Elyce Phillips

@elycep.bsky.social

775 Followers 922 Following

Writer/illustrator/premium ding-dong Writes for #hardquiz and other tv quizzy things She/her, AuDHD, đŸłïžâ€đŸŒˆ Naarm/Melbourne, Australia https://www.elycephillips.com

David handles a large glob of margarine and Demi figures out they’re making a lighthouse
David Correos describes many Pokémon
A bingo card titled “MICF BINGO 2026”. The card is a five by five grid, and each box contains a different item to check off. From top to bottom, left to right, the items are: - gratuitous musical number to showcase range - see a cooked late night show - crepe! - go to three shows in one night - fake text exchange as visual prop - joke about dating an AI - stand-up has a special lil outfit to perform in - “so I’m single
” - too many props? - see a solo debut - tech whoopsie - clown nudity - see Local Laws - buy some merch - joke that’s a thinly-veiled ask for coke - “the algorithm” mentioned - comedian clearly farming crowdwork for reels - beef between comedian and reviewer - see some sketch - full meal from 7-Eleven - see an act you’ve never seen - fee the vibe turn at 3am at the artist bar - “I’m (insert age here)” as a punchline - this live podcast is just two comedians turning their friendship into a job - whoops! Horny for some goofball!
Clip from episode three of ‘Make It ‘Til You Make It’, in which Naomi Higgins hugs Matt Jenner in exchange for one sharp pencil.
Screenshot of a YouTube comment on episode two of Make It Till You Make It, from user @Smapdi_Flaffermann, saying “I liked the part where the bird lady was in distress because her babies were murdered so that instructions could be placed inside their little homes.”
A clip from Make It Til You Make It episode 1, in which Jenna meets Raggedy FuckFuck and is terrified
A clip from episode one of ‘Make It ‘Til You Make It’, in which everyone declares they are a lesbian.
Tilly, a small rat terrier/Jack Russell, gently snoozing in the crook of my arm. You can see a couple of her lil teeth and everything.
Comedian Ella Lawry puts on a poncho on the set of ‘Make It ‘Til You Make It’. A graphic is on the lower bottom left of the screen that says “Art Fact! Sometimes when I go to Spotlight I need to have a lie down”.
A captioned trailer for Make It Til You Make It - a competitive craft game show. Two comedians are attempting to make a craft in a very chaotic way, while a host yells at them.
An Apple Watch on my wrist, displaying the reminder “Gandalf big naturals Hallow
”
The software for Hollow Knight: Silksong downloading on the Home Screen of a Nintendo Switch 2
Remy, the rat from Ratatouille, standing on Linguini’s head and tugging on two tufts of his hair
The book ‘Nock Loose’ by Patrick Marlborough - available in you local bookstore now, I reckon
List of tracks I have recently listened to on stats.fm, showing I have listened to ‘Everybody Laughs’ by David Byrne on loop exclusively today, switching it up from yesterday when I was listening to the Broadway recording of David Byrne’s American Utopia.
Cow on a motorbike winning a race in Mario Kart World
Elyce, lying in bed, stares directly into the camera as Tilly, a small Jack Russell, is conked out asleep on her arm, emotionally trapping her
Tilly, a tiny lil Jack Russell/rat terrier kinda dog, stands in the water at the beach
A clip of ‘Hard Quiz’ in which Tom Gleeson asks a question about Trixie and Katya’s show ‘UNHhhh’
A bingo card titled “the 8th annual unofficial but very legit MICF bingo”. It has a hot pink background and a pale green square in the middle. The text is handwritten in black and there’s a grid with 25 squares. Written in the squares, from top to bottom, left to right: - see a solo debut - hear a venue horror story - big tired cry - undignified “shower” in the toilets between shows - is this a character or just a wig? - tech whoopsie - today’s meals presented by 7-Eleven - go to a venue more than 10 min from town hall - see a clown show where no-one takes any clothes off - feeld joke - “so, I’m single
” - TikTok comedian tries to do crowdwork - see a new act - witness niche MICF beef - audience member forgets they’re not at home - AI joke - chat at artist bar WITHOUT spiralling after - CREPE! - is this satire or are they a cooker? - see three shows in one night - FULL. CHOREO. - see some sketch - thinly-veiled request for ket - big mess - fucken hell, ANOTHER crush on some clown?
