Keith James | Commissions open!

@keithjamescomics.bsky.social

1176 Followers 1621 Following

I make comics! I draw art! Sometimes I make edits too. Currently making Scam the Gods! He/Him, 29 NO A/I NO N/F/T scamthegods.com | keithjamescomics.com | keithjamescomics.tumblr.com | https://www.patreon.com/KeithJamesComics

PANEL 1: The horned woman skids her boots on the cobblestone street. PANEL 2: The horned woman in full. She is gesturing to herself and smiling. VALDEZ: "Her name is Tabularasa." TABULARASA: "My friends call me 'Rasa'!" NAMEPLATE: "THE THIEF" TABULARASA
PANEL 1: Closeup on Esperanto's eye, incensed. PANEL 2: Closeup on Valdez's eye, incensed. PANEL 3: Closeup on the three-horned woman's face. Her eyes are covered by the brim of her hat, and she's smirking. Esperanto and Valdez stand in the the background, framed by her horns. ESPERANTO: "THE THIEF!" VALDEZ: "RASA!" PANEL 4: Esperanto and Valdez point at each other and speak in unison. ESPERANTO AND VALDEZ: "You know her?"
PANEL 1: Valdez, looking to the side, is bumped by a woman with three horns. Her face is obscured by speech bubbles. VALDEZ: "We must spend some time in the bar cart! I hear they have an exclusive cocktail which--" WOMAN: "Sorry." PANEL 2: Valdez and Esperanto turn around, and Valdez takes his hat off to bow to the woman. VALDEZ: "Oh, that's quite alright, madame--" PANEL 3: Esperanto gasps and puts a hand on Valdez's shoulder. Valdez lifts his head. PANEL 4: View of the woman walking away into the crowd. PANEL 5: Close-up on the back of the woman's head, focusing on her horns. PANEL 6: Flashback to the covered face of the three-horned thief from Lie 4.
PANEL 1: Esperanto looks to the side, weary. PANEL 2: Esperanto pulls out the bag of money and hands it to Valdez. ESPERANTO: You think this is enough to get us across the country? PANEL 3: Close-up on Valdez holding the bag of money. VALDEZ: Oh, more than enough, Esperanto, more than enough! With this, we shall ride in luxury! PANELS 4-6: Valdez motions his hand to match the route he describes. Esperanto gets more and more excited. VALDEZ: "I have sourced us a train which shall take us on a long, scenic route through the mountains, around The Silent One's domain, and then southbound to the west coast, where this hideout of yours is." PANEL 7: Valdez and Esperanto walk down a narrow street with all sorts of people around them. VALDEZ: "Tickets are quite expensive, but with these spoils, we can afford to ride in the utmost luxury and comfort. First class."
PANEL 1: Valdez and Esperanto exit the burnt-out warehouse. VALDEZ: "Are you really descended?" ESPERANTO: "I might be." VALDEZ: "Might?" PANEL 2: Esperanto taps his forehead. ESPERANTO: "Yeah, probably. Can't remember anything before I was around fourteen." PANEL 3: Wide shot of Valdez and Esperanto leaving the warehouse. Two factories stand to either side of the warehouse: Factory Inc. and Ser Reginald's Fork and Spoon Company. The false facade floats down the canal, which runs alongside the factories. VALDEZ: "You don't sound so confident." ESPERANTO: "It's part of the experience. There's always that doubt in the back of your mind. 'Am I really descended, or did I just wander into town in a fugue state?'" VALDEZ: "What if someone sees you descend?" ESPERANTO: "Denialists would just say that a wizard teleported you there." PANEL 4: Valdez looks at Esperanto. VALDEZ: "Denialists? There are people who don't believe in descension?" ESPERANTO: "Yeah, man. We had to fight pretty hard to get people to acknowledge us. Denialists always had an excuse. They never really went away, but they're a lot quieter now." PANEL 5: Valdez looks deep in thought. VALDEZ: "...Hmm."
PANEL 1: The facade of the QUIET NATIONAL DESCENDED FUND building shakes in the wind. PANEL 2: The entire facade rips away as the wind picks up. Underneath this seemingly fabric covering stands a burnt-out warehouse. Within, we can see Valdez and Esperanto standing proudly. PANEL 3: The facade lands in the waters of a nearby canal.
PANEL 1: Valdez, kneeling, pulls on a knot in the corner of the panel. VALDEZ: "Where did you say you got the script for this scam from?" PANEL 2: Valdez's hand pulling on the knot. PANEL 3: The knot comes untied, detaching some sort of fabric from an eyelet screwed into the floor. PANEL 4: Esperanto pulls on a knot as well. ESPERANTO: "It's based on a real proposal made by the Society for Descended People." PANEL 5: Esperanto is in the process of untying a row of knots attaching the wall (seemingly made of fabric) to the floor. ESPERANTO: "Of course, the intent is that the government would pair the newly descended with local sponsors instead of people picking them up off the street... And there are a whole host of other provisions..." PANEL 6: Esperanto gives a dismissive wave as the fabric wall lifts from the floor, revealing a rough, crumbled wall underneath. ESPERANTO: "...It doesn't matter, forget it."
PANEL 1: Valdez walks away from Esperanto as Esperanto hops over the counter he was standing behind. ESPERANTO: "Kind of cruel to do this to newly descended people, isn't it?" VALDEZ: "The real cruelty is what Quiet is doing to them. You can't start a life with a handful of Ur and a shove out the door! It's no wonder that so many of them are homeless." PANEL 2: Valdez shoulder checks the side of the panel, and it CREAKs. VALDEZ: "At least we directed them to a shelter, as you insisted. That little act of benevolence is more than Quiet would ever be willing to do." PANEL 3: Esperanto pushes on the panel border, and it tilts with a CRACK and a POP. ESPERANTO: "Well, thank you for following my plan, Mister Philanthropist." PANEL 4: The wall collapses, revealing a run-down warehouse.
PANEL 1: The bearded man and the mustachioed man stare silently. PANEL 2: The bearded man and the mustachioed man burst into laughter. BEARDED MAN: "I cannot believe that worked so well!" MUSTACHIOED MAN: "Who's ever heard of currency made of paper?" BEARDED MAN: "Where would you put the uranium?" PANEL 3: The bearded man reveals himself to be "THE CON-MAN" VALDEZ VALDEZ: "Haha... Well then. I think we've collected enough for today." PANEL 4: The mustachioed man reveals himself to be "THE ACCOMPLICE" ESPERANTO ESPERANTO: "Great. This mask was getting sweaty."
PANEL 1: The mustachioed man inspects the signed document. MUSTACHIOED MAN: "Everything seems to be in order. Do you have the two thousand Ur you were given upon your descension?" PANEL 2: Phil hands the bag of Ur to the mustachioed man. PANEL 3: The mustachioed man counts 1000-Ur bills. MUSTACHIOED MAN: "Two thousand... Four thousand..." PANEL 4: The mustachioed man hands Phil a stack of Ur bills, and the bearded man hands Phil a business card. MUSTACHIOED MAN: "That's twenty thousand Ur! Take it to the address on this card, and they'll help you." PHIL: "Uh, th-thank you!" PANEL 5: Phil walks away from the building with a happy expression. He is clutching the money in his hands. PANEL 6: The bearded man and mustachioed man wave goodbye to Phil. BEARDED MAN: "Don't spend it all in one place, Phil!" MUSTACHIOED MAN: "Good luck!"
PANEL 1: The bearded man and Phil stand opposing the mustachioed man, who is leaning over the counter. MUSTACHIOED MAN: "What can I do for you two gentlemen?" BEARDED MAN: "My friend Phil is newly descended, and he would like to apply for the expanded descension grant." MUSTACHIOED MAN: "Excellent! Welcome to the Resting Lands, Phil. I'm descended myself. Can you vouch for him, sir?" BEARDED MAN: "Yes indeed!" PANEL 2: The mustachioed man reaches under the counter. PANEL 3: The mustachioed man places a contract and a fountain pen on the counter. MUSTACHIOED MAN: "Fill out this paperwork and we'll get you your grant." PANEL 4: The bearded man signs the contract. PANEL 5: Handing off the paper and the pen to Phil, the bearded man points to the contract. BEARDED MAN: "Sign here."
PANEL 1: Low angle view of a building emblazoned with the text "QUIET NATIONAL DESCENDED FUND". PANEL 2: Inside the building. A man writes on the counter in a little window on the far wall. A door through the wall stands next to him. Otherwise, this room is completely empty. PANEL 3: Close-up on the man. He has glasses and a long mustache, and he seems to be writing paperwork. PANEL 4: Close-up on the mustachioed man's wizened face as he looks up from his work. MUSTACHIOED MAN: "Good morning!" PANEL 5: Reverse shot of Phil and the bearded man, who has his hand on Phil's shoulder. They stand in front of the door to the building. Phil is gripping his forearm nervously. BEARDED MAN: "Good morning to you, sir!" PHIL: "Morning..."
PANEL 1: The bearded man stares down at Phil, resting his back on the following panel. Phil is forced to hold up the bearded man's big speech bubble. BEARDED MAN: "Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil, Phil. You must have more confidence in our glorious country! We have a system here in Quiet. Your two thousand Ur can be exchanged for tenfold that amount at another agency, but you have to have an established citizen of Quiet to vouch for you." PHIL: "That doesn't sound…" PANEL 2: The bearded man puts his hand on Phil's shoulder and leads him away. BEARDED MAN: "It's very simple, Phil. Trust me. Come, the agency is just around the corner." PANEL 3-4: As they walk, the buildings behind them grow more decrepit. PHIL: "Why couldn't they just give me twenty thousand to begin with?" BEARDED MAN: "The Quietese government wants to promote communication between locals and the newly descended to make getting settled in Quiet much easier. PANEL 5: They stop and stare upwards. BEARDED MAN: "It's an incentive to make friends, Phil." PANEL 6: Phil stares up in vacant surprise. PHIL: "Oh."
Scam the Gods, Lie 1, Page 12
PANEL 1: The bearded man shakes Phil's hand. BEARDED MAN: "Excellent, excellent! The people of Quiet are always happy to see a fresh face around here! What is your name, friend?" PHIL: "Uh, Phil." PANEL 2: The bearded man slides behind Phil and puts his hands on his shoulders. BEARDED MAN: "Listen, Phil. Did you receive your mandated stimulus?" PHIL: "The... The money? Yeah, they gave me, uh, two thousand, um, 'Ur'." PANEL 3: The bearded man puts his hand over his mouth in shock. BEARDED MAN: "Two thou-- Oh, no no no! This will not do! This simply will not do, Phil!" PHIL: "It won't?" PANEL 4: The bearded man throws his hands up in exasperation. BEARDED MAN: "O, those miserly people! How dare they mislead you! Phil, my friend, two thousand is merely the minimum you are entitled to!" PHIL: "It is?" PANEL 5: The bearded man bows. BEARDED MAN: "Phil, please. The safety net that this great country has strung up for young descended like you is not so threadbare." PHIL: "It isn't?"
