johnny

@heracleion.bsky.social

256 Followers 112 Following

he/him. don't go to your grave having dug it yourself.

a salt shaker with just one single hole in the top for salt to escape
photo of a rat with the PS2 startup sound
caption: "this is my trampoline, have fun" a birds-eye view of a kids' trampoline with a blue & yellow border. in the middle of the trampoline are the greyed-out words "tap on this point very quickly" if a smartphone user has this image open & taps the center quickly, the phone's UI controls will zoom in & out quickly on the image. this creates the illusion that you are bouncing up & down on a trampoline as you look down. of all my favorite posts I've seen over the years, this one innovates on the simple png format in such a novel way that its inclusion here is less about its humor & more about its sheer inventiveness & delightfulness.
Remember what ZAK GRAPETASTIC always says, Bella: crude sharpie drawing of a skateboarding bunch of grapes with arms and legs. it's wearing sunglasses & a tall cowboy hat saying "before you speak, pause & G.R.I.N.K.: is it GRUE? is it GRELPFUL? is it GRINSPIRING? is it GRECESSARY? is it GRIND?"
30 Rock character Milton Greene (Alan Alda) saying to Jack "Well, suit yourself, but my son Spider-Man turned out just fine."
a symbol showing a kid in a child seat with a full-sized boat anchor thrown over the back of the car seat.
sketch of a jackalope by Nicole Cadet (nicolecadet.com). it's a rabbit with deer antlers.
George Costanza dressed in warlock robes stirring some sort of cauldron with upwards of eight skeletons behind him caption: >I summoned them Jerry >I'm amassing a great and terrible army
Legolas on the Anduin River locking eyes with Lurtz the Uruk-Hai
the bridge from "Down the Road Tonight" by Bruce Hornsby and the Range which is a song about a brothel: There were movies in the parlor They were dealing one-eyed jacks And when I said I loved her She said, "Just keep a-coming back"
a mostly dark photo of a campground. in the foreground is a campfire crackling away under crisscrossing logs. just beyond it is a canopy tent with string lights hanging from above. you can sort of make out a silhouette or two.
young red-tailed hawk standing on the ground next to some rabbitbrush with his wings splayed. he's looking down intently, hunting a prairie dog (but not doing a very good job of it).
low-poly character model of a wizard with soft blue robes, a bejeweled blue hat, & reddish hair/beard. he looks a bit cross-eyed. https://runescape.wiki/w/Wizard_Isidor
the Pepsi logo but I've rearranged/edited the letters in "pepsi" to read "stepsis"
2 Kings 2:23-24 (NKJV) 23 Then [Elisha] went up from there to Bethel; and as he was going up the road, some youths came from the city and mocked him, and said to him, “Go up, you baldhead! Go up, you baldhead!” 24 So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the Lord. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
https://educationdata.org/student-loan-debt-statistics Graph title: "Historic Total* National Student Loan Debt (in trillions)" "*Totals as of each year's fourth fiscal quarter." "Education Data Initiative Source: U.S. Federal Reserve" Graph starts in 2006 at $0.52 trillion. Total national student loan debt then climbed nearly linearly up to $1.76 trillion in 2022. There was a tiny dip down in 2023 to $1.73 trillion. In 2024 it climbed back up to $1.77 trillion.
track listing of "The Fiancée" by The Chariot. 1. "Back to Back" 2. "They Faced Each Other" 3. "They Drew Their Swords" 4. "And Shot Each Other" 5. "The Deaf Policemen" 6. "Heard This Noise" 7. "Then Came to Kill" (featuring Hayley Williams of Paramore) 8. "The Two Dead Boys" 9. "Forgive Me Nashville" 10. "The Trumpet"
I pretend I do not see it
Crow Blacker Than Ever When God, disgusted with man, Turned towards heaven, And man, disgusted with God, Turned towards Eve, Things looked like falling apart. But Crow Crow Crow nailed them together, Nailing heaven and earth together- So man cried, but with God's voice. And God bled, but with man's blood. Then heaven and earth creaked at the joint Which became gangrenous and stank- A horror beyond redemption. The agony did not diminish. Man could not be man nor God God. The agony Grew. Crow Grinned Crying: "This is my Creation," Flying the black flag of himself.
