Shawn "Fruan" Poulsen

@fruan.bsky.social

205 Followers 411 Following

He/Him/They Useless lump somewhere in the vicinity of Ōtautahi/Christchurch, New Zealand. Mastodon's premiere Magic: The Gathering shitposter (prove me wrong) - kind.social/@Fruan

The upcoming card "Daredevil, Man Without Fear", from the Magic: The Gathering set Marvel Super Heroes, crudely edited to replace the text box with "Non-black creatures and non-artifact creatures may block Daredevil"
The flag of the United States of America, the blue star field recoloured to a sickly algae green.
The 'beans have to take turns' tweet, crudely edited so that it reads: (me making fun of your [mathematics] idea and thereby holding our people back another 50[ ] years) [Pythagoras] thinks the beans have [souls]
Batman breaking a gun over his knee. The gun has been labeled "AI", political cartoon style. He has a speech bubble reading "This is the weapon of the enemy. We do no need it. We will not use it."
The TNMT bonus sheet reprint of Shadowspear as "Donnie's Bō"
I art from Oko, Lorwyn Liege crudely edited to have a speach bubble.
Screenshots from Pacific Rim (2013) arranged vertically to make a comic strip. A scientist (as played by Burn Gorman) stands infront of a chalkboard and explains his theory passionately. Text has been crudely slapped on these images, subverting the dialogue of the movie: "Squee was Magic's first Silly Little Guy in Weatherlight. Then Fblthp in Gatecrash. Loot in OTJ and Fleem in Omenpaths... we could be seeing a Silly Little Guy in every set. By Lorwyn Eclipsed we could see a double event" The sequence ends with a picture of Cragg and Squen, the two silly little guys from the Lorwyn Eclipsed promo materials.
Two panels cropped out of Graham's storyboards and shorn of context. They barely, just barely, resemble the drake approval/disapproval meme.
The cast of Farscape
An edited page from the comic "Watchmen" (1984). Doctor Manhattan, a sad blue naked man, wanders the desolate surface of Mars. His mournful rambling across three panels are captioned: "It is 1993. Magic: The Gathering has just released. There is a card that lets you draw three cards for one blue mana. Its power level proves to be a mistake." "It is 2014. Khans of Tarkir has just released. There is a card that lets you draw three cards for one blue mana. Its power level proves to be a mistake." "It is 2025. MTGxATLA has just released. There is a card that lets you draw three cards for one blue mana. Its power level proves to be a mistake."
A wall mounted Tv showing the desert bus offline screen, with a monitor put into portrait orientation beside it for the chat
Who would win? An impenetrable system of fortifications spanning a quarter of a continent (Picture of the upcoming Magic: The Gathering card 'The Walls of Ba Sing Se', a 0/30 wall) One slimy boi (Picture of the Magic: The Gathering card "Poison Dart Frog", the cutest little 1/1 frog you've ever seen, who can get deathtouch)
A screenshot from a digital shopfront showing Seanan McGuire's upcoming Magic The Gathering novel "Strixhaven, Omens of Chaos" at a pre-order price of $9999.99
Loot from Magic: The Gathering, art by Arif Wijaya
The Magic: The Gathering card "Sensation Gorger" from 2008's Morning Tide, part of the original Lorwyn block. Art by Matt Cavotta shows a high angle looking down on a little green goblin with listening horns inserted into his ears, tiny sticks holding open his eye lids, a skunk draped over his nose, a frog in his mouth, and fish and eyes and I don't know what plastered over his body. This little guy wants to experience EVERYTHING.
The Magic: The Gathering card "Aladdin" from Arabian Nights, Magic's very first expansion way back in 1993 Art by Julie Baroh shows a young man smiling while looking down at the old fashioned style oil lamp he holds.
Poseidon as depicted in Hades 2 - an extremely enthusiastic buff man with flowing green hair like the sea, holding a trident. "Sickos" has been crudely edited across his torso, and a speech bubble reads "YES ... HA HA HA ... YES!" in the style of the sickos meme.
The XKCD 'Dependency' comic, edited so the giant ramshackle pile of blocks is labled "All Magic: The Gathering deckbuilding, discussion, content, etc" and the tiny block holding it all up is labed "Scryfall"
But wait! There's a twist! Unlike previous modal double-faced cards, these ones have a built-in way to transform. After all, if you can't change costume, your secret identity is just your identity. If the card's front face is up, there's an activated ability that allows you to transform it to the other face. Previously, a modal double-faced card couldn't transform, but that rule is going away. In fact, any modal double-faced permanent that is instructed to transform now can, although only the new ones in this set come with built-in ways to make that happen.
A screenshot of the Magic: Arena deckbuilding interface, showing a white/blue draft deck with two All-Fates Stalkers in it.
A still from The Simpsons - Mr Burns holds two bottles of ketchup/catsup. The Magic: The Gathering cards "Portable Hole" and "Seam Rip" have been crudely pasted onto the bottles.
"The Three Fates Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos", by Giorgio Ghisi - An engraving of the three Fates of greek mythology, spinning a thread, weaving it, and cutting it respectively. They have been crudely relabeled "Emrakul", "Kozilek" and "Ulamog"
Map of the Magic Multiverse A segment of a donut shape, with a cluster of little circles inside the hole. The little circles are labeled "Ptolomic universes full of wizards". The donut is labeled "Einsteinian universe full of spaceships" The empty space around these figures is labeled "Cthulu"
The "Is this a pigeon" meme format; a naive and bespectacled anime lad gestures eagerly at a butterfly that has been crudely labled "Lobster Citizen". The image is captioned "Is this a Homarid?"
