Jenn the Queen

@jennb.bsky.social

7637 Followers 3019 Following

🚘 Car-loving 🏎️ introvert, 😶‍🌫️ light-hearted grammar n*zi. 🧐 OG member of Bluesky.🦋 Childless cat lady, with no cat — Edit: I got a cat! 🐈‍⬛ Sarcasm and truth are my life, in that order. No DMs! 🇨🇦

Apparently there's still confusion, so here's a handy guide: I CAN'T DO THAT. IT'S AGAINST MY RELIGION. THAT'S CALLED RELIGIOUS FREEDOM. 👍 YOU CAN'T DO THAT. IT'S AGAINST MY RELIGION. THAT'S CALLED AUTHORITARIANISM WITH A BIBLE-SHAPED PERMISSION SLIP. YOUR FAITH GOVERNS YOUR BEHAVIOUR, NOT EVERYONE ELSE'S. FUNNY HOW THAT KEEPS GETTING LOST IN TRANSLATION.
Department of Forest Tidiness and Transboundary Fresh Air Ottawa, Canada NEWS RELEASE For Immediate Release Government of Canada Announces F.U.C.K. O.F.F. Initiative to Address Cross-Border Smoke Concerns Ottawa, Ontario-July 17, 2026 - In response to a recent letter from members of the United States Congress expressing concern about Canadian wildfire smoke and dismay at Canada's apparent lack of forest management, the Government of Canada is pleased to confirm that the message has been received loud and clear. As a responsible neighbour and longstanding friend, Canada recognizes the importance of ensuring that smoke from Canadian wildfires does not impact the health, air quality, or outdoor enjoyment of our American friends. Accordingly, the Government of Canada today announced the immediate launch of the Forest Undergrowth Clearing & Kindling Operation for Foreign Friends (F.U.C.K. O.F.F.) Initiative. Beginning tomorrow at 0800 hours, every able-bodied Canadian between the ages of 16 and 65 will be drafted into the newly established Department of National Forest Tidiness. Each participant will be issued: • One government-approved rake • One pair of work gloves • One reflective safety vest • One large double-double A designated section of Canada's approximately 347 million hectares of forest Participants will be responsible for removing leaves, pine needles, twigs, deadfall, brush, branches, moss, bark, shrubs, and any other materials deemed insufficiently tidy by congressional observers. All collected debris must be arranged into near, bilingual piles and submitted for inspection by a federal forestry compliance officer. Additional measures under the initiative will include: • Sweeping the Rocky Mountains • Vacuuming the boreal forest • Power-washing the Canadian Shield • Installing smoke detectors throughout the Yukon • Requiring all future wildfires to remain within clearly marked provincial boundaries • Ensuring that no smoke crosses the international border…
Map of North America: Canada — FOREST FIRE United States — DUMPSTER FIRE
Adam & Eve: the first ones to ignore Apple Terms & Conditions. Follow me for more Spiritual Insights & Unwritten Biblical Truth. —Pope St. Pius V, 1566-1572
Looks like somebody failed Basic Science in school: "Infertility is genetic, if your parents couldn't have kids then you won't either." "If your parents couldn't have kids, you won't either" is a genuinely wild sentence for the Secretary of Health to say out loud. Genetics doesn't work that way, and neither does logic, apparently.
Mika Edmondson: In Matthew 25, Jesus describes true converts as being marked by a peculiar empathy toward the poor, marginalized, and incarcerated. But he describes false coverts as being outwardly religious but marked by a peculiar callousness toward the poor, marginalized, & incarcerated.
What a time to be alive. 🙄 Breathing in hefty lungfuls of smoke as I get explosive diarrhea from salad, the sky turns apocalyptic orange while oil companies drill in protected lands, screwworms are eating cattle alive and the president just paid $6 million for rape. And I'm also able to bet on all of it! PAY UP. DEADBEAT!
Tonight, ABC, CNN and NBC refused to air the President of the United States live. CBS cut away mid-speech… To fact-check him. Only Fox ran it unedited. When the major networks dismiss a presidential address as a disinformation event, believe them. They've seen this too many times before. They're over it.
Scrooge: YOU BOY! ARE THE STRAITS OF HORMUZ OPEN OR CLOSED TODAY?
(Picture of Lindsay Graham) Spends entire adult life focused on going to war with Iran. Gives up all dignity to pursue it. Finally gets war with Iran. Watches Iran win. Dies.
Scottish style correction. —Canadians Against Trump Alan Cowan: The Scots are great people! Donald J. Trump: “Just arrived in Scotland. Place is going wild over the vote. They took their country back, just like we will take America back. No games!” (Deluge of Scots berating Tr*mp for being incorrect, while calling him the most creative expletives ever)
The Angry Creature: If you fly from the newly renamed Donald Trump airport to Sioux City, your ticket will read: DJT-SUX. I'm not saying the universe writes jokes, but...
