James Lynch

@jamesblynch.bsky.social

2277 Followers 182 Following

6'4'' short Writer and artist of science-fiction/fantasy novels and comic books. he/him/his I got depression https://linktr.ee/jamesblynch

chip the i.t. guy from the muppets, a creepy-looking mofo with peachy colored skin, beady eyes (with pupils that blink for some reason. yes, you read that right), a small unruly mop of dark brown curly hair atop his head, glasses that stay on despite a distinct lack of ears, a pig nose, and teeth that don't seem to exist on the same plain as his mouth
cover of Eastman and Laird's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures issue 29. In a Japanese city, April O'Neill (a redhead in blue jeans, a black leather jacket, and a pink undershirt, with pretty toned abs, is being held by Ninjara, a fox lady in sleeveless samurai armor wielding a straight sword, while the four Turtles, as well as their rat master Splinter, also in samurai armor, rush her.
Phan slammed the brakes and yanked the wheel, spinning the cart right around, before shifting into drive and smashing her foot on the accelerator. The others barely managed to remain upright throughout the maneuver. Trainer took the radio receiver from the dash and punched at the control display. “Xank, Barzan, are you there?” They waited a tense moment. “Trainer?” came Xank’s voice. “Awesome!” “Sure. Get the cruiser ready to fly. We’re coming to you fast.” “Uh, sure. I mean, we sent our blue division trainee to help get you out.” “I can do it.” Barzan’s voice piped in. “I got us out before.” “Barely, and it took forever,” said Jase. “Just get the ship prepped,” said Trainer. “That we can do,” said Xank. “See you in a minute.” As the buggy shot across the landscape, Lizz glanced back behind them. “Are they even following us?”
homer simpson descending the staircase of his house in a makeshift toga
“She has been throwing up a lot,” Trainer agreed. “Even comparatively.” “You checked on her?” “No, but I’ve heard her.” “Your quarters aren’t even near hers,” said Xank. “They are not.” “Okay, so… about the turtle?” Lizz asked. “Yes. Unfortunately, without Barzan, we don’t have anyone who can clue us in to its exact nature.” “But… you’re you,” said Jase. “Thank you for that insight.” “I mean, you must know every wizard there is.” “That would be a slight exaggeration.” “So you must know one you can trust.” “I didn’t even trust any before this all started. Now, there are maybe two people I trust outside of this ship not to betray the queen, and one of them is the queen.” “Wait, she has, like, a bunch of kids,” said Lizz. “Which one of them is the one you trust?” “I wasn’t counting them.” “Why not?” asked Phan. “Because, frankly, none of them would be useful in a fight. Maybe Jenneca. But she, like her mother, is trapped outside the empire right now. I didn’t count the grands, either.” “Okay, so there’s more than two people you’d trust,” said Lizz.
beverly crusher and jean-luc picard walk down a hallway with a weird camera distortion going on. picard is wearing the season 1 uniform and a toupee
Digging through one of the containers, Xank located a prying tool and popped the panel the rest of the way off. “Goddammit.” “What?” Jase asked. “He really made a mess in here.” “How long is it gonna take to fix it?” Lizz’s words were rushed. Xank opened another tool kit and removed a few more instruments. He set about working on whatever was inside the panel. “I dunno. Maybe a few minutes. Maybe hours.” “It only took you a few hours to repair the fold drive on the cruiser,” Jase stated. “Yeah, because I knew what I was looking at there. Everything was where it was supposed to be, I just had to fix it. This… this is some crazy dude spending a year doing God knows what to all the systems to get them to run off a data pad and a drink dispenser.”
Unfazed by his former friend’s chatter, Trainer asked, “So, what’s your move here?” “It’s probably not worth the effort to try to talk any sense into you, is it?” “Talking sense was never Trumane’s strong suit, if we’re being honest.” “What, you’re trying to hurt my feelings? If killing me didn’t do that, what good are harsh words gonna do?”
weebl and bob from weebl and bob, from the weebls stuff website. they are both egg-shaped individual, white with gray outlines, gray oval eyes, and a break in the middle of their bodies to represent a mouth. they are gently rocking back and forth against a purplish background.
very obviously a.i. generated flyer for an appearance by jay goede, original mewtwo voice actor, august 8th at brookfield square mall.
movie poster for the odyssey featuring matt damon in front of the trojan horse. speech balloons say 'Ey, you guys want a fuckin' horse? It ain't got no guys in it or nuttin'.
Castle Grayskull, with the Sorceress and Zodak standing in the turrets.
A sandwich baggie containing a flat, oddly shaped piece of dull green plastic.
For being such a large craft, Trainer’s newly acquired transport was deceptively agile. While its deflectors were certainly hearty enough to withstand a beating from the pursuing craft, it was fast and mobile enough that little of their fire could actually touch it. It also had enough speed to it that it could outpace the pursuing fighters in a straight flight. Once enough distance had been put between them, space began to ripple a bit ahead of it. “We’re ahead of the pursuers,” Trainer announced, “but keep an eye on the scopes, tell me if you see anything. I’m going to try to get us into a fold before they can catch up to us.” “Got it,” said Jase. “Anything like what?” asked Lizz. “Like anything,” Jase said. “‘Cause I’m getting some weird energy readings.” “What kind of readings?” Trainer asked. “I don’t know. I’ve never seen anything like it before.” “Pass it up to me.” Lizz swiped at the controls before her, sending a luminous bit of data sliding up to Trainer’s console. He repeatedly glanced down at it, having to direct most of his focus on flying the ship. “Crap.” “What is it?” Lizz asked. “No time to explain, but we’ve got to abort fold operation.” “The fold’s already open,” Xank said. “That’s why I swore. We’re almost in, but we need to stop it.” His fingers furiously pounded the panels before him, always keeping at least one hand on the control sticks.
black and white photo of james bond from the opening of casino royale, sitting in a darkened office, looking slightly to his left (viewer's right) and saying "not well"
simpsons screenshot: two child protection agents hold up maggie and say "Oh, my lord! Stupid babies need the most attention."
screenshot from The Simpsons. A man in a teal suit in a pink and green boardroom, looking exasperated, says, "I keep telling you: he's 73 years old, and he's dead."
“Phan, c’mon!” Lizz shouted back. “Let’s go!” The heavy tears that formed in Phan’s eyes dripped to the floor beneath her. “I can’t. I can’t move.” “What?” Lizz rushed back to her fallen comrade’s side. “This isn’t funny,” said Jase. “She isn’t joking,” said Lizz. “What the hell was that?” “It was an EMP. It shorted the doors and hopefully some of their equipment…” “An EMP?!” Phan screamed. “I’m a cyborg!” Jase couldn’t swallow all of a sudden. “What?”
cover of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe Minicomic Collection
Never losing momentum, Benjy dropped his head and smashed into the pair, tossing them over the stair railing and off the porch. Looking down at them, he said, “I ain’t doing stealth.” “Well, that works.” Damon caught up with him. “For the front door, at least. Although you knocked them out cold by dropping them headfirst onto the concrete, so, probably did some serious brain damage.” “Nah, they’ll be okay.” “I don’t think so.” “I used to play football, I been around concussions plenty.” “It is astonishing that that sport is still legal.”
promo poster for LEGO The Mandalorian, which it says is coming to Disney+ on September 2. The image recreates the final shot of the first episode of The Mandalorian, where Din Djarin is standing over Grogu's pram, only done with Lego minifigures
The ship descended gracefully, sliding through the last of the clouds and down to a landing outside a small settlement. “We’re here,” Trainer announced. As Phan started to deboard, he called out, “Hold on.” She stopped instantly, her enormous eyes widening, her skin paling, her mouth drying and flattening into a tight line. “You can’t just go out there in your cadet uniform,” he said. “Uh, I didn’t bring a change of clothes.” “I know. There are emergency supplies in that case on the back wall.” “The emergency supplies have extra clothes? Will they fit me? I had to hem the pants on my uniforms when I got them. I guess I’m a lot shorter than most cadets.” “They don’t have extra clothes, but there are blankets. You can fashion a poncho out of one.” “Will that work?” “It always does.” “Oh. Okay.”
actress Wai Ching Ho in a gray outfit and colorful necklace in front of an ad for the Iron Fist TV show
the old man who runs the cursed item shop on the simpsons saying, "the puppy also has diarrhea."
the twelfth doctor in the tardis says "always try to be nice but never fail to be kind"
He held up the recorder as he descended the stairs towards them. “I’ve checked your service records. You’re all who you say you are.” “Was there a reason we wouldn’t be?” Lizz asked. “A lot’s happened recently. The people who’re doing this… there isn’t much I wouldn’t put past them. But when I saw a group of kids in trouble, I decided it was better to err on the side of saving your lives.” “Thank you for that,” said Phan. Trainer gave a single nod. “Sir, what’s going on?” Xank asked. “The station was attacked…” “Ordinarily, this would be well above your pay grade.” “We’re cadets,” Xank said. “We don’t get paid yet.” “Which would make everything well above your pay grade, but especially this. But you’re involved now.” “Involved in what?” asked Jase. “Something you have no business being mixed up in.” “We’re sorry, sir,” said Lizz. “We…” “Cadet Krilldon, you’ve grossly misread the situation.” She went pale; her mouth dried and her knees, locked beneath her, threatened to fail her. He continued, “I was apologizing to you.”
Bat'leths & BiHnuchs Warrior Handbook: A Beginner Guide. Fun For The Whole Empire Or Your Darseks Back! Ages 12+, 1-470 Hours Chancellor Martok licks a bloody D'k tahg
Trainer examined the oblong stone that rested on his palm. It had no singular color, instead circling through vivid swirls of any and every hue imaginable. Some of that was a trick of the light, but there was definitely a detectable twist of something winding its way through. “This is tainted.” “It is not.” Trainer’s nostrils flared at the old man’s words. “It’s hard to get supplies out here. The recipe calls for dragon scale but, I don’t know if you know how touchy the queen is about her dragons. Sometimes we have to make substitutions.” “It’s impure.” “It still works.” Trainer’s eyebrow cocked. He held out a hand, palm side up, towards Phan. “Give me your hand.” She did as instructed, holding out her arm. Trainer took hold of her wrist and ran the stone across her fingertip before releasing her. He held the stone to the light. Where Phan touched it, it shimmered a slight greenish color. He presented it to the old man. “This should be blue.” “It’s fine. As long as it’s not red, you’ll be okay. Pink probably isn’t great, either.” “Can you just go now?” asked the clerk. “Is there a reason you’re so eager to get rid of me?” Trainer asked. “Yes. You’re clearly a cop.” “He’s not,” said the old man. “I’m not,” said Trainer.
“What about when you’re off-duty?” Brie asked. “Maybe like some sporty tops, casual pants. Oh, and when you’re at work, like, not stretch pants, but something you can run in. Without damaging it.” “You think she’s going to be doing a lot of running?” Evangeline asked. “Does everything you know about police work come from watching TV?” “She’s like six hours old and she’s already jumped through a third-story window, so…” “Yeah, okay, running.” “Okay.” Jan’s arms started making circles by her sides. “See, now we’re getting some ideas. Getting the ball rolling.” Evangeline got out her phone. “Cool.” “And shoes,” Brie said. “I… how do robot feet wear shoes?” “Is this like the dog pants thing again?” Evangeline asked. “No. I mean, how do they wear? Like, how do they put wear and tear on them? Do robot feet… they’re flexible, right?” Éponine looked down. She raised her foot from the cushy carpeting. It curled. “See, okay.” Brie gestured proudly at her. “Probably don’t need arch support though. I wouldn’t guess that would be a worry.” “Got it.” Jan tapped her temple. “Durable, stylish. Okay for running, maybe.” Evangeline swiped at her phone. “Cool. Cool cool.” “Oh,” Brie perked up, “and see if you have anything with a snake on it.” Jan headed back to the fetching cart. She paused just in front of Éponine. “This is amazing. If you don’t mind my saying so, dressing you has been one of the best experiences I’ve had at this job. I work with all kinds of people and body types here. Not to
Castle Grayskull from the original Masters of the Universe toy line.
principal skinner is standing in bart simpson's room, wearing a tan military uniform. He nods and says "done and done. And I mean done."