MICF’s AI concierge responding to a prompt asking to suggest sone exciting up-and-coming acts by saying “I wasn’t able to find any specific up-and-coming acts for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival during the opening week (26th March - 1st April 2025). However, new shows are being added regularly, so I recommend checking the Melbourne Comedy Festival website for the latest updates and exciting new talent!”
AI Assistant on the Melbourne International Comedy Festival website
Photo of a tv screen with the Paramount+ app open. It’s on a list of “Movies new to Paramount+. From left to right, the first five movies on the list are ‘Despicable Me 2’, ‘Despicable Me’, ‘9/11: The Heartland Tapes’, ‘Minions’, ‘Despicable Me 3’.
Fontaines D.C. on stage, playing the last chorus of Starbuster.
A forearm with a tattoo of David Lynch’s Angriest Dog in the World. It’s a very pointy, black, tadpole-looking dog, straining against its leash, baring lots of tiny teeth and saying “Grrrrrrrrr”
A cartoon seahorse on signage at Melbourne Aquarium. It’s an orange seahorse, side on to the viewer, looking over its shoulder at you. It has long lashes and black eyeliner for some reason, and has a slightly raised eyebrow and a small, restrained smile. It’s wearing a flowing blue scarf. It honestly looks like this seahorse is saying goodbye to you at the airport after you’ve had a fleeting, yet torrid affair.
Screenshot of the chat screen in the Feeld dating app. Up the top it says “today” “you and D connected” and then a message bubble that I have sent as the first message in the interaction that says “Fuck/marry/kill: strawberry, raspberry, blueberry”. It is 10:54am.
A square poster for a comedy night called “Script Jam”. The text on it reads “Sunday February 16th, 7:15, The Improv Conspiracy. Brand new material from Han Arbuthnott, Rudy Jean Rigg, Freddie Arthur, Jacob Henegan, Donna Collins, Lukas Meintjes”. It’s on a black background and in the bottom right corner, there’s a cartoon of a yellow animal on a blue wig, ready to perform.
Text message from Melbourne Recital Centre that says “Hello - we regret to advise that Kate Berlant’s live show on Friday 7 March has been cancelled. See your email for more details.”
Huge crowd of people sitting on the lawn of the State Library of Victoria
Hot pink Crocs clogs covered in several pink bows, a big pink pom-pom, a star filled with squishy green glitter, a pink chain and a little friendship charm bracelet-style chain.
9-10pm: “There’s some deep cuts in their second set” Wayne Coyne sings ‘Christmas At The Zoo’ “I have an extremely good time” Three scribbly drawings of Elyce dancing
5-6pm: “get ready to go out” Scribbly drawings of Elyce putting on a dress. Elyce wears a short sundress with oranges in it that is pretty low cut, and she wonders “Is this too booby??” Elyce skips out of the house wearing the very booby sundress thinking “ahhhh, fuck it”
12-1pm: “go buy some essentials” Scribbly drawings of a bottle of Vyvanse, a pack of chips that says “weird new chip flavour” on it and an icypole that’s a bunch of sorbet fruits on a stick. “Try on dresses I do not need at Savers because it’s on my way and no-one can stop meeeeeee” Elyce with an armful of clothing, looking devious.
8-9am: “scrolling through nothin’ good” A Scribbly figure is in bed, with a CPAP mask on, scrolling on a phone. A small dog snoozes next to them. “Like some posts that I would love to hear read out at estimates one day” A thumb hitting the like heart on a post on a phone. The post is redacted, but you can see “shame if (REDACTED) were to (REDACTED)”
Seating chart for a session of Babygirl at the cinema. Most of the seats are green, which means they are available. The suggested seat is in yellow - it’s in the second row from the back, nestled in the one single between two sets of two seats that have been sold.
David Lynch’s comic character The Angriest Dog in the World. It’s a stylised black terrier-like dog with lots of pointy little teeth. The dog is tied up in the backyard and straining so hard against the lead, it’s become a tiny angry triangle. There’s a speech bubble coming from the dog that says “Grrrrrrrrr”.
Joella strutting down the catwalk on RuPaul’s Drag Race season 17 for the quilt-themed runway. She’s a large rectangle of pink quilted satin, with a small hole in the middle where her exquisitely made-up face is poking out. A pair of feet in high heels stick out the bottom of the rectangle. She’s like a hot mattress. She’s like if a mattress were horny.
