Jon Hall

@hallcommajon.bsky.social

1988 Followers 267 Following

I am a short man who enjoys reading funny things. Also singer and guitar player for the Big Cats of Austin, Texas. He/him

A painted miniature of a dark sickly green leech with a protruding red tongue. At scale, the creature would be larger than a human.
A toothpaste package that reads “Removes 1 year of stains.”
A section of cement sidewalk with bubble letters that appear to spell out SHEOL in chalk.
A blurry blob with light and dark areas with no discernible features.
A colorful plastic pterosaur with packaging that reads “The F.Y. Dinosaur.”
A sign reading “$10 Rabies this Saturday 1pm-4pm” with a picture of a cat and a dog.
A white T-shirt featuring a melting snow man warming his hands over a blazing pile of money. The print reads “THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS.” Handwritten words have been added so that the shirt reads “JON KNOWS THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS SORT OF.” It is signed “JOHN F.”
An album cover for “Save the Last Dance for Me” by the DeFranco Family Featuring Tony DeFranco. The background is baby blue, and the Kettering two shades of hot pink. Three young men with dark, fluffy, below-the-ears hair and two young women with long, dark, center-parted hair are wearing matching baby-blue jumpsuits, each with a gold animal on the front (the most visible one is a tiger), and an enormous, white collar. The cut of the jumpsuits is dorky in a way that’s hard for me to describe.
The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.
A high school sports mascot wears a maroon muscle suit, a white tank top with a maroon letter “A” on it, gray shorts, and black Converse high tops. Its head is a maroon puffball with a smile and large eyes. It wears a maroon-and-white cap with “LOYAL FOREVER” written on it. It’s the mascot for Austin High School in Austin, Texas. Its name is Mr. Maroo.
A middle-aged white guy with glasses is wearing a black t-shirt featuring a white disc with a black cityscape over it. The coolest thing about it is that if you turn the picture upside down, it shows a cityscape with the colors inverted.
Rudy Giuliani on a golf course wearing the largest tan shorts you can imagine. They hang well below the knee, each leg as wide as a full skirt. Kevin Smith covets them.
A bag of cookies on a shelf in a store. The bag reads “Friend Bakery.”
A buffet item labeled “Pistachio financier.”
A painted miniature of Santa Claus with his traditional red suit and big white beard. One hand holds a teddy bear and the other holds a sack overflowing with colorful presents.
A Lego minifigure with long brown hair and a beard and wearing Jedi robes so as to resemble the popular image of Jesus.
A T.V. ad that reads “Take a pause to hydrate with Liquid I.V.” There is a picture of a woman drinking a cloudy, whitish liquid from a large jar.
A smiling maroon puffball with large eyes wears a maroon-and-white beanie with “Loyal Forever” written on it. The puffball wears a white ribbon with “SFA” written in it. The puffball has feet and appears to be wearing shoes.
A white T-shirt featuring a melting snow man warming his hands over a blazing pile of money. The print reads “THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS.” Handwritten words have been added so that the shirt reads “JON KNOWS THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS SORT OF.” It is signed “JOHN F.”
Michigan J. Frog, the top-hat-wearing, cane-carrying, singing, dancing frog from Looney Tunes cartoons.
Right-side view of a painted miniature of a dog with brown, white, and tan fur and a dark blue collar.
A car that looks like a hotdog. The wiener has a heavily tinted windshield and two windows on each side. A yellow band near the back (?) end of the wiener displays the Oscar Mayer logo. It’s glorious.
Esme Young of The Great British Sewing Bee has just entered the sewing room to judge the contestants’ garments. The closed captioning reads “Fuck sake.” (That is not what she actually was saying.)
A television showing The Great British Sewing Bee. The judges have just entered the sewing room, and Esme Young, a tiny, older woman, is the focus of the shot. The closed caption reads “Fuck sake.” She had actually said, “Oh, I say.”
A sidewalk with the word “RUN” in all caps written in blue chalk.
A small, blooming bluebonnet flower.
A bag of Opopop popcorn reading, “MAUI HEAT,” with the tagline “hot like lava. sweet like pineapple.”
A Texas laurel covered in purple blossoms.
“Twin Peaks” opening credits sequence, but it reads “Pin Tweaks.”