Lady on phone, smiling: "do you fancy coming home at lunch for a quickie?" guy on phone, dead serious: "it's pronounced quiche"
a very old xkcd comic back from when they were hand-drawn (https://xkcd.com/37/). a sketch of two stick figures standing next to a car. one of them says "Man, that's a sweet ass-car." caption: "My hobby: whenever anyone calls something an [adjective]-ass [noun], I mentally move the hyphen one word to the right."
11"x14" collage with the mismatching words "Tetris'd together / WITH A MACHETE" at the top. this one is strongly blue and reddish-pink. on the left, Luke Skywalker drives his lightsaber into an orb while Blade looms over a group of cartoon vampires angrily watching a skater whizz by in a coffin pose. on the right, Wolverine takes cover behind a Far Side panel as Darth Vader deflects blaster fire with his lightsaber. A giant pink-and-yellow-tinted camera lens frames Neen Williams grinding down Mount Fuji toward a graffiti-styled drawing of a DNA strand and an alien. and so on.
11"x14" collage, this one mostly red and yellow. an evil-eyed bat hangs upside-down from the top of the canvas between Laura Palmer's school photo and the pirate flag of Edward Low. Black Panther rides a pegasus into battle above a saxophonist ripping a solo and an axe-wielding Wendy Torrance. the spidery head of Norris from "The Thing", labeled "BEAUTY SCHOOL TEST HEAD", crawls over a lycanthropic Green Goblin as he reaches a claw toward a skater wallriding a tiny pyramid. and so on.
another 11"x14" collage. if this one could be said to have a color scheme, it would be primarily reddish-pink, tan, and green. Venom (the symbiote, not the substance) drips down from the top of the collage onto the blue M&M, half-hidden behind a big scroll that reads "SECRET PIRATE KNOTS". the partially-constructed Death Star hovers behind the words "LUNATIC FRINGE" and a panel of Moon Knight in his "Mr. Knight" look. a xenomorph egg glows green through its cracks next to a picture captioned "Making an omelette" of two skateboarders bailing. a bunch of moldering skeletons brandish axes and swords at a monkey with a banana who is gazing at the words "NO GODS / NO MASTERS / NO MONEY". and so on.
an 11"x14" collage likewise made from comics, Thrashers, and kids' books. this one doesn't really have a strong color scheme - maybe dark blue and red, if anything. Thor winds up his hammer, about to obliterate a cartoon penguin waving and saying "help me". Yuto Horigome grinds a graphite sketch of a cannon. the shark from the cover of "Jaws" emerges from the bottom of the collage to intercept a broom-riding Kiki and her cat Jiji before they fly over a map of a medieval battle. and so on.
an 11"x14" collage. the color scheme is somewhat olive green. the materials are mostly sourced from Thrasher magazines, Marvel comics, and a book called "The Dangerous Book for Boys". A debonair pirate in a striped shirt strikes a cool "devil-may-care" pose, leaning his elbow on a building drawn in a Far Side panel. Marisa Dal Santo, also in a striped shirt, melon grabs above a sword-wielding Venom and the assembled phrases "And on the pedestal these words appear: / Don't go looking for allegories here". Natas Kaupas no-complies onto a cartoon fire hydrant which has been dropped into a gravity well from a yellow VHS with Pac-Man on it. and so on.
fade in on the scene from "The Fellowship of the Ring" in Balin's tomb. Gandalf flips open a heavy old tome written in Dwarvish script. he begins to read from the book, but his voice is replaced by Tony Soprano's saying "The Art of War by Sun Tzu." as the camera cuts to members of the fellowship looking around nervously in the flickering torchlight, Tony's voice echoes, "I mean, here's this guy. a Chinese general. wrote this thing 2400 years ago, and most of it still applies today..."
a title card reads "The Lord of the Rings" in the font used by the title card of The Sopranos. the R and the L are handguns. Gandalf tells Frodo "I looked everywhere for the creature Gollum, but the enemy found him first." the movie cuts to a flashback scene from Mordor, where orcs torture a half-hidden Gollum on a rack. I have replaced the movie audio of Andy Serkis's pained cries with audio of Federico Castelluccio as Furio Giunta yelling in pain. "auuugh, mannaggia la putana, porta miseria..." Gandalf narrates, "I don't know how long they tortured him, but amidst the endless screams and inane babble, they discerned two words." Furio's voice cuts in, "ahhh! this fuckin' a-prick is a-really a doctor??" the movie cuts back to Frodo's horrified face.
