John Hendel

@goodplaywright.bsky.social

590 Followers 431 Following

Stage writer, scatterbrained oaf, he/him

Senator Robert M. La Follette Sr., with his David Lynch updo and the lowered eye one might give before they prove that the person they’re speaking with is a jackass
Triptych that says “8 hours for work, 8 hours for rest, 8 hours for what we will” with accompanying pictures of a woman working, a person sleeping in bed with their feet sticking out from under the sheets, and two people sitting in a rowboat reading a newspaper.
Tommy Lee Jones in THE FUGITIVE about to say “I don’t care.”
Weird bald mustachioed man from TIM AND ERIC AWESOME SHOW, GREAT JOB! singing the “Sit on You” song. Caption reads: “This is what I do I sit in you. Right on your head” He looks exactly like this guy in the quoted post if you remove the toupee.
Simpsons screengrab of Disco Stu pitching Homer an investment opportunity in disco records. The caption reads, “Did you know that Shrute Farms t-shirt sales were up 400% for the year ending 2012? If these trends continue… aay!”
Still from O BROTHER, WHERE ART THOU? (2000, dir. Joel Coen). Ulysses (George Clooney) drives a car with Pete (John Tuturro) riding shotgun and Delmar (Tim Blake Nelson) in the back.
OBSESSION director Curry Barker looking like if John Waters put a Quentin Tarantino parody in one of his movies
“So I show up at Steven’s home on Stone Canyon Road. My audition was at 10 a.m. And I sat in his living room, which was filled with saddles. Saddles. All over the place. Like, ornate saddles. And I waited until 12:30. Steven came downstairs. He had been asleep. And at that point, I was kind of… What do you call it? You know, when waiting to do an audition, you develop a certain amount of stress. Like athletes who build up lactic acid in their body. At that time, I was still with lactic acid. Or whatever. My body became a toxic-waste dump. So I really don’t remember the audition too much, because I was so traumatized—there’s the trauma—I was traumatized by waiting to audition. They wanted me to shoot one of the first days of shooting. They called me at 7 in the morning, which I’m used to, but the crew call was 9. So I came in two hours early. The reason they wanted me two hours early was that they wanted to discuss hair with the hairdresser. But because I was bald, the hairdresser didn’t come in, so I was stuck waiting in the parking lot for someone to show up for two hours.”
Subtitled screenshot from MAD MEN where a blind-drunk Don Draper points towards the camera. His dialogue is subtitled “I want you to meet the Mets!”
Looking south on a bridge crossing the Delaware River, with green trees on hills at the horizon and a blue, cloud-kissed sky
Don Draper sitting at the end of a conference table pitching Hershey’s Milk Chocolate, his head in his hand as he talks about growing up in a brothel where a sex worker used to give him a Hershey bar when he stole enough change from the clothes of clients. The subtitle reads, “It said ‘sweet’ on the package.”
A Soviet medical professional in a mask and surgical gloves holds up a swaddled newborn in the foreground. In the background, a mustachioed father in a fur hat stands outside the window in the snow while looking in the window at the newborn. He gives a thumbs-up and a big toothy smile.
Black-and-white drawing of Alfred Jarry’s Père Ubu, a fat oaf with a pointed head. The caption reads “Véritable portrait de Monsieur Ubu.”
A wine glass full of beer between a half-eaten Neapolitan pizza and an empty bottle of of Madresita
A monstrously intoxicated Don Draper pointing just left of the camera, singing (with the caption) “I want you to meet the Mets!”
Tom Hollander in IN THE LOOP (2009, dir. Armando Iannucci) fucking up the media line before a sea of microphones
Roger Sterling from MAD MEN
Meditative Don Draper thinking up a hit commercial
Tom Hollander in IN THE LOOP (2009, dir. Armando Iannucci) fucking up the media line on the war in front of a live microphone. This is the second time I’ve used this screenshot this week.
Tom Hollander in IN THE LOOP (2009, dir. Armando Iannucci) fucking up the line on the war in front of a live microphone.
Winnie the Pooh and his honey pot.
Matt Damon in EUROTRIP singing “Scotty Doesn’t Know” with the caption “I nabbed him on his birthday”
Simpsons screenshot, Bart wearing a baseball cap that says “Time for chili”
Still from QUIZ SHOW (1994, dir. Robert Redford); Three men in mid-50s suits stand behind a podium with “Geritol” written on the front. From left to right: Ralph Fiennes (Charles Van Doren), Christopher McDonald (Jack Barry), and John Tuturro (Herb Stempel).
Cobblestone street in Montmartre, Paris with Le Consulat cafe in the foreground and Sacre Coeur basilica in the background
Beyond the airplane wing in the center is the green and purple Aurora Borealis
Tweet I wrote on 9/19/18: “A student emailed me, profusely apologizing for getting my name wrong at the top of their paper, and I was like, ‘Thanks, whatever, nbd.’ Then I got to their paper and saw their instructor was ‘Professor whats his nuts’”
Kevin Garnett in UNCUT GEMS saying “Why the fuck would you show me something if I couldn’t have it then?”
Poster for PINA, with a female dancer wearing a salmon dress in an artificial rainfall does a vertical leap with arms extended and bent like bird wings
Onion Headline: Marilyn Manson Now Going Door-to-Door Trying To Shock People
Salted Maple Pie, uncut still in the pie plate. The filling is brown like maple syrup and lumpy, with white flecks of salt strewn around. The crust is a lighter brown.
Charlie Kelly from IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA trying to own a college kid by quoting Gordon Wood. Also he and Mac are coated in glow paint.
