Headlines McMuffin

@headlinesmc.bsky.social

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Satire. Today’s headlines and opinion with a 1940’s tabloid look. Retired military; 2 campaign medals, NATO Service Ribbon. Northridge earthquake survivor. Avi: CBS broadcaster Edward R. Murrow, London, WWII era. Thx Murrow Center @ Tufts. Slava Ukraini 🇺🇦

Banner news headline - the White House weighs the use of military force in Africa’s country of Mali, then prays that they have nothing like a Strait of Mali.
Banner news headline - the Iran war is proving to be billions of dollars ‘down the drone’ with no way out.
Banner news headline - Hegseth puts the Iran war’s cost at $37 billion but is holding weapons coupons which, along with cheap Pentagon lunches, will bring the cost down to $36 billion.
Banner news headline - Pentagon staff note one of the first tipoffs that Pete Hegseth was uninformed: When he asked Siri, “Where is the Strait of Hormuz?”
Banner news headline - the FAA notifies Trump that he cannot keep the Qatari 747 due to its taxpayer-funded upgrades. Instead they offer him a small propeller plane and a parachute.
A hound dog with big sad eyes.
Two hound dogs lounging in the yard.
Banner news headline - Trump has silenced congress in the Iran war, leaving Pete Hegseth as the only one left to blame.
Banner news headline - viewing an upside down map, Trump questions the involvement of the countries of Nemey and Namo (with the map right side up, Yemen and Oman).
Banner news headline - the White House proposes a peace agreement that envisions a future US - Iran World Cup.
Banner news headline - Trump feels that Iran is impeding his focus on the things that matter, such as his ballroom, the arch, his coins…
Banner news headline - Trump is on edge at the opening of the ‘biggest event of all’: the opening of world oil markets amid renewed U.S. and Iran fighting.
Banner news headline - Trump, always so gracious, calls for the next World Cup to be awarded to the U.S. without Canada and Mexico.
Banner news headline - in the ongoing search for a missing Mitch McConnell, everyone but the people that matter seem to care.
Banner news headline - it’s an auto-correct blunder as Homeland Security threatens to arrest ‘bi-male’ voters and not ‘by-mail’ voters.
Banner news headline - Trump sues Canada for their drifting wildfire smoke and vows never to make Canada the 51st state.
Banner news headline - Trump bet on a prediction site that his assistant would cheat on a prediction site.
Banner news headline - a report that Trump’s claim of a ‘stolen and rigged election’ in 2020 came from a computer picking up the key words ‘stolen’ and ‘rig’ in a report of a stolen big rig truck.
A bloodhound with big, sad eyes waiting for something to happen.
Banner news headline - Trump bet on a prediction site that his assistant would cheat on a prediction site. So predictable!
Banner news headline - a report that Trump’s new helipad has been cleared to fly Trump out of the White House, but not to return him.
Banner news headline - the White House announces an ‘alternative World Cup final,’ with MAGA to face Antifa.
Banner news headline - the White House has told Trump that his historical coin is a dud as no one carries change anymore.
A paragraph of text from The New York Times about Ukraine and Crimea.
Banner news headline - its a custody battle (a qustody battle?) as Melania Trump demands custody of the Qatari 747.
Banner news headline - Trump, given feedback on his false election claims asks, “Who the hell is Me-Ann Mylies?”
Banner news headline - Trump, with the eating habits of a human fast food menu, wishes Lindsey Graham ‘took better care of himself.’
Banner news headline - a new photograph of Mitch McConnell shows him holding a newspaper reporting on Trump’s impeachment, conviction, and removal from office. McConnell, for once, bending history.
Banner news headline - exhaustion is setting in at Trump’s shifting targets, from Iran to election myths, with ICE and deportations in the background.
Banner news headline - Iran brags of a jump in Strait of Hormuz tourism to the frustration of the White House.
Banner news headline - South Carolina’s governor appoints Lindsey Graham’s sister to fill his senate seat. But he forgets to ask if she’s a republican.
Banner news headline - there’s confusion at the White House as Trump seeks to lay a blue lining in the Strait of Hormuz.
Banner news headline - the US, seemingly stealing Iran’s idea, states it will run the Strait of Hormuz and impose transit fees.
Banner news headline - a new senate rule mandates *early retirement* for senators at age 107.
Banner news headline - the Senate Séance Committee plans to call Lindsey Graham where they can ask him about Mitch McConnell.
Banner news headline - with Lindsey Graham’s passing, and Mitch McConnell in a state of void, it feels like the wrong senator’s passing was announced.
Banner news headline - US officials have drawn their ‘red line’ with Iran and its cheating at Pokémon Go.
Banner news headline - in a nightmare scenario for him, Pete Hegseth develops skin bumps from shaving and may have to grow a beard.
Banner news headline - a report of a setback in the Iran peace deal after Stephen Miller deported all the Farsi speakers.
Banner news headline - Marco Rubio bumps his head on some gold leaf and, dazed, asks what the hell he is doing in the Trump administration.
Banner news headline - Trump calls Tehran on the radio and causes ‘Airplane’-like confusion as he announces “The cease fire is over, over.”
Banner news headline - a report that the Qatari 747 was not flown from Turkey as it is lacking any engines.
Banner news headline - Mitch McConnell ‘Merrick Garlands’ himself: Rather than holding up Garland’s Supreme Court nomination, McConnell is holding up his own departure.
Banner news headline - Trump shows his frustration as the Iranians seem to lie as much as Trump does.
Banner news headline - a report that Trump called his friend at FIFA seeking a reprieve on the $5 million dollar judgment to E. Jean Carroll.
Banner news headline - Trump returns home and praises a new White House reflecting pool - only to learn that its a flood from a leaky pipe.
Banner news headline - Mitch McConnell is hidden away like a car in the garage and awaits a tow truck. He joins Nancy Guthrie, among others, under the category of ‘status unknown’.
Banner news headline - the Senate Séance Committee will be calling Mitch McConnell, either by phone or through Oda Mae Brown.
Banner news headline - senators are calling hospitalized Mitch McConnell “chatty” and saying they can’t get him off the phone.
Banner news headline - Mitch McConnell’s aides brace for Trump’s “I’m glad he’d dead” comments when McConnell’s time comes.
Banner news headline - Trump, at the NATO summit, promises to get to the bottom of what he calls the ‘red card hoax’. He was informed by staff that NATO does not have a team entered in the World Cup.
Banner news headline - seeking an image makeover, Trump lists references from FIFA and Graham Platner.
Banner news headline - like a child possessing a new toy, Trump shows congress a red card, and it’s off and running from there.
Banner news headline - Trump, commenting on the algae and vandalism, wonders, “If only we had a bureau of investigation at the federal level.”
Banner news headline - a report that the White House is wary after Trump proposes a 251st America Fest.
Banner news headline - a report that the Qatari 747, with GPS still set to Qatar, overflew the Iranian State Fair, rather than the US version.
Banner news headline - Trump, in his Independence Day speech, reads from the Gettysburg Address rather than the Declaration of Independence.
Banner news headline - learning of a record-setting fireworks display on the same day as the Ayatollah’s funeral. Iran tells Trump, “Thanks!”
Banner news headline - in something of a gift to the nation, extreme heat shuts down the Great American State Fair.