A painted miniature of a male elf warrior wearing a grey hood, green tunic, and brown boots. His right hand rests on the pommel of a large, black-bladed sword with red runes, and his left holds a bow.
A box of cookies called Coconut Gems. They are Hill Country Fare brand, which is the HEB bottom-tier store brand.
A light-blue Fender Telecaster with a white pickguard and maple fingerboard. It has a 24” scale length rather than the usual 25.5”, but it’s not immediately obvious. It is a thing of beauty.
A screenshot from The Simpsons of the exterior of mobster Fat Tony’s headquarters featuring a sign that reads, “LEGITIMATE BUSINESSMAN’S SOCIAL CLUB.”
A Transformers-themed Valentine’s Day card featuring Optimus Prime and bearing the message, “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings, Valentine!”
A teenage girl with her hand on an enormous tree trunk in a forest. Ferns are sprouting out of the tree’s bark.
A loaf of whole-wheat bread with the brand name Nature’s Own.
A painted miniature of a bald goblin with buff-colored skin, a jerkin that’s half-red and half-green, and brown boots. He holds a shield that is half-green and half-red with a white stag on it. Over his head he holds a large, two-edged sword with an elaborate gold crosspiece. He stands on a round, snowy base.
View of the Washington seashore with large tide pools and some rocky cliffs topped with trees on a sunny day.
A package of sliced meats labeled “Charcuterie Trio.”
Painted miniature of a male halfling or gnome wizard wearing a purple robe, purple gloves, and a purple conical hat. A large, purple gemstone is set in his belt. He has tan skin and dark hair. He holds a red-bound spell book and a wooden staff with a golden orb at the top. His shoes are brown leather, and he stands on flagstones. The rim of the base is painted purple.
Four painted miniatures of green-skinned goblins wearing black shoes, robes, and caps, each one swinging a heavy iron ball on the end of a chain. Each one also has a bright-red tongue protruding from its mouth.
A painted miniature of an anthropomorphic male cat warrior holding a quarterstaff. He is wearing an olive-green tunic and tan knee breeches. His exposed feet are catlike and black. His hands are black. His head is a cat’s head and is black with a white snout.
A black Fender Telecaster with matching headstock, dark fretboard, no pickguard, two chrome knobs, and a large, black, rectangular P-90 pickup in the neck position. The bridge is the usual large, chrome Telecaster affair with a black single-coil pickup slotted into it. The body has cream-colored binding all around it.
Luanne Platter from “King of the Hill” in the Hill kitchen with Hank. Caption reads, “He’s the world’s fastest Christian.”
A black Fender Stratocaster with a black pickguard edged in white, white pickups, white knobs, and white tips on the switch and whammy bar.
A yard green with winter weeds with a bare crape myrtle casting an intricate shadow toward the viewer. Behind the tree is a rail fence through which an open area leads to a line of trees. Behind it all is a clear, pale-blue sky.
A black Fender Stratocaster with maple fingerboard and white pickguard, pickups, and knobs. There is a round “I voted today” sticker just below the output jack.
Cover of Pavement’s “Terror Twilight.”
Cover of Uncle Tupelo’s “No Depression.”
A box sign that reads “Taco Bell Liquor” as if they were one store.
A small child wearing a skeleton costume and Santa hat and holding a large, yellow toy truck.
A colorfully lit Christmas tree with a few presents under it.
A brick wall with a limestone slab set into it. Into the slab are chiseled the words “TEXAS WOMAN’S UNIVERSITY EST. 1901.”
Cover of an album called “The Intimate Jim Reeves” on which Reeves is hugging a lady and giving the camera a lascivious wink over her shoulder. It’s gross.
A Christmas ornament made of white-painted metal bottle caps. The three sections are connected with red ribbon and decorated with markers: black dots forming the eyes, mouth, and buttons, and an orange triangle for the nose. Knotted around the neck is an oversized scarf made of bright blue felt.
A snowman inflatable wearing an orange hunting cap and a camouflage hunting vest and holding a rifle.
A black telecaster with cream-colored body binding, a dark rosewood fingerboard, a black headstock, and silver-toned hardware and knobs.
Cover of a vintage Advanced D&D “Monster Manual.”
A still-frame from The Simpsons featuring a blue-roofed restaurant with a large sign reading, “Municipal House of Pancakes.”
Front view of a painted miniature of a crab with red upper carapace and claws and whitish lower carapace and legs. The upper carapace is dotted with whitish barnacles.