InnerSpiral

@innerspiral.lol

3131 Followers 689 Following

Alli šŸŒ€ | Just exploring the web and being a silly ol' gal. she/her šŸ³ļøā€āš§ļø Love making new friends! ā™” +18 šŸŒ innerspiral.lol

a lighthouse shining at the bottom of a dry well a common story i tell i hit send into the dark and the green goes gray your sun is coming up right now youā€™re buying milk or laughing at someone in a gas station line and Iā€™m here staring at the phone light typing sorry just saw this for the fifth time this week itā€™s three in the morning again my eyes burn like salt if i force myself to stay up to catch you before your day starts my head splits open tomorrow if i go to sleep you wake up to a has-been who only replies in past tense scrolling back through six months of dms the late night paragraphs where you trusted me i read them like old receipts proof i was there proof i was useless am i even a person to you or just a midnight notification you clear without opening maybe Iā€™m the one ghosting even when my thumbs are sore from trying iā€™m so bad at this iā€™m so bad at staying real across six thousand miles of ocean sometimes i want to log off forever just to spare you the chore of watching me fade sometimes i hope you forget my username so i don't have to see the room go silent again youā€™re asleep now, aren't you goodnight iā€™m sorry
Skuld flying on a broom in the night sky!! - Oh! My Goddess (1993)
A screenshot of the contributors section of the gen1recomp project, one in particular that is pretending they aren't. A red arrow is pointing at the claude logo.
I held back for most of my life because they told me that's how a man builds a foundation. Keep your teeth clamped shut. Don't spill the cup. When the hammer comes down, you don't wince, you just sit on the couch and hold it, and watch the damn TV. Everything back then was a faded receipt left out in the rain. All grey. A sunset wasn't anything special. What was I so fucking scared of? Who was I keeping quiet for? I was furious. Angry at the air, angry at myself, holding my breath until my lungs felt like dried leaves, convinced that if I let a single drop out, the whole house would drown. Then I broke the lock ...Or maybe she just shoved her boots through my ribs and crawled out, shouting, let me the fuck out, we're suffocating. The first time the tears came after the estrogen took hold of me, it was Tuesday. It was a dropped carton of eggs. I sat right there on the floor in my oversized sweater and I wept until my throat hurt. Loud, ugly crying. And goddamn, it was the best thing I'd ever felt. Have you ever seen colour come back into a room all at once? Not like a pastel postcard- fuck that I mean the purple of an spring sky at 7PM. I mean the loud, screaming yellow of a city bus catching the noon light. The beautiful red of a pomegranate split open with your thumbs. I didn't know the grass had fifty different greens, just waiting for me to stop pressing my forehead against the floor. I mourn the boy sometimes. I do. And fuck anyone who tells me I'm not allowed to love him. He took most of his life to the chin so I could stand here. He starved himself on silence so I could eat this sunlight. He was my bodyguard. I look at my hands now, and they're so soft. They shake when I get overwhelmed. I cry at stupid stuff. I laugh until my stomach hurts. I am so goddamn delicate now that it terrifies me, and I will never, ever put that armour back on.
Agumon looking around an empty street, with a baby hikari (awwww!!) on his back! - The Digimon Adventure Pilot (1999)
a photo of me leaving ??? (not mentioning and blurred cause of safety) after a nice queer community event after work!! it's me! smiling cause im feeling some damn euphoria heehee ^_^
Lpisa catches the pudding in her mouth and flips into her chair and does a peace sign to nandra - detatoko princess (1997)
Fam places her finger on the shot, as Ihrie freaks out and it fades to black - Ruin Explorers Fam & Ihrie (1995)
the floorā€™s sticky under my boots and the light is doing that cheap pulse across the bottles iā€™m sober so the whole place is sharp voices carrying, glass clinks, someone laughing too loud by the pool table and sheā€™s right there looking like she already decided something hair catching the light, shoulders held like she knows the fight it took to stand like that damn she is beautiful my hands stay in my pockets because i still donā€™t trust them yet is it me she even wants the girl whoā€™s still arguing with the mirror some mornings or just the outline that matches hers then she reaches across the sticky table takes my wrist like itā€™s nothing pulls me closer her hand finds the side of my face thumb near my ear, steady she leans in slow enough i could still step back but i donā€™t her mouth tastes like the cherry she just finished and the heat of her breath hits my cheek before her lips do warm, a little wet, the soft give of her lips then firmer when she pulls me closer by the neck my hands finally leave my pockets and land on her waist and fuck the way our chests press two bodies that know exactly what it cost to get this soft meeting like they already belonged this is the first time someoneā€™s kissed me and meant the woman not the almost not the before when we break she stays close looking at me like the question never needed asking and for once it doesnā€™t come back i feel beautiful in this body in this light
A black woman (gee i wonder who) wearing a two piece pink striped bra and skirt, sitting on the beach at night as the city behind her lights up.
