Evan

@evan.best

2364 Followers 536 Following

Jack of many trades, master of none. Space laser technician. Mostly harmless. đź“Ť Fresh Coast

"Is he dead yet?" asked Piglet. "No," said Pooh. "Fuck," said Piglet.
NO SMOKING
Air Quality Alert. These conditions started at 9:19 AM, Thursday, July 16. National Weather Service 500 - Hazardous Air quality index is 500, which is worse than yesterday at about this time.
RFK Jr swimming in toxic water
How long has it been since you've seen the original "Jurassic Park"? SAM NEILL The last time I watched it in its totality was sitting beside Princess Di at Leicester Square at the London opening. On the other side of me was my son Tim - he was Il and completely swept away by it, but about the time the T-Rex turns up, Tim started to fart. And the draft was drifting across me to royalty! I spent the whole film in a muck sweat, thinking, "Princess Di is being exposed to the horrors of a little boy's fart, but she's going to think it's me. I am going to be subliminally blamed for my son's crimes, and I don't think she'll talk to me afterwards." But she was well brought up and never mentioned it. JEFF GOLDBLUM I love that story, Sam. I've heard him tell that a couple of times, and it's just amazing the lengths that he will go to still blame the boy.
Death, playing a claw machine: Lindsey Graham? Is Mitch McConnell even in this thing??
A monarch caterpillar munching on my milkweed.
Me: We need a ska day Friend: You mean a spa day? Me, already handing friend a trumpet: I absolutely do not
It’s a colorful stereogram.
A monarch butterfly hanging out in our milkweed garden.
Russian sage (Salvia yang) is a fragrant subshrub traditionally used in Central Asian folk medicine as an anti-inflammatory, analgesic, and digestive aid. Its leaves and flowers are commonly steeped into tea to relieve indigestion, reduce fevers, and ease colds, while inhaled steam is used to clear nasal congestion.
if you're dead inside go outside
"Are you ok, Pooh?" "Not really, Piglet. Everything just seems, well, pretty fucked, basically."
uh, hi, yes, i have a question what the fuck
The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command. -George Orwell
My firepit with a fire in it with woods in the background
A concerned-looking trash cat asking “excuse me but what the fuck”
yeah I'm working on my mistakes the next one will be huge
A pair of perfectly toasted marshmallows over my firepit.
Life is soup I am fork
[klezmer music stops]
That's the neat part... it won't.
uh, hi, yes, i have a question what the *fuck*
Sir David Attenborough narrating the quoted skeet
Small but vibrant orange flowers growing from a succulent in my front window.
Take a loaf of Hawaiian buns, slice it down the middle, and spread on mayo. Layer with deli meat, and cheese, then put the top loaf back on. Melt butter with chimichurri and brush over the top before putting it in the oven at 350 for 10 minutes or so until cheese is melted and the buns are toasty.
BART: This is the most corrupt thing a US President has ever done. HOMER: This is the most corrupt thing a US President has done so far.
you can always just decide that you're so back
mrpeanutofficial Who woke up craving some nuts? ALDI May we recommend ALDI's nuts?
My feet at the end of a neon green hammock hanging in the woods behind my house.
A snippet of my back yard, featuring grass on both sides of a sidewalk leading into the woods. My dog is lying in the back corner in the sun, and the cat is a dark black void in the grass under the shade of the house.
Spotify’s new disco ball logo
Some of you need to go to church. So I don't have to see you in hell!
A cat being interviewed: Sir are you aware you are a cat?
a portal in the woods would fix me
A picture of the inside of my lamp post showing the top of a light bulb just below a wasp nest inside the top of the fixture.