Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea

@grunionguy.bsky.social

"He's a master at being clever and counteracting the clever." -- Steve Ditko (about me, probably) https://tessatechaitea.blogspot.com/

Etrigan staring up into the asshole of a fat alien about to sit on his face and exclaiming, "Satan's ringpiece!"

Godzilla standing in the river with a Chicago hot dog just the way Chicagoans love it: smothered in relish, tomatoes, peppers, and ketchup.

Thumbnail image for WatchMojo video for "10 Great Rock Songs that are in NOBODY's Top 10" showing a still of Sting from the Synchronicity II video.

End scene from The Wicker Man where it's burning with the words "Live. Laugh. Love." surrounding it.

Battalion of Team Titans saying the hit line all the '90s kids were saying: "It's time to make some cheese!"

Slay the Spire II deck with Hellraiser (improved with Swift) in opening hand of deck with nearly all "Strike" cards (4 Upgraded Pommel Strikes to keep drawing). Pillage to get the draw going again if it died. Only 2 Defends also with Swift to keep drawing. Fiend Fire to expunge deck of non-attack cards for Infinite Draw.

I would like to get a flattering letter some time. My first year out of state in college, I once got a letter from the girl I had a crush on where she said she loved me like a brother. Was that flattering? It just seemed cruel and world-destroying at the time.

Thinking on it after all these years, I still think it was cruel and world-destroying but also probably a lie. What she really wanted to say was almost certainly, "You're being pathetic and I don't know how to deal with this. Please go get laid and forget about me. You're in college, you loser. I am sucking two dicks as I write this."

The cover of Eclipso: The Darkness Within #2 which prominently displays Starfire's ass and nearly Black Canary's taint and Phase's ass (partially obscured by the Direct Shop ISBN box). I have used Corel Photopaint 2000 to change "The Many Faces of Evil!" to "The Many Asses of Evil!" I did it with my own dexterity and tools in Corel Photopaint. It was really very simple but then I've been using it for 25+ years. You don't fucking need AI, assholes. Or a newfangled photoshop program that comes with a monthly subscription. If you can imagine it, you can fucking do it yourself with tools at hand.

Banner for an old No Apologies! Press feature highlighting Grunion Guy's stories. It reads, "Publishable Stories, Epics and Novels. All stories thought up and written all by Grunion Guy"

There is a picture of a handsome individual wearing a suit that looks like a beachball. His frizzy hair is piled high on his head. His lips might be considered massive fish lips (possibly because his father was a tuna). A jaunty little green fish waves from over his shoulder.

In the corner is the link back triangle to the index pag that reads "An NA!P Presentation"

Super Rare Wikipedia battle card: Rassenschande, the German anti-miscegenation concept of Racial Shame.

"I have never seen a more sublime demonstration of the totalitarian mind, a mind which might be likened unto a system of gears whose teeth have been filed off at random. Such a snaggle-toothed thought machine, driven by a standard or even by a substandard libido, whirls with the jerky, noisy, gaudy pointlessness of a cuckoo clock in Hell.
The boss G-man concluded wrongly that there were no teeth on the gears of the mind of Jones. 'You're completely crazy,' he said.
Jones wasn't completely crazy. The dismaying thing about the classic totalitarian mind is that any given gear, though mutilated, will have at its circumference unbroken sequences of teeth that are immaculately maintained, that are exquisitely machined.
Hence the cuckoo clock in Hell—keeping perfect time for eight minutes and twenty-three seconds, jumping ahead fourteen minutes, keeping perfect time for six seconds, jumping ahead two seconds, keeping perfect time for two hours and one second, then jumping ahead a year.
The missing teeth, of course, are simple, obvious truths, truths available and comprehensible even to ten-year-olds, in most cases.
The willful filing off of gear teeth, the willful doing without certain obvious pieces of information—"
--Kurt Vonnegut, Mother Night, 1961.

Tuxedo Cat (Gravy!) standing up doing a penguin imitation as she guzzles Churu.

Battlestar Galactica lunchbox from the '70s. Friendly Cylon waving as the kid and the robot dog run by. What? I'm supposed to remember their names?! You're on the Internet! Look 'em up!

Stingy from Lazytown looking irritating while wearing the completely wrong shoes for his asinine bright yellow getup. Vest too small. Shorts too high (both waist and cuffs). So gross. I hate him.

Excerpt from Stephen King's Cujo: "A party of four at the next table, three in UMP tennis shirts and one wearing a faded T-shirt with the legend DARTH VADER IS GAY written across the front, began to applaud."

The most handsome tuxedo cat you've ever seen relaxes with arms straight out and looking up at her human, um, lovingly? Games shelf in the background!

Yellow and Black "No Pepper" sign on a chain link fence.

Bugbear from D&D Monster Manual. With penis.

I had a dream that James Urbaniak was shot in the head during a film shoot and survived. So he went on a talk show to talk about the accident. The interviewers realized that it wasn't as optimistic and uplifting as they thought it would be because of the brain damage and his difficulty speaking. So during the commercial break, they replaced him with James Van Der Beek playing James Urbaniak shot in the head.