still lace up while the streetā€™s half dark same cracked concrete we used to hammer with two sets of feet lungs pulling the cold the way they always did only the other breath isnā€™t there anymore the house took me back like it never noticed same walls same quiet same goddamn water stain on the ceiling I slept through whole seasons in that bed woke up with years under my eyes became a twenty-something and was still folding myself into the same sheets what the fuck was I waiting for how many mornings did I just turn around early like the road was gonna run out of room for me anger showed up late and mean wanted to break the calendar scream at the years that sat on my chest and didnā€™t move cried until the pillow gave up trying to soak it all but the legs kept the appointment dawn after goddamn dawn one morning they just said no to the usual turnaround kept going past the place where the quiet used to win scared shitless of the empty stretch behind me all that time I owed and never paid do I race it now or what nah the pavement doesnā€™t keep score coffee started tasting like coffee again laughed at a silly dog on the downhill even while my eyes still did that shit stood in the kitchen light without waiting for a voice that wasnā€™t coming still out here before the sky picks a color shoes hitting the same ground body inside them finally answering back and some mornings I almost feel the second stride next to me not as a ghost just as the reason these legs never quit
Me, before bed! I'm wearing shorts (i swear i am! Curse this shot lol), and a hoodie! :3
Yuu blushing and being cute as hell. - Stardust Telepath (2023)
i did the work in the mirror today. three hours of spackle and brush, i was a silk apparition. i was passing. yes ma'am, after you ma'am. the guy holding the door at the store didnā€™t look twice. the world is so painfully kind to you when it thinks you are a delicate thing, when you fit into the neat, suffocating little boxes they cut out for us. but then i have to buy the goddamn coffee. or a pack of gum. or breathe too heavily. i have to part my lips. i haven't trained it. i haven't done the little bird-chirp youtube exercises, pushing the larynx up, up, up into the skull until the muscles stick and the cartilage clicks. i didnā€™t want to perform a vocal contortion act today. i just wanted to exist without a fucking regimen. so i speak from the chest. where the lungs are. where the rust lives. "just an iced latte, please." the baritone drops on the counter like a butcher's block. heavy. bleeding. the baristaā€™s face breaks. not a crack- a shatter. you know the look. the flinch. the lip curl. the what the fuck is that squint. the sudden, glacial hostility of a world that feels tricked. as if my existence is a premeditated prank on her tuesday afternoon. her eyes turn into little glass beads of disgust. the warmth is gone. i am a monster in a sundress. hereā€™s your receipt, sir. she spits the sir like a cherry pit. fuck you. fuck your fragile ass reality. fuck your delicate eardrums that can't handle a woman who sounds like the earth instead of the wind. i walk out and the street feels like a firing squad. a guy in a puffer jacket hears me clear my throat and laughs. a sharp, hyena bark. i am shaking all the way to my shitty car, keys biting into my palm until it bleeds. i slam the door, lock it, and the dam bursts. i am ugly crying. i am hyperventilating over the steering wheel, spit and mucus on my chin, and the cruelest, most heartbreaking joke is that even my weeping betrays me. my chest heaves and every guttural sob sounds like my father. the ghost ofā€¦
My n64! you can see the dust hitting the light... i haven't used it in a while.
