Jacob Carlson

@jacobwcarlson.me

313 Followers 589 Following

I don't bang I write the good rhymes

A partial screenshot from Instagram suggesting that I should follow former actor Vincent Gallo.
A screenshot from a new article appearing in Bangor Daily News that reads "David Brouillette, 37, reportedly admitted to firing the shots that claimed the life of 25-year-old Johan Sebastian Duran Guerrero"
A screenshot from a new article appearing in Bangor Daily News that reads "David Brouillette, 37, reportedly admitted to firing the shots that claimed the life of 25-year-old Johan Sebastian Duran Guerrero"
A photograph taken in a bar of the actress Chloë Sevigny wearing a white t-shirt with a stencil of Winona Ryder's profile across the chest and and words "FREE WINONA" surrounding the profile. Chloë is wearing a red blazer and holding a bottle of Budweiser. To her left is an unknown and visibly intoxicated woman in a diaphanous blank tank-top with one hand on Chloë's should and a bottle of Corona in the other. Film director Harmony Korine is mugging for the camera behind the pair, his head peeking out between theirs.
A sheet of plywood covering the wall of a boarded-up former restaurant. The plywood is painted dark maroon, then over that is a tag in black spray paint that just says “BREAST MILK”
A photograph of Pedro Pascal wearing a crimson sleeveless, cotton v-neck sweater, cut-off jorts with a 3" inseam, yellow socks, and untied Timbs. He is staring straight at the camera through clear aviator frames, wavy hair tussled, and clean mustache lined up exactly with the break between his lips. He is flexing his right arm non-nonchalantly, highlighting a triceps that is more developed than either his deltoid or biceps. He is sitting on a dark brown leather couch, knees raised so that his feet rest on the edge of the couch, legs splayed to expose the crotch of aforementioned jorts.
A political cartoon portraying human-sized grasshoppers making mischief on the ranch of a humble farmer called Granger. Grasshoppers are seen choking the Granger, absconding with bags of "greenbacks" and "beans," while a another photographing the mayhem. Still other pests may be seen baling up wheat, driving the Grangers' horse & carriage, and dining on melon. An inset shows two grasshoppers relaxing, apparently after making the farm their new home, with the caption "In the wheat, by and by." The cartoon dates the events of the scene to "'75" and the work itself to "'75"
Screenshot from the Hoopla app showing that I have borrowed the “River of Dark Dreams” audiobook.
A photograph of Kimbal Musk wearing a very silly cowboy hat over unkempt hair.
A still frame from the movie Cool Hand Luke, with Paul Newman lying down propped up on his left elbow, a cigarette between his smirking lips, looking every measure of a real cool hand.
A screenshot of two adjacent posts in my Bluesky Timeline. The post on top is from a thread by Oleksandra Matviichuk, a human rights lawyer from Kiev and leader of the Nobel Peace Prize-winning Centre for Civil Liberties. It shows a picture of a frozen Kiev apartment building stairwell covered in ice due to a lack of power, but also a second photo of pan of eggs cooking over a butane camp stove. The post reads "In the stairwell, she met several other people who also did not know this woman but brought her necessary items. Perhaps we are a tired but morally healthy society. Because people support those who are struggling and help each other. 1/8" The post on bottom is a from an automated account that posts quotes from the author Ursula K. Le Guin. The quote reads "It is very hard for evil to take hold of the unconsenting soul."
Two skeets appearing one after the other. The first contains a link to plans for 3-d printing a very loud, yet inexpensive and resource-efficient whistle. The next is a photo of a Welcome Board for the Judson Memorial Baptist Church in Minneapolis that reads "Blessed are the whistle blowers for they play the music of salvation"
A modal pop-up window from bloomberg.com stating that by reading their content I waive my rights to class-action lawsuit participation and agree to arbitration for all other conflict resolutions. There is no option available other than "Accept."
Google Street View of the duplex whose address is identified in the original news story. The plaque in the basement window of 102 W. Washington Ave. says "This is my Happy Place."