PANEL 1: One of the Silent Listeners waves to Phil, their hand sticking out through the front door. Phil stands on the street, staring down at the bag of Ur in his hands. SILENT LISTENER: "Good luck, Phil!" PANEL 2: Phil's view of the city he's found himself in. Buildings are crumbling, the slumbering sun hangs overhead, and a giant fish pokes its head out from behind a building. PANEL 3: Phil boggles vacantly at his surroundings. PANEL 4: Someone steps in front of Phil, covering most of his face in shadow. PANEL 5: A bearded man wearing a pork pie hat and glasses towers over Phil. BEARDED MAN: "Good morning, my dear friend! I take it you are newly descended, yes?" PHIL: "Uh... Yeah, I--"
PANEL 1: A small bag lands on the clipboard in Phil's lap. PANEL 2: The Silent Listeners stare at Phil. MALE SILENT LISTENER: "Anyway, Phil, in accordance with Quietese law, newly descended people are entitled to two thousand Ur." FEMALE SILENT LISTENER: "That's our local currency, by the way." PANEL 3: View of a wire wastebasket next to the door, full of trash. FEMALE SILENT LISTENER: "That's it for orientation, Phil!" PANEL 4: Close-up on the wastebasket. Sitting atop the other trash is a laminated ID card on a lanyard, belonging to Steven Shreveport, an Assistant Technician at the Phil Motors company. The photo on the card appears to be of "Phil". MALE SILENT LISTENER: "Let's lead you out of the building."
PANEL 1: The male Silent Listener strokes his chin as Phil has a worried face in the background. PHIL: "Are... Are there any clues?" MALE SILENT LISTENER: "Descension rates did increase after The Sun fell asleep..." PHIL: "But why did that happen? And why is the sun asleep?!" PANEL 2: The female Silent Listener puts a hand on Phil's shoulder. PANEL 2: The female Silent Listener, backlit. Her non-face is cast in shadow. FEMALE SILENT LISTENER: "There are a lot of mysteries in The Resting Lands, Phil. The Silent One wants you to clear your mind of such questions."
PANEL 1: Phil looking down. MALE SILENT LISTENER (OFFSCREEN): "Any other questions, Phil?" PHIL: "..." PANEL 2: Phil looking up. PHIL: "Why?" FEMALE SILENT LISTENER (OFFSCREEN): "Why what?" PANEL 3: Close-up on Phil, fear and confusion on his face. PHIL: "Why am I here? Why did I descend? Why does anyone descend?" PANEL 4: The Silent Listeners shrugging. MALE SILENT LISTENER: "Unfortunately, Phil, we just don't know." FEMALE SILENT LISTENER: "Not even the most powerful wizards in all the Resting Lands have solved that mystery."
PANEL 1: Overhead view of the two Silent Listeners and Phil. The male Silent Listener strikes a pose. MALE SILENT LISTENER: "By devoting ourselves to not talking about The Silent One, not praying to The Silent One, and making as little noise as possible, we become like statues." PHIL: "But... Aren't you making noise and talking about The Silent One right now?" PANEL 2: The two Silent Listeners stand back to back. MALE SILENT LISTENER: "We are allowed to make exceptions when our purpose is to educate." FEMALE SILENT LISTENER: "As The Silent One wants us to figure out for ourselves... "A 'HUSH!' quiets the room more than keeping silent." PANEL 3: Phil, alone in a void. PHIL: "I... See..."
PANEL 1: The hole-headed man puts his hand to his chest, smugly. PHIL: "Are you, um, clerics, too?" MAN: "We are Silent Listeners, monks who follow the most precious commandments from The Silent One." PANEL 2: Close-up on the blank woman, the female Silent Listener. FEMALE SILENT LISTENER: "Shutteth up." PANEL 3: Close-up on the hole-headed man, the male Silent Listener. MALE SILENT LISTENER: "And leaveth me alone." PANEL 4: The Silent Listeners gesture with their hands to the symbol above the blackboard - a tusked smile with a tongue sticking out through the front teeth. BOTH SILENT LISTENERS: "Thus, the national symbol of Quiet -- The Bitten Tongue!"
Scam the Gods, Lie 1, Page 12
PANEL 1: The hole-y man holding up his hands. MAN: "Oh, no, no, no! Our appearances are reflections of our devotion to The Silent One." PANEL 2: A map of Quiet being drawn on the blackboard. PHIL: "The... Silent One?" WOMAN: "The Silent One is the god of Quiet." MAN: "That's where you are right now, Phil." WOMAN: "They are second only to The Slumbering Sun itself." PANEL 3: Closeup of the blank woman staring(?) at Phil. PHIL: "But those guys with the skulls said--" WOMAN: "Don't listen to Behemoth's clerics. If you're in Quiet, you're in The Silent One's territory, got that?"
PANEL 1: Phil looking at the man with the whole in his head. PHIL: "Did you say people grow out of the ground?" MAN: "Yes, that tends to surprise descended people for some reason." PANEL 2: The blank woman crosses her arms. The hole-y man looks at her, presumably in disappointment. WOMAN: "Ever since the Sun fell asleep, they all just come out with something wrong with them, like they're cursed or--" MAN: "Hey, that's anti-ascensionist!" PANEL 3: View through the man's head-hole, showing Phil. MAN: "I happen to be ascended myself, and there is nothing wrong with my body!" PANEL 4: The hole-y man with his hands behinds his back puffs his chest out smugly as the blank woman raises her hands in acquiescence. MAN: "In fact, most modern nursery gardens take special precautions to--" WOMAN: "Sorry, sorry." PANEL 5: Phil points at the two strange people. PHIL: "Um... Sorry if I'm being rude, but... Is that hole in your head from you being... Uh... Ascended?" PANEL 6: The man and the woman laugh uproariously.
PANEL 1: A small, balding man, seated with a clipboard in his lap. He's looking up worried at the hollow-headed man pointing at him. PANEL 2: Zoom out to show the man in the chair looking at the hollow-headed man and a similarly blank woman (whose face isn't holed). The two of them stand before a blackboard with the illustrations from the previous page. A fanged symbol is emblazoned on the wall above. Chairs are scattered around, and a small tied sack rests on a table. BLANK MAN: "Do you know anything?" BLANK WOMAN: "Occupation, date of birth, close family, a name...?" SEATED MAN: "Um... No, not really..." PANEL 3: The seated man pulls at his button-up shirt, looking at the words "Phil MOTORS" embroidered on the fabric. SEATED MAN: "My shirt says 'Phil Motors' on it. Maybe that's my name?" PANEL 4: Close-up on the blank woman's non-face. BLANK WOMAN: "Well, 'Phil', you picked a great place to descend. Throughout all the Resting Lands, there's no better place to be newly descended than Quiet." PHIL (OFFSCREEN): "Uh... That's... Good, I guess..."
PANEL 1: A stick figure, drawn on a blackboard, with three arrows pointing towards it (one above, one to the side, and one below). NARRATION: "A person is born in one of three ways." PANEL 2: Another stick figure drawing of a small family tree, represented horizontally, showing two parents begetting one child. NARRATION: "In most cases, two people mate, and nine months later, a child is born. This child is an extension of their parents. They are 'extended'." PANEL 3: A stick figure illustration of a person in an egg underground, with an arrow pointing towards a stick figure emerging from that ground. NARRATION: "Less commonly, some people grow underground and ascend from the soil at age five. These people are 'ascended'." PANEL 4: Another illustration of three stick figures, the one in the middle has lines coming out from it showing that it appeared. NARRATION: "Rarer still, some people just sort of... Appear out of nowhere. Fully grown and often in strange clothes with little or no concept of who they are or where they might have come from." PANEL 5: A man with a blank head with a big hole through it points towards the viewer. MAN: "That's what you are. You're 'descended'."
SCAM THE GODS ACT II: Lie VII: Your Call Is Important to Us by Keith James Valdez and Esperanto, in fancy outfits, dance among strange dancers in a ballroom while strange castles and coelacanths hang in the background below the eclipsed sun.
Scam the Gods, Lie 1, Page 12
Valdez and Esperanto, who is smoking a cigarette, leaning against text that reads: HAPPY SCAMI- VERSARY
Scam the Gods, Lie 1, Page 12
Full-page spread. Esperanto has removed his bandages, revealing his face to be pale white with a skull design tattooed onto it. His coat is open, showing his bare chest and some odd sort of rib structure below it. Esperanto is quite sad.