RESISTANCE MOVEMENT: I COULD HAVE LOOKED UP TO OBAMA AND ACTUALLY LEARNED PATIENCE. I COULD HAVE LOOKED UP TO OBAMA AND LEARNED GRATITUDE. IF I LOOK TO TRUMP, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO LEARN. BULLY EVERYONE AROUND YOU? ISOLATE YOUR ALLIES? BE AN ASSHOLE TO ANYONE WHO INTERACTS WITH YOU? WHAT'S THE LESSON I'M SUPPOSED TO TAKE FROM THIS GUY? —ADAM MOCKLER
Claire King: Happy Monday. Dumpy called Lindsay Graham "a perfect politician". That's supposed to be a compliment??!?? Geez, I wish he would shut up. What a terrible era in which idiots govern the blind. —William Shakespeare
26 Women on the record having accused Trump of Sexual Assault or Harassment The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) defines sexual harassment as "unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature." There's Only One Reason The Epstein Files Have Not Been Released (pic of Tr*mp with his arm around Epstein)
Hunter Biden: When I heard about Senator Graham's death last night, the first thing I thought about was not all the things he said and did in service of Donald Trump. I thought of the time before Donald Trump when he was a brother to Senator John McCain. A time when senators from different parties could fight about politics and still be friends. A time when a conservative Republican from South Carolina could say of my father: "If you can't admire Joe Biden as a person, you've got a problem. He's the nicest person I've ever met in politics. As good a man as God ever created." That is the Senator Graham I will remember today. Not because I have forgotten what came after. Because in that memory there is hope. Hope for a country where brothers can fight like hell over policy and still share a meal, and a laugh, and the loss of the people they love. I will choose to remember the time before Trump. Because I believe in an America after Trump.
IF YOU EVER WONDER WHY GEN X IS LIKE THIS, REMEMBER OUR TEACHERS HYPED UP A SHUTTLE LAUNCH, IT EXPLODED LIVE ON TV, THEN THEY ROLLED THE TV AWAY AND WENT BACK TO CLASS. NO COUNSELLING. NO HUGS. NO EXPLANATION. —STRAIGHT OUTTA CONTEXT
"HERE IN THE U.S,. WE HAVE A DEMENTED AUTHORITARIAN WHO'S DESTROYING OUR COUNTRY. BUT OVER THERE IN CANADA, YOU'VE GOT AN EMPATHETIC, WISE, INTELLIGENT PRIME MINISTER, MARK CARNEY, WHO'S ESSENTIALLY THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD." —BEN MEISELAS CO-FOUNDER, MEIDASTOUCH
MAGA IN A NUTSHELL: "I don't care what the Epstein Files say... I'd rather have a pedophile rapist grifting the country than admit I was ever wrong."
HG headquarters newsroom: HERE'S HOW MANY STOCK TRADES EACH PRESIDENT MADE DURING THEIR TERM Clinton 0 GW Bush 0 Obama 0 Trump (1st) 50 Biden 0 Trump (2nd) 3642 Notice anything? —Data: US Office of Government Ethics
Republicans didn't cut "government waste." They cut your health care. They cut your social security. They cut your retirement. They cut your SNAP. AND they raised your taxes.
It's 1990, a Republican is president and we are going to war over oil It's 2003, a Republican is president and we are going to war over oil It's 2025, a Republican is president and we are going to war over oil The Republican party repeats itself like a broken record
WE DO NOT CHANGE THE CLOCKS: 🇨🇦 my cousin in saskatchewan did not lose an hour last weekend 🇺🇸 does saskatchewan not do daylight saving time? 🇨🇦 most of the province stopped changing clocks in 1966 and has stayed that way 🇺🇸 so they just picked a time and stayed there forever 🇨🇦 yes which means they match alberta in summer and manitoba in winter 🇺🇸 that sounds incredibly confusing for scheduling calls 🇨🇦 every person who moves there has the same google calendar crisis for a month 🇺🇸 honestly we have been trying to get rid of the time change for years and failing 🇨🇦 saskatchewan just quietly did it and moved on decades ago
The Other 98%: My kind of petty is Belgian PM Bart De Wever announcing NATO's $80B Ukraine aid package and using it to tell trump, seated right at the table, "This is also a very strong red card to Putin. You can't just take back a red card. You know that."
@ericvideos91: Canadians will wait in line for 12 hours at an ER, then look you straight in the face and say Canada is better than America. @AGoldmund: In America you wait for 12 hours and then owe $35,000.
A USA republican named Claudia Tenney has introduced a bill aimed at punishing Canada over restrictions on U.S. alcohol imports. She calls her bill the Combating Attacks on our National Alcoholic Drinks by Allies Act, or the “CANADA” Act. USA politicians can pound sand. Keep up the great work fellow Canadians. Don't cave to the MAGA cult
Making fun of Vice President Vance is protected speech, whether he likes it or not —ACLU Maine
The Onion: Trump Sees Hunter Biden Smoking Crack On Wing Of Air Force One
MALIK NAIM MUNIR: Reminder for every American: Mitch McConnell stole not one, but TWO Supreme Court seats. He packed the lower courts with extreme right-wingers with people more loyal to billionaires than Americans. He then REFUSED to convince his fellow Senators to convict an obviously guilty Trump in BOTH impeachment trials. That let Trump PACK the court with crooks he knew would give him immunity. HE is fully responsible for EVERY SCOTUS decision that has turned living in this country into a NIGHTMARE. Raise your hand if you will NEVER forget!
stevehofstetter: Belgium may have beaten the hell out of the US in the World Cup, but when this is all over the Belgians have to use their longer paid vacations to take their higher standard of living back to their much safer country where they'll have to spend their much longer life expectancies thinking about it.
trump said there were over 45,000 people at his Great American State Fair, but NBC said it looked to be about 1,000 people, tops. Womp womp!
Never forget: The Trump family is not allowed to operate ANY charity in New York because they stole from a kids cancer charity. A kids cancer charity!
If capitalism is so great, why do corporations need tax breaks, subsidies, exemptions, grants, ballouts, legal protections, and trade barriers to survive? And when ordinary people ask for help, why is it suddenly called socialism?
REMINDER: There are far more people working for justice, equality. and diversity than opposing them. Don't let hopelessness trend in your head. —johnpavlovitz.com
Funny how the people who insisted Zohran Mamdani would impose "Sharia law" on New York are applauding Texas for requiring public school students to read Bible passages. If your fear is government forcing one religion on people, Texas looks a lot closer to "Sharia Law" than New York ever will
"Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence. When the powerful use their position to bully others, we all lose." —Meryl Streep
HOURS REQUIRED TO ESCAPE POVERTY ON MINIMUM WAGE: 1. JAPAN - 11 HOURS 2. UNITED KINGDOM - 23 HOURS 3. FRANCE - 26 HOURS 4. NEW ZEALAND - 29 HOURS 5. PORTUGAL - 31 HOURS 6. AUSTRALIA - 32 HOURS 7. BELGIUM - 32 HOURS 8. SPAIN - 32 HOURS 9. IRELAND - 33 HOURS 10. GERMANY - 37 HOURS 11. LUXEMBOURG - 44 HOURS 12. CANADA - 44 HOURS 13. UNITED STATES - 90 HOURS YES, 90 HOURS. ONE PERSON ON FEDERAL MINIMUM WAGE ($7.25/HR) WOULD NEED TO WORK 90 HOURS A WEEK TO ESCAPE POVERTY
Strong men - men who are truly role models - don't need to put down women to make themselves feel powerful. —Michelle Obama
We don't fear Zeus anymore, and eventually, we will treat today's gods the exact same way
Imagine taking the few Bible verses on human sexuality and women being silent in church as literal divine commands from God for all society, but minimizing the +2,000 verses calling for a generous economy and redistribution of wealth for the sake of the poor to a personal choice.
WHO ARE YOU? Definitely not a "hillbilly" ... that's literary fiction. • Born as James Donald Bowman • Grew up in the suburbs of Middleton, Ohio • Not poor at all, went to Yale • Changed middle name to David • Changed name again to Jimmy Hamel • Changed name to JD Vance 10 years ago when he married his wife.
Trans people are real. God isn't. Imagine treating human beings like shit and blaming it on your imaginary friend. Pathetic.
Grinch: Trump is so obviously racist, but he's done so much wrong and evil that we just gloss over the fact that he doesn't call Barack "President Obama." He intentionally says “Hussein” as a dog whistle to all his racist followers. This guy has done so much damage to this country and to the office of presidency. Truly a historic embarrassment. Trump: “Barack Hussein Obama took water from the river and destroyed the reflecting pool. You don't mention that.”
Gayle Grindahl: Non-Political Fun Fact: In Greek mythology, the arrogant Narcissus is brought down by a reflecting pool. No further comment.