Chapter 2 You Don’t Know Me As each footstep rang out with a muffled metallic clink, bringing her further down the sterile, overly lit hallway, Éponine’s mind was flooded with a stream of information she didn’t want. The dimensions of the hallway, the temperature, air humidity, all sorts of other figures she didn’t understand and had no use for, it all kept appearing somewhere in her mind. Every forty feet, staggered on either side of the hall, there was a four-foot wide outcropping embedded with one of the glowing panes she’d seen in the room where she’d awakened. Most presented colorful pictures and boldly printed words. It was only the one slab in the entire hallway that was darkened that gave her pause. Focusing on the face staring back from the polished surface pushed the torrent of statistics to the back of her mind. “That’s not me.” It was certainly attractive in the broadest strokes. Perfectly symmetrical and well proportioned, as if crafted by an artisan. Determining the age was impossible, as the face possessed not a hint of a wrinkle or crease. The skin was unnaturally pale, like that of the girls she’d seen laid out on the other tables in the room where she’d awoken. Her fingers found their way up to her jawline. The image of the girl looking back did the same. Much as the color of her skin may have suggested a corpse, and she’d certainly believe it if told she’d died, the flesh was soft and supple. Certainly not dry and rigid as she’d expected.
Her mother continued speaking to Lizz. “Yes, it was terrible what happened with your folks.” “Yeah. Um, thanks. But that was a long time ago.” “That must’ve only been, what, three years ago?” Mr. Alsbsesk asked. “Four,” Lizz said. “Four years. That’s not so long.” “Honey, when you’re that young, everything seems like it was a long time ago,” his wife said. “Well, four years is almost a quarter of her life so far,” said Barzan. “And since most people probably can’t remember the first, what, two or three years at least…” “I can remember things from when I was that young,” said Lizz. “Really?” “Yeah. Not a ton, but some stuff.” “Like what?” “Now’s not really the time.” “Get out.” Jase scoffed. “I can’t remember anything until I was at least four, maybe five.” “That is so not a brag.”
They set their trays down on an empty table and slid onto the bench seating. Without hesitation, Lizz started wolfing down the food, stabbing and shoveling at every item with her fork and hands. “Just be careful.” Talla’s fork poked at the comparatively meager items on her tray. “Eat too much too fast and you’re likely to give yourself a stomach ache, and we don’t need an upset tummy derailing the mission.” “Sure, sure.” She continued eating. “My doctor said I actually need to eat twice as many calories as someone my size normally would just to maintain my body weight.” “But you’re so…” Jase started to say. Lizz narrowed her eyes at him. “What?” “Scrawny?” Talla groaned. “Bad choice of word. Though, to be fair…” “Which you don’t need to be,” Lizz said. “I’m not sure what you could’ve said there that wouldn’t have sounded bad,” Talla finished. As she continued, Lizz looked at Talla, who was very slowly and methodically cutting her food. “Are you not hungry?” “My stomach already isn’t feeling well, so I’m taking it easy. The mission also doesn’t need me yarfing in the middle of it.” Lizz slowed down a bit, partly on Talla’s advice, partly because she could feel her stomach getting a bit full.
At a full sprint, Jase started to pull ahead of the others. Lizz snapped at him, “Jase! Wait for Xank!” “Why do I have to wait for Xank when I’m faster than him?” “Because he’s the one who knows where we’re going.” “Last warning!” came the voice again. Another spoke up, “Screw ‘em.” The soldiers lifted their guns and squeezed off several rounds. The cadets screamed. Even Jase. Especially Jase. Xank glanced down at the schematics. “This way!”
old man on the simpsons says "make me"
"meet the author" ad for Christa's signing, giving the time (6:30 PM) and date (Wednesday, August 19) and location (Boswell Book Company in Milwaukee, WI)
screenshot of Gandalf in The Two Towers with texted overlayed saying "You wouldn't part an old man from his walking stick" but in the style of those "you wouldn't download a car" ads that used to play in the front of DVDs
That was not a scenario that brought him much serenity, and yet he did find himself more and more frequently reclining in one of those robust chairs, gazing into the spacious fireplace, a warm beverage in hand and a stare that went somewhere into the distance as the fire’s light danced across his cragged features. Yet there were precious few signs that he was slowing in his old age. Even before the knock came on the door, the mug was down on the mantel and he was up, years of training and preparedness overtaking the aches and pains of time. “Trainer. You don’t know me, sir.” The man in the ragged cloak was speaking even as the door swung open. A hand to his chest from the elder man stopped the intruder’s impertinent attempts at entering his personal space. “Nor do I have any reason to want to.” “Please, it’s imperative I tell someone this right away. I don’t know any of these people here.” “As we’ve just established, I don’t know you, either.” “But you’re the queen’s most trusted aid. You’ve been around long before the current upheaval. Please. Let me come inside. I promise you I’m no threat to you.” Trainer stood, as ever, a mountain of a man, and the boy before him was no alpinist. “My order hasn’t practiced magic in ages, but I can still feel its influence on you.” “I know. That’s part of the problem. I… there’s been a spell put on me. I can’t tell you why just yet. I found information. If… when I tell someone, when I speak a word of it, I’ll be immolated.” Trainer shifted back. Still not enough for the younger man to cross the threshold of his quarters.