PANELS 1-2: Valdez and Esperanto walk past each other, Valdez heading towards the front and Esperanto heading towards the back. Valdez adjusts his accessories, and Esperanto takes off his hat. PANEL 3: Esperanto sits down by the washbasin. His hat is on the coat rack. PANEL 4: Esperanto pulls his ascot off, revealing his neck. PANEL 5: Esperanto removes his glove, revealing strange cut-out sections and wires threaded through his wrist. PANEL 6: Esperanto begins untying the bandages around his face. You can see his bare hands and the back of his neck, which has some sort of mechanical spine embedded in it.
PANEL 1: Close-up on Esperanto, sighing. The brim of his hat hides his eye. PANEL 2: Zoom out to see Esperanto in the shade, sitting with his feet(?) dangling off the edge of the stage. Behind him, the curtain which was emblazoned with the Dr. Thorndyke logo is gone. PANEL 3: Esperanto rubs his face. PANEL 4: Esperanto's anteater Goetta boops his hand with her snout, and he peeks out from behind his hand. PANEL 5: Esperanto rubs Goetta's snout. VALDEZ (OFFSCREEN): "Your turn, Esperanto!"
PANEL 1: Low-angle shot. On the left, a silhouette of the shovel in the dirt pile. On the right, the anteaters touching snouts. In the center, Esperanto is sitting at the front of the stage, and Valdez is sitting behind it. PANEL 2: Valdez's bare hands wringing out a washcloth. PANEL 3: Valdez, topless, is sitting on a stool. He is washing himself above a metal washbasin. His upper armor is laid neatly on the ground nearby, and his hat and other accoutrements are hanging on a coat rack. PANEL 4: Close-up on Valdez's face. He sighs.
PANEL 1: The head of the dead dragon, laying on the ground. Cavatappi, dwarfed by the head, kneels in horror. Sticks from the dying trees are scattered around them. PANEL 2: Closeup on Cavatappi. The skull mask falls off the wooden chest on her back, bounces off the panel border, and lands face-up on the ground. PANEL 3: Close-up on the skull mask.
PANEL 1: A mountain, silhouetted by the black hole-like eclipsed sun hanging in the sky behind it. PANEL 2: Cavatappi, climbing up the mountain with a large walking stick. Her path is flanked by cracked and falling trees. PANEL 3: Cavatappi looks up in shock and distress. PANEL 4: Cavatappi's knees hitting the ground.
PANEL 1: Valdez's feet and the edge of Esperanto's swirly coattails, standing next to the pit, now full of dirt with the shovel stabbed into it. PANEL 2: Valdez and Esperanto, downcast. ESPERANTO: "I'm sorry, Valdez." VALDEZ: "No, no, you were right. It had to be done." PANEL 4: Close-up on Valdez, his hat covering his eyes. VALDEZ: "I'm just... Glad I still have you." PANEL 5: Esperanto watches Valdez walk away towards the stage, dejected. PANEL 6: Close-up on Esperanto's face. A lot of emotions are running through his sad, tired eye.
PANEL 1: Valdez and Esperanto stare at a bottle in Valdez's grasp. VALDEZ: "The last bottle..." PANEL 2: Valdez takes a swig of the bottle, to Esperanto's shock. PANEL 3: Valdez looks at the bottle, its label revealing it to be the Extra-Strength elixir. PANEL 4: Valdez, grinning, recorks the bottle. Esperanto is unamused. VALDEZ: "Hey, I'm immune to this one now! Maybe we could--" ESPERANTO: "Bury it." PANEL 5: Valdez, disappointed, tosses the bottle.
Illustration of Valdez dressed as the King of All Cosmos from Katamari Damacy and Esperanto, who is significantly more miserable-looking, dressed as the Queen of All Cosmos.
PANEL 1: Valdez's foot, digging the head of a shovel into the ground. PANEL 2: A pile of Dr. Thorndyke ephemera, haphazardly tossed into a deep pit. PANEL 3: Worms-eye view of Valdez and Esperanto staring down into the pit Valdez has dug. The twin moons watch overhead. PANEL 4: Esperanto pats Valdez on the shoulder. They are downturned, the brims of their hats covering their eyes. VALDEZ: "Goodnight, Dr. Thorndyke. May you rest in peace, never to be tied back to us." ESPERANTO: "He was a good gimmick, Valdez." VALDEZ: "Yeah..."