Michael James: The fiscally responsible party. lol. $170B FOR ICE $117B IN TAX CUTS FOR THE RICH $ 40B FOR ARGENTINA $350M FOR A VANITY BALLROOM $230M IN DOJ PAYMENTS TO TRUMP $172M FOR KRISTI NOEM'S JETS $100M ON GOLF ... BUT FOOD STAMPS ARE DEFINITELY THE PROBLEM
"WE PULLED IT OFF WITHOUT FIRING A MISSILE. WE GOT 97% OF THEIR ENRICHED URANIUM OUT. THEY WERE ABLE TO MAINTAIN A MODEST CIVILIAN NUCLEAR PROGRAM FOR ENERGY. THERE'S NO DISPUTE THAT IT WORKED, AND WE DIDN'T HAVE TO KILL A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE OR SHUT DOWN THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ." —BARACK OBAMA THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT
The target is not Christians, it's Christian Nationalism. The target is not men, it's patriarchy. The target is not white people, it's white supremacy. The target not heterosexuals, it's homophobia. Don't take it personally; join the work and dismantle the oppressive systems.
Ryan Marino, MD: Every $1 invested in SNAP generates $1.80 in local economic activity. Without SNAP, that will mean a loss of $15 billion to the US economy just in November alone. That's $500 million lost per day. The people who think the government should be run like a business are killing something that has a 180% ROI. THAT is how you bankrupt a casino.
No religion has any business being taught as fact in public schools. Period.
If high gas prices upset you, remember it's a small price to pay for a nuke that didn't exist and a Strait that was already open.
JFK once invited 49 Nobel Laureates to dinner. Robert Frost, William Styron, Ernest Hemingway, James Baldwin, Katherine Anne Porter, John Dos Passos, James Farrell and Lionel and Diana Trilling, and others. His line on the occasion became famous: "I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that hasever been gathered together at the White House-with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.' We went from that to Trump hosting a man that shouted "Michelle Obama is a man" topless on the White House lawn in a ring sponsored by Bud Light, only available on Paramount Plus.
You know what fascinates me? The same people who have spent years spreading ridiculous conspiracy theories about Michelle Obama somehow wake up every morning convinced they are the guardians of morality. Girl, pick a struggle. Michelle Obama graduated from Princeton and Harvard, served as First Lady, championed military families, and somehow still has people on the internet obsessing over her body like it’s a part-time job. Meanwhile, Melania Trump literally posed nude for magazines and married a man whose relationship history looks like it was written by a Vegas slot machine. Now before the pearl-clutching starts, I don’t care about nude photos. I don’t care about modeling. I don’t care who anybody married. What I do care about is the hypocrisy. If you’re going to judge women, at least be consistent. You can’t spend a decade inventing fantasies about Michelle Obama while pretending your side is conducting a Bible study. The math isn’t mathing. It’s amazing how fast “family values” become “mind your business” when it’s somebody you like. Girl Bye.
A CLASSIC CANADIAN 5-STEP GOODBYE FIRST GOODBYE: INSIDE THE HOUSE SECOND GOODBYE: AT THE DOOR 3 THIRD GOODBYE: WITH A HUG ON A DRIVEWAY 4 FOURTH GOODBYE: SITTING IN THE CAR, WINDOW ROLLED DOWN 5 FIFTH GOODBYE: WAVING WHILE DRIVING AWAY
THE PEOPLE LAUGHING WHEN HE SAYS 'DUMBOCRATS' ARE THE SAME PEOPLE WHO BELIEVED "CHINA WOULD PAY THE TARIFFS," AFTER FALLING FOR "MEXICO WOULD PAY FOR THE WALL."
REPUBLICANS CHALLENGE: GO TO WORK TOMORROW AND TELL A PERSON OF COLOUR YOU WORK WITH TO "GO BACK TO THE COUNTRY YOU CAME FROM." FIND A COWORKER WITH DISABILITIES AND MOCK THEM FOR IT. GRAB A CO-WORKER BY THE PUSSY. CALL A LESS ATTRACTIVE CO-WORKER A "HORSEFACE" AND A "DOG." SEE IF YOU CAN MAKE IT UNTIL LUNCH BEFORE YOU'RE FIRED. IF YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO DO THIS, YOU OBVIOUSLY REALIZE THIS ISN'T ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR FOR ADULTS. SO WHY WOULD YOU ELECT A PRESIDENT WHO HAS DONE EVERY ONE OF THESE THINGS ON CAMERA?
You are not here to be everyone's cup of tea. You're an alpaca. Be fluffy. Be weird. Spit when necessary.
BizarroComics Book Editor: I know you wrote this as a bleak vision of a dystopian future, but today we can sell it as a fond remembrance of the good old days.
KRISTEN WELKER SAT ACROSS FROM TRUMP AND REFUSED TO LET HIM LIE WITHOUT CONSEQUENCE. SHE CITED HIS WORDS, DEMANDED HIS EVIDENCE, AND CALLED OUT HIS NONSENSE TO HIS FACE. HE CALLED HER CROOKED AND RAN. SHE CALLED IT EXACTLY WHAT IT WAS. THAT IS WHAT A REAL JOURNALIST LOOKS LIKE.
Happy Pride! There are no drag queens in the Epstein files. Just straight white men. Have the gayest month everyone.