Jess Zimmerman

@jesszimmerman.com

9465 Followers 652 Following

Brief elaboration of a tube.

Regina George “so you agree?” screenshot.
Nish Kumar dressed as Jason Mantzoukas holding open a cabinet containing Jason Mantzoukas nude and eating a banana.
Screenshot of New York Times Spelling Bee rejecting the word “caryatid”
Welcome to West Village? The 'the Is Not Optional, Some New Yorkers Say. Some newcomers in the city say they are meeting in Bronx, or living in East Village.
"I'm afraid you're going to have to accept it," said Mr. Prosser, gripping his fur hat and rolling it round the top of his head; "this bypass has got to be built and it's going to be built!" "First I've heard of it," said Arthur, "why's it got to be built?" Mr. Prosser shook his finger at him for a bit, then stopped and put it away again. "What do you mean, why's it got to be built?" he said. “It's a bypass. You've got to build bypasses."
Onion headline: “That’s Not Funny; My Brother Died That Way”
Dad What? No chopped liver? Me Exactly, we could elevate his whole experience Corned beef shmorned beef Samantha "What am I, chopped liver?" -the chopped liver
Grey: I met TOM BRADY At school Blue: What grade was he in? Grey: TOM BRADY the absolute BEST former quarterback of all time Blue: I know it’s CRAZY that he had to go back to elementary school! He is almost 50 But I guess they get hit in the head a lot
The Rescue Rangers flying around in their plane slash hot air balloon thing. At least two and possibly as many as four of them are chipmunks.
Impossibly young version of my husband wearing a shirt that says “meowhaus” with a logo that looks like if the Bauhaus logo were a cat.
Grey: I enjoy that bug poop is called frass. A much more dignified word. Blue: It's short for "from ass.”
Adrian Chiles article from the Guardian. Headline: “I found a witch supply store opposite a Nisa Local. It's the start of a magical journey.” Subhead: “I've already bought a book called Basic Witches, and I'll be back to buy some crystals soon.”
Hand-written sign that says “if you can’t find me I am probably BURIED”
Blue: Apparently it's world goth day and the waitress at this cafe said they were playing Bauhaus until it got too dire And I was like if only you could have gotten him to re-record it as "the passion of lovers is for eggs" Grey: “in the temple of l'œuf"
The text says “probably not haunted painting, $30.” The image depicts a definitely haunted painting of a bright pink person with a white bouffant, dark smudgy eyes like a ghoul, a horrible wide toothy mouth, and no nose giving two thumbs up and going “AAAAHHHHH!”
Grey pit mix rolling around on her back like an idiot. She has one paw stuck straight up in the air and you can see some little teefies as well. We are watching Guy Montgomery’s Guy Mont Spelling Bee but she’s not even paying attention.
A medium size grey pit bull mix with big ears who is looking at you with hopeful puppy eyes despite having a full box of toys right next to her.
Plastic-wrapped blanket with the sign “Free cooling dog bed/couch cover. (Our dog is alive—just prefers the bathroom tile.)”
The “uber driver sucked me off??” YouTube thumbnail meme
“The Awakening,” a massive sculpture in which a giant’s face and hands (and foot and knee, not pictured) emerge from the ground. He looks agonized and maybe angry.
Noel Household, a teenage chameleon, reading a copy of Sandman: Preludes and Nocturnes and thinking “This is like if Shakespeare listened to actually good music.”
A medium size grey pit mix sticking her head into the front seat area of a car in such a way that it obscures the driver’s head and appears to be a dog-bodied man driving a rented Kia. I assure you she is buckled in.
Blue text bubble: Don't understand how Olive keeps not being in the photo roundups when she is objectively the prettiest dog there Grey text bubble: They know she's going to dogmog everyone else in the photo!
Jess Z 10/9/24, 11:20 AM knightcore!!!! it's coming
“Wait hold on gotta look something up / ok yeah this is funny” Tumblr post, but with “funny” replaced by “convincing.”
Grey bubble: There are no new ideas Blue bubble: It's like Dracula in a sitcom living room doing a sitcom pose is some kind of racial memory Grey bubble: Just people having the same AMAZING ones independently and like decades apart Blue bubble: We're all channeling something Something HUGE and TRUE
One of those sinks you get in public bathrooms with three automatic dispensers for soap, water, and air.
Small white dog sitting on a fluffy grey bed and looking extremely proud of having an absolutely overflowing bin of toys spilling out from under a side table (plus another bed he’s not even using). Genuinely there might be a hundred toys here.
Person’s hand petting a grey pit bull mix on the head. The hand is wearing a friendship bracelet that, because wrists are round, only displays the word “fascism.”
