will use me for help and money, but forget I exist when I'm near death, and decide to hurt me when I'm most vulnerable. I am really disappointed to see the places I dedicated myself to protecting and growing become lifeless corporations where people are just replaceable bills. 4 years of helping others, funding friends while leaving myself scrambling for food, comforting whoever I possibly could, yet i couldn't even get people to check on me when I'm so lost and borderline suicidal. If you keep burning down the good, it will eventually run out, at some point, it stops recovering, Human life is not your playground, I am not your playground. I am not your tool. God is my witness that I gave it my all.
long letter, cant fit all in 2000 letters
"I’m tired of being sad, Of hearing another war song. I have no tears left, so why? I’m tired of watching the news, Of seeing a mother waiting for answers, But I can’t turn it off. So I bought a necklace of faith, Because suddenly everything scares me. I tried everything but nothing touches my heart anymore. And if anyone is listening, I want to scream until the moon falls, Just tell me that with time it will get better, And the sky is waiting to clear Just don't ask me not to break."
Message that say Message to all vrc communities that I am actively staffing in. I've been contributing to communities for 4 years now, handling giant events and taking on big responsibilities all while my real life situation has been a literal explosive warzone for the majority of it. I'm glad I managed to help people, but i have not been helping myself, in fact I've been hurting myself, physically and mentally ever since I began, just to please others. I ended up in a mental hospital twice, got dangerously close to suicide, got harassed for years, something that is still on going, no one offered help, no one offered support, I kept going and offering help to others, in hopes to eventually make all my suffering worth it, it never became worth it. My best friend had a talk with me and told me that he's seen the cycle I'm in, of hope and despair over and over and over, all because I'm trying to please everyone, something that is impossible to do. I am quitting all volunteer/staff positions I am in, this is not an hiatus not a pause, I need to find peace, and I'm unsure if I'm ever planning to staff again, these last 4 years cant be brought back, so I'll make sure whatever's left of my life considering my health is enjoyed and full of happiness for me. I'm not leaving some of the communities, but I am done with having any position. I wish you all the best, - someone who believed.
song lyrics How did you do it, I don't understand how you did it, Three jobs, two kids, you didn't even go out, Even on an empty stomach, you made sure the plates were full, From nine to five, since '95, but who's counting? You always kept things tight Even when the debts drained the joy right out of the house. Telling me everything is fine, but honestly, it’s all on you, Drinking tap water with a sweetener, I remember you basically raised me alone, and that loneliness stayed with you your whole life, It’s hard alone, but it’s harder with people, Today I feel guilty inside, I’m living my life, you’re in your room with the pain, We haven't spoken in so long, it's unbelievable. I can't even find myself, so it's a bit hard to find the time. I promised you that one day we'd travel far away from here, Instead, we both drifted apart, I'm sorry, that wasn't the plan. Mama, sorry that I didn't call, I don't even know what I was thinking "We'll live like royalty," I always said, I'm trying, I'm sure it's not easy for you either And I wish I could pay you back For everything you did for me, I have no other way, so I'll just sing to you, Because it's important to me that you know And even if i wasn't the sanest, you supported my crazy phases, Through my running around from sessions to work shifts, You were always there with me, even in my shittiest times, To make sure I wouldn't let it break me, Looking at you sitting in silence, so much beauty, so much sadness, Looking for the lighter, adding tobacco to the weed, How much you worry if I don't call in the evening, To tell you what's going on with me and that everything is okay. Because lately, I haven't been good at answering, Just trying to get better at making my dreams come true. Nothing will stop me from taking care of everything for you, I'm aiming high, Mama, I have no time to fall, You know that.
It's time for me to put my event hosting positions down for now and focus on healing myself and my soul, I've been through an endless hell for the last two years. While event hosting gave me purpose it also stressed me out a lot more than I can handle while being at war. Thank you to the VRChat community for giving me a chance at being something meaningful.
I don't know if i can even go to Europe at all anymore, but Germany's border police screwed me over for no reason, i sent them all the needed proof but they demand i send a physical letter which i don't have the money to do, or get a 2000$ Lawyer, which i cant either. I am done trying to move for the time being, i just lost access to half the world because of Police being stupid or possibly racist, i appreciate everyone who donated so much, and i’m sorry it went this way, thank you for everyone who helped.