Artie (freefallin)

@freefall.in

59 Followers 260 Following

It's Artie!

TRUMP STEALS YOUR MONEY AND THE FOOD OFF YOUR TABLE
Press image of the Clicks Communicator, an announced but still in development smartphone with a nearly square screen and a full qwerty keyboard.
In the background, the 'Nothing Ever Happens' Chudjak in a casino, wearing a nice black suit with a bowtie, standing at a roulette table, a healthy stack of chips in front of him. In the foreground, the roulette wheel on the table, all but one pocket of which is grey in color and marked with the text 'NOTHING' in a stark black. The one not marked as such, in a glaring crimson, is marked 'SOMETHING' in a ghostly light. Unfortunately for the Chudjak, the roulette ball has landed firmly in the Something pocket, and is emitting ominous purple ゴ symbols, menacingly, in reference to JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. The Chudjak, so convinced that Nothing would ever Happen, is forced to confront that instead, Something has happened. In a look of abject panic, he grasps his head with both arms.
The "Isn't There Somebody You Forgot To Ask?" meme but replacing 'Casual Sex' with 'Whiskey Fridays', with Matti's profile picture and "my girl" in a text block superimposed on the couple, and a picture of Tony Dokoupil in place of Jesus.
REPORTER 1 (11 days after writing something completely false): well gang, it turns out that I was wrong, but we'll get through this together REPORTER 2: no...in your wrongness you were more right than you could ever imagine REPORTER 1: thank you...and of course you are correct
STOP DOING STATISTICS There are no probabilities other than 50%-50%, either something happens or it doesn't! They want you to think something will "probably" happen, it's really just fancy guessing Since when does a COIN FLIP require CALCULUS? "Beta distribution" they're making fun of you Now they say "Poisson" is safe for humans??? Big tables aren't academically rigorous! They have played us for absolute fools!