Headline: Ford has rehired more than 300 veteran quality inspectors after realizing AI was failing to perform quality checks at the same level. Caption: Ford veteran engineers walking back into the office knowing that they couldn't be replaced by AI Video is from the opening credits of Belly, where Nas, DMX, and their crew walk into a blacklit nightclub in slow motion, accompanied by an acapella rendition of Soul II Soul's "Back to Life"
members of the crew of the Orville look out of a destroyed section of concrete wall. captain ed mercer looks at security chief alara katan and says "I loosened it for you"
“Young man,” said Trainer. “Don’t.” “What?” “Take it from someone who’s been around awhile. Learn to read a situation, and learn to figure out when you have no path forward.” “I… uh…” Mercifully, he shut up. “So, like I was asking before we were so rudely interrupted, what’s our next move?” asked Lizz. “Now we rest up. Xank, Barzan, I’m going to need to see you both for a moment. The rest of you can get something to eat, or catch a nap.” The three cadets who weren’t called by name headed out. “Hey, is there anything to drink on here?” Jase asked as they made their way towards the rear of the ship. “Water’s fine,” said Lizz. “There might be some flavor packets in the kitchen.” “Gotta keep those electrolytes up,” said Phan. “Do you even know what electrolytes are?” asked Jase. “They’re good for your electric levels.” “This is why I need a drink.” “No one wants to be around you when you’ve been drinking,” said Lizz. “Right, like you didn’t after the junior officer’s ball.” “Oh, my God, we already established that wasn’t me.” “I’m not convinced.”
Éponine stepped out of the station. She stood, hands in her pockets, and for the first time just took in her surroundings. She’d always been rushing in or out when on these steps. Now she was unmoving. Let anyone else walk around her; she needed this moment. Her gaze wandered up to the skyline. She’d seen it before, committed every detail of it to her infallible memory, and yet she hadn’t taken the time to really study it. She looked up and down the street in front of the building. Cars whizzed back and forth, flying at various elevations. If asked, she’d have been able to recite the identification code on the rear of each one. It was an odd sensation, one she was still getting used to, to have knowledge etched in her memory that she’d not been consciously aware of. The people along the sidewalk caught her attention next, hustling along or not going anywhere at all, creating blockages. She could sense blood pressure rising and skin temperatures flaring. The whole world felt like a scene of violence ready to break out with the proper provocation. Or none at all. One woman – she looked to be fairly young, not poor, but not wealthy – jogged past, a small, long, brown and gray dog alternately leaping ahead of and dragging itself behind her. Its big, warm eyes caught one sight of the gynoid officer and set it off on a tirade of yaps and growls, its stubby legs taking it surprisingly high into the air with each attempted charge. Its owner didn’t give an apology, not so much as an acknowledgement, just kept plowing on ahead up the sidewalk, her dog thrashing defensively all the while. “Yeah, that seems about right.”
Her legs, only moments ago numb and useless, now lifted her from the bed with shocking ease, sending her on a trajectory over the strangers’ heads. With no one between her and the door, it would be a quick dash for freedom. Then, she was yanked back down, plucked from the air and brought against the edge of the bed, then to the floor, by a force rooted to the rear of her head. Had she time to reflect, she may have wondered why her body impacting the room’s furnishings elicited the clang of metal on metal. It was not her hair that restricted her, yanking from beneath her flesh. A cursory digital inspection of her scalp revealed to her that that was gone. Something screwed into her skull. A bundle of rope, or cords of some kind. A yelp escaped her. The doorway at the end of the room, her portal to freedom, opened. It did so oddly, not seeming to swing away from the jamb, but rather to slide into it. The door itself was unusually wide. Several of the beds, if unmoored from the flooring, could fit through at a time. The parting of the doors allowed a hard light to spill in from the adjoining chamber. It framed the small group that hurried in, led by a lean figure of a man. The darkness of the room swallowed his features. “What’s going on?” “We don’t know.” The woman still maintained her distance. Good. “This unit woke up during formatting.” She picked herself off the floor as she was gestured to. “How could it wake up if it wasn’t formatted?” The new arrival spoke with authority. “It shouldn’t have been able to.”
