Lawrie ✨

@indextwo.net

152 Followers 111 Following

Opinions expressed are not my own and are exclusively the views of my employer. he/him.

Me as an action figure in a clear plastic pack with a card backing. It shows me as a mini figure with salt & pepper hair, wearing a cream coloured sweater, blue jeans and white sneakers. My action figure comes with a red mug (for tea); my phone, and a bottle of pills. The original price was $29.99, but it had been marked down to 20 cents. It comes with a "real-feel mouth", plus: 5 snark caplets, 'says "fuck" all day long', and 'headaches. Anxiety, shoulder pain
A selfie of me, a white man with salt & pepper hair, wearing a loose-fit white sweater and a black band around my wrist. I have one arm across my body, cupping the side of my neck, and I am - as another friend put it - ‘smizing’ at the camera 😏
Screenshot of my Facebook profile, showing my header image: a dirty sign half-submerged in a swamp that reads ‘BUT HER EMAILS’
Security camera footage of a Tesla parked in a garage and spontaneously exploding
Screenshot of the Squardle global leaderboard for today’s puzzle, showing me in 94th place in the world. IN THE WORLD.
Me, a white cis male with salt and pepper hair, wearing a light grey sweater and one arm across my chest and cupping the side of my neck.
Edward Coristine, 19 - possibly the dictionary definition of ‘Incel’, wearing a pathetically smug look - as though he’s just fucked the apple pie you’re eating. He also has on a dark grey blazer and a half-tucked-in light puce shirt. On top of his head, there is a pile of curly hair that looks like a wig someone stuffed with cat food and stuck on the head of a chemo patient.
JUST IN: Som of Tucker Carlson, Buckley Carlson, is set to join VP Just-Dance Vance’s office as deputy press secretary. There are two portraits side by side: one of a young ash-blond white boy who looks like he bullies other kids even though he still sets the bed at 19; and JD Vance, the least noticeable vice president in U.S. history
Trogdor the Burninator: a eingslong dragon with a beefy arm, drawn in pink, green and yellow chalk on a black chalkboard.
Trogdor the Burninator, illustrated in pink chalk on a blackboard: Trogdor the Burninator is an S-shaped wingaling dragon with a beefy arm.
A panning shot of my front garden, starting with a light grey gazebo covered in fist; panning over the frost-covered lawn and past bare trees; to a far shot of a line of poplar trees and a small paddock beyond. The sky is blue, with hazy clouds on the horizon
A picture of me, a man with salt & pepper hair in a loose-fitting grey sweatshirt, holding Waffle: a snowshoe-ragdoll cross with white & oatmeal fur with a dark splodge over his nose, as he stares vaguely in the direction of the camera.
A screenshot of a message in Instagram DMs of me saying “I hope 2025 is the year civilisation ends 🥳”, which IG helpfully coloured in a pretty purple gradient and decorated with sparkles
A white plate of full of roasted parsnips that look very much like chips (or fried, if you’re American), dusted with Parmesancheese and sprigs of parsley
A screenshot of the Squardle global leaderboard, showing me in 57th place out of the top 500
Several purple packets of Milka chocolate stacked on top of one another. Yes, I know I thought the lyric was ‘I’ll be beating Milkos’ but that’s what I thought this chocolate was called. Not Milka. Blame it on the logo being in a stupid cursive font.
Screenshot of my Apple Store updates, showing the ‘X’ app requiring an update.
side profile Hanna-Barbera cartoon character Yogi Bear: a brown bear with a lighter brown maw and black nose. He’s wearing a shirtless collar with a green tie, and a green pork-pie hat with a black band.
Gremlins movie poster. Upper half of a man holding a box, with the lid being pried open from inside by the fluffy white paws of Gizmo the Mogwai. You can just make out his big eyes in the shadows.
My garden after a particularly windy night, with garden furniture strewn across the lawn. In the lower part of the image is the patio, slick with rain.
A black and white drawing of a stick figure sat at a desk, with the computer and keyboard all the way on the far side. The stick figure man has incredibly long arms to try to reach the keyboard, and is wearing a look of determined concentration. I drew this in Adobe Flash. That’s right, Flash. Adobe should pay ME an extortionate subscription for this kind of loyalty.
Actor Adam Woodward as Ian Beale on UK TV series EastEnders; wearing a blue and grey horizontal-striped collared t-shirt and ugly-crying, his face puffy and red, with many chins for us to admire.
A black and white picture of me, wearing a three-piece suit with a white shirt and dark tie. There is a white rose on my lapel, and I am wearing a pair of RayBans, looking off to the right.
My Balsam Hill Christmas tree, fully assembled and fluffed, showing approximately 1000 prelit lights. It stands approximately7 feet tall in front of a large sash window.
The base of a balsam hill Christmas tree, standing on a grey carpet with a light grey sofa in the background
The are of my property I call ‘the paddock’, showing leaf-strewn grass dusted with frost. To the left are tall poplar trees casting shadows across the grass. The sky is a hazy blue with only a hint of clouds.
A selfie of me, a 40-something year old man with salt and pepper hair, holding my hair back with one hand, wearing a deep red t-shirt with the Albanian flag on it, which is a black double-headed eagle.
My lawn, in a dark, gray overcast day, showing piles of wet leaves that I’ve been raking for the past 2 hours. In the distance, a line of bare poplar trees stands resolute.
My fully-decorated Christmas tree, featuring purple and blue baubles of varying sizes. It is lit, and casting a glow on the grey tiled floor. Biscuit the black & white kitty is sitting next to the tree, cleaning herself.
My Balsam Hill Christmas tree fully assembled and lit. The tree stands at around 6 feet tall, and is dotted with fairy lights - which aren’t all that apparent, as it’s currently standing in front of a window.
The base of my Balsam Hill Christmas tree, the branches spread out.
Cookie, a purebred British silver shorthair lying on his side on a grey carpet, one midnight-black paw extended as he looks off-camera with his gold-green eyes.
A red British telephone box in the middle of a British high street during the evening. It is a bright red pillarppx shape with glass panes on all sides and a slightly curved roof, with a ‘TELEPHONE’ placard on all sides.
Showing a moving view of my garden, with snow still covering a lot of the lawn: shot opens on a grey gazebo with snow on the roof and snow on the grass, panning over a row of yellowing trees, with grass starting show; out to a line of poplar trees and the paddock beyond; and a field beyond the fence still mostly covered in snow.
Article from New Scientist: BT in court to enforce hyperlink patent by Kurt Kleiner, 11th of February 2002. BT Group PLC will appear in a New York federal court on Monday to try to enforce a patent it says covers all hyperlinking. BT claims it invented the hyperlink in 1976, and anyone who uses the World Wide Web owes them money.
My garden, blanketed in snow, with a row of tall beech(?) trees in the background. In the distance, there is a gazebo in the distance with snow on its roof.
A selfie of me, a man with salt & pepper hair and light stubble, illuminated by green light with a purple background. I’m wearing a green relaxed fit sweater and have my chin propped on my wrist.
Biscuit, a tiny little black and white kitty with a white bib and little white socks, sitting up with her front paws crossed, looking very prim, with her long tail curled around her front. She’s sitting on a large pale blue wool rug with a floral decorative border.
A view of the sunset from my paddock; looking out diagonally across a strip of field to a wooden fence, with a tall copse of trees and another field beyond. The sky is a pale, hazy blue, fading to the yellow of early sunset.
Muffin, a black & white cat with long white whiskers, lies lazily on his side on a dark grey bench seat. One paw dangles over the side of the cushion, and he’s looking sleepily into the camera.
Cookie, a purebred British silver shorthair kitty with golden-green eyes sitting on a dark grey mat with paws outstretched. A grey wicker egg chair hangs in the background as Cookie looks just off-camera.
Apricot ginger kitty Crumble sitting on a similarly coloured chaise longue and looking at the camera with a slightly pensive expression
Waffle the ragdoll kitty, with a splodgy black nose sitting with his white paws crossed, looking cross-eyed at the camera
Muffin the black & white chonky kitty wearing a watermelon recovery collar and looking mad about it. In the foreground is a black candle from Side Hustle Candle Co. with the phrase ‘First of all, shut the fck up’
Waffle the ragdoll kitty leaning over to drink some water from his bowl, with one paw outstretched, toe beans spread wide
Cookie the purebred British silver shorthair, curled up on the sofa and looking up with his yellow eyes. His stupid tuft of hair is standing up right in the middle of his head.
Waffle the ragdoll kitty sitting very awkwardly with one back leg somehow poking out sideways between his two front legs, while his other back leg is discretely tucked behind. He looks utterly baffled.
Waffle the ragdoll kitty lying on his back, with his back legs stretched out completely and his front paws pulled up just a little as he looks at the camera
Muffin the tuxedo cat lying on his side on the carpet and looking up accusingly at the camera
Crumble, the apricot ginger kitty, sitting in the background and looking off to the right; while Peanut, the all-black slinky kitty, stretched out in the foreground, eyes closed
Waffle the ragdoll kitty sitting with his front paws crossed on a grey cushion
Cookie, a purebred silver shorthair kitty, lying in a Victorian-style porcelain sink, looking over his shoulder scornfully at the camera
Crumble, a chonky apricot ginger cat, sitting next to Peanut, a slender all-black kitty, on a grey carpet in a shaft of hazy sunlight
A selfie of me, a white dude with salt & pepper hair wearing a dark blue sweatshirt emblazoned with the logo ICS, and underneath the words ‘ICS Network Television 2019’
A screenshot of the bottom of the original post, showing the number of likes (69) highlighted.
The ridiculous new X logo randomly overlaid with a lot of bright purple circles in a parody of recent design tweets implying that all logos are made of overlapping circles.
Cookie, a purebred classic silver shorthair kitten with amber eyes, sitting on a grey cushion, with a tuft of hair sticking up in the middle of his head and his tongue out in a wonky blep