GOG warning at top of an email:

"Please be advised that some of the games might be inappropriate for underage users. If you are underage, please leave without proceeding any further."

Gender & Sexuality
You may play a Neopet of any gender or sexuality. There are no mechanical differences based on any of these choices.
You are free to present your gender and/or sexuality in any way that suits your character.
For example, you may find yourself playing a Uni that uses he/him pronouns but is painted Royalgirl.
Before roleplaying romantic encounters with other characters, it's important to know what content everyone at the table is comfortable with. We advise that players begin campaigns with a Session 0, where they can discuss questions related to this, including:
• How much romance is okay 'on-screen' before the scene needs to fade to black?
• How much sexuality is okay 'on-screen' before the scene needs to fade to black?
We are planning on putting a Session O Guide into the final book, but we are counting on you to do this yourselves for the Playtests!

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I am here. You are there. So many others in-between. In all the infinite vastness of time and space, how highly improbable that we should ever have met. It seems beyond all bounds of decency that we should fight, against the very will of the universe that we should treat each other poorly, truly the antithesis of reason that we should make each other miserable. We should laugh and we should embrace and we should grow more familiar with each other's oddities and differences and the rare and brief moments where we seem to have been created one for the other. And yet we were not which only makes our brief liaison in the unending bounds of time and space even more unlikely. We owe it to chance and improbability and random, stupid luck to be kind to each other.

Comic books are way better than reality because this cop probably won't be charged for murdering all of those people due to being mind-controlled and not being responsible for his actions rather than if this happened in reality, the cop wouldn't be charged due to "qualified immunity" and the excuse that he feared for his safety. Why is it always the person with the gun who "feared for their safety"? It's so much easier to plead self-defense in court when you've murdered the other person and they can't testify against you! And it's obvious people with guns fear for their safety. That's why they have a gun! And it's also why they shouldn't have a gun because they're fucking scared of everything! And since their first thought is to use the gun in a conflict, they figure if the other person has a gun, they're going to use it on them! So they just start shooting like a maniac and then plead self-defense later. Regular citizens shouldn't be allowed to plead self-defense against a murder charge simply because they felt scared or threatened. And cops especially shouldn't be able to since they're supposed to be protecting citizens at the risk of their own lives! Not at the risk of all of our lives! This is why people love firemen and hate policemen. Because firemen actually do risk their lives to save people and policemen won't fucking risk a single hair on their fat mustache to save even children.

"Mankind, ignorant of the truths that lie within every human being, looked outward—pushed ever outward. What mankind hoped to learn in its outward push was who was actually in charge of all creation, and what all creation was all about.
Mankind flung its advance agents ever outward, ever outward. Eventually it flung them out into space, into the colorless, tasteless, weightless sea of outwardness without end.
It flung them like stones.
These unhappy agents found what had already been found in abundance on Earth—a nightmare of meaninglessness without end. The bounties of space, of infinite outwardness, were three: empty heroics, low comedy, and pointless death."
-- Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan, 1959

"Here it was again, the most ancient of roadforks, one that Paul had glimpsed before, in Kroner's study, months ago. The choice of one course or the other had nothing to do with machines, hierarchies, economics, love, age. It was a purely internal matter. Every child older than six knew the fork, and knew what the good guys did here, and what the bad guys did here. The fork was a familiar one in folk tales the world over, and the good guys and the bad guys, whether in chaps, breechclouts, serapes, leopardskins, or banker's gray pinstripes, all separated here."
-- Kurt Vonnegut, Player Piano, 1952

Guy Gardner sneering and saying, "Sez YOU, J'onn -- I handle loads like this for breakfast!"

Hal Jordan punching Carol in the face while she kneels before him and Eclipso grins in the background. Carol's entire ass is showing. Not to be outdone by the gratuitous misogyny, Guy Gardner sticks an advert for his new comic right next to the domestic abuse.

Cover of The New Teen Titans #22 or something. Brother Blood serving cunt in his white high collared cape with his snake toque and bloodhound mask. Terrible straps all over with his diaper looking crotch thing and clip-on boots.

The Exegesis of Philip K Dick. Edited by Pamela Jackson and Jonathan Lethem

Taco Buldak Spicy Ramen package from Samyang. The chicken mascot sitting in a taco winking sexily at you to eat it might also be a racist stereotype.

Blurry '70s photo of young me in front of the Christmas tree holding a big old orange cat. Paisley-ish drapes in the background.

Me in a raccoon hat looking up at Gravy, the tuxedo cat sitting on my shoulder. She's looking off in the outside world distance looking sharp in her purple collar.

Turning Point USA advert showing a woman holding an AR rifle or whatever with the copy, "Give me on reason why what I own is any of your business..." The color of the font changes from blue to red with "any of your business" which just makes the point of how threatening this happy woman and her happy gun are being.