A photograph of a serving board containing a bunch of green grapes still on the vine, handful of forget-me-not flowers, and a cut-out photo of the Spanish flag. The photo also contains the caption "In Spain, eating 12 grapes on New Year's Eve is the secret to good luck."
Poster for the movie "Beverly Hills Cop"
A 4x4 matrix of headshots featuring characters from the television show Bewitched. In the top-left position is Samantha, top-right is her cousin Serena, bottom-right is Samantha's Uncle Arthur, and bottom-left is Samantha's mother Endora.
A direct quote from Trump: “It’s too much liquid. Too many different things are going into that baby at too big a number. The size of this thing when you look at it. It’s like 80 different vaccines and beyond vaccines.”
A stanza from Rudyard Kipling's poem "Dane-geld," which reads And that is called paying the Dane-geld; But we've proved it again and again, That if once you have paid him the Dane-geld You never get rid of the Dane.
A screenshot from rottentomatoes.com showing scores of 65% for "Tomatometer" and 54% for "Popcornmeter."
Photo from the Leon Dore Fall/Winter 2025 look book. The model is wearing brown worsted tweed trousers, light brown woolen blazer, brown Melton zip-up sweater, and black cotton ball cap with a brown suede brim. He carries a brown leather weekend satchel.
My dog Esmé lazing on our couch, head on a blanket.
A head shot of Do, leader of the Heaven's Gate cult.
Cover of the album "Blackstar" by David Bowie
Screen shot from text conversation with my wife where she asks “did you mean to tell Hulu that you’re a woman?” with a crop from my Hulu profile describing me as a woman. I did not tell Hulu I am a woman, it guessed as much.
Crop from the Apple Messages app with a Contact identity of "Maybe: Cory Booker" and the first line of the message, which states "Jacob, it's Cory Booker."
Tweet that reads "Last time I hooped in Moore Gym I was guarding a dude with no socks on and he did a spin move and a smashed Mcdouble fell out his pocket."
Milhouse's dad showing off his racecar bed
The 2025 Coachella lineup. I will not bore you with how aggressively mids it is.
Egon Schiele's painting from 1913 "The Holy Family"
Jules Bastien-Lepage painting of Joan of Arc. It depicts Joan in her garden meeting the apparitions of the Saints Michael, Margaret, and Catherine.
A photo of a Saami child with phenomenal drip
Mayor Adams looking like shit
Still from Mean Girls where Amy Poehler's charater is saying to Lindsay Lohan's character "I'm not a regular mom. I'm a cool mom."
A colorful and slightly psychedelic photograph
Screenshot from a Guardian article that reads "I hear about seasoning houses again in Mechelen, Belgium, known as the city of moon extinguishers. Its residents earned the nickname Maneblussers in 1687 after they planned to throw buckets of water at the cathedral, believing it was alight – in actual fact, the red glow of the moon was shining through its windows."
List of my most-listened to artists this year: 1) Nas 2) Thelonious Monk 3) Miles Davis 4) Beastie Boyrs 5) Gang Starr
A screenshot of text from a Washington Post article that reads "Santos, who described himself in the conversation as the Republican “It Girl” as well as the “Mary Magdalene of the United States Congress,” defiantly declared: “I’m not leaving.”
Text from my 23&Me test telling me that I have more Neanderthal DNA than 82% of other customers
Screen shot showing that Apple Music has decided, correctly, that right now I should listen to "If You Leave Me Now" by Chicago.
SBF’s lawyer objecting to a prosecution’s question, the judge sustains the objection, SBF answers anyway, his lawyer replies (presumably while massaging his temples) “You don’t have answer after sustained. Haven’t you been here for four weeks?”
Picture of my kid standing in front of the Vivienne Westwood store on Melrose. Said kid is wearing a black jacket, black-and-white plaid vest over a black lace blouse, a red-and-white plaid skirt, black tights, and black loafers.
A screenshot of an article called "How to fix the Internet" that is covered in pop-ups asking the reader to subscribe before reading and to apply Cookie Settings.
Music festival poster whose lineup includes System of a Down, Primus, Swans, Danny Elfman, Front 242, Killiung Joke, and Lords of Acid, among others.
Screenshot from Succession of Logan Roy with the text "You are not serious people."
A photo of FTX executives sharing a meal together, presumably in their $75MM Bahamas compound, issued as evidence by the US government in the ongoing SBF trial.
Alligator boots