Hazel E. Baumgartner -HELIRUNA OUT 9/18!

@hazelebaumgartner.bsky.social

1622 Followers 905 Following

The world's 301,164th best selling author. I make music under the name Hazel Bee and write books under the name Hazel E. Baumgartner, which is also my name. 30, she/they, 99% lesbian, USA 🇺🇸🏳️‍🌈 Buy my book: https://linktr.ee/HazelEBaumgartner

An Orb wearing a pink sticky note which reads "DO NOT TOUCH THE ORB!"
Donald Trump shitting his pants at Lindsey Graham's funeral while the two people behind him pull stink faces and one looks at the camera like Jim from The Office.
A chart of all the cuss words in "Last Exit To Midnight". Fuck 49 Shit 24 Hell 15 Ass 3 Piss 2 Bitch 2 Damn 2 Heck 1
"In Defense of Poison Ivy", Hazel E. Baumgartner, 2024, ink and watercolor on paper, 6"x9" A watercolor painting of the signature three leaf vine of poison ivy climbing up a tree trunk to where it's been cut off a few feet above ground, showcasing the brilliant reds and yellows of the plant's autumnal coloration.
Trade offer! I receive: $13 You receive: "The Woods: A Horror Novel" by Hazel E. Baumgartner
What appears to be a doodle of the Professor as a cowboy. The Professor is labeled 'me editing', and his gun is labeled 'gun that shoots commas'.
ICE goons abduct and traffic a Native American girl. She is bent over a car hood looking at the camera with pleading eyes. A red handprint is painted across her face.
A reddit survey asking "how likely are you to purchase industrial supplies from Grainger in the next 30 days?"
"The Kiss" by Gustav Klimt, 1908, oil and gold leaf on canvas
A gross old pedophile
A gross old pedophile
A google search for "Western massasauga", a small rattlesnake native to Colorado. Google's AI bullshit returns results for "eastern massasauga", a completely different species of snake that lives like 800 miles away from me.
A vintage ad for the Milburn Light Electric, an early electric luxury car
A view of Pikes Peak
A green background dripping with black slime. White text reads SEPTEMBER 18, 2028 HELIRUNA A HORROR NOVEL HAZEL E. BAUMGARTNER
A photo from NBC News's Sarah Dean showing stage hands rushing to cover equipment in front of Mount Rushmore while a large electronic sign reads "STORM WARNING: TAKE COVER INSIDE. LARGE HAIL PREDICTED."
A metal disc-shaped object that appears to be a flying saucer against a pale blue sky.
A photograph of the full moon framed between power lines and large coniferous trees (I believe that's a Norway spruce and a yellow pine but I'm not 100% sure).
A hand-drawn cover concept for Hazel E. Baumgartner's "Heliruna". The page is divided into multiple panels. Top row: a series of standing stones in a Stonehenge-like array with a barn owl superimposed over it. A girl with short orange hair and freckles wearing a black tank top. Middle row: A farmhouse and barn with a green pickup truck under a dead tree with leaves on the ground. A pig in a sty staring up into the sky. An old calico cat with blank blue eyes, one of her ears is nicked. Bottom row: a girl with shaggy blonde hair with cropped bangs in a blue top. A wooden cross with the initials "C.M.S." An old woman with her hair in a bun. A ghastly creature in the shape of a woman with paper white skin and a jagged smile, hanging upside down dripping green ooze.
Sunset over Pikes Peak on the solstice a few days ago.
A map showing McBride marked with a red x, nearly due north of Burlington, KS and due east of Emporia, KS.
A mockup cover for "ENDANGERED: A Horror Novel" by Hazel E. Baumgartner (a book which currently doesn't really exist but I might have to write now). It prominently features a photograph of a panda bear, its face smeared in red, over a red background. At the top it reads "What's black and white and dead all over?" followed by the title "ENDANGERED: A Horror Novel" and the author's name, "Hazel E. Baumgartner" at the bottom.
The cover of 'Action Comics #1, Superman's debut appearance, from June 1938. The cover shows Superman lifting a green four door sedan over his head and crashing it into a rock as bad guys flee for their lives.