Scary Grunion Guy tweeted, on October 12th, 2017, in a satirical manner (just in case you thought I was really defending the monster, you monster!): "People who look like melted candles stuck on sloppy dog turds probably get lots of consensual pussy so just wait until lawyers say things!"

tumblr message layout.

tessatechaitea asked (represented by a pink image of Stephanie from Lazytown with the words "Get up and dance" underneath: "Sometimes when my cat jumps into my lap, I force her into a position that's more comfortable to me. Does that make me gross? Maybe you're the wrong person to ask. I probably should have asked Neil Gaiman.

gailsimone answered (represented by a gorilla in a Catman outfit): That doesn't make you gross. It's all the other stuff.

Pulp Fiction screenshot with Vincent and Jules holding their guns out while wearing their nice suits. Jules' head has been replaced with Little Orphan Annie's head.

Ticket stub for a Primus / Limbomaniacs show at The Edge nightclub in Palo Alto California. October 17th, 1990. At 9 PM!

A super sexy dude with long hair, Cheshire Cat shirt, blue overshirt, torn up jeans, and boring hiking boots holding a camera (remember those?!) around his wrist while he kneels before the cutest motherfucking little goat you've ever seen. The goat is eating his camera.

Also I am the sexy motherfucker. At least I was back when I was young and sexy and fucked mothers.

Some stupid adult Disney twat who the Orlando Sentinel is probably misquoting as having said, in their headline, "I love Disney World, but wokeness is ruining the experience."

Advertisement for a Neil Gaiman "teaches the art of storytelling" class. The copy reads, "Give on. Get one free."

First comment from Anonymous: it could be argued that this new Lobo is satirical, that he's a satire of James Bond.

Lizard's reply (I am Lizard!): No it can't.

Anonymous: Why not?

Lizard (me!): Oh yeah! Good point!

Emmet J. Scanlan as super sexy Lobo from the show Krypton. His crotch is a screaming fanged skull for some reason. I mean, I think I know the reason. My penis seems to know the reason.

Sean Hannity getting ready to felch Don Trump, I'm assuming.

The Wicker Man burning with the words "Live. Laugh. Love."

Hands clasping meme. Left hand: Jason. Right Hand: Freddy. Clasp: Murdering Teenagers.

Richie Tozier (Seth Green) gasps in horror as he realizes his school principal (or a teacher? Who knows! I chose the big guy!) is The Cigarette Smoking Man. Still from Stephen King's It, the 1990 made for television series.

Blonde Wonder Woman getting drunk with the awesome and super cool Captain Cold. Dream stands nearby wishing he was cool. Also cool: some guy dressed as me. So cool!

What I mean to say is think about how ignorant of history you actually have to be to believe the kinds of things Charlie Kirk or Dinesh D'Souza or Tucker Carlson or Sean Hannity or Laura Ingraham say. I'm sad I even know those names. Just vile, terrible people with less remorse than Vonnegut's Howard J. Campbell from Mother Night (and I'm not quite sure how much remorse he really had! He was pretty apathetic about most of his life when you get right down to it. Which might have been a large part of Vonnegut's point. "Look how much evil you can do when you just shrug your shoulders and don't give a shit.").

But by 2016, something wonderful had transpired (wonderful if you're a piece of shit, that is). The biggest piece of shit ever decided to run for president. All of the other pieces of shit who were doing their piece of shit business in dark hotel rooms full of tobacco smoke and empty of potted plants stood up in the daylight and said, "No, no! We are not affiliated with this huge piece of shit. He is what is wrong with business and politics and civility and everything! He does not represent us!" But then the little pieces of shit discovered that the teeny tiny pieces of shit (the ones with no real money and no real power) seemed to love the huge piece of shit and how he acted terribly right out in the open. It was then that the little pieces of shit had the scales fall from their eyes and a chorus of heavenly angels sang down in a thunderous voice, "You can finally and truly be yourselves! The huge piece of shit has made a leap of faith and it has paid off!" Then all of the little pieces of shit began worshiping and loving the huge piece of shit because he had freed them of their self-imposed manacles. He had taught them that they did not need to hide their unethical behavior behind dog whistles and half-truths. The teeny, tiny pieces of shit would believe whatever the larger and more powerful pieces of shit told them to believe.

$"Kekulé dreams the Great Serpent holding its own tail in its mouth, the dreaming Serpent which surrounds the World. But the meanness, the cynicism with which this dream is to be used. The Serpent that announces, "The World is a closed thing, cyclical, resonant, eternally returning," is to be delivered into a system whose only aim is to violate the Cycle. Taking and not giving back, demanding that "productivity" and "earnings" keep on increasing with time, the System removing from the rest of the World these vast quantitities of energy to keep its own tiny desperate fraction showing a profit: and not only most of humanity—most of the World, animal, vegetable and mineral, is laid waste in the process. The System may or may not understand that it's only buying time. And that time is an artificial resource to begin with, of no value to anyone or anything but the System, which sooner or later must crash to its death, when its addiction to energy has become more than the rest of the World can supply, dragging with it innocent souls all along the chain of life. Living inside the System is like riding across the country in a bus driven by a maniac bent on suicide..." — Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow$