Just Mike

@justmike.bsky.social

9035 Followers 2548 Following

Four score and 7 years ago.... A woodworker and a troublemaker.

"Omg, thanks for ending the meeting 5 minutes early and give me some time back. Now I can finally pursue my passions."
A glittery rainbow backdrop that says, "there's people out there that can't stand your shine... shine harder on them hoes."
Me: "never again" Also me: *agains*
It reads "Eye Test. Red: need to sleep Green: lack of vitamin B Blue: need to be tied up and pounded" It's a picture of a blue banana
Ok hear me out. Instead of all of us having to become extremely knowledgeable on a new infectious disease every 3-6months, what if we got a large group of experts together and just put them in charge of giving us easy to understand health recommendations. They could also do things like track outbreaks and predict future
If you're reading this, stop scrolling and fix your fucking posture. You look like a croissant
When the diabetes awareness site asks if I accept cookies, I should say "no," right?
I might not be famous but I bet someone's therapist knows my full name
Not everyone at ur workplace is ur friend. Do your job. Fart on people. Go home.
Me in the car wearing a peach colored shirt, sunglasses, and a black and gold bandana
Is it just me, or does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore?
The world may be chewing me up and shitting me out, but I'm built like a piece of corn.
A 3 panel cartoon with ET and Elliot. The first is ET showing Elliot his finger lighting up. The 2nd panel is Elliot sniffing ET'S finger. The 3rd panel is Elliot throwing up and ET laughing.
Some people didn't deserve to meet my dog
A profile picture of me in a bright yellow jacket and knit viking hat with an iceberg behind me
A rope lifting mechanism attached to 2x6 boards on the garage ceiling
A closeup of my face in the shower, my beard soapy and in a point
A can of green Monster energy drink on my desk
A tattoo of an outlined man and shark. The man is standing and the shark is biting his dick
A tree house is the biggest insult to a tree. "Here, I killed your friend. Hold him."
I hate when i go to the kitchen and realize I'm the only snack left on the house
A round cutting board that is A Flock of Seagulls first record
Bert and Ernie in bed. Bert is laying down. Ernie is looking over and talking. He says, "in Return of the Jedi, how could the Ewoks have a dress that fit Leia.... unless they cooked and ate a woman her size."
Genie: You have three wishes, but there are 3 rules. No wishing for death. No wishing for more wishes. No bringing back dead people. Guy: I wish envelopes would moan when you licked them Genie: there are four rules
Due to personal reasons, ima still be fat and tattooed this summer
A gas pump going into a car. I added a red sticker that says, "For Rectal Use Only"
A picture of a cartoon stack of pancakes with a face and many bottles of syrup being dumped on it. It is labeled "Pankakke"
A picture of a Dyson hand dryer in a bathroom. The caption reads "0/10 worst urinal ever. Blows piss everywhere."
A black and white selfie in the mirror. Im wearing a black shirt and black hat
"Who's catering your dad's funeral?" "Oh, remember the guys who did Michael's orgy?" "Oh yeah they were great." It's a picture of a food truck with a sign that says, "Book this food truck for your Weddings. Birthdays. Openings. Bar Mitzvahs. Origins. Funerals."
"Marco getting ready to perform at the Freedom 250 concert" It is Marco Rubio on a couch with many musical instruments on his body including a harmonica in his mouth
A selfie looking at a Honduran street behind me
Happy Pride Month to those that celebrate! If you don't celebrate it, that's fine. You're not being asked to. Just allow others to be themselves and exist, just like you like to be yourself and exist. If you are upset because we should be celebrating our military personnel, that was last month. I'm surprised you didn't know since you are so concerned about it. That's okay, though. We still have November, so mark your calendars. If you are lgbtq+ and have family and friends that dont understand or accept you, I will. My family will be your family. We are better when we allow our differences to come together. We are better being diverse. Let's be better together.
A gray tshirt with a skeleton on it. The shirt says, "I have special needs... and that bog fat juicy ass is one of them."
A picture of a crocodile. It says, "Crocodiles can grow up to 18 feet. Most only have 4 though."
A cartoon of Batman slapping Robin. Robin is saying, "it's hot" and Batman is saying "remember April?!"
Me holding up a blue drink wearing a purple shirt
"Sometimes i get road rage walking behind people in the grocery store"
Pi day is just a fake holiday invented by math companies to sell more math.
A stratocaster body with lasered accents
I hear "Melania" is up for FIFA's Best Picture award.
A golden calzone on a cooling rack
I've been alive my whole life and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.
The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.
Cartoon of a woman with an apron whisking in a bowl. It says, "No, you can't have Greenland. You haven't finished your Venezuela yet."
To think I survived a global pandemic for this.
Me standing in the snow
Someone just gave me half a peace sign. Weird.
To anybody I offended in 2025... work on yourself so I don't have to do it again in 2026.
Shoutout to everyone who said they would start eating healthy in the new year and already decided to wait until Monday.
A picture of a sign taped above a urinal that says, "DON'T EAT GUM FROM URINAL"
A picture of the Sphinx from behind. There is an arrow pointed to the back labeled Sphinxter
That sad moment when you lose a chip in the dip so you send in a recon chip and that breaks too
"It's 1980 and Santa smells like whiskey and Marlboro 100's" It's a pic of a creepy mall Santa from thr 80s holding 2 screaming kids
A picture of Santa and Krampus. It says, "Santa in the streets. Kratos in the sheets."
"Elf in Yourself" It's an Elf on the Shelf in the shape of a butt plug
It is a box from Trader Joe's that says, "Cracker Assortment"
A selfie of me without a snow covered drive behind me
A picture of Clark Griswold from christmas vacation. It says, "When I was younger I used to laugh watching this guy have a meltdown at Christmas time... I get it now."