"Pee is stored in the balls" collaged together from the letters in the title card of The Sopranos. the R and the Ls are handguns.
First clip is from "Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers" (2002). Frodo falls into the dead marshes and almost drowns, until Gollum pulls him out. Frodo looks at his rescuer and says "...Gollum?" In the movie, Gollum then says "Don't follow the lights." But in this clip, I dubbed him with audio from The Sopranos, S2E4 "Commendatori". Furio Giunta shouts in Italian, which translates to "Who told you this was the way to go about it?" Second clip is from "The Return of the King" (2003). Gollum sneaks up on Sam & conks him on the head with a rock. Dubbed over this is Furio (from S3E7 "Second Opinion") saying "You got a bee on you hat" as he knocks a guy's hat off.
Ned Flanders holding the Holy Bible and looking directly at the camera
screenshot from my notes app note where I write down funny things my friends say. Jenna: do you want me to get you a monster? tanner: no. my dad was killed by a monster.
me, my dad, & my sisters in the seats at Milwaukee County Stadium. we're all younguns. one sister's holding a baby doll and the other's making a face.
a still from a video of an old lady standing on her porch playing an accordion & looking down at some sheet music on a music stand. next to her, a little dog stands on a chair on its hind legs sorta dancing to the music, all while some bubbles blow in from off-camera. 4 or 5 more little dogs are sitting on the porch too. the caption says "My brain when someone tells me the rules of a board game"
Avon Barksdale & his crew sit courtside on the bench for the annual East vs West Baltimore basketball game. just behind them stands a man wearing jorts so baggy they reach the middle of his shins.
Michael Jordan, Pat Ewing, Magic Johnson, Karl Malone, & Charles Barkley in a 1992 Dream Team photo shoot posing with five Olympic rings
illustration of a classic high-fantasy wizard with silvery flowing hair, imperious eyebrows, and a pointy purple cap to match his robes. he's sitting in a stone tower, surrounded by candles, diligently scribbling away in a big tome with an ostentatious feather quill. the caption says "how it feels to open the Notes app"
Inside the NBA on TNT
photo of Kansas City Royals pitcher Zack Greinke. "I like the guacamole. Now, I don't really *love* the guacamole. So I get it when I feel like it. They changed their guacamole from $1.50 to $1.80. I mean, $1.50 is already pretty darn high. So they changed it to $1.80, and I'll never again get guacamole. It's not about the guacamole itself... I just don't want to let them win." - Zach Greinke
bar chart showing the distribution of my star ratings given to movies on Letterboxd. ½-star and 1-star ratings are the rarest. the 4½-star and 5-star ratings are twice as common as the ½-star and 1-star ratings. 2-star and 4-star ratings are the most common, with the ratings in between not far behind. to be more precise: there are 17 average (i.e. 3-star) ratings, 70 above-average ratings, and 68 below-average ratings. the mean average across all 155 data points is 2.977 stars. I am not a hater, QED.
a hardcover art book. the cover is black, white, and deep turquoise, titled "Field Guide To The Outer Wilds." there's a triangular logo in the corner that looks like it could be the patch on a spacesuit sleeve. it shows a campfire on a small cratered planet/moon/asteroid with a few pine trees growing on the surface. above the campfire, a tiny rocket ship blasts off into the night. the main scene on the cover depicts an astronaut figure in a spacesuit & a jetpack, surrounded by the eroded remains of some ancient stone structure. a small spacecraft (similar in shape to a NASA lunar lander) stands on the nearby horizon. the astronaut figure is kneeling to inspect some mysterious symbols inscribed on what's left of a crumbling section of stone wall. in the starry sky above, a planet looms close enough to make out some Earth-like geographic natural features as well as some curious built structures.