My GaiaOnline avatar in My Towns, saying "Good Morning, Lovelies!" - Gaia Online
The Yamadas floating around holding umbrellas, as a smiling sun shines on them in the background. - My Neighbors the Yamadas (1999) Also fun fact: this is one of my favourite films/collection of short stories. It's a special one.
me taking a selfie before bed in the trusty toriel tee! ive had this for almost 10 years, and it's stuck through my transing and more. we love a unisex tee babyyy.
Birdy sliding down a star rail then running off! - Birdy the Mighty (1996)
Fam waves as she runs up the slope! - Ruin Explorers Fam & Ihrie OVA (1995)
Me wearing a wavy (water-type) cardigan, white tank and shorts and thongs/flipflops and pink striped bandana, hugging my favourite pokemon goodra! This one is named Rosy, with her signature rose. She's nuzzling as I sit gently on her back. :)
me low on energy, walking around an empty park at night just before i head home.
My favourite sapphs haruka and michiro giggling! - Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon S (1994)
Yuzuki happily drinking and licking off whatever was left on her mouth with the sip - Taisho Otome Fairy Tale (2021)
The black haired girl sipping a drink as birds fly by as streaks of colors and petals cover. - The Night is Short, Walk on Girl (2017)
My tired self in my room wearing my warm cardigan
That special 'ol pink butterfree is blushing - Pokemon Indigo League (1997)
Kris riding on the magnet train - Pokemon Crystal (1999)
A fire gym leader concept I created, with a jumpsuit with fire patterns in the areas that flare out, a cute ruby belt, and gold bangles on her arms and legs. beautiful beads in her hair too!
My site button, that says "Innerspiral" and "Cringe Doesn't Exist!" below that. It animates with a rainbow pattern above, and a sort of flashing way below.
A celebi surrounding the player character in circles~ - Pokemon Ranger: Guardian Signs (2010)
me in my bathroom, taking a selfie
I mist setting spray over a masterpiece, letting the dampness settle on my skin. My hands do not shake when I draw the wing. I understand the curves of my own face better than the architects who built this city. My friend leans against the bathroom doorframe, kicking a strapped heel against the tile. "You look expensive," she says, sipping something pink from a plastic cup. "It cost me everything," I tell her, snapping the compact shut. "But look at the return on investment." She laughs, that beautiful sound. We hit the pavement a few minutes later, seventy-three inches of me walking in time with her, catching the streetlamps as we move. They donā€™t know what it means to be twenty-something, to arrive at your girlhood, and to wear it like a custom-fitted leather jacket. We push through the heavy doors of the club, and the bass swallows us whole. Itā€™s loud, itā€™s sticky, itā€™s perfect. I am looking at the girls, and the girls, predictably, are looking right up at me. At 6"1, I am a very willing eclipse. A brunette by the bar catches my eye, looks me up and down, and smiles. I smile back. Iā€™m single, Iā€™m gorgeous, and I am in no rush to be anything but exactly right here. God, I love women. I love being one so much it makes me want to give her the world. "Hold this," my friend yells over a remix, shoving her drink into my hand. "My strap is slipping." I stand guard in the strobe lights while she fixes her dress. Two girls in the neon. This is our bloodline. It wasn't handed to us wrapped in a pink blanket in a sterile room; we bought it with our own two hands, synthesized it, willed it into the physical realm, and now we are spending it on a Friday night. "Okay, fixed!" she shouts, grabbing her glass back. "Bitch, the girls are staring at you." "Let them," I say. It hits me then, a wave of something so ordinary it is staggering. Just pure, unadulterated joy. No tragedy. No mourning for lost time. Just the sweet realisation of standing next to my best friend, feeliā€¦