The cover for Tithe Of Decay by Calla Black
A crusty old dying pedophile. You know which one.
Pike's Peak being lit up by the sun before everything else, taken from the Rock Island Trail in Colorado Springs.
The banner for "Heliruna: A Horror Novel" by Hazel E. Baumgartner, out September 18, 2026. The text is in white in a sort of Gothic font in front of a green-to-black gradient with dripping black slime.
The front cover for Tithe Of Decay by Calla Black, showing two coins, both based off the American nickel. One shows the front, with an attractive young woman with a wicked grin across her face, framed by cascading locks of waving hair. On the obverse, instead of the Lincoln Memorial there's a mobile home. The front of the coin has the word "MERCY", and the back "RUTHLESSNESS".
Helirunas, noun (Plural Heliruna or Helirunæ) [ORIGIN: from Old High German 'Hel' ("death") + 'Runaz' ("Magic)] 1. A Gothic witch mentioned in Jordanes' "Getica" c. 551 CE 2. A seer or cunning woman
Sweet Pea, a small white cat, posing with two books.
The full cover, front back and spine, for "Heliruna: A Horror Novel" by Hazel E. Baumgartner. The front shows a foggy landscape with standing stones jutting out of the ground. In green text in a gothic font it reads "HELIRUNA: A Horror Novel", and at the bottom is Hazel E. Baumgartner's name. The back of the book is black and reads in white text DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? That’s the question that Sabine Stutz is forced to ask herself after a catastrophic accident kills her best friend and soulmate Cynthia Sullivan and leaves her partially paralyzed. With the help of her Oma, and a strengthening psychic connection to the long line of Cunning Women from which she is descended, Sabine must move past the tragedy that changed the course of her entire life if she ever wants a chance of rebuilding or finding love after death – especially when her jealous ex-fiancee may still be lingering… Hel·i·ru·nas /ˌhɛl.œˈruːn.æs/ noun (Plural Heliruna or Helirunæ) [ORIGIN: from Old High German 'Hel' ("death") + 'Runaz' ("Magic")] FUTHARK ᚺᛖᛚᛁᚱᚢᚾᚨᛋ A Gothic witch mentioned in Jordanes' "Getica" c. 551 CE A seer or cunning woman At the bottom of the page is the logo for Baumgartner Books
A still from the 1925 "Phantom of the Opera" showing Lon Chaney as The Phantom confronting Mary Philbin's Christine in the opera house's underground chamber. The film was in black and white, but each scene was tinted with a color wash to convey emotion, time of day, heat from fire, and other elements like that.
A graphic from quiverquant.com showing a real time estimate of Mitch McConnell's wealth, currently estimated at a paltry $69.5 million, up from $30 million in 2019.
A google search for "how the fuck do you resize a pdf"
A simple white graphic with black text, which reads I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE... LAST EXIT TO MIDNIGHT A HORROR NOVEL HAZEL E. BAUMGARTNER
THE DRESS
A Google search for "who wrote nightmare before Christmas" to which Google AI confidently says Tim Burton
An American crow sitting on a street lamp in front of a blue sky.
The promotional banner for "Heliruna: A Horror Novel" by Hazel E. Baumgartner, out September 18, 2026. The banner has the book's name and information in white in a gothic sort of font, with a green background coated in dripping black slime.
An American Crow (Corvus brachyrhynchos) sitting in a dead branch of a Honey Locust tree (Gleditsia triacanthos) against the backdrop of a blue sky with fluffy white clouds in it.
The promotional banner for Hazel E. Baumgartner's "Heliruna", out September 18th. The book's name and date are in white text over a green background, dripping with black goo.
The "Futurama" opening title card, except instead it says "Heliruna: A Horror Novel!"
The End.
A photograph of the Hudson River Asylum after the fire, showing charred brick spires rising from a heap of smoking rubble. The remaining sections of brick are heavily charred and show prominent structural cracks.
The Hudson River Lunatic Asylum burns to the ground in a drone photo from today, June 3, 2026.