Donald Trump sitting at his desk in the Oval Office and grinning with his head turned to beam at a standing Zohran Mamdani like a toddler meeting a Disney character.
Screengrab from article. Text reads: Greene allegedly drove to Pennsylvania and paid a body-modification artist $500 to carve the wounds on her face, neck, and upper body, using a pattern she had provided in advance. Investigators later found matching zip ties in her Maserati SUV. Cellphone records showed that two days before the purported attack, her co-conspirator searched online for “zip ties near me,” a discovery authorities cited as further proof that the incident was staged. The sentence “Investigators later found matching zip ties in her Maserati SUV” is highlighted.
Tim Robinson from I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE shouting and gesturing to himself with the caption “They said to me at a dinner.”
2lbs ground beef in hot pan w oil. Break apart meat, season w/ 1 Tbsp salt. Cook until no pink then add half a diced white onion. Once onion is translucent add two diced Roma tomatoes. When tomatoes break apart add two diced yellow potatoes. In blender add 3 Roma tomatoes, 1/4 onions, 1-2 Serrano peppers, 2 garlic cloves, 1 tsp salt, 1/4 tsp cumin, big pinch peppercorns, 2 cups water. Blend until smooth. Pour salsa into pan. Mix and cover for 10-15 minutes.
Kevin Tighe in the ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER Christmas Adventurers Club
Dr. Spaceman from 30 Rock diagnosing Tracy Jordan with diabetes, with the caption “[Sighs] Well, Tracy, I… I don’t know how to say this. ‘Dee-ay-butt-ees?’”
Green Madison Mallards jersey with red text, white trim, and a duck head on the sleeve with a backwards cap and bright red eyes
Variety opinion piece by Owen Gleiberman with the headline “What’s the Problem with ‘Springsteen: Deliver Me from Nowhere’? The Problem Is That ‘Nebraska’ Is a Bore”
Reverend Lovejoy with the edited caption “Oh, why did I teach him that phrase?”
Mel Brooks as the Piss Boy in History of the World Part 1, holding out a bucket while a French aristocrat urinates into the bucket, because that’s the final form for freaks like Mike Johnson: Piss Boy for brainless professional tuxedo-wearer Donald Trump
A map of the United States divided by its water resource regions. Those regions are New England Mid Atlantic South Atlantic Gulf Great Lakes Ohio Tennessee Upper Mississippi Lower Mississippi Souris Red Rainy Missouri Arkansas White Red Texas Gulf Rio Grande Upper Colorado Lower Colorado Great Basin Pacific Northwest California Alaska Hawaii Caribbean
Tom Hanks as Col. Tom Parker in ELVIS asking, “He’s white??”
Quoting my own MLB playoff predictions before the season Predictions: AL1: Orioles AL2: Royals AL3: Rangers AL4: Red Sox AL5: Tigers AL6: Astros NL1: Dodgers NL2: Mets NL3: Cubs NL4: Phillies NL5: Braves NL6: Diamondbacks Reality: AL1: Blue Jays AL2: Mariners AL3: Guardians AL4: Yankees AL5: Red Sox AL6: Tigers NL1: Brewers NL2: Phillies NL3: Dodgers NL4: Cubs NL5: Padres NL6: Reds
Sean Collins tweet from 1/29/2019: JESUS CHRIST (ninth hour): Eloi, Eloi, Iama sabachthani? GOOFY (present at the crucifixion): Gawrsh
Screengrab of New York Times headline and sub-head: A New Democratic Think Tank Wants to Curb the Influence of Liberal Groups Led by a former aide to Senator Harry Reid, the Searchlight Institute is hoping to persuade Democrats to play down causes like climate change and L.G.B.T.Q. rights to appeal to more voters Below is a photo of five members of that think tank that looks like a NIMBY Benneton ad. The three men are in blue suits and look like they give out business cards at birthday parties for friends’ kids. One woman is a strait-laced brunette and the other is a funky redhead, like a lazy buddy cop movie. Everyone wears a face that says “the best part of getting a promotion is firing people.”
The Rothko room at the Tate Modern, with five of his pieces visible, each one displaying stark-yet-uneven quadrilaterals painted in red, black, and grey with large, strong brushstrokes.
In the Washington Post newsroom, Robert Redford takes a phone call in the right foreground while the staff gathers around a TV in the left background.
Screenshot of Federica Polidoro’s Instagram followers with a search for “Vance” returning JD Vance HQ, JD Vance, and Vice President JD Vance
MAGNOLIA (1999, dir. Paul Thomas Anderson), 3.5 stars on rewatch THE WHITE BALLOON (1995, dir. Jafar Panahi), 4 stars A PLACE IN THE SUN (1951, dir. George Stevens), 2.5 stars RUSHMORE (1998, dir. Wes Anderson), 4.5 stars on rewatch
Joe Biden wearing a red TRUMP 2024 ball cap with an American flag brim and a smile that only happens when your skin recedes
Marlon Brando in THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU, shrouded in white lace, coated with white face paint, and shielded from the elements with pitch black sunglasses and a hat that appears to be a large dried leaf
Fred Trump’s godawful skull bulging out of his mustachioed face, overtaking his ear
Screenshot of Spotify playing Pete Seeger’s “John Brown’s Body”
Me and my fiancée showing off her pretty pink engagement ring
Screenshot from The Simpsons. Principal Skinner stands smiling across from a seated Mrs. Krabappel in the Springfield Elementary cafeteria asking the thirty-or-so children around him, “Prove me wrong!”
Lauren (@NotABigJerk) tweet: i’m not calling for that hot take. that’s clearly someone with a fetish for getting yelled at. i refuse to participate in that kind of perversion
Daniel Day-Lewis as Bill the Butcher in Gangs of New York shrugging his shoulders and extending his hands outward with a smug grin. The caption reads “Whoopsie daisy.”