Goals, she says to me across the table. A congregation of the fellow clocked, chewing on my cis-simulacrum, starving for the recipe to my contour. I flash a filed down smile. Thank you, babe. I leave the air thick with her envy, never admitting that the Sephora receipt is a ransom note, and the setting powder is ballistics grade. They see the gloss. They do not see the panopticon. They think I breached the estrogen tide as a fully realized commodity. I wish. I apprenticed in the claustrophobic totalitarianism of boyhood. This face is not vanity. It is geopolitics. I am required to be the hyper-femme algorithmic impossibility, because a defective product in my melanin is recalled via asphyxiation. The white dolls are permitted the rarity of a careless day. The state grants white flesh the luxury of a margin of error a loud voice, the grace of a shadow. But if the light catches my face at a subversive angle? I am tomorrowā€™s necro-statistic. Just another zip-bag in the precinct, processed by a racist coroner jerking off to his own bureaucratic violence, typing my deadname in wet ink. The chaserā€™s dialectic is a metronome of slaughter: colonize the exotic in the shadows, obliterate the taxonomy by sunrise. Every cis male gaze is a game of russian roulette. They ache to penetrate the deviation, then butcher the witness to their own fragility. So I must be perfect. I have to be so paralyzingly beautiful that the trigger-finger goes limp with awe. And the most exquisite part of it all? I don't mind it. I drink the silk and the swell. The triumph of my own fucking gender. I worship what I built from the ruins for my former self. But God, the mandate. The inescapable labour of not ending up in a ditch. If I step onto the concrete unspackled, the imperial core declares open season. So I paint the doll. I lacquer the target. I serve cunt to starving hounds, praying they choke on the illusion before their teeth find my trachea.
Rynth fucking it up on the win screen~ - Jet Set Radio Future (2002)
Yuno being cute in front of a window at night. - Hidamari Sketch (2007)
Miaka is doing some daydreaming, as she closes her eyes then opens them looking excited! - Fushigi Yugi (1995)
Me wearing a "I Top Women For Fun" t-shirt, holding a trans flag, while i take a selfie~
The sailor moon girlies in the midst of their transformations~ - Sailor Moon (1992)
A selfie of myself after work looking very sleepy, wearing my fave cardigan, and glasses as i stop my hair from covering me lmao
Sonia driving all recklessly with goh in the passengers seat! - Pokemon Journeys (2019)
Yuu is basking in the sunlight, while she is on water~ - Majokko Club Yoningumi (1987)
A tiny woman washing her face in a bowl. - Spirit of Wonder: Scientific Boys Club (2001)
Fandora just sitting and doing some snackin'. - Dream Dimension Hunter Fandora (1985)
Yuna being cute, as she leans in with a black and white bear! - kuma kuma kuma bear (2020)
Tomoyo being adorable as usual, as she gushes and is gay towards her girlfriend Sakura :3 - Cardcaptor Sakura (1998)
A screenshot from IDRlabs EvangelionTest, where I get 95% Misato.
A black woman alone, dancing to her whims to a crowd of people cheering her on, in the middle of a colorful dancefloor covered in glitching tvs.
Natsumi waking up all frazzled, dropping her headphones as she looks around - You're Under Arrest! (1996)
A woman with long grey hair, wearing an oversized blue tshirt (Amy), reading from her laptop, with a cuppa by her side. - Power Dolls (1996)
Chiro smiling and being cute~ - Magimoji Rurumo (2014)
Sakura is smiling and blushing because of all the love. - Cardcaptor Sakura (1998)
a selfie of a black woman (me!) taken outdoors in the morn. I've got long, straight brown hair with blonde highlights and bangs, topped with a brown bandana with some flower patterns on it. I'm doing a silly pout... thingy? i've got on a black turtleneck tucked into my trusty jeans under a brown leather hand-me-down jacket. i'm standing on a sidewalk leaning against a gas station wall, with a grass and road purposefully kinda crudely blurred in the background! (how's that for an alt text!)
Hitomi walking in the shallow water as the sunset blankets the surroundings - Cat's Eye (1983)
Some Tetris CD-i! - (1992)
Oono being cute, as per usual. - Genshiken (2004)
me in some early stage, trying to hit the red cube. - Cosmic Smash (2001)
Naomi is looking out to the city at night. - Armitage III: POLY-MATRIX (1996)
the windows move with the wind, as it shows the silhouette of usagi - Sailor Moon (1992)
Nadeshiko doing the flying motion happily while leaving the building. - Yuru Camp (2018)