Sun-Man action figure from the Masters of the Universe Origins figure line
cover of marvel comics' strange tales #167, featuring nick fury and several shield agents against an american flag background.
A clear acrylic box containing multiple sonic screwdrivers
grey t-shirt with images of cyclops, wolverine, tommy, and zach and the mmpr and x-men logos
star saber from transformers victory
captain holt from brooklyn nine-nine, wearing a robe, with swelling of the face, says, "I am angry. I am very tired."
kitty pryde by john cassaday
Chapter 50 Behold the Unstoppable The captain, stood behind his desk, seethed as he addressed Jason. “I told you to stay away from this case.” “I wanted to follow up,” said Éponine. She stood beside her partner. Her voice was smooth: measured, but uncompromising. The captain turned to Jason. “Then why were you there?” “He was there because I’m still not allowed to drive,” Éponine said. “And you didn’t relay the message to her that our precinct is off this case, is that it?” the captain asked Jason. “Captain,” she said, “you may address me directly.” “What?” “All of our conversations don’t have to go through Jason.” “I…” He was visibly perplexed. “She’s worked here a couple months now,” Jason said, “I’m not sure you’ve ever had a conversation with her.” “Well… I mean, what am I supposed to ask? How’s your family doing?” “They’re dead. And yours?” she asked. Jason winced. “I mean, she’s one of your reports.” “Fine.” He turned to Éponine. “Then what was your metal ass doing going after Cliff Grice?” “I was following up on a lead.”
screenshot from Office Space where peter is telling his therapist, "Every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."
screenshot from Star Wars. Darth Vader is saying, "The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner, not I am the master." screenshot from buffy the vampire slayer of Xander Harris holding a hamburger and saying, "...bator."
a toilet that transforms into a samurai warrior robot
As she reached the landing pad, she once again had to lean against something; this time it was the monitoring console for the port. Through blurry eyes, she could make out the images on the display’s security feed. At the sight, she reconvened her fortitude and sprinted back towards the office. “Mr. Trainer! Mr. Trainer!” “What?” “There’re ships approaching!” Not breaking his focus, one of Trainer’s hands briefly slid over and swiped at a control. The video feed from the docking monitors appeared before him. “Damn. I needed more time.” He took only a moment to draw a small black device – no bigger than, and roughly the size of, a large coin – from his pocket and place it on the computer console. As the pair ran from the office, sparks flew into the desk, blackening the monitor and attached systems.
Coming towards them, bedecked in a short dress and jacket, none of which seemed to fit her right, Lizz kept her eyes cast downward, her steps uncertain, her voice shaky. The man blocking the door sneered down at her slight frame. “Who the hell are you?” “I was told to come see Karmot.” The doorman looked her over for just a moment. “You’re not his type.” “How do you know?” At the narrowing of his eyes, she hugged herself tightly. “I was just told to come here,” she said. “Can I go in?” From the safety of the ship’s cockpit, the others listened in to Lizz’s conversation. “She’s actually kind of good at this,” Xank said. Jase just shrugged. Lizz made a move for the club’s door. The doorman barred her way, and pulled a gun from his jacket. “You’re not getting in. And you know the boss’s name, which no one’s supposed to. Sucks to be you.” He leveled the weapon at her. A series of gunshots rang out over the comms. “Oh, crap!” Jase yelled. “What was that?” Phan asked. “What just happened?”
homer simpson shaking his fist and saying "it was symbolism. he was mad."
domino from marvel comics smashes someone over the head and says "See, that's you mistake, lady. I'm not a super hero. I'm a Disney Princess!!!"
Chester J. Lampwick on the Simpsons says "make me"