tweet from ringworm AKA @prawn_meat, 2:39pm, Nov 22, 2018: "donkey kong being a villain in industrial settings and a hero in jungle settings is a perfect illustration of what the unabomber was talking about"
Bogues - "I Know You're Getting Older"
@dril candles tweet
emoji with a devilish grin rubbing its hands together in anticipation
Luke 1:51 - 53. God fills the hungry with good things and sends the rich away empty 1 Timothy 6:6 - 11. You can't take it with you / the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil Mark 10:17 - 25. The rich man and the eye of the needle Acts 4:32 - 35. The church members sell their homes & possessions & distribute according to their need Acts 5:1 - 11. Ananias & Sapphira get lightning-bolted for not going full communist Hebrews 13:5 - 6. Keep your lives free from the love of money & be content with what you have Matthew 6:19 - 21. Store up your treasures in heaven, not Earth Matthew 25:37 - 40. When you looked out for the least of these, you were looking out for me
image caption: "the world before and after you make a mistake" on the left is a picture of Earth just sitting there looking like a blue marble. on the right is a picture of Earth exploding and blowing up and tearing apart and being destroyed.
11"x14" collage assembled from pictures & artwork found in two 1970s Reader's Digest books ("The World's Last Mysteries" and "Story of the Great American West") as well as some old computer game manuals ("Daggerfall" for PC and "Saracen" for the Commodore 64). The color scheme is mostly red-orange and blue-grey. Most of the pictures & art fall in the categories of: - ancient stonework (a bust of Plato, a statue head in the overgrown jungle of Angkor, Babylonian cuneiform, Mesoamerican reliefs, a bust from the Indus Valley civilization, an aerial view of Stonehenge, a painting of the Tower of Babel, etc.) - 19th-century Western Americana (a photo of two trains meeting at the completion of the Transcontinental Railroad, a painting of cowboys circled around a prairie campfire, a painting of 49ers in a dance hall, an advertisement for the Snow-Shoe Express, the insignia for a fur-traders' club, etc.) - sword-and-sorcery game art (a moody-looking elf, a heraldic wolf, a moonlit tower, three pixel-art knights wielding bows & crossbows, etc.) - indigenous arts & crafts (two Indians posing for a photo wearing handmade silverwork & textiles, a sort of crucifix woven from branches and used for navigation by sailors in Oceania, a flag design from a plains Indian tribe whose name escapes me) - historical figures (Black Hawk, John Brown, John Muir, John Wesley Powell, Calamity Jane Cannary, Wild Bill Hickok, Big Bill Haywood, a political cartoon of Andrew Jackson drawn as a demon, etc.)
SSB64 Mario & Kirby on Hyrule Castle. "Tu puedes bro, levántate" "No dejes que ese pensamiento triste te domine, sigamos adelante"
YouTube video by Unpragmatic Covers: "The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me - Brand New but it's the OldSchool RuneScape soundfont" https://youtu.be/X9qs35uFnIE?si=9r8t9uMopksycg7A
"What's the matter 'Twin Peaks ACTUALLY EXPLAINED (No, Really)' boy, afraid you might truly derive your own personal meaning from something?"
Kasia's potato & cheese pierogi
text from my mom: "There was something I couldn't remember when we were talking on the computer. Do you know who ghost ninja is? He has 4 1/2 million followers." me: "not a clue" my mom: "OK, well he is a local guy who plays Fortnite I believe and promotes their products. I'll have to tell you about him sometime."
literal back-of-the-envelope sketch of a hairy ogre wearing a barrel on suspenders. he has a flail and a happy little wolf on a leash.
Lisa Simpson empty plate meme
the album "Pyroclasts" by Sunn O))).
YouTube comment on an episode of Only Connect (hosted by Victoria Coren). first commenter: "Victoria my beloved" second commenter: "wasn't much of a milf guy before I got into quiz shows, how things change"
lyrics from Gorilla Biscuits' "Stand Still": Instead of thinking we play Donkey Kong / There's something wrong with that
Thrasher cover from November 1997. the Jeremy Wray water tower ollie.