Email subject line in my inbox that reads “Coming next week: An Evening Without Kate Bush”
Apple Watch on my wrist showing on the display that I tripled my daily Move goal
Photo of the gold curtain in front of the screen at the Astor Theatre. The words “Stop Making Sense” are projected into it in red in the middle, along with an image of David Byrne in the big suit. There’s a floor lamp on the stage in front of the screen, switched on.
Elyce, a chubby white woman in her late 30s with glasses and short blonde hair, is wearing a red t-shirt which has a small “Supercheap auto” logo on it and then big white text that reads “COURTESY DAD”.
“Clean hands were a tiny piece of theatre to keep the player at ease while we scooped up their cash” Two white hands, palms out, finger walk across a stage.
“A little gesture to show you were playing an honest game” A white woman with pigtails, wearing a casino uniform, holds her hands palms up over a roulette table.
“When I was in my 20s, I worked as a croupier for a couple months” A white woman with pigtails, wearing a casino uniform, stands behind a roulette table.
Illustration of a green goblin on a rock, hunched over playing Nintendo Switch
Illustration of Elyce, a chubby white woman with short blonde hair and glasses. She’s got a dog tattoo on one arm, a bird and a snail tattoo on the other. She’s wearing a black IDLES t-shirt with a tiger on it, purple tartan pants and grey/black boots with pale blue laces.
Close up on the face of Lapras, a blue PokĂ©mon with a face that’s a bit like a turtle. It’s looking back at the viewer, with slightly closed eye and a knowing smile. I hate it. Why is it doing that.
Libra Sun - picture of Eevee, a fluffy brown Pokémon with rabbit-like ears, wearing a small flower arrangement on its head
Exterior of a business called “Dingle Partners”
Screenshot of a Google calendar alert informing me at 8:29am that Buenos Aires Fashion Week is an event I have on today and that I’m listed as an organiser.
Elyce says, “Alright, I’m gonna look it up,” then looks up what a bartholin cyst is online and hates it
A four-panel comic titled “Li’l Bitzie Diamonds: Fascist Kicker” The first panel shows the title, with a cartoon image of Li’l Bitzie Diamonds - a pink pig-like cartoon character with blonde ringlets and a little sailor hat. She’s grinning and poking her finger into her chubby, dimpled cheek. Panel two shows a business woman standing at a podium. She says “And now, to discuss the changes to our hateful conduct policy, our CEO
” In panel three, a Mark Zuckerberg type is now standing at the podium, saying “Here at M—“, but he is cut off, as a frilly-socked foot is kicking his face. Across panel three and four, we see the foot belongs to Bitzie, still poking her sweet, chubby cheek, doing a flying kick that stretches across and breaks out of both panels.
Elyce (a chubby white woman in her late 30s with glasses and short bleached hair) is taking a selfie with her phone in a mirror. She’s wearing a short dark blue velvet dress - it’s sleeveless and has a small turtleneck. She’s also wearing a white-ish faux fur jacket, a sequinned bag, and red lipstick. You can see a little bit of a tattoo of Miss Piggy dressed as Venus on her arm. Honestly, she’s crushed it and it’s a minor crime no-one tried to do a big smooch on her.
Elyce (a chubby white woman in her late 30s, with short bleached hair and glasses) hold up the collar of her black IDLES band t-shirt to show a membership badge for the Australian Jigsaw Puzzle Association. It’s a round white enamel badge with a logo of a tree in the centre - the leaves are made of puzzle pieces in two shades of green, and the trunk is made up of two humanoid figures with their arms raised. Black text around the edge of the badge reads “Australian Jigsaw Puzzle Association Member”.
Elyce (a chubby white woman with short, light green hair and glasses) is sitting outside, wearing Christmas pudding earrings and a red and white gingham dress. She’s throwing up a peace sign with one hand and she is visibly real tired.
Message I had to send my new housemates that reads “Hello! Just a heads up that I’m gonna drop some things on the porch before ducking back for more house cleaning at the old place, so don’t be concerned if you see a big human-sized bag on the porch. It’s just got a large mascot costume of a balloon man in there. Normal stuff, it’s fine, don’t even worry about it etc”
Elyce (a chubby white woman who is extremely sweaty) is sitting down, packing a box, but Tilly (a small rat bastard Jack Russel) has climbed up onto her boob shelf and is standing there, ready to put her whole arse in Elyce’s face
Wooden floorboards with a small pile of rhinestones, dog hair, dirt, assorted filth