A badly composited image of Tezzeret from Magic: The Gathering - the portrait is half way off the left edge of the image - captioned "Oh god how did this get here I am not good with computers"
The email showing that your humble poster finished 25th in ranked this month, and is thus qualified for the July Qualifier weekend, to be played in the Magic format of Standard.
The magic was inside you all along! We're going to get you into emergency surgery and get the magic out! I've called and ambulance! I promise you everything is going to be ok! Lie down and try not to move! It's important that you don't panic! The ambulance will be here soon! You're doing so well! Just focus on breathing! In and out! Just like that! Everything is going to work out! Stay with me!
A screenshot of Google's "helpful" AI search results: "is a forest card a green card No, a Forest card is not a "green card" in the way a green card refers to a United States permanent resident card, which is a US legal document. A Forest card in the context of Magic: The Gathering is a basic land card that produces green mana. It is considered a land card and is colorless, but it does have a green color identity."
"I never thought they'd load ME into the Mortarpod"
A cropped screenshot from the Kobo store - "Unavailable in New Zealand"
A "Hello my name is" sticker badge, filled in "Max Speed"
A crop of a screenshot of Magic: Arena, showing "Fruan, Crafty"
"Hello, my name is" badge, with the name filled in as "Max Speed"
The Magic: The Gathering card "Ashnod, Flesh Mechanist"
The Magic: The Gathering card "R&D's Secret Lair" Legendary Land Play cards as written. Ignore all errata. T: add C
Magic the Gathering's lastest mascot Loot locked in a cage which doesn't really look much like a box but I have to make my puns somewhere, ok?
The completed Balatro achievement "Completionist++"; earn a Gold Sticker on every Joker.
A screenshot from Balatro, showing the Campfire joker surrounded by other jokers. Every other joker has a Gold difficulty sticker; Campfire has no sticker at all. Not pictured- literally every other joker in my collection has a Gold difficulty sticker.
A graph of a sigmoid curve. The early rapidly raising part of the curve is labled "Yes! Growth is exponential! We're gonna make a trillion dollars and live forever!". The later slowly raising part of the curve is labled "Oh fuck, what's happening?! Someone do something! Bailouts! Layoffs! Mergers! FUCK FUCK FUCK!"
Two cheap Christmas cracker spinning tops on a plate, lazily bouncing off each other
A SERMON ON ETHICS AND LOVE One day Mal-2 asked the messenger spirit Saint Gulik to approach the Goddess and request Her presence for some desperate advice. Shortly afterwards the radio came on by itself, and an ethereal female Voice said YES? "O! Eris! Blessed Mother of Man! Queen of Chaos! Daughter of Discord! Concubine of Confusion! O! Exquisite Lady, I beseech You to lift a heavy burden from my heart!" WHAT BOTHERS YOU, MAL? YOU DON'T SOUND WELL. "I am filled with fear and tormented with terrible visions of pain. Everywhere people are hurting one another, the planet is rampant with injustices, whole societies plunder groups of their own people, mothers imprison sons, children perish while brothers war. O, woe." WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THAT, IF IT IS WHAT YOU WANT TO DO? "But nobody Wants it! Everybody hates it." OH. WELL, THEN STOP. At which moment She turned herself into an aspirin commercial and left The Polyfather stranded alone with his species.
A crop from a clout chaser's account - following 179.5K accounts.
The "Stonks" meme image - a poorly 3d rendered man in a suit standing in front of a barrage of stock tickers with an upwards trending arrow. A couger (the cat, you pervs) has been superimposed over the trend arrow, and the caption has been changed to "STALKS"
A screenshot from Balatro, showing a Gold difficulty sticker on all five Legendary Jokers.
In this effort, Avishkar has come to recognize Ravnica as its chief rival. There are other planes—Dominaria, Zendikar—who have mighty factions on them but lack the same plane-wide administration. The Avishkar Assembly sees Ravnica, along with its guilds and their leader, Niv-Mizzet, not as an enemy (yet) but as the only plane that rivals their power on the multiversal stage. To that end, the Assembly maneuvers diplomatically and culturally to position themselves as the most attractive hegemon to the other planes of the Multiverse. Avishkari money, trade goods, luxury goods, and cultural exports flow into the planes of the Multiverse, carried by state missions, envoys, celebrities, and private concerns, and in return, trade and diplomatic partners are invited into Ghirapur and other special economic zones around the plane.
A stock image of two fists, knuckles presented towards the camera. Your humble shitposter has terribly MSPainted the letters B O O S T G O D onto the knuckles, with neither skill nor style.
A snippet of a news article "A backpack resembling the one worn by the suspect has been recovered near a playground in Central Park, according to media reports. MSNBC said on Saturday that police examining the bag and its contents found a jacket and Monopoly money, but no firearm."
Batman breaking a gun over his knee. The gun has been labeled "AI (Even if you're making fun of it)" in the style of political cartoons, and the label is breaking too. There is a speech bubble that reads "THIS is the weapon of the ENEMY. We do not NEED it. We will not USE it."
A loading screen from MtG Arena with the ‘helpful’ tip “The start of a new Mastery Pass begins with a new set. Each Mastery Pass lasts about 3 months.”
A preview of how the Magic The Gathering card "Silence" will appear of MTGArena, Art by Wayne Reynolds. A man's eyes widen in shock as his mouth disappears mid spellcast. The composition rises to the right.