PANEL 1: The anteater's front paws, rushing. PANEL 2: Cavatappi watches Valdez and Esperanto pass by in the cart, their masks back on. One of her friends is laying against a tree. CAVATAPPI: "How'd it... How'd it go? What was all that noise?" PANEL 3: Valdez raises his arms, calling to Cavatappi. VALDEZ: "We've done all we could! There is a good chance that your god will pull through. But you must allow him to rest!" PANEL 4: Cavatappi watches the cart ride off into the distance. VALDEZ: "For at least a day!" PANEL 5: Valdez lowers his arms, pensive under his skull mask. VALDEZ (THINKING): "Or until we're far enough away that you can't catch up to us."
1K followers
PANEL 1: Esperanto gets "all up in" Valdez's face. ESPERANTO: "...Is nothing compared to the churches." PANEL 2: Esperanto gestures to the dragon's corpse. ESPERANTO: "We just killed a god." PANEL 3: Esperanto wiggles his hands over his head while Valdez gives a smug point. ESPERANTO: "Making that fish thing's hair fall out--" VALDEZ: "Indirectly!" ESPERANTO: "Indirectly making that fish thing's hair fall out is one thing, but deicide? We're gonna have every sheriff, knight, fishface, and cleric in the country looking for us!" PANEL 4: Esperanto grimaces. ESPERANTO: "The King's favor won't get us out of this one. He doesn't have that kind of pull." PANEL 5: Esperanto throws his arm over Valdez's shoulder. Valdez sighs. VALDEZ: "You're right. I suppose we'll need to lay low for a while." ESPERANTO: "I have a place in the west where we can hide. C'mon, let's get out of here."
PANEL 1: Esperanto and Valdez argue, dwarfed by the dead dragon's head lying on the side of the mountain. ESPERANTO: "You killed it." VALDEZ: "I-I didn't mean to! It simply surprised me!" PANEL 2: Esperanto looks down. ESPERANTO: "...We gotta dump the disguises. The elixir scam ends here." PANEL 3: Valdez throws his arms over his head in exasperation. VALDEZ: "What? No, no! We cannot possibly drop all of this! We received favor from the King himself! The King, for the Sun's sake!" ESPERANTO: "The King..."
PANELS 1-2: The dragon writhes and grasps at its throat, gagging. PANEL 3: The dragon collapses, foaming at the mouth. PANEL 4: Cavatappi and some of her fellow actors watch from a distance as a cloud of dust rises up from the mountain with a BOOM.
PANEL 1: The dragon's mouth roars and rushes down towards Valdez and Esperanto. Valdez throws the crate of bottles into the dragon's mouth in surprise. VALDEZ: "Wagh!" PANEL 2: The elixir bottles fall into the dragon's throat. PANEL 3: The dragon gulps.
PANEL 1: Esperanto looks up in surprise, tears still in his eye. OFFSCREEN: "ESPERANTO!!" ESPERANTO: "Huh?" PANEL 2: Valdez, crouching down and reaching his hand down. VALDEZ: "Esperanto, grab my hand! We have to get out of here!" PANEL 3: Esperanto turns around to look at Valdez. ESPERANTO: "Valdez!" PANEL 4: Valdez grabbing Esperanto's hand. VALDEZ: "Are you alright?" ESPERANTO: "You... you saved me." VALDEZ: "Of course I did!" PANEL 5: Esperanto sheepishly looks to the side while Valdez looks at him with concern. ESPERANTO: "I thought you were just going to leave me here to die." VALDEZ: "What? No, why would I ever do that?" PANEL 5: Valdez puts his hand on Esperanto's shoulder as a familiar set of teeth fill up the background. VALDEZ: "Esperanto, you're my partner. I couldn't just abandon you." ESPERANTO: "Valdez... I--" DRAGON: "HHHH"
PANEL 1: Close-up on Esperanto, angry. ESPERANTO: "I know what you really are, you bastard. You can't fool me. You've been lying to me from the beginning." PANEL 2: Esperanto looks down. The panel border becomes shaky. ESPERANTO: "...And if you're gonna do that, you should at least come up with some good ones! What was I even thinking?" PANEL 3: Esperanto starts to cry. The panel border gets shakier. ESPERANTO: "Why did I even agree to follow this guy? He's just lying about the Emerald-Eyed Woman. How could he even help me?" PANEL 4: Esperanto closes his eye, crying. The panel border is even shakier. ESPERANTO: "Now I'm gonna die out here getting eaten by a dragon, and it's all his fault! I never should have trusted--"
PANEL 1: Esperanto, his bandages ruffled and his cloak torn, lies pained in the dirt on the side of the mountain. ESPERANTO: "Gh... Ow..." PANEL 2: Close-up on Esperanto, smug. ESPERANTO: "Heh. 'Zaragoza wines,' eh? You lying scumbag." PANEL 3: Even closer close-up on Esperanto, smugger. ESPERANTO: "You're no merchant. I bet you're not even a knight." PANEL 4: Esperanto pounds his fist on the ground.
Photo of Scam the Gods Lie 1 on a shelf amongst several other small press comics.
Promo image reading: "IT'S OFFICIAL!" Logo of AshevilleCon "I'LL BE AT ASHEVILLECON ON SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 20, 2025 ASHEVILLE, NC WWW.ASHEVILLECON.COM"
PANEL 1: Esperanto looking back in shock. ESPERANTO: "VALDEZ, WAI--" PANEL 2: Esperanto's foot, tripping on a root sticking out of the ground. PANELS 3-5: Esperanto falling and tumbling down the side of the mountain as the dragon runs past.
Photo of various items for sale on keithjamescomics.bigcartel.com: a comic book, stickers, sticker sheets, and keychains.
PANEL 1: Valdez and Esperanto running towards a fork in the road as the dragon chases them around the mountain. PANEL 2: Valdez taking the (his left, our right) path while Esperanto takes the (his right, our left) path with the dragon close behind. PANEL 3: Valdez running down the path with a terrified look on his face while the dragon chases Esperanto in the distance. PANEL 4: Esperanto running down the path in front of the dragon, turning to look at Valdez in the distance.
Photo of various items for sale on keithjamescomics.bigcartel.com: a comic book, stickers, sticker sheets, and keychains.
PANEL 1: The dragon, so large that only his lower jaw is visible, chasing Valdez and Esperanto down the mountain. PANEL 2: The dragon lunging forward as Valdez and Esperanto duck. PANEL 3: The dragon with his teeth stuck in the panel borders as Valdez and Esperanto escape below.
PANEL 1: The dragon turns to look down at Valdez and Esperanto. PANEL 2: The dragon grips the borders of the panel and stares at Valdez and Esperanto. PANEL 3: The dragon roars at Valdez and Esperanto as they run away. PANEL 4: Close up of Valdez and Esperanto running away as the dragon chases them in the background. NAMEPLATE: "THE DRAGON IN THE MOUNTAIN" VOUIVRE
Two-page spread. The dragon, its body covered in eyes and mouths and its wings torn to shreds, emerges groggily from the cave. It casts a shadow on the small Valdez and Esperanto.
Illustration of Valdez from Scam the Gods, reclining on a bedroll, eating crackers, and reading a book with his legs up.
PANEL 1: The dragon's claw curls around the mouth of the cave. PANEL 2: The dragon's muzzle, shaking, salivating, and sweating peeks out of the cave. DRAGON: HHHK PANEL 3: The tip of the dragon's wing, with an eye embedded in it, emerges from the cave. PANEL 4: Bird's eye view of Valdez and Esperanto, cowering and embracing in the dragon's shadow.