Jared Lipof

@jaredlipof.bsky.social

502 Followers 236 Following

Fiction in @salamandermag.bsky.social, @LAReview, and @emersonreview, Madison Review, and The Best American Mystery Stories 2019. Novel-in-progress. Sound Mixer for TV/Film. He/him.

Text from news broadcast: "Adversaries could make wholly fabricated claims...that they have compromised all US voting machines..."
Russell Vought, looking furiously ashamed.
A racecar driver named Dick Trickle.
Cavalli taunting Contreras with a sea of red windbreakers between them.
Peter Brady, mistaking a car horn for a guest arriving to the party he threw for himself.
Cybertruck with mirror paint job, like the Nathan Fielder show's housing exteriors.
Two cats, sacked out on porch
President Donald J. Trump staring blankly into space.
Tweet that says, "'I never thought leopards would eat MY face,' sobs woman who voted for the Leopards Eating People's Faces Party."
Principal Skinner saying to Lisa: "Oh, yes, of course. It's the tigers' fault."
Connery in Untouchables, saying "Who would say he was that, who was not?"
Instead of "corporate elites" the close captioning says "corporate inmates."
"Bill has always had to struggle for every word. Bill walks five feet from his desk and doubt hits him like a hammer in the back."
Twitter's EndWokeness asking if an actor's race matters, then presenting a bunch of white actors playing historical characters like Barack Obama, Nelson Mandela, Solomon Northrup, Muhammad Ali, MLK, and then, for some reason, Obama again.
"Be on the lookout for a 1936 maroon Stutz Bearcat." from the Simpsons.
Thanks to some first-rate action, Michael Bay’s 13 Hours only feels 6 hours long
Homer Simpson saying, "Yeah, well, 'Scooby-Doo can doo doo."
Simpsons panel of news anchors describing astronaut diversity: "There's a mathematician, a different kind of mathematician, and a statistician."
Tom Wilkinson as Arthur in Michael Clayton saying, "You think you've got the horses for that?"
"hopefully"
Kent Brockman saying, "That ought to hold those s.o.b.s."
Book cover for How to Test Negative for Stupid by Sen. John Kennedy
cover of How to Test Negative For Stupid by Sen. John Kennedy
Most jokes are not funny. Comedy is observational. When the subject under observation changes, a joke ages like fine milk. The stand-up only cracks wise in the present. The secret of comedy is time.
Goose chasing Kevin asking why is the strait closed?
Goose chasing Kevin asking why is the strait closed?
New hardcover copy of A Violent Masterpiece by Jordan Harper
1. Labor Secretary 2. Tim Cook 3. Tim Apple 4. Political Commentary 5. Amazon Collusion
Torben Ulrich telling his son Lars, "I'm pretty sure that I really, that I really, I really don't think so."
Homer Simpson saying, "I think he's talking to you" to the agent trying to coach him to respond to Mr. Thompson.