A shot from a high angle of a really lot of people going through Love Park and onto the Ben Franklin Parkway. Can confirm because I was there that this is only a portion of the crowd.
A No Kings protest crowd with one person holding a sign that has a picture of Medusa and the text “This is my resisting bitch face.”
Little brown dog with black ears and a kerchief around his neck. I cannot overstate how much he looks like a stuffed animal.
A person with very light pink hair wearing sunglasses, a KMFDM shirt, and a denim biker jacket.
underthedesknews On President's Day, the First Amendment Troop staged "ResistDance" - a tribute and act of artistic dissent - at the Lincoln Memorial, followed by a guerrilla performance at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. Created by the advocacy arm of hungryman Productions, led by Bryan Buckley, with Tony Award-winning choreographer Mathew Steffens, the piece honored Renée Good and Alex Pretti. Twenty-two dancers performed, representing the 22 days between Good and Pretti's deaths. The Lincoln Memorial Resistance was peaceful. The Kennedy Center performance was shut down within seconds by more officers than dancers (23 vs. 22.) The action coincided with the Federal Bureau of Investigation denying access to information in the Pretti investigation, underscoring the campaign's call for transparency. #FirstAmendmentTroop #ResistDance @firstamendmenttroop Music: We Could Fly and Following the North Star by Rhiannon Giddens.
Gif of the harmony cats lady saying “I just wanna hug all of them, but I can’t” while wiping her eyes.
Screenshot from John Fetterman’s stupid newsletter I didn’t subscribe to reading: WHOLE MILK IS BACK The Whole Milk for Healthy Kids Act, introduced in the Senate by Senator John Fetterman and colleagues, will now allow schools participating in the National School Lunch Program to serve whole and reduced fat milk. This bill was signed into law by President Trump. "This is a commonsense bill that benefits everyone. PA farmers supply the country with some of the best milk year-round, and instead of limiting choices in our schools, this will expand the nutritious and healthy options for our kids," said Senators John Fetterman and Dave McCormick.
To My Friends, on Their Birthdays When their headlights sweep across the ceiling, Cars remind me why this time is best For living, thinking, reading, hearing tires Saying hush outside the window, and beyond A dark and thoughtful park, damp and green And then a river, then a cliff, and then Another park. This world is round; if sleeping I walk a rigid line, I'll still return To where I am right now, and see how new It is each time, how unexpected. "Now" Will come again throughout our lives, and after. Our business is to think and feel, to watch, To hush, to drift apart and come together. -- Isaac Meyers
Rhod Gilbert with mustard all over his face.
Caleb Williams by William Godwin
Takoma Park Passes Law Requiring Mark To Stay In His Fucking Kitchen and Keep Making Us Food Until We Tell Him to Stop
A frog dressed as Napoleon Bonaparte, labeled Napoleon Bonafrog.
Two new years lemon pigs, one looks relatively normal and the other has sad little ears and eyes that are more like two asymmetrical smudges, now that I think about it this is kind of what Johnny the Homicidal Maniac’s lemon pig would look like
Little creature made sort of the same way as a new year’s lemon pig but with an orange for a body, cinnamon sticks for legs, a folded dollar bill in its mouth, and bug-out almond eyes.
A new years lemon pig.
A copy of Tom Stoppard’s Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead that is absolutely fucked up to hell.
Ok it’s time: which discworld book do I start with
Zohran font on a blue background reading “no stars for naughty boys”
Picture of me and Amber and her book Happy People Don’t Live Here, Columbus Ave Strand 7 pm
Gary Oldman looking extremely Harrycore, though minus the facial hair situation, in one of the very few stills from Slow Horses where nobody has a phone pressed to their ear
Ray from Achewood saying “because I pay attention. I PAY ATTENTION. You didn’t know I was paying attention because you weren’t PAYING ATTENTION.”
Tweet from @wolfpupy: “a lot of people say to me, things, but I am to busy brushing my hair and being a beautiful model. That’s what life is all about”
Sign pasted to gray brick wall reading “Wake up!!! We are slaves of the space lizards”
Restaurant called The Crazy Little Greek
NYT headine “Strangers Come Together to Deliver Baby Girl at Burning Man.”
Julian Clary on Taskmaster saying “I’m bearing up under the strain, thank you.”
Poem Joe Brainard, 1942-1994 Sometimes everything seems so oh, I don’t know.
A tourist pronouncing it “DuPONT” Seeing a movie where a character takes the metro to Georgetown Overhearing someone say they were flying out of “Reagan”
A bag of popcorn called Bussy Pop.