Kevin Comics

@kevincomics.com

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New comics weekly. Or weakly - you decide 🖼️ Comics-only feed from @kevinmcshane.org kevincomics.com

1. Kevin sits at his desk at work, checking his email on his laptop. A message from his dentist reads: "Reminder: Your dental appointment is tomorrow at 10:30AM." 2. Later that evening, Kevin stands in a crowded subway car, checking his phone. A text message from his dentist reads: "Reminder: your dental appointment is tomorrow at 10:30AM. Reply STOP to opt out of reminders." Kevin looks annoyed. 3. Later that night, Kevin sits at his dining room table, eating dinner. He holds his phone out to listen to a voicemail. It says "This is an automated reminder from your dentist's office. Your appointment is tomorrow at 10:30AM." Kevin looks angry. 4. Later that night, Kevin lies asleep in bed. It's quiet. 5. Suddenly, his dentist pokes his head up at the foot of Kevin's bed. "…Don't forget about tomorrow!" he says. Kevin screams in terror: "DAAAAH!"
Panel 1: Two people stand next to each other. Person 1 waves their arms frantically. "A.I. is going to take all of our jobs!" Person 1 says. "Great! When?" Person 2 says. Panel 2: "The're predicting mass unemployment in five to ten years!" Person 1 says. Person 2 looks at their watch. "Cool. Any way to speed that up?" they say. Panel 3: "What? Why?" Person 1 says. "I'm working a double shift at the Fart Factory this weekend and I'm NOT looking forward to it," Person 2 says. Panel 4: "Well at least you still HAVE a job!" says Person 1. "It's THE FART FACTORY, David" says Person 2.
1. Wearing a pink kitchen apron, Kevin walks in, holding a large cooked turkey on a platter. Across the table, his bird perches on the back of chair watching. "Happy Thanksgiving!" Kevin says. 2. Kevin places the turkey down on the table. His bird leans over to inspect. "Jerry?" his bird says. 3. Kevin's bird looks up at him. "I think I knew this guy," he says. 4. Kevin looks shocked. "Oh gosh! I'm sorry!" he says. "Don't be," his bird responds. "He was a jerk. Let's eat."
Panel 1: Person 1 introduces Person 2 to Person 3. "Meet Casey," Person 1 says. "Hi! Call me 'Case.'" Person 2 says. Panel 2: "Actually, call me 'Casey B.'" Person 2 says. "No wait- 'C.B.'" they continue. "-Or maybe 'C-Bone.'" Panel 3: "Hang on," they continue. "Was 'Casey B' better? Forget it. Let's just go back to 'Casey.'" Panel 4: Person 1 explains: "Casey works at HBO Max." "Ah," Person 3 nods.
1. Kevin steps up to the sliding glass doors of a Wal-Maht. The caption reads, "Ever since I was a kid, I've loved automatic sliding doors." 2. Extreme close-up on Kevin's eyes. "I still pretend I'm opening them with my mind," the caption reads. 3. [Fantasy] Kevin, dressed in Jedi garb, waves his hand to open the sliding glass doors. "...like a Jedi" 4. [Back to reality] Kevin strides confidently past a Wal-Maht Greeter, who says, "Welcome to Wal-" Kevin interrupts "TO THE SOCK SECTION, MY PADAWAN!"
Panel 1: Mark Zuckerberg stands on the stage at a Meta all-hands meeting, wearing a little chain and a shirt that says "Cool Dude." "I think our company could use more Masculine Energy," he says into a mic. In the crowd, an employee raises their hand. "Excuse me, Mr. Zuckerberg," the person asks. Panel 2: The person stands up, asking, "By "Masculine Energy," do you mean a mature definition where men in power use their relative strength to protect and uplift those less privileged?" Panel 3: The person continues, "…or a more childish definition where men in power are free to be aggressive and harm others without being held accountable?" Panel 4: Hold on Zuckerberg. Panel 5: "You're all fired," Zuck says.
1. A runner perches on the starting line of a race. A nearby sign reads "2025 Start." Behind the sign, a judge looks at their watch and holds a starting pistol in the air. "This year will be my year!" says the runner. 2. The judge fires the pistol: "bang!" The runner takes off smiling. 3. The runner trips on uneven ground. 4. The runner faceplants on the hard ground. THWAP! 5. The runner lies face down on the ground. 6. Wider to reveal the runner only a few feet from the starting line. "Leave me here until next January," says the runner.
A graphic that reads "Skip the Algorithms. Get my new comics straight to your inbox. Join for free at my website"
Panel 1: Sitting on the stage of a conference interview, Mark Zuckerberg — wearing a chain and a shirt that says "Cool Dude" — is being interviewed by a journalist. "Any questions for Mr. Zuckerberg?" the interviewer asks. "Yes, here in the front?" Panel 2: A person stands up from the crowd and asks, "Yeah hi. Instead of wasting billions on A.I. that no one wants, why not use that money to pay us creators a living wage so we can keep making real, human content that will make your platforms more naturally compelling?" Panel 3: Zuck answers, "Because you idiots already do that for free." Panel 4: The person in the audience scowls.
Panel 1: Kevin lays on his couch, looking at his phone. Behind him, The Grustle Monster stands with his arms crossed. "Eight hours for sleep. Eight hours for work. Two hours for meals. One hour for exercise," he bellows. Panel 2: The Grustle Monster continues, "That leaves five hours per day for your side-hustle. You say you don't have time, but it's your discipline that's lacking." Panel 3: Annoyed, Kevin retorts, "You forgot: two hours for commute, three hours for family, two hours for bathing and chores…" Panel 4: The Grustle Monster does the math. "That's twenty-six hours per day." "Exactly," Kevin says, "So piss off."
Panel 1: A website—personified with glasses, a moustache, and arms and hands—sits in a chair at a desk. Across its forehead is written EVERY JOB SITE. "Just give me your resumé," it beckons to someone off-camera, "And I'll auto-populate our application for you!" Panel 2: Wide shot revealing Kevin sitting on the other side of the desk. Wearing a short-sleeved dress shirt and red tie, he hands his resume to the website. Panel 3: The website adjusts its glasses, looking at Kevin's resume. "Ah!" it says. "I see your last job was 'Resumé' with a start date of 'Baltimore' and an end date of 'Microsoft Word'." Panel 4: Reverse on Kevin. He frowns and beckons the website to give him his paper back. "-Sigh- Just let me do it," he says.
A cover graphic that reads "All of the Comics I Made This Year" with an arrow inviting you to swipe
Panel 1: Kevin sits as his desk, looking over at calendar hanging on the wall. The calendar reads "December." All of the days are crossed off except for the last week. "Ahh!" Kevin smiles. "The week between Christmas and New Year's: when no one expects me to work…" Panel 2. A wider angle reveals The Grustle Monster standing behind Kevin. Arms crossed, The Grustle Monster says, "EXCEPT ME." "…Except my Grustle Monster," Kevin says. Panel 3. The Grustle Monster looms over Kevin as he draws. "NO DAYS OFF, BRO," The Grustle Monster bellows. "THIS IS PRIME GRIND TIME." "…Which is why I feel compelled to draw a comic instead of relaxing," Kevin sighs. Panel 4. "YOU'LL THANK ME WHEN YOU'RE RICH," The Grustle Monster says. "From -comics?-" Kevin retorts. "Do you even -hear- yourself?"
Two police officers open a storage closet to reveal an older judge — tied up and stripped with a bump on his head. "HE'S OUT THERE RIGHT NOW, YOU FOOLS!" the judge yells.
1: Dressed in a sharp blue suit and purple bowtie, Kevin paces back and forth in front of lineup of cute doggos at a dog show. "Bring out the corgi," he says, very seriously. 2: Kevin continues to pace, but in the opposite direction. "…And the French Bulldog, please," he says. 3: Kevin stops in front of the entire line of remaining doggos. "…And all the rest, please," he says. 4: Kevin lays on the ground, swarmed by cute, eager puppers. Standing over him are two old, dour-faced judges holding trophies waiting to be awarded. "I'm going to need more time, please," he says.
Wearing a pink kitchen apron, Kevin walks in, holding a large cooked turkey on a platter. Across the table, his bird perches on the back of chair watching. "Happy Thanksgiving!" Kevin says. Kevin places the turkey down on the table. His bird leans over to inspect. "Jerry?" his bird says. Kevin's bird looks up at him. "I think I knew this guy," he says. Kevin looks shocked. "Oh gosh! I'm sorry!" he says. "Don't be," his bird responds. "He was a jerk. Let's eat."
1. Wearing a pink kitchen apron, Kevin walks in, holding a large cooked turkey on a platter. Across the table, his bird perches on the back of chair watching. "Happy Thanksgiving!" Kevin says. 2. Kevin places the turkey down on the table. His bird leans over to inspect. "Jerry?" his bird says. 3. Kevin's bird looks up at him. "I think I knew this guy," he says. 4. Kevin looks shocked. "Oh gosh! I'm sorry!" he says. "Don't be," his bird responds. "He was a jerk. Let's eat."
1. Egg lays in bed. Wrapped in a purple comforter. Toast stands at the foot. "Are you getting out of bed today?" Toast asks. "No," Egg says. 2. Egg doesn't move. "The world is hot garbage. I live here now," Egg says. 3. Toast makes an offering. "I made waffles," Toast says. 4. Egg & Toast sit at a little table. Eating waffles. Toast is all smiles. Egg is still wrapped in the comforter. "Damn you," says Egg.
Panel 1: Sitting on the stage of a conference interview, Mark Zuckerberg — wearing a chain and a shirt that says "Cool Dude" — is being interviewed by a journalist. "Any questions for Mr. Zuckerberg?" the interviewer asks. "Yes, here in the front?" Panel 2: A person stands up from the crowd and asks, "Yeah hi. Instead of wasting billions on A.I. that no one wants, why not use that money to pay us creators a living wage so we can keep making real, human content that will make your platforms more naturally compelling?" Panel 3: Zuck answers, "Because you idiots already do that for free." Panel 4: The person in the audience scowls.
Panel 1: Kevin sits at a little table. On the table, there's a little red lamp. A tag hangs off that says "$5." Craigslist Guy walks up. "Hey is your lamp still available?" Craigslist Guy asks. "Yup! Just $5!" Kevin says. Panel 2: Without a word, Craigslist Guy starts to literally fade away. Panel 3: Going. Going... Panel 4: Gone. Craigslist Guy has disappeared. Leaving Kevin alone, deadpanning to camera.
Panel 1: Two Judges look over Chef Alexis' cake. One of them has a clipboard. Alexis stands alongside it with a smile. "...And what have we here?" asks Judge 1. "This is a peanut butter banana cake with whipped ganache," says Alexis. Panel 2: Two Judges look over Chef Rie's cake. Rie stands alongside it with a smile. "...And this?" asks Judge 1. "A chocolate hazelnut cake with salted caramel sauce," Rie says. Panel 3: Two Judges look over Kevin's cake. He stands nearby, arms crossed, smoking. "This is a yellow sheet cake I bought at the grocery store," he says. Panel 4: Kevin stands on the winner's pedestal at the #1 spot. A large trophy at his feet. Still smoking, he holds his arms out as if to say, "What do you want from me?" Alexis sits at second place, upset. Rie sits at third place, sad.
Panel 1: Kevin lays on his couch, looking at his phone. Behind him, The Grustle Monster stands with his arms crossed. "Eight hours for sleep. Eight hours for work. Two hours for meals. One hour for exercise," he bellows. Panel 2: The Grustle Monster continues, "That leaves five hours per day for your side-hustle. You say you don't have time, but it's your discipline that's lacking." Panel 3: Annoyed, Kevin retorts, "You forgot: two hours for commute, three hours for family, two hours for bathing and chores…" Panel 4: The Grustle Monster does the math. "That's twenty-six hours per day." "Exactly," Kevin says, "So piss off."
1: Present Kevin looks at his phone. "Oh look - a new social network," he says. He starts to type a username: "fartybut.." "Heheh," he laughs. 2: A time portal opens and out steps Future Kevin. Future Kevin looks just like Present Kevin, except he has greying hair, a pudgy belly, and a beard. "Stop!" Future Kevin says. 3: Present Kevin is taken aback. "Who are you?" he asks. "I'm YOU from the future!" Future Kevin says. 4: Present Kevin looks incredulous. "I grow a beard in the future?" he asks. "Yeah," Future Kevin says. "Weird," Past Kevin replies. -Swipe for next page-
Panel 1: Close up on Kevin sitting at the Hot Ones table. His eyes pop out and his mouth pickers. Panel 2: Still close up. Kevin opens his mouth. Fire bursts out. His eyes pour water. Panel 3: Still close up. Kevin hunches over. Crying in pain. Tears streaming from his face. Panel 4: Now wider. We see Sean Evens sitting across from Kevin. A confused look on his face. "We haven't started yet," he says. "I'm OUT!" Kevin cries, head lying on the table.
Panel 1: Close up on Captain America, during that famous scene in the big battle of the first Avengers movie. "Kevin," he says, "You haven't taken any time off from work in over a year. How are you not burnt out?" Panel 2: Kevin, walking away, looks back over his shoulder with a smile. "That my secret, Cap…" he says. Panel 3: Closer on Kevin. Still with the cocky smile. "…I'm always burnt out!" he says. Panel 4: Reverse on Kevin as he faces away from Captain America. His smile is gone. Replaced by the hundred-yard stare, heavy eyelids, and sagging mouth of someone at his wits' end. Cap stands confused behind him.
Panel 1: A website—personified with glasses, a moustache, and arms and hands—sits in a chair at a desk. Across its forehead is written EVERY JOB SITE. "Just give me your resumé," it beckons to someone off-camera, "And I'll auto-populate our application for you!" Panel 2: Wide shot revealing Kevin sitting on the other side of the desk. Wearing a short-sleeved dress shirt and red tie, he hands his resume to the website. Panel 3: The website adjusts its glasses, looking at Kevin's resume. "Ah!" it says. "I see your last job was 'Resumé' with a start date of 'Baltimore' and an end date of 'Microsoft Word'." Panel 4: Reverse on Kevin. He frowns and beckons the website to give him his paper back. "-Sigh- Just let me do it," he says.
1. Confetti rains down on a football field at the end of the Super Bowl. A sportscaster interviews Kevin on the field. Kevin wears a player's uniform and holds the M.V.P. trophy. He pants into the microphone, "…Well, y'know, -pant- time was running out. I didn't -pant- think I could hold on to it, but then I did…" 2. Kevin hoists the M.V.P. trophy above his head. "…I just want to thank God, my team, and my parents for believing in me. Miracles can happen! Thank you!!" he says. 3. Cut to the studio, where two sportscasters chat. "…And there you have it," says one. "Kevin McShane named M.V.P. for remembering to bring home his tupperware from the Super Bowl potluck." 4. Cut to real life. Kevin stands in his apartment, holding his tupperware up like the M.V.P. trophy. Behind him, his bird quips, "You're sooo proud of yourself." "I -always- forget!" Kevin says in triumph.
1. A runner perches on the starting line of a race. A nearby sign reads "2024 Start." Behind the sign, a judge looks at their watch and holds a starting pistol in the air. "This year will be my year!" says the runner. 2. The judge fires the pistol: "bang!" The runner takes off smiling. 3. The runner trips on uneven ground. 4. The runner faceplants on the hard ground. THWAP! 5. The runner lies face down on the ground. 6. Wider to reveal the runner only a few feet from the starting line. "Leave me here until next January," says the runner.
1. In his apartment, Kevin sits on his couch, smiling, knitting a little scarf. "What a relaxing new hobby I've found," he says. Behind him, The Grustle Monster rears up. "TURN IT INTO A SIDE HUSTLE!" it bellows. 2. Shocked, Kevin turns around to address The Grustle Monster. "C-can't I just enjoy it?" Kevin asks. "NO! MAKE YOUR PASSION YOUR PASSIVE INCOME!" The Grustle Monster shouts. 3. Kevin begins to interject, "But-". The Grustle Monster yells in his face, "MONETIZE YOUR FREE TIME!" 4. Kevin sits, cross-armed and scowling, behind a table at a craft fair. On the table, several of his knitted scarves are displayed. A sign above the table reads "Kevin's Stupid Scarves. $20 or whatever."
1. Close on Kevin's hands, shaking a bit of moisturizer from a pink bottle into his palm. A few feet away, a gruff-looking fellow puts up his hand in protest. "Moisturizer? With sunscreen?" he scoffs. "-pfft- I don't use any of that girlie stuff." 2. The gruff-looking fellow gets in Kevin's face, pointing at his own. "This here's the face of a -real- man," he says. Kevin recoils. 3. Extreme close-up on the fellow's scowling face. It's burnt, cracked, pock-marked, and craggy. It's… not pleasant. 4. Kevin winces. "Real men have skin cancer?" he asks. The gruff-looking fellow replies, "You mean my -face rubble-?"
1. Catwoman straddles a prone Batman. With a sly smile, she traces her finger across the bat-symbol on his chest. "So tell me…" she purrs, "What's the Big Bad Bat -really- afraid of?" 2. A close-up on Batman. He looks… sad? "Honestly?" he says, "I'm afraid that, if I fully process my childhood trauma and grief… I'll lose my motivation to fight crime." 3. A close-up on Catwoman. She looks away in discomfort as Batman continues. "…And since crime-fighting is such a big part of my identity, I'm afraid losing it will change how I define my masculinity," he says. 4. Catwoman sits on the couch of her hideout, looking out the window, concerned. Behind her, Poison Ivy leans over to gossip. "Sooo… how's it going with Batman?" Ivy asks. Catwoman replies, "Honestly, it's been a bit heavy since he started going to therapy…"
1. Kevin sits at his desk at work, checking his email on his laptop. A message from his dentist reads: "Reminder: Your dental appointment is tomorrow at 10:30AM." 2. Later that evening, Kevin stands in a crowded subway car, checking his phone. A text message from his dentist reads: "Reminder: your dental appointment is tomorrow at 10:30AM. Reply STOP to opt out of reminders." Kevin looks annoyed. 3. Later that night, Kevin sits at his dining room table, eating dinner. He holds his phone out to listen to a voicemail. It says "This is an automated reminder from your dentist's office. Your appointment is tomorrow at 10:30AM." Kevin looks angry. 4. Later that night, Kevin lies asleep in bed. It's quiet. 5. Suddenly, his dentist pokes his head up at the foot of Kevin's bed. "…Don't forget about tomorrow!" he says. Kevin screams in terror: "DAAAAH!"
1. In a dark police squad room, a tech sits in front of a monitor and keyboard. "Sergeant!" he says. "We have security camera footage from the crime scene!" The sergeant leans over his shoulder. "Show me," he says. 2. Close on the monitor: grainy footage of a parking garage. The sergeant points at a small, dark silhouette of a figure walking. "There's our perp," he says. "Enhance!" 3. The footage zooms in 200% on the silhouette. Not much more detail. "Enhance again!" the seargant says. 4. The footage zooms in to 400%. A little contrast in the figure, but still not enough. "Enhance using generative A.I.!" the sergeant commands. 5. The footage transforms into a purple-haired anime waifu with… a rather large chest. She winks and throws up the "peace" sign. 6. Back to the tech and the sergeant. "Nice," the sergeant says, smiling.
1. Kevin slouches on his couch, bags under his eyes, playing his Switch. Next to him, an empty bag of Doritos and a few empty beer bottles. His bird, perched above him, leans in. "Umm… are you okay?" the bird asks. Kevin replies, "I read that playing Tetris helps distract your brain from anxious thoughts." 2. His bird looks concerned. "You've been playing for the last nine hours straight," he says. Kevin looks up briefly. "Have you seen the news lately?" he asks his bird. 3. His bird looks off into the distance, thinking, as Kevin goes back to his game. 4. Kevin continues playing, his bird nestled under his arm. The bird lays its head on Kevin's chest, watching him play.
1. Kevin walks into the lobby of BuzzFeed. Headphones in, backpack on, lanyard clipped to his pants pocket. He looks non-challant. 2. Kevin stops at the receptionist's desk. The receptionist points off-panel. Kevin takes his headphone out of his ear and raises his eyebrows to listen to what the receptionist is saying. 3. Kevin stands in a nearby hallway. A sad look on his face. He hands over a yellow BuzzFeed "LOL" icon to a person with a BuzzFeed logo for a face. The literal personification of the company, if you will. 4. Later, at home, Kevin lies on his side on his couch. Under a blanket, he stares off into the distance. Over him, on the top edge of the couch, his bird perches, extending a wing in an awkward, concerned gesture.
1. Commissioner Gordon and Batman stand on the roof of the GCPD headquarters at night near the bat symbol. "Thanks for helping us catch The Riddler, Batman," says Gordon. "Gotham owes you a great debt." 2. Gordon and Batman stand facing each other for an awkward beat. 3. Batman blurts out, "…Wanna hang out after work?" 4. Later, in a psychiatrist's office, Batman lays on a couch. Behind him in a chair, his therapist takes notes. "…And how are we doing with forming male friendships?" the therapist asks. "I'm so awkward!" Batman sighs.
1. A caption reads, "20 years ago…." Past Kevin sits at his drafting table, drawing comics. Behind him, a time portal opens and a desperate Future Kevin leans out. "Hey! I'm YOU from the future!" Future Kevin says. "Don't post our artwork online!" 2. Future Kevin continues, "In the future, companies will train A.I. to mimic our style without our consent!" 3. Future Kevin continues, "Then, any talentless hack can make comics just like ours!" Past Kevin looks skeptically at his work. 4. "…Like ours, but funny?" Past Kevin asks. "IT'S INFURIATING!" Future Kevin says, clenching his fists in frustration.
A cover image that reads "My Favorite Comics I Made This Year"
1: Kevin sits as his desk, looking over at calendar hanging on the wall. The calendar reads "December." All of the days are crossed off except for the last week. "Ahh!" Kevin smiles. "The week between Christmas and New Year's: when no one expects me to work…" 2. A wider angle reveals The Grustle Monster standing behind Kevin. Arms crossed, The Grustle Monster says, "EXCEPT ME." "…Except my Grustle Monster," Kevin says. 3. The Grustle Monster looms over Kevin as he draws. "NO DAYS OFF, BRO," The Grustle Monster bellows. "THIS IS PRIME GRIND TIME." "…Which is why I feel compelled to draw a comic instead of relaxing," Kevin sighs. 4. "YOU'LL THANK ME WHEN YOU'RE RICH," The Grustle Monster says. "From -comics?-" Kevin retorts. "Do you even -hear- yourself?"
1. A cartoon version of You, with all your wit, charm, and good looks, walks up to Kevin and waves. "Hi, Kevin! I really like your comics and cartoons!" You say. "Gee thanks!" Kevin says. 2. Kevin motions to a nearby door. It's a frosted glass door with a neon sign over it. Cut off by the panel border, the sign reads only "Patre". Beyond the frosted glass door, we can kinda make out some colorful baloons and some type of flashy lighting. Looks like a real party. "You know, I have some great bonus stuff over here if you're interested," Kevin says. 3. You smile that great smile everyone loves. "Oh cool!" You say, "You've got a Patre-" 4. From off-screen, Kevin interrupts You by shoving his hand in your face. His finger presses your lips, quieting you. "Shhh!" he says. 5. Kevin comes in close next to you, pressing his cheek into yours. "The Algorithm will hear you!" he whispers.
1. Wearing a pink kitchen apron, Kevin walks in, holding a large cooked turkey on a platter. Across the table, his bird perches on the back of chair watching. "Happy Thanksgiving!" Kevin says. 2. Kevin places the turkey down on the table. His bird leans over to inspect. "Jerry?" his bird says. 3. Kevin's bird looks up at him. "I think I knew this guy," he says. 4. Kevin looks shocked. "Oh gosh! I'm sorry!" he says. "Don't be," his bird responds. "He was a jerk. Let's eat."
1. Kevin sits at his desk, drawing on his Cintiq. Behind him, his bird stands on a pumpkin on a table. His bird is wearing a little black t-shirt, blue pants, and a sandy blonde wig, just like Kevin. "Look!" his bird says. "I dressed up as you for Halloween!" Kevin closes his eyes. "Oh god…" he murmurs. 2. Kevin's bird furrows his brow. "Hi, I'm Kevin," he mocks. "I'm a little bit grumpy all the time…" "Please stop," Kevin says. 3. His bird continues: "…I'd sure be a lot happier if I didn't tie my self-worth to my productivity…" Kevin rolls his eyes. "Yeah yeah. Very funny," He says. 4. Kevin's bird starts to walk away. "Whelp! Off to make a comic with a mediocre punchline!" he says. Kevin swivels around in his chair and yells "OH F*CK OFF!"
1. Kevin slouches on his couch, bags under his eyes, playing his Switch. Next to him, an empty bag of Doritos and a few empty beer bottles. His bird, perched above him, leans in. "Umm… are you okay?" the bird asks. Kevin replies, "I read that playing Tetris helps distract your brain from anxious thoughts." 2. His bird looks concerned. "You've been playing for the last nine hours straight," he says. Kevin looks up briefly. "Have you seen the news lately?" he asks his bird. 3. His bird looks off into the distance, thinking, as Kevin goes back to his game. 4. Kevin continues playing, his bird nestled under his arm. The bird lays its head on Kevin's chest, watching him play.
1. Kevin walks through the front door of his apartment at night, taking off his jacket. His bird sits on a nearby table, playing jacks. The bird turns and asks, "Hey! Where have you been?" Kevin answers, "At the gas station, filling up my car." 2. Kevin hangs up his jacket as his bird looks at him skeptically. "For three hours?" the bird asks. "Yeah," Kevin replies. "There was this amazing movie on Gas Station TV." 3. Cut to earlier at the gas station. Kevin stands at the pump, staring at the tiny gas station TV, holding back tears. He holds the pump handle in his hand. The gas cap on his car is open. He hasn't even started pumping gas yet. The sun is setting. A line of cars behind him HONK incessantly at him. 4. Back in the apartment, Kevin shrugs. "Scorsese? At the Exxon?!" His bird goes back to his jacks game. "These streaming wars are getting out of hand," he says.
1: Sarah sits on a stool, looking sad at a piece of paper. A pen tucked behind her ear. On a nearby table, Instagram walks up. It says, "Why so sad?" Sarah replies, "-Sigh- I hate my drawing." 2: Instagram asks, "Wanna see art from people more talented than you?" 3: Sarah stares blankly at Instagram. 4: Instagram starts walking away, beckoning Sarah to follow. "Yeah, y'do," it says. "C'mon!" Sarah sighs.
1. An Instagram icon with arms and legs stands on a table. Kevin stands in front of it, presenting a comic. "I'm a cartoonist!" he says with a smile. "I make comics!" 2. Instagram snatches the comic from Kevin's hands. Kevin looks surprised. 3. Instagram rips up Kevin's comic as Kevin's eyes bug out. "Now you make videos," Instagram says. 4. "Say it," Instagram insists. Defeated, Kevin mutters, "Now I make videos."
1. In a dark police squad room, a tech sits in front of a monitor and keyboard. "Sergeant!" he says. "We have security camera footage from the crime scene!" The sergeant leans over his shoulder. "Show me," he says. 2. Close on the monitor: grainy footage of a parking garage. The sergeant points at a small, dark silhouette of a figure walking. "There's our perp," he says. "Enhance!" 3. The footage zooms in 200% on the silhouette. Not much more detail. "Enhance again!" the seargant says. 4. The footage zooms in to 400%. A little contrast in the figure, but still not enough. "Enhance using generative A.I.!" the sergeant commands. 5. The footage transforms into a purple-haired anime waifu with… a rather large chest. She winks and throws up the "peace" sign. 6. Back to the tech and the sergeant. "Nice," the sergeant says, smiling.
1. Catwoman straddles a prone Batman. With a sly smile, she traces her finger across the bat-symbol on his chest. "So tell me…" she purrs, "What's the Big Bad Bat -really- afraid of?" 2. A close-up on Batman. He looks… sad? "Honestly?" he says, "I'm afraid that, if I fully process my childhood trauma and grief… I'll lose my motivation to fight crime." 3. A close-up on Catwoman. She looks away in discomfort as Batman continues. "…And since crime-fighting is such a big part of my identity, I'm afraid losing it will change how I define my masculinity," he says. 4. Catwoman sits on the couch of her hideout, looking out the window, concerned. Behind her, Poison Ivy leans over to gossip. "Sooo… how's it going with Batman?" Ivy asks. Catwoman replies, "Honestly, it's been a bit heavy since he started going to therapy…"
1. At a party, a drunk frat guy walks up to Kevin. "Hey! Cartoon Boy!" the frat guy says, "Put me in one of your comics!" Kevin smiles politely. "Sorry, but no…" he says. 2. The frat guy presses. "C'mon! I bet I'm funnier than your dumb characters." "Oh, I'm sure you are," Kevin says, getting annoyed. 3. Fed up, Kevin explains, "Look, no offense, but stop asking cartoonists to be in their comics. It's just not going to happen, okay?" 4. Zoom out to Kevin, sitting at his desk, drawing the comic we've just been reading. He lifts his pen from his monitor. "Wait." he says, realizing. "Sh*t."
1. A caption reads, "In the year 1993…". Teenage Kevin looks surprised when Future Kevin appears out of a wormhole behind him. "Hey Kevin!" Future Kevin says, "I'm YOU from the future! I've got great news!" 2. Future Kevin continues: "Thirty years from now, they're going to make a great TMNT movie!" He holds up a poster for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem. "Big deal," Teenage Kevin says, "We've already had three TMNT movies." 3. "Yeah, but this one will have a score by Trent Reznor!" Future Kevin says. Teenage Kevin is dismissive. "~OK cool~ Thanks for letting me know. Bye!" he says, waving at his future self. 4. Future Kevin shrugs. "I thought you'd be excited!" he says. "What are you do–" "JUST GO!" Teenage Kevin interrupts. We now can see that Teenage Kevin, hunched over, has hastily